I agree with ManonvonSuperock. You can use "special effects" in Photoshop, etc., but they need to be purposeful and tasteful. I think you could use the technique to highlight focal points of the panels, but right now it's too much. Some of your shading looks really good, especially on the Mon Cal. Don't obstruct it with too much haze!
@mano
The concerns regarding the lighting effects are duely noted, however I disagree with you on this point. The general effect I was going for was something similar to that of an interrogation scene - harsh lighting. Probably not the best execution, so I will note it as something to keep an eye on.
As for the expressions - I completely agree. Faces have been my weakness for some time now. I'm going to make it a point to work on this in the upcoming pages.
those include assorted interior and exterior shots. I don't think interrogation room is the feel you're trying to achieve for "in a peaceful valley" (1,1), "middle of a desert" (1,7), or "on a grassy knoll" (2,3).
As for the expressions, you should take a couple of your characters, and draw an assortment of facial expressions for them. don't worry about inking and coloring, just post them here as you do it.
-Lighting effects toned waaaaaaay down (actually, I don't think I used any on this page)
-Experimenting with more camera angles
-A non-bored expression?
I think this is much improved. A couple of things:
Is the third panel supposed to be stairs/ramp? The way the leg is positioned, it looks like he just slipped.
Are they sitting on top of each other with the one guy looking out between the guy's legs? I'm all for unique seating positions in cars/vehicles, but I don't buy that one at all.
Is all of the purple supposed to be night sky? No stars?
Any reason for the brown gutter? I'm fine with it, I'm just curious.
The less haze is much improved. Continue to work on facial expressions/body language. People should have some idea of what is going on in the comic without even reading it.
On your first image, I really like the look you have going on with the typography... but the placement is horrible! You can't clearly read what it says...
On your first image, I really like the look you have going on with the typography... but the placement is horrible! You can't clearly read what it says...
/signed
That and I can't put a finger on it exactly but something about the panel layout just seems very "meh" to me. Most likely that the first 16 panels are all exaclty the same size/layout. Try varying it up a bit? I realize you're introducing all the sith and jedi and whatnot, but the beginning is probably one of the most important parts to catch your audience.
MustangArbiter of Unpopular OpinionsRegistered Userregular
edited September 2009
That little title squabble is uneccesary and confusing, i'd cut it. Also the little floating droid-ball isn't apparent enough, took me a little while to figure out it was talking instead of Suffurious......not really keen on that name either.
that is pretty well done, i really love the colours and the lights are abundant without being overwhelming; i also really think you did a great job on the left hand side with the light hitting the flat second tier of rock. your candles on that side, however, are confusing -- they look like ice candles, or like theyre transparent.
Also, you have at least 3 separate "verticals". The figure gives one indication of where up should be, the stalactites(gmites?) give another, and the candle's flame give a third. The stalactites and the figure are pretty close, but something is wrong, and I think it might be a difference in the z axis (depth) rather than the x or y, that is making it hard to pin down. The candles however are significantly different than the other two.
A portrait for my D&D character (Tiefling Sorcerer) -
Man, I love your tifeling. If you have any time to go back and change this, try going back to his elbow on the right- its squished kinda funny. Maybe add a tail or some fangs? The more infernal the better. Also DnD Is super awesome.
As for your new comic-
This guy is drowning, right? Your colors and ESPECIALLY your values aren't dramatic. Look what happens when it turns monochrome:
There's almost no contrast, if there were no lines and I was colorblind I wouldn't be able to tell what was happening. If he's almost drowning, maybe make it more dramatic with more dramatic values? Don't go overboard, but a little more wouldn't hurt either especially in the 'homg I'm drowning' panels.
Keep up the good work!
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what?
he said YOU'RE USING WAY TOO MUCH LIGHTING EFFECTS ABOVE YOUR OUTLINES
In nearly every panel, naki's got some white soft-edged shape on top of the line art muddying things up.
Arts good. Explore angles a little more.
to get back on topic,
@dude
You need to work on facial expressions as well.
You've got two shown: bored with an open mouth and bored with a closed mouth.
The concerns regarding the lighting effects are duely noted, however I disagree with you on this point. The general effect I was going for was something similar to that of an interrogation scene - harsh lighting. Probably not the best execution, so I will note it as something to keep an eye on.
As for the expressions - I completely agree. Faces have been my weakness for some time now. I'm going to make it a point to work on this in the upcoming pages.
Thanks all for the C&C!
the cover
page 1- panels 1, 2, 7
page 2- panels 1, 3, 5, 6, 8
page 3- panels 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
those include assorted interior and exterior shots. I don't think interrogation room is the feel you're trying to achieve for "in a peaceful valley" (1,1), "middle of a desert" (1,7), or "on a grassy knoll" (2,3).
As for the expressions, you should take a couple of your characters, and draw an assortment of facial expressions for them. don't worry about inking and coloring, just post them here as you do it.
Also, some faces -
-Lighting effects toned waaaaaaay down (actually, I don't think I used any on this page)
-Experimenting with more camera angles
-A non-bored expression?
Is the third panel supposed to be stairs/ramp? The way the leg is positioned, it looks like he just slipped.
Are they sitting on top of each other with the one guy looking out between the guy's legs? I'm all for unique seating positions in cars/vehicles, but I don't buy that one at all.
Is all of the purple supposed to be night sky? No stars?
Any reason for the brown gutter? I'm fine with it, I'm just curious.
The less haze is much improved. Continue to work on facial expressions/body language. People should have some idea of what is going on in the comic without even reading it.
Keep it up!
Yeah, the third panel is a ramp. I see what you mean with him looking like he's slipping.
Here's how the cockpit lines up from a side view.
Probably not the best camera angle for the shot in retrospect, but I was trying to avoid static side views and the like.
Not sure what you mean by a brown gutter. The purple is the sky. Laziness prevailed when it came to stars.
The next couple pages should give me some good expression practice, but I did promise some non-Star Wars stuff. So that will be coming next...
/signed
That and I can't put a finger on it exactly but something about the panel layout just seems very "meh" to me. Most likely that the first 16 panels are all exaclty the same size/layout. Try varying it up a bit? I realize you're introducing all the sith and jedi and whatnot, but the beginning is probably one of the most important parts to catch your audience.
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A red ninja to go with my blue ninja.
Any recommended reading that may help? I know you learn by doing, but dammnit some of those books are good.
Its good
Edit - Also found one called "Making Faces." Does anybody know if that's worth picking up?
Getting ready to move again, so I don't have much to show, but I've been trying to loosen up with my art and be a bit more "painterly" with it.
I know it's just a thumbnail, but I was rather pleased with it for having only put thirty minutes in.
Edit -
It wasn't supposed to look like a blue Iron Man, it just kind of did...
EDIT: The writing is horrendous, I know. I are not write good.
Man, I love your tifeling. If you have any time to go back and change this, try going back to his elbow on the right- its squished kinda funny. Maybe add a tail or some fangs? The more infernal the better. Also DnD Is super awesome.
As for your new comic-
This guy is drowning, right? Your colors and ESPECIALLY your values aren't dramatic. Look what happens when it turns monochrome:
There's almost no contrast, if there were no lines and I was colorblind I wouldn't be able to tell what was happening. If he's almost drowning, maybe make it more dramatic with more dramatic values? Don't go overboard, but a little more wouldn't hurt either especially in the 'homg I'm drowning' panels.
Keep up the good work!
I like drawing, cartoons, cookies, and shiny pointy objects.