Mother fuckers that fill my inbox full of worthless memos! I hate that shit. I don't need 8 fucking emails about how today is "waffle wednesday". No one wants your fucking toaster waffles, you cunts!
I worked with this guy named Albert. Albert was a crazy son of a bitch who believed everyone in our department was out to get him. He constantly talked about how his reality is much, much different then ours, and even though what we may be saying might sound reasonable to us, to him it was being portrayed much, much differently.
One time I had to convince him to do his own work instead of coming in and helping me, because he didn't want us to run out of product. I literally spent 20 minutes convincing him that; A) we wouldn't run out of product If we ran out of product, and I had forced him not to help me, I wouldn't blame him and C) He himself, was running out of his product. Even thought I spent 20 minutes reassuring him that I wasn't going to blame him if we ran out, I still got the chickens out of the oven, and a new batch in by myself, without running out.
That doesn't really sound that crazy, or that assholish, but heres an asshole story about him.
A woman walks up to our department, the deli, with a package of hamburger meat that she bought the previous day. She explained to us that when she had opened it at home, she discovered a blackish, shell, maybe dead bug, thing in her meat. She simply brought it by to warn us that there might be others, and to get a refund from our customer service department. Both are very reasonable, and in the case of warning us, considerate, things to do. Well, unfortunately for her, the person to speak with her wasn't me, or my coworker Ian, it was Albert who answered the door. Once she had explained herself, he became aggitated. He started on the defensive, he claimed she should have taken pictures of it at home because we can't be sure she didn't put that in herself. Which in alberts world made perfect sense, because you can't just tamper with things before taking a picture of it, it just doesn't work that way. He then claimed she was trying to scam us, and that she should have left it at home. He repeated that a lot. I stepped in and guided her away from him, and started leading her to the meat manager. As we were approaching the meat department, he shows up behind us and starts screaming about how its not our fault and we're not liable. I turn to him and tell him to go back to work, and that I am handling it. I had been there for less then a year, yet I knew how to deal with a customer with a serious issue better then someone who had been there for 3 years.
Now heres his insane story that I heard second hand from my friend and coworker, who had it happen to him;
One day a bunch of the deli employees we're standing around in a circle talking. Albert and Ian were two of the group. Albert said something stupid, and being the kind, sensitive person Ian is, he called him a "Fucking reatard" infront of everyone. Everyone starts laughing and Albert turns a bright shade of red and strings together a line of profanities and storms out ouf the building. Doesn't bother to clock out, just yells, 'I quit!' to Ian as he leaves in tears, literally tears. Well, Ian thinks better of telling a manager that he declared he had quit, because he knew Albert just got emotional and would hopefully be back the following day. A few hours pass and our department gets a call. On one end is Ian, and on the other, is a very loud, very drunk, very tearful Albert exclaiming that they 'used to be friends' that he 'used to love him' and that he would infact be 'waiting outside with my gun for you after work'.
Well, that freaked Ian the fuck out, but he did nothing. He knew he was just drunk and that he was just blowing off a bunch of crazy gas. Sure enough Albert wasn't there, Ian didn't get shot, and for some reason, he decided again to not explain the situation to a manager. He was probably afraid it would get albert fired, and push him over the edge. Albert returns a couple days later and acts like nothing ever happened.
After hearing that story a bunch of things clicked into place. And then hearing him say things like, 'I'm going to kill you all' scared me. I told my manager nothing ever happened, and then I was fired.
One time he asked what I would do if I thought my GF was cheating, jokingly I responded, 'I'd kill the bitch'
'Oh, I thought of that, but I don't think I could get away with it.'
I nevoursly chuckled, but Alberts face didn't even twitch.
God I'm glad I got away from that guy before he fucking killed someone.
I have a pretty shitty job, but everyone I work with is pretty awesome. Just yesterday I was complaining to my supervisor about how someone from a different department stole my favorite chair and he says "Well you could get here nice and early tomorrow and steal it back" At which point we just starred at eachother for a second before both cracking up laughing. We both no there's no way I'll ever get to work any earlier than 15 minutes late.
I meet a lot of people going from store-to-store, and some of them are cool. Some just have issues (mainly at Safeways... something about corporate america that turns people into dour assholes).
Anyway, one Safeway in particular has this receiver who's very anal, and very rude, and extremely lazy. She's never at the office when I'm there--I have to have her paged, or try to look for her myself.
One day was killer. Since receiving ends at noon, I was there and ready to go by 11:35. She's not there. I have her paged, then paged again, then go to the front counter and see if she's there, then a third page. It's literally twenty minutes before she waddles her way into the back room, and then tells me that I "need to show up earlier."
I haven't ever gotten mad at my job until that point.
Don't know the door is locked with a poorly written sign on the door.
I never used the bathroom in that building so it just raised my curiosity what was in there.
I can go on with all the rather dumb things people do at where I work.
Setting fire to the magazines in the break room is just one of the many werid things they have done.
