Pony... seriously... you need to write a damn book.. Oh god... lol
Tucker Max made a movie and wrote a chart topping book on strictly being an asshole. Pony has a wider berth.
I wonder how not profiting from your crimes plays into this though.
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
I'm starting to wonder if, when regular things happen to Pony, he doesn't either freak out or demand that things get weirded up.
Like, y'know, things are going well with a chick.
Really well.
Everyone's having fun.
If, I dunno, he has to stop and make sure that her brother is jacking off about it outside, or that he's somehow related to her, or she's part of a sting operation to get him somehow, and if not, he just puts his pants back on and leaves.
What I'm getting at is "does Pony's life have some kind of weirdness/fuckedupness quota"?
Would he be strangely embarassed by perfectly normal situations?
Guys, careful, we're glancing beyond the looking glass here.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
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SpectrumArcher of InfernoChaldea Rec RoomRegistered Userregular
edited September 2009
I would think at this point he has a contact list. If something's too normal, he can just whip it out, dial whoever's closest, and someone will show up in 20 minutes to start something crazy.
Spectrum on
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ThegreatcowLord of All BaconsWashington State - It's Wet up here innit? Registered Userregular
I would think at this point he has a contact list. If something's too normal, he can just whip it out, dial whoever's closest, and someone will show up in 20 minutes to start something crazy.
*RING!*
"Hello? Yes this is...oh...oh god it's you...wh-what do you want?"
"But we got chased out of town last time we did that....with PITCHFORKS....and TORCHES. There was some serious Dr. Frankenstein shite going down there..."
"What? You want me to get...what? Ok hang on I gotta write this down....Ok...ok...ok....so 3 Packages of hot dogs.....20lbs of Primacord.....6 Rhubarbs....a goat....a pumpkin....a monkey-no wait, TWO monkies...12 M-80s....and 6 bottles of Everclear....got it"
"....."
"....YES I do like holding onto my soul thank you very mu-NO I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A PINT OF MY BLOOD!"
"....I'm going to regret what we're going to do tonight aren't I?"
"*Sigh*....hookay....I'll be there in a couple of hours, gotta go knockoff the local zoo and liquor store"
Pony I love your stories more than anything else on this forum (and those were amazing), but you gotta space this shit out over several pages, and not just blow your wad over an hour's worth of posts.
you know i have lots of instances of "this one time i picked up a dude in a bar and we went back to his place and fucked and then i talked to him for a couple days after but we never went out again the end"
they just aren't interesting things that happen
i'm 26, dudes. i've had a lot of fucked up shit that happened to me, and much of it was in some way my own fault. while it's easy to say "what're you some kind of weirdness magnet, pony?" the reality is through almost all of my high school years i did a lot of drugs, hung out with criminals, and was callously promiscuous. in the years after, i was pretty normal, although i still enjoyed casual dating and sex, periodic drug use, and i was still into kickboxing and amateur MMA.
all of that besides the periodic drug use is behind me now, so really when you lead a lifestyle which is that self-destructive and full of fucked up people and screwy interactions, the odds of you coming out of it with a strange anecdote or two is pretty high.
i'm probably never going to write a real biography, because the reality is large swaths of it would be very depressing or horrifying and not in a way that would entertain people or make them want to read on. so, unless i wanted to edit the events of my own life to make them seem more collectively awesome than they were, i don't think i really want to write about the whole thing.
instead i will tell isolated incidents like this where even if they are terrible or make me look bad, they at least entertain people.
Those swab tests suck
"Oh sorry Improvolone, we ran out of the swabs we use for men so we have to use the one we use for women."
"Is there a difference?"
"They're just a bit bigger."
I've had the "are you gay/are you on drugs" question from my mother before. A lot of people wasn't sure if i was gay or not even into college.
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
For the record, I wasn't exactly helping the case. During an improv show I was playing a game with two others where on the bell ding we would switch characters. It was a Peter Pan scene and guess who started with Tinker Bell? This guy (who used to have long hair to his shoulders).
How do you make it look like Tinker Bell is flying? By putting on your t-rex arms and flapping your hands like little fairy wings.
What does Tinker Bell say?
"Twinkle twinkle" friends, "twinkle twinkle".
