I too, have gotten a nosebleed during sex. Thankfully, I was able to finish before the blood started dripping from my nose. She thought it was "cute". I guess there are obviously worse responses out there.
I had a ton of nosebleeds as a kid (mostly caused by a finger induced damage I'm sure) and the only way to stop them was to jam toilet paper in there and let it clot. Hell, one was so bad I had to shove a small tampon in there.
I don't care what Red Cross says about treating a bloody nose, nothing else worked.
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
I remember one time i was watching Friends on my own in the lounge. The adverts came on and i fancied some juice. I had been gone barely a minute, which wasn't nearly enough time to prepare me for seeing that my mother and her new husband had now entered the lounge, and that she was on her knees, going to town on his pee pee.
all 3 of us stopped still and awkwardly apologised. we never spoke of it again.
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what a work of art is man, and the most boring choice you can make
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SirUltimosDon't talk, Rusty. Just paint.Registered Userregular
edited September 2009
Okay, my friends do some really stupid things. Here's just one of the stories.
A few of my friend's are at someone else's house (Phil's) and just sitting around playing cards and drinking. This continues for a bit, and I guess Phil had a bit too much to drink because he just randomly throws up into his hands. Knowing that he would be made fun of for it and that everyone was currently looking away, he decided to eat the vomit and pretend like he hadn't puked at all.
Of course, everyone saw and asked him what the fuck for weeks afterwards.
I too, have gotten a nosebleed during sex. Thankfully, I was able to finish before the blood started dripping from my nose. She thought it was "cute". I guess there are obviously worse responses out there.
Do girls find this sort of thing flattering, or something?
I too, have gotten a nosebleed during sex. Thankfully, I was able to finish before the blood started dripping from my nose. She thought it was "cute". I guess there are obviously worse responses out there.
Do girls find this sort of thing flattering, or something?
I too, have gotten a nosebleed during sex. Thankfully, I was able to finish before the blood started dripping from my nose. She thought it was "cute". I guess there are obviously worse responses out there.
Do girls find this sort of thing flattering, or something?
finding out a chick's a furry while you're fuckin her
let's say, you meet a chick at the university anime club, hit it off well
end up going back to her place to fool around
she's being perfectly normal, although sorta awkward as she explains to you this is her first time
you certainly don't realize what she is, it's not like she's, christ, i don't know fuckin meowing or some shit
but as you're going at it and taking her from behind you glance round the room, as is common for a man to do in such a circumstance
you didn't see the room with the lights on, you aren't sure what it looks like, so you are sorta curious
it's dark, but there is some light in the room. the dull red glow of her alarm clock, and the splinters of illumination from the streetlights slipping through her old blinds, casting faint blue slices of visibility on the walls
the walls
you notice the walls. the walls are covered in... posters? no. those are no posters. they aren't a space station, either. those are printouts, eight by elevens, on glossy printer paper.
like she went around to deviantart and printed a bunch of illustrations of...
are those
are those catpeople?
are you seeing catpeople, some of which have tits or dicks visible, posing and shit?
does she
does she have furry porn plastered all over her walls?
suddenly it dawns on you why she's never known a man's touch despite being quite attractive.
now, what're you gonna do?
focus on the drama shitstorm to come (because, christ, fucking furries man), kill your boner, and then explain why your mood has vanished
or do you put it from your mind as much as you can and focus on the task at hand and try to make lemonade from them lemons?
you will have to figure out the story for yourself
he and eye locked eyes
i didn't even know how to react
i was just so stunned by the profanity of it all
anger and the urge to do violence
confused by the disgusting madness before me
you might ask yourself
what the hell was i doing in a bar
i must've been like 15 at the time, right?
well that's what's funny about it
it's not like that ever mattered to me
i got dressed and left and told her i was sorry, and she basically was just freaking out and had no way to deal with what just happened.
i never spoke to her again.
was taking her from behind, and out of the corner of my eye i noticed something. something wrong.
it was a dude, staring in the window. a young guy, looked like 13 or so.
he was jerkin' it.
i met this girl in 10th grade at a bar.