I can't stand the people who take their job too seriously. For instance, I was in queue to use a computer at this internet point I was turned around talking to the guy behind me and had somehow stepped over this arbitrary piece of tape that was on the ground. The whore behind the counter starts bitching at me and tried to tell me to go to the back.
you have a cushy job and don't work on weekends and make millions of dollars and go out to fancy lunches and you have a guy in a tuxedo to lay doilies down on the seat when you sit down to shit
My old head-teacher taught me how to shake hands correctly and how to spell diarrhoea. At the time it seemed really weird, but I can't think of any other time when someone has sat me down and taught me important facts of life without being payed to do so.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited March 2007
Knob keep going please I'm trying to remember what it is like dealing with an asshole.
i am going to come to your job and drop a turn in the urinal
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited March 2007
Ok I just remembered where all the assholes worked at. Microsoft. The parking garages. The garages would full up really fast in the mornings and often times instead of finding somewhere else to park people would just park in the middle of the lanes and eventually they would form a line of parked cars going down the lane, blocking in every car that was parked properly.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited March 2007
ugh Knob we have those waterless urinals that would be horrible yet easy for facilities to clean up
i think the worst thing ever was working part-time at a gas station when my boss told me she was sick of people filling their cars with fuel then driving off without paying for it so she had a cunning plan
the plan was to make every black person pay for the fuel first
white dude pulls up i just give him a knowing nod, anyone the wrong side of well-tanned shows up and i shout those motherfuckers in, take their money and only then do i activate the pump they're parked at
basically i think a laboratory is probably the funniest place you can eat chili in
in which you can eat chili
To bad ours is locked off.
you have to have one of the envio suits before you can enter the human side of it.
I made a fake looking dog's foot*and rubbed it into the sticky mats {the mats are there to remove any dirt you may have tracked in down the very long hall} they freaked out and searched for a dog for hours in the labyrinth of a lab.
I just made the paw to look like the print of a dog's paw; it took me several weeks.
I know I do constructive things with my time.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited March 2007
Is your sticky mat a real asshole?
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Tossrocktoo weird to livetoo rare to dieRegistered Userregular
i think the worst thing ever was working part-time at a gas station when my boss told me she was sick of people filling their cars with fuel then driving off without paying for it so she had a cunning plan
the plan was to make every black person pay for the fuel first
white dude pulls up i just give him a knowing nod, anyone the wrong side of well-tanned shows up and i shout those motherfuckers in, take their money and only then do i activate the pump they're parked at
At my job, sometimes you can't finish preparing for the next day, so you leave it for the next person to do the next day. I would be more specific, but the details are boring. Usually, busy days are followed by non-busy days, so it works out well enough and noone cares if you didn't finish if it seems like you tried.
One part of my job is collecting septic samples (from bottles left by people who dump porta potties and septics into our waste-water treatment system), logging in one "random" sample, and dumping the rest. The dumping takes maybe 5 minutes.
The person who had my job the previous day obviously ran out of time, as there were all sorts of things that needed to be done in the morning. The thing that pissed me off is that the septic samples were left. Overnight. On the counter at room temperature. Oh god, that was awful.
There are one or two really lazy people at my work, and they do these little things. There's one person who basically refuses to even learn one test to perform because she doesn't like it. Or one who conveniently runs out of time to do some nasty clean-up work almost every time she is supposed to do it. The job is working with poop water. If you can't handle it, get another job.
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If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
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I made you an avatar!
You used it for a solid month.
SHEESH!
Secret Satan
Cause I got one who's crazy and an asshole.
I worked with this guy named Albert. Albert was a crazy son of a bitch who believed everyone in our department was out to get him. He constantly talked about how his reality is much, much different then ours, and even though what we may be saying might sound reasonable to us, to him it was being portrayed much, much differently.
One time I had to convince him to do his own work instead of coming in and helping me, because he didn't want us to run out of product. I literally spent 20 minutes convincing him that; A) we wouldn't run out of product
That doesn't really sound that crazy, or that assholish, but heres an asshole story about him.
A woman walks up to our department, the deli, with a package of hamburger meat that she bought the previous day. She explained to us that when she had opened it at home, she discovered a blackish, shell, maybe dead bug, thing in her meat. She simply brought it by to warn us that there might be others, and to get a refund from our customer service department. Both are very reasonable, and in the case of warning us, considerate, things to do. Well, unfortunately for her, the person to speak with her wasn't me, or my coworker Ian, it was Albert who answered the door. Once she had explained herself, he became aggitated. He started on the defensive, he claimed she should have taken pictures of it at home because we can't be sure she didn't put that in herself. Which in alberts world made perfect sense, because you can't just tamper with things before taking a picture of it, it just doesn't work that way. He then claimed she was trying to scam us, and that she should have left it at home. He repeated that a lot. I stepped in and guided her away from him, and started leading her to the meat manager. As we were approaching the meat department, he shows up behind us and starts screaming about how its not our fault and we're not liable. I turn to him and tell him to go back to work, and that I am handling it. I had been there for less then a year, yet I knew how to deal with a customer with a serious issue better then someone who had been there for 3 years.