I also recall the girl I dated seriously my senior year being asked on more than one occasion, "wait, isn't he gay?" when she mentioned who she was dating.
Oh, and my dad has called me his special little snowflake. That was in college.
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
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admanbunionize your workplaceSeattle, WARegistered Userregular
For the record, I wasn't exactly helping the case. During an improv show I was playing a game with two others where on the bell ding we would switch characters. It was a Peter Pan scene and guess who started with Tinker Bell? This guy (who used to have long hair to his shoulders).
How do you make it look like Tinker Bell is flying? By putting on your t-rex arms and flapping your hands like little fairy wings.
What does Tinker Bell say?
"Twinkle twinkle" friends, "twinkle twinkle".
I also recall the girl I dated seriously my senior year being asked on more than one occasion, "wait, isn't he gay?" when she mentioned who she was dating.
Oh, and my dad has called me his special little snowflake. That was in college.
I don't even think you're gay and I still think you're gay. Figure that one out.
Man I was going to tell a couple stories but after reading Pony's I completely blanked.
It would be hilarious if Pony wrote a biography, and then seeing him on Oprah, It would be like the Million Pieces dude except he would be omitting stuff that happened to him because no one would believe him.
Well on the plus side he could've had a mental break down and went on a serial killing rampage if you hadn't have ruined him.
who knows
i like to think that maybe somewhere down the line the whole thing was somehow positive for him and maybe coming out in the end did him more a favor than if he had remained angrily in the closet for so many years
but really, that's just me trying to justify it to myself so i don't feel so guilty
Meh, everyone's a jerk when they're younger. We all loose that sense of selfishness at different points.
Y'know, if you don't publish a biography, I at least think you ought to become some kind of writer. If you can somehow replicate your funny tone in a proper, complex narrative format then most these stories would be funny enough to just adapt and publish as fiction, I think. And then you hit them with that serious story too.
So, I have a fairly strange moment. it's actually not mine, but a friends.
So, my friend Steph went to college in Boston. As she was walking down the sidewalk to get to her class, she saw a hobo, who then, upon seeing her, asked for change. She dug through her purse, and took out a handful of pennies she happened to have.
After handing the pennies over to the homeless man begging for her change, he looks her square in the eye and said "I don't take pennies."
Just remembered a great story. My cousin (female if you care) from New York is coming down with her boyfriend to visit my family around Christmas time. We never met this boyfriend, but we figured we would treat him like he was family and cook a family gathering dinner. Think mini thanksgiving.
So our relatives really like Virginia Ham for some reason (it tastes like any other ham), so me father thought it would make a great meal. So he prepared a ham and placed it on one a plate. Now this is a special sinner plate that needs some back story.
Half my family is German. And they only came after the second world war. So yes, there was a part of my family that were Nazis (not that they had a real choice in the matter). So later on in life, my family inherited this silver dinner plate when my grandmother dies. This plate has a a little image of an eagle carrying a reef with a swastika on it. We are not proud that a part of our family had any dealings with anything dealing with it, but we are not the types to feel like it was our fault or anything so we use it whenever.
So cousin and boyfriend come in, and everything goes well. We liked the boyfriend and we liked to think he liked us too. Then dinner came around. We all get ready to eat, and right before my mother asked something about him coming to church with us the next day. He declines. Turns out he is Jewish.
Just remembered a great story. My cousin (female if you care) from New York is coming down with her boyfriend to visit my family around Christmas time. We never met this boyfriend, but we figured we would treat him like he was family and cook a family gathering dinner. Think mini thanksgiving.
So our relatives really like Virginia Ham for some reason (it tastes like any other ham), so me father thought it would make a great meal. So he prepared a ham and placed it on one a plate. Now this is a special sinner plate that needs some back story.
Half my family is German. And they only came after the second world war. So yes, there was a part of my family that were Nazis (not that they had a real choice in the matter). So later on in life, my family inherited this silver dinner plate when my grandmother dies. This plate has a a little image of an eagle carrying a reef with a swastika on it. We are not proud that a part of our family had any dealings with anything dealing with it, but we are not the types to feel like it was our fault or anything so we use it whenever.
So cousin and boyfriend come in, and everything goes well. We liked the boyfriend and we liked to think he liked us too. Then dinner came around. We all get ready to eat, and right before my mother asked something about him coming to church with us the next day. He declines. Turns out he is Jewish.