she was a college student
i pulled out, and started throwing on my pants.
he saw, and fucking ran out of sight
i told the chick, and she freaked out. then i described what he looked like and she started screaming "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD"
and we got to doing it, and it was doing just fine. she was pretty good for a girl only 19 and not very experienced.
so i met her in a bar, and chatted her up
was trying to pick her up, found out she lived at home still
but it wouldn't be a big deal, her dad didn't live with them and her mom works nights all the time
i could just walk into most of these places
i looked older, and more importantly i was confident and looked like i belonged there and i wasn't some kind of underage kid trying to sneak in
it's all in how you carry yourself
so, we went back to her place. her bedroom was on the ground floor
and we got to doing it, and it was doing just fine. she was pretty good for a girl only 19 and not very experienced.
i was a pretty terrible kid in school. i was into drugs and other such nonsense which is outside the scope of this story.
anyway, the school was kind of aware of it, i guess some of my teachers complained
so they assigned me this dude who was to be my "peer counselor". the program was supposed to be like a tutor and a big brother rolled into one. kind of a good idea in theory, but in practice they chose really terrible people for it and applied the program pretty hamfistedly.
i got hauled into the guidance office one day, and they made me an offer: accept a peer counselor and work with him to improve my grades and attendance, or fail all of my courses and be expelled.
so i accepted it, and i started hanging out with this guy. he was a nice chap, real smart, but see this is the problem with these peer counselor dudes: they volunteer for these positions, and are chosen on the basis of being bright-eyed young go-getters who can connect with younger students and are good academically and have the right "moral foundation". that means they are good, clean catholics. (it's a catholic high school)
so, i meet this guy, and he's a good chap, but the problem is he has no way to relate to me at all. he's like this terminally uncool dork, the sort you see on television shows about high school kids. but he's trying really hard and he seems very sincere.
however, he's one of those people who, for all their clean living and good churchyness, are kind of a judgmental asshole. he wasn't so much trying to help me as he was trying to correct who i am. he was good-natured, and i think ultimately his intentions were good, but his method was so sanctimonious and prickish, i really developed a dislike for this fucker the school assigned me with.
so i developed this plan to be rid of him. i was going to use my gay against him. just very subtlely start hitting on him at first, and then over time ramping it up until he's so disgusted with me he'd give up. i figured, if he quit over that, and the school expelled me because of that, i could probably sue or something.
However, my plan did not go as I envisioned it!
apparently, he was a pretty repressed homosexual himself! all that churchyness and clean-living was just a mask of denial. So when I started with the flirtation, it opened up a whole door I was not expecting at all. he was intrigued, but also kind of upset. he was conflicted about the whole thing. at first, i felt bad for him, and actually felt sympathy.
i made a move on him a week later, and he reciprocated for a bit at first, but then he flipped out and attacked me. i put a stop to that (i was bigger than him and a great deal more adept with such matters). he and i got to talking, and he was so filled with hatred not just of himself but also of me, it was simply impossible for me to feel anything but contempt for him. he felt like he had a disease, and that i was making it worse and that i was the one at fault for bringing this evil thing out of him. he threatened to out me to the whole school, that to deny any reciprocation on his part. he said that he'd destroy my reputation, get me kicked off the football team, etc. he was projecting all his self-hatred shit onto me.
i called his bluff, and told him to try it. he didn't. he stayed as my peer counselor, and he tried to talk me into going to this camp thing where they would "fix what was wrong with us". i began to really, really hate him, and was filled with a renewed interest in destroying all of his denial and bullshit in the coldest, most absolute way possible.
so i kept at trying to get with him. he'd dodge sometimes, and sometimes not, and then he'd get angry and feel guilty and hate me. but he'd keep coming back. this went on for two months before i managed to work him up to the big A, because i knew for him that was a point of no return, hearing how he talked about it.
so i had to catch. he was uncomfortable with catching. i knew it was something i had to work him into, so i was okay with being the catcher at first. my god, it was hilarious, looking back. he was so nervous and terrified of everything. every little sound he swore was his parents coming home (they were gone for the weekend). he lost his nerve and his bone three times. finally got to it, and it was uncomfortable, unpleseant, but thankfully only like a minute before he was done.
we switched spots, and he really, really hated it, but at the same time, it was like we crossed some kind of event horizon.
because now, suddenly he was okay with it all. he was ready to be out. he told me he loved me. it's pretty easy for a guy to let them words fly when someone makes them orgasm.
it was like suddenly a magic switch got thrown and pwooof, he was okay with being gay now.