Now heres his insane story that I heard second hand from my friend and coworker, who had it happen to him;
One day a bunch of the deli employees we're standing around in a circle talking. Albert and Ian were two of the group. Albert said something stupid, and being the kind, sensitive person Ian is, he called him a "Fucking reatard" infront of everyone. Everyone starts laughing and Albert turns a bright shade of red and strings together a line of profanities and storms out ouf the building. Doesn't bother to clock out, just yells, 'I quit!' to Ian as he leaves in tears, literally tears. Well, Ian thinks better of telling a manager that he declared he had quit, because he knew Albert just got emotional and would hopefully be back the following day. A few hours pass and our department gets a call. On one end is Ian, and on the other, is a very loud, very drunk, very tearful Albert exclaiming that they 'used to be friends' that he 'used to love him' and that he would infact be 'waiting outside with my gun for you after work'.
Well, that freaked Ian the fuck out, but he did nothing. He knew he was just drunk and that he was just blowing off a bunch of crazy gas. Sure enough Albert wasn't there, Ian didn't get shot, and for some reason, he decided again to not explain the situation to a manager. He was probably afraid it would get albert fired, and push him over the edge. Albert returns a couple days later and acts like nothing ever happened.
After hearing that story a bunch of things clicked into place. And then hearing him say things like, 'I'm going to kill you all' scared me. I told my manager nothing ever happened, and then I was fired.
One time he asked what I would do if I thought my GF was cheating, jokingly I responded, 'I'd kill the bitch'
'Oh, I thought of that, but I don't think I could get away with it.'
I nevoursly chuckled, but Alberts face didn't even twitch.
God I'm glad I got away from that guy before he fucking killed someone.
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Anyway, one Safeway in particular has this receiver who's very anal, and very rude, and extremely lazy. She's never at the office when I'm there--I have to have her paged, or try to look for her myself.
One day was killer. Since receiving ends at noon, I was there and ready to go by 11:35. She's not there. I have her paged, then paged again, then go to the front counter and see if she's there, then a third page. It's literally twenty minutes before she waddles her way into the back room, and then tells me that I "need to show up earlier."
I haven't ever gotten mad at my job until that point.
She's about 40 but she's really sassy and she's not afraid to let asshole customers have it
I love her
i want to put a small shelf next to it with a few books with dewey decimal numbers on the spine and checkout cards on the inside
The only thing on is Lazy Town and all I can think of when I see the pink haired girl is that cake song.
There is a sign at work
The Employee Bathroom is Closed due to excessive Vandalism
They even put a lock and clasp on the door to keep people out.
anything clever?
or just stupid vandalism
(did anyone turn it into a library)
I never used the bathroom in that building so it just raised my curiosity what was in there.
I can go on with all the rather dumb things people do at where I work.
Setting fire to the magazines in the break room is just one of the many werid things they have done.
building fortifications
out of poop
and liquid soap
How does one become such an insufferable cunt.
you fuck with the bull
you get the horns
It could be a breeding ground for chud that is why they have the door locked.
It could be where they store the zombie workforce.
who knows?
you have a cushy job and don't work on weekends and make millions of dollars and go out to fancy lunches and you have a guy in a tuxedo to lay doilies down on the seat when you sit down to shit
you'd be better off pissing all over the sink
or spill chili in someone's lab exmpirement
dudes in labcoats and safety glasses all hunched over sensitive projects and glassware and such
and a dude comes rolling through just eating a big old bowl of chili
'hey what are you guys doi-'
and then ploooop
chili in the petri dish
the plan was to make every black person pay for the fuel first
white dude pulls up i just give him a knowing nod, anyone the wrong side of well-tanned shows up and i shout those motherfuckers in, take their money and only then do i activate the pump they're parked at
in which you can eat chili
To bad ours is locked off.
you have to have one of the envio suits before you can enter the human side of it.
I made a fake looking dog's foot*and rubbed it into the sticky mats {the mats are there to remove any dirt you may have tracked in down the very long hall} they freaked out and searched for a dog for hours in the labyrinth of a lab.
I just made the paw to look like the print of a dog's paw; it took me several weeks.
I know I do constructive things with my time.
it's intresting to see how much dirt there is after all the prep work you have to do in order to get into the hall onto the lab.
If it wasn't any trouble
A couple of new sketches would KICK ASS
One part of my job is collecting septic samples (from bottles left by people who dump porta potties and septics into our waste-water treatment system), logging in one "random" sample, and dumping the rest. The dumping takes maybe 5 minutes.
The person who had my job the previous day obviously ran out of time, as there were all sorts of things that needed to be done in the morning. The thing that pissed me off is that the septic samples were left. Overnight. On the counter at room temperature. Oh god, that was awful.
There are one or two really lazy people at my work, and they do these little things. There's one person who basically refuses to even learn one test to perform because she doesn't like it. Or one who conveniently runs out of time to do some nasty clean-up work almost every time she is supposed to do it. The job is working with poop water. If you can't handle it, get another job.