Well, at least you can be fairly certain that the plate wasn't stolen from somebody related to him.
Just remembered a great story. My cousin (female if you care) from New York is coming down with her boyfriend to visit my family around Christmas time. We never met this boyfriend, but we figured we would treat him like he was family and cook a family gathering dinner. Think mini thanksgiving.
So our relatives really like Virginia Ham for some reason (it tastes like any other ham), so me father thought it would make a great meal. So he prepared a ham and placed it on one a plate. Now this is a special sinner plate that needs some back story.
Half my family is German. And they only came after the second world war. So yes, there was a part of my family that were Nazis (not that they had a real choice in the matter). So later on in life, my family inherited this silver dinner plate when my grandmother dies. This plate has a a little image of an eagle carrying a reef with a swastika on it. We are not proud that a part of our family had any dealings with anything dealing with it, but we are not the types to feel like it was our fault or anything so we use it whenever.
So cousin and boyfriend come in, and everything goes well. We liked the boyfriend and we liked to think he liked us too. Then dinner came around. We all get ready to eat, and right before my mother asked something about him coming to church with us the next day. He declines. Turns out he is Jewish.
Hitler would be proud.
underdonk on
Back in the day, bucko, we just had an A and a B button... and we liked it.
I think I would be apprehensive about using dinnerware with swastikas on it when dining [strike]with guests[/strike].
The thought process behind 'yeah, it's got a swastika on it, but it's not like we actually killed any jews ourselves. Also, it's silver!' is quite close to the very definition of strange and embarrassing.
So, I have a fairly strange moment. it's actually not mine, but a friends.
So, my friend Steph went to college in Boston. As she was walking down the sidewalk to get to her class, she saw a hobo, who then, upon seeing her, asked for change. She dug through her purse, and took out a handful of pennies she happened to have.
After handing the pennies over to the homeless man begging for her change, he looks her square in the eye and said "I don't take pennies."
Posts
Tucker Max made a movie and wrote a chart topping book on strictly being an asshole. Pony has a wider berth.
I wonder how not profiting from your crimes plays into this though.
Like, y'know, things are going well with a chick.
Really well.
Everyone's having fun.
If, I dunno, he has to stop and make sure that her brother is jacking off about it outside, or that he's somehow related to her, or she's part of a sting operation to get him somehow, and if not, he just puts his pants back on and leaves.
What I'm getting at is "does Pony's life have some kind of weirdness/fuckedupness quota"?
Would he be strangely embarassed by perfectly normal situations?
Guys, careful, we're glancing beyond the looking glass here.
*RING!*
"Hello? Yes this is...oh...oh god it's you...wh-what do you want?"
"But we got chased out of town last time we did that....with PITCHFORKS....and TORCHES. There was some serious Dr. Frankenstein shite going down there..."
"What? You want me to get...what? Ok hang on I gotta write this down....Ok...ok...ok....so 3 Packages of hot dogs.....20lbs of Primacord.....6 Rhubarbs....a goat....a pumpkin....a monkey-no wait, TWO monkies...12 M-80s....and 6 bottles of Everclear....got it"
"....."
"....YES I do like holding onto my soul thank you very mu-NO I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A PINT OF MY BLOOD!"
"....I'm going to regret what we're going to do tonight aren't I?"
"*Sigh*....hookay....I'll be there in a couple of hours, gotta go knockoff the local zoo and liquor store"
Wud yoo laek to lern aboot meatz? Look here!
You know, add some suspense to it.
they just aren't interesting things that happen
i'm 26, dudes. i've had a lot of fucked up shit that happened to me, and much of it was in some way my own fault. while it's easy to say "what're you some kind of weirdness magnet, pony?" the reality is through almost all of my high school years i did a lot of drugs, hung out with criminals, and was callously promiscuous. in the years after, i was pretty normal, although i still enjoyed casual dating and sex, periodic drug use, and i was still into kickboxing and amateur MMA.
all of that besides the periodic drug use is behind me now, so really when you lead a lifestyle which is that self-destructive and full of fucked up people and screwy interactions, the odds of you coming out of it with a strange anecdote or two is pretty high.
i'm probably never going to write a real biography, because the reality is large swaths of it would be very depressing or horrifying and not in a way that would entertain people or make them want to read on. so, unless i wanted to edit the events of my own life to make them seem more collectively awesome than they were, i don't think i really want to write about the whole thing.
instead i will tell isolated incidents like this where even if they are terrible or make me look bad, they at least entertain people.