So long as I stood with him.
And that, my friends, is where we entered Endgame
A week after this, he came out to his parents. He came out to his parents and I was there. He told off his father. He called his mother a bitch. He basically just unleashed 17 years worth of repression with both barrels on his parents. Now, I'm sure there was a part of all this they deserved. Definitely, the religious shit he endured was their fault. However, he was being unfair and hate-filled. Like he had done to me, he was projecting all his hatred on someone else. It was really unfortunate to watch, but, I knew he was such a shit-heel of a person that I had a hard time feeling bad about it. I even held his hand.
Then came his friends. He told them too. They, being clean-cut Catholic types, of course rejected him. But he didn't care! He told them all off, burned his bridges and pissed on the ashes. It was all okay, as long as I was with him.
I dumped him a week later and told the guidance department he molested me, but that I wouldn't press charges because I couldn't suffer the personal embarassment of being outed to everyone like that and I'd be okay with keeping quiet if they just did something about him.
The next day, he was gone from school and I never heard from him or about him again.
um, not that that wasn't a good read, but.... really? that sounds like some of the worst shit you could put someone through. sure, in the long run he might thank you for helping him find himself, but you ruined his 'life' because you didn't like his attitude?
he's probably planning your assassination as we speak
That was a really well orchestrated long game. Wow.
I'd also fuck a furry no problem. Maybe I haven't looked into it too much, but it doesn't really bother me. I might have more of a problem with your furry issues than your life destroying issues.
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UnluckyThat's not meant to happenRegistered Userregular
edited September 2009
So, after having read all of his stuff, Pony's officially my hero now. I wish I could be that callous towards humanity.
I'd also fuck a furry no problem. Maybe I haven't looked into it too much, but it doesn't really bother me. I might have more of a problem with your furry issues than your life destroying issues.
I figure that so long as they don't ask you to dress up or some shit, it's probably fair game.
Right?
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KirbithI appear to be made of delicious cake. Registered Userregular
I'd also fuck a furry no problem. Maybe I haven't looked into it too much, but it doesn't really bother me. I might have more of a problem with your furry issues than your life destroying issues.
I figure that so long as they don't ask you to dress up or some shit, it's probably fair game.
Right?
They are still a furry. Meaning they wish that they were some crazy animal person.. fucking other crazy animal people. I see problems with this.
You know they'll eventually want you to go to a convention. A furry convention.
I'd also fuck a furry no problem. Maybe I haven't looked into it too much, but it doesn't really bother me. I might have more of a problem with your furry issues than your life destroying issues.
I figure that so long as they don't ask you to dress up or some shit, it's probably fair game.
Right?
They are still a furry. Meaning they wish that they were some crazy animal person.. fucking other crazy animal people. I see problems with this.
Furries are pretty bad, but so long as they're not trying to spread their furryness, there are worse things.
I'd also fuck a furry no problem. Maybe I haven't looked into it too much, but it doesn't really bother me. I might have more of a problem with your furry issues than your life destroying issues.
I figure that so long as they don't ask you to dress up or some shit, it's probably fair game.
Right?
I'm willing to do a lot for just shits and giggles. Even more so if its a kink the person has that I'm not horrified by.
I would probably not let someone shit on my chest, but I would probably shit on someone else's chest.
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
I'd also fuck a furry no problem. Maybe I haven't looked into it too much, but it doesn't really bother me. I might have more of a problem with your furry issues than your life destroying issues.
I figure that so long as they don't ask you to dress up or some shit, it's probably fair game.
Right?
I'm willing to do a lot for just shits and giggles. Even more so if its a kink the person has that I'm not horrified by.
I would probably not let someone shit on my chest, but I would probably shit on someone else's chest.
What if they wanted you to wear ears and a tail while shitting?
Well this just happened (and after you read I expect no comments like: "Well cut your HAIR")
A case of mistaken bathroom identity.
(Caveat, I feel the individual involved in this was much more embarrassed than I was)
So I am in the urinal peeing (important detail) and someone walks into the bathroom. I had a nice long piss goin on (three cups of coffee, a lot of water and a VitaminWater) and I notice this guy staring at me intently with a quizzical look on his face out of the corner of my eye. I finish my business, zip up, and go to wash my hands all with this guy staring at me, obviously puzzled. Finally he taps me on the shoulder and asks "Is...is this the MEN'S restroom?" I responded "Yes, Obviously (while gesturing to the urinals)" and walked out.
Now...I know from behind I can look like a girl, or at least feminine. But I was STANDING UP at the urinal and when I turned around I have a VERY obvious beard and mustache. What I am saying is if I was a lady I could join the circus easily with this beard.
I just...I mean...I don't know. Context clues? I was slightly put off, but I could tell this guy was visibly embarrassed.
I'd also fuck a furry no problem. Maybe I haven't looked into it too much, but it doesn't really bother me. I might have more of a problem with your furry issues than your life destroying issues.
I figure that so long as they don't ask you to dress up or some shit, it's probably fair game.
Right?
I'm willing to do a lot for just shits and giggles. Even more so if its a kink the person has that I'm not horrified by.
I would probably not let someone shit on my chest, but I would probably shit on someone else's chest.
What if they wanted you to wear ears and a tail while shitting?
Sure. It's not really inconvenient.
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
Posts
fix'd
Also, nosebleeds are annoying as hell.
I don't care what Red Cross says about treating a bloody nose, nothing else worked.
all 3 of us stopped still and awkwardly apologised. we never spoke of it again.
A few of my friend's are at someone else's house (Phil's) and just sitting around playing cards and drinking. This continues for a bit, and I guess Phil had a bit too much to drink because he just randomly throws up into his hands. Knowing that he would be made fun of for it and that everyone was currently looking away, he decided to eat the vomit and pretend like he hadn't puked at all.
Of course, everyone saw and asked him what the fuck for weeks afterwards.
Do girls find this sort of thing flattering, or something?
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
Maybe they're Japanese.
Or they read too much manga.
finding out a chick's a furry while you're fuckin her
let's say, you meet a chick at the university anime club, hit it off well
end up going back to her place to fool around
she's being perfectly normal, although sorta awkward as she explains to you this is her first time
you certainly don't realize what she is, it's not like she's, christ, i don't know fuckin meowing or some shit
but as you're going at it and taking her from behind you glance round the room, as is common for a man to do in such a circumstance
you didn't see the room with the lights on, you aren't sure what it looks like, so you are sorta curious
it's dark, but there is some light in the room. the dull red glow of her alarm clock, and the splinters of illumination from the streetlights slipping through her old blinds, casting faint blue slices of visibility on the walls
the walls
you notice the walls. the walls are covered in... posters? no. those are no posters. they aren't a space station, either. those are printouts, eight by elevens, on glossy printer paper.
like she went around to deviantart and printed a bunch of illustrations of...
are those
are those catpeople?
are you seeing catpeople, some of which have tits or dicks visible, posing and shit?
does she
does she have furry porn plastered all over her walls?
suddenly it dawns on you why she's never known a man's touch despite being quite attractive.
now, what're you gonna do?
focus on the drama shitstorm to come (because, christ, fucking furries man), kill your boner, and then explain why your mood has vanished
or do you put it from your mind as much as you can and focus on the task at hand and try to make lemonade from them lemons?
the most bitter lemonade ever
tarantino style
all disjointed and cinema verite
you will have to figure out the story for yourself
he and eye locked eyes
i didn't even know how to react
i was just so stunned by the profanity of it all
anger and the urge to do violence
confused by the disgusting madness before me
you might ask yourself
what the hell was i doing in a bar
i must've been like 15 at the time, right?