"Oh sorry Improvolone, we ran out of the swabs we use for men so we have to use the one we use for women."
"Is there a difference?"
"They're just a bit bigger."
I've had the "are you gay/are you on drugs" question from my mother before. A lot of people wasn't sure if i was gay or not even into college.
How do you make it look like Tinker Bell is flying? By putting on your t-rex arms and flapping your hands like little fairy wings.
What does Tinker Bell say?
"Twinkle twinkle" friends, "twinkle twinkle".
I also recall the girl I dated seriously my senior year being asked on more than one occasion, "wait, isn't he gay?" when she mentioned who she was dating.
Oh, and my dad has called me his special little snowflake. That was in college.
I don't even think you're gay and I still think you're gay. Figure that one out.
It would be hilarious if Pony wrote a biography, and then seeing him on Oprah, It would be like the Million Pieces dude except he would be omitting stuff that happened to him because no one would believe him.
Edit: I mean was it worth going through that massive crazy scheme just for revenge on a preachy, kinda bigoted councillor?
not really
i don't know.
was it worth it, or right, or justifiable? no, not at all
basically i fucked up his life for no other reason than he was annoying and offensive
that was the sort of person i was in those days
i try not to let it bother me.
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Me on Twitch!
who knows
i like to think that maybe somewhere down the line the whole thing was somehow positive for him and maybe coming out in the end did him more a favor than if he had remained angrily in the closet for so many years
but really, that's just me trying to justify it to myself so i don't feel so guilty
Y'know, if you don't publish a biography, I at least think you ought to become some kind of writer. If you can somehow replicate your funny tone in a proper, complex narrative format then most these stories would be funny enough to just adapt and publish as fiction, I think. And then you hit them with that serious story too.
You should never Facebook anyone without their written permission.
For a solid month Amazon thought I was gay.
Dude, you have a quote from a gay dude asking you to go out with him in your sig
Just...you know...sayin
Me: There is an opener at 7, and gates open at 6.
Him: Cool, how much are tickets?
Me: Like 5 bucks.
Him: Do you feel me inside of you?
Turns out he was also texting (sexting or what have you) his girlfriend at the time.
Appropriate response: oh thats what that was. I thought it was someone's baby toe.
Or: "I'd rather have the 5 bucks."
So, my friend Steph went to college in Boston. As she was walking down the sidewalk to get to her class, she saw a hobo, who then, upon seeing her, asked for change. She dug through her purse, and took out a handful of pennies she happened to have.
After handing the pennies over to the homeless man begging for her change, he looks her square in the eye and said "I don't take pennies."
..and hands them back,
Apparently beggars can be choosers.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
So our relatives really like Virginia Ham for some reason (it tastes like any other ham), so me father thought it would make a great meal. So he prepared a ham and placed it on one a plate. Now this is a special sinner plate that needs some back story.
Half my family is German. And they only came after the second world war. So yes, there was a part of my family that were Nazis (not that they had a real choice in the matter). So later on in life, my family inherited this silver dinner plate when my grandmother dies. This plate has a a little image of an eagle carrying a reef with a swastika on it. We are not proud that a part of our family had any dealings with anything dealing with it, but we are not the types to feel like it was our fault or anything so we use it whenever.
So cousin and boyfriend come in, and everything goes well. We liked the boyfriend and we liked to think he liked us too. Then dinner came around. We all get ready to eat, and right before my mother asked something about him coming to church with us the next day. He declines. Turns out he is Jewish.
Well, at least you can be fairly certain that the plate wasn't stolen from somebody related to him.
The faux paus are just staggering.
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I mean the ham can be excused; it was lack of knowledge.
Hitler would be proud.
The thought process behind 'yeah, it's got a swastika on it, but it's not like we actually killed any jews ourselves. Also, it's silver!' is quite close to the very definition of strange and embarrassing.
hahahahaha
Exactly.
Haha. That is one classy Hobo.
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