well that's what's funny about it
it's not like that ever mattered to me
i got dressed and left and told her i was sorry, and she basically was just freaking out and had no way to deal with what just happened.
i never spoke to her again.
was taking her from behind, and out of the corner of my eye i noticed something. something wrong.
it was a dude, staring in the window. a young guy, looked like 13 or so.
he was jerkin' it.
i met this girl in 10th grade at a bar.
she was a college student
i pulled out, and started throwing on my pants.
he saw, and fucking ran out of sight
i told the chick, and she freaked out. then i described what he looked like and she started screaming "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD"
and we got to doing it, and it was doing just fine. she was pretty good for a girl only 19 and not very experienced.
so i met her in a bar, and chatted her up
was trying to pick her up, found out she lived at home still
but it wouldn't be a big deal, her dad didn't live with them and her mom works nights all the time
i could just walk into most of these places
i looked older, and more importantly i was confident and looked like i belonged there and i wasn't some kind of underage kid trying to sneak in
it's all in how you carry yourself
so, we went back to her place. her bedroom was on the ground floor
and we got to doing it, and it was doing just fine. she was pretty good for a girl only 19 and not very experienced.
ahaha
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
jesus christ
breathe
breathe
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Me on Twitch!
is it...?
can it be...?
oh god yes it is!
i was 15
i was a pretty terrible kid in school. i was into drugs and other such nonsense which is outside the scope of this story.
anyway, the school was kind of aware of it, i guess some of my teachers complained
so they assigned me this dude who was to be my "peer counselor". the program was supposed to be like a tutor and a big brother rolled into one. kind of a good idea in theory, but in practice they chose really terrible people for it and applied the program pretty hamfistedly.
i got hauled into the guidance office one day, and they made me an offer: accept a peer counselor and work with him to improve my grades and attendance, or fail all of my courses and be expelled.
so i accepted it, and i started hanging out with this guy. he was a nice chap, real smart, but see this is the problem with these peer counselor dudes: they volunteer for these positions, and are chosen on the basis of being bright-eyed young go-getters who can connect with younger students and are good academically and have the right "moral foundation". that means they are good, clean catholics. (it's a catholic high school)
so, i meet this guy, and he's a good chap, but the problem is he has no way to relate to me at all. he's like this terminally uncool dork, the sort you see on television shows about high school kids. but he's trying really hard and he seems very sincere.
however, he's one of those people who, for all their clean living and good churchyness, are kind of a judgmental asshole. he wasn't so much trying to help me as he was trying to correct who i am. he was good-natured, and i think ultimately his intentions were good, but his method was so sanctimonious and prickish, i really developed a dislike for this fucker the school assigned me with.
so i developed this plan to be rid of him. i was going to use my gay against him. just very subtlely start hitting on him at first, and then over time ramping it up until he's so disgusted with me he'd give up. i figured, if he quit over that, and the school expelled me because of that, i could probably sue or something.
However, my plan did not go as I envisioned it!
apparently, he was a pretty repressed homosexual himself! all that churchyness and clean-living was just a mask of denial. So when I started with the flirtation, it opened up a whole door I was not expecting at all. he was intrigued, but also kind of upset. he was conflicted about the whole thing. at first, i felt bad for him, and actually felt sympathy.
i made a move on him a week later, and he reciprocated for a bit at first, but then he flipped out and attacked me. i put a stop to that (i was bigger than him and a great deal more adept with such matters). he and i got to talking, and he was so filled with hatred not just of himself but also of me, it was simply impossible for me to feel anything but contempt for him. he felt like he had a disease, and that i was making it worse and that i was the one at fault for bringing this evil thing out of him. he threatened to out me to the whole school, that to deny any reciprocation on his part. he said that he'd destroy my reputation, get me kicked off the football team, etc. he was projecting all his self-hatred shit onto me.
i called his bluff, and told him to try it. he didn't. he stayed as my peer counselor, and he tried to talk me into going to this camp thing where they would "fix what was wrong with us". i began to really, really hate him, and was filled with a renewed interest in destroying all of his denial and bullshit in the coldest, most absolute way possible.
so i kept at trying to get with him. he'd dodge sometimes, and sometimes not, and then he'd get angry and feel guilty and hate me. but he'd keep coming back. this went on for two months before i managed to work him up to the big A, because i knew for him that was a point of no return, hearing how he talked about it.
so i had to catch. he was uncomfortable with catching. i knew it was something i had to work him into, so i was okay with being the catcher at first. my god, it was hilarious, looking back. he was so nervous and terrified of everything. every little sound he swore was his parents coming home (they were gone for the weekend). he lost his nerve and his bone three times. finally got to it, and it was uncomfortable, unpleseant, but thankfully only like a minute before he was done.
we switched spots, and he really, really hated it, but at the same time, it was like we crossed some kind of event horizon.
because now, suddenly he was okay with it all. he was ready to be out. he told me he loved me. it's pretty easy for a guy to let them words fly when someone makes them orgasm.
it was like suddenly a magic switch got thrown and pwooof, he was okay with being gay now.
So long as I stood with him.
And that, my friends, is where we entered Endgame
A week after this, he came out to his parents. He came out to his parents and I was there. He told off his father. He called his mother a bitch. He basically just unleashed 17 years worth of repression with both barrels on his parents. Now, I'm sure there was a part of all this they deserved. Definitely, the religious shit he endured was their fault. However, he was being unfair and hate-filled. Like he had done to me, he was projecting all his hatred on someone else. It was really unfortunate to watch, but, I knew he was such a shit-heel of a person that I had a hard time feeling bad about it. I even held his hand.
Then came his friends. He told them too. They, being clean-cut Catholic types, of course rejected him. But he didn't care! He told them all off, burned his bridges and pissed on the ashes. It was all okay, as long as I was with him.
I dumped him a week later and told the guidance department he molested me, but that I wouldn't press charges because I couldn't suffer the personal embarassment of being outed to everyone like that and I'd be okay with keeping quiet if they just did something about him.
The next day, he was gone from school and I never heard from him or about him again.
They then dismantled the Peer Counselor program.
Small victories.
For a small man.
succubus is the female version. the correct term for the male is incubus
he's probably planning your assassination as we speak
if you don't mind my asking what year was this
Jesus Pony...this is a movie right? Tell me this is a movie...or a book...or an after school special.
TELL ME IT'S FICTION FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!
Holy shit, that could be a movie.
Like one that wins awards.
Respected awards!
3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
I'd also fuck a furry no problem. Maybe I haven't looked into it too much, but it doesn't really bother me. I might have more of a problem with your furry issues than your life destroying issues.
Still fucking twisted as ever.
Does that make me a bad person?
I never finish anyth
Right?
They are still a furry. Meaning they wish that they were some crazy animal person.. fucking other crazy animal people. I see problems with this.
You know they'll eventually want you to go to a convention. A furry convention.
Like otakukin.
Handmade Jewelry by me on EtsyGames for sale
Me on Twitch!
I would probably not let someone shit on my chest, but I would probably shit on someone else's chest.
What if they wanted you to wear ears and a tail while shitting?
Handmade Jewelry by me on EtsyGames for sale
Me on Twitch!
A case of mistaken bathroom identity.
(Caveat, I feel the individual involved in this was much more embarrassed than I was)
So I am in the urinal peeing (important detail) and someone walks into the bathroom. I had a nice long piss goin on (three cups of coffee, a lot of water and a VitaminWater) and I notice this guy staring at me intently with a quizzical look on his face out of the corner of my eye. I finish my business, zip up, and go to wash my hands all with this guy staring at me, obviously puzzled. Finally he taps me on the shoulder and asks "Is...is this the MEN'S restroom?" I responded "Yes, Obviously (while gesturing to the urinals)" and walked out.
Now...I know from behind I can look like a girl, or at least feminine. But I was STANDING UP at the urinal and when I turned around I have a VERY obvious beard and mustache. What I am saying is if I was a lady I could join the circus easily with this beard.
I just...I mean...I don't know. Context clues? I was slightly put off, but I could tell this guy was visibly embarrassed.
See how many books I've read so far in 2010
And a bunch of others.