Let's Play Cheetahmen. Finished.

Gilder · October 2009

If you have ever wanted a reason to kill yourself, Cheetahmen is the reason. The Cheetahmen series was created by Active Enterprises for the Action 52 cartridge for the NES. It was filled with about 48 “impossible to play because they’re so crappy” games, 3 games that sucked really badly yet you could still play them, and Cheetahmen. Cheetahmen was the mascot for Active Enterprises. They wanted them to succeed, to become a franchise. In fact the Cheetahmen actually got 3 games. Not one of them is even remotely playable.

In these videos I will be showing off Cheetahmen 1 and 2. 3 is just crappy, and not in a bad way. I won't be playing that. Videos will have post-commentary because I want to show off perfect runs of the levels. I want to show off the majesty of the Cheetahmen, and I don’t think that that shall be a problem. Videos will be short as each Cheetahman shouldn’t take more than 8 minutes to complete, but in those 8 minutes you will stare into the face of God as he spits on you repeatedly. Welcome to Cheetahmen.

LIVIN’ LARGE (Videos)

Cheetahmen 1

Aries: Stages 1 and 2.

Hercules: Stages 3 and 4.

Apollo: Stages 5 and 6.

Cheetahmen 2

Apollo: Stages 1 and 2.

Hercules: Stages 3 and 4.

Aries: Stages 5 and 6.

Gilder · October 2009

Couscous · October 2009

This game is legendary. Isn't it worth a lot of money?

FireWeasel · October 2009

Hahaha I like how they couldn't even spell the damn name of the game properly in the intro sequence.

"Cheetamen" indeed.

slash000 · October 2009

Why is this game legendary? All I know is that a lot of people did remixes of the music in the game. I am still at a loss as to why. And as to why this game is legendary.

Can someone explain?

Gilder · October 2009

Couscous wrote: »

This game is legendary. Isn't it worth a lot of money?

I think so, the second game definitely is. It's not worth as much as you could've won in the Action 52 contest however! A contest which of course could not be won because Active Enterprises didn't have the money and the game you had to beat was unfinishable normally anyway.

slash000, the main reason is because Cheetahmen is notoriously bad. However it's not the first game that's famous, it's the second one. The second game was so bad that for a really long time it was never released. Then it finally did get released and pain was inflicted. The second game doesn't even end, it hangs at the end of the fourth level. People also remixed the music because it's actually an awesome song and the only thing that keeps you sane for the first few minutes of gameplay.

Kaseius · October 2009

CHEETAHMEN THE CHEETAH CHEETAHMEN

amazing!

Trevor · October 2009

The first level is what I imagine Bayou Billy would have been if it was made by furries that absolutely hated themselves and anyone who plays videogames.

Couscous · October 2009

slash000 wrote: »

Why is this game legendary? All I know is that a lot of people did remixes of the music in the game. I am still at a loss as to why. And as to why this game is legendary.

Can someone explain?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_52

Several of the songs from the NES version of Action 52 were plagiarized from example tunes included in Activision's The Music Studio for Atari ST. The games with plagiarized music include Fuzz Power, Silver Sword, French Baker, Streemerz, Time Warp Tickers, and Ninja Assault. Those songs were composed by Ed Bogas.[8] In addition, the intended theme of the first level in Lollipops was taken from Somethin' Stupid by C. Carson Parks (though only when not accessed from level 3, as the music programming malfunctions on that level due to one of the many glitches plaguing the compilation).

Further levels in the game reveal that like many of the titles before it, "The Cheetahmen" was not completely finished before release: One of Apollo's stages, level 5, is very hard to complete due to poorly programmed enemies. It is made worse because many of Apollo's foes can not be lined up with the limited areas the player can shoot his arrows. The game consists of six levels, each of the three Cheetahmen getting two levels, the second of which includes a boss battle. Other than the bosses, all of the other enemies in the game are characters from the other games, including Saddam Hussein parody Satán Hossain from Storm Over the Desert, a simple overhead tank game where running over Hossain, who appears very frequently, causes one-ups.

There were plans for a sequel to The Cheetahmen. Although mostly completed, Cheetahmen II was ultimately left officially unreleased. However, in 1997 all 1,500 known copies of the game were located in a warehouse, and eventually put on sale on the secondary market. All copies of the game were reused Action 52 cartridges with some having a small gold sticker reading "Cheetahmen II". The cartridge is very hard to come by, though numerous ROM images exist on the Internet.

In Cheetahmen II the player assumes the role of one of the three Cheetahmen (Aries, Apollo and Hercules), and upon defeating an enemy boss at the end of the second level, they switch to the next Cheetahman for the following two levels as in the Action 52 version. Due to a bug, it is impossible to gain access to the levels in which one assumes the role of Cheetahman Aries without altering the ROM image or being the lucky recipient of a glitch that very rarely starts the game on these two levels.

Cheetahmen II is famous for its lack of quality; it is reputed by many in the gaming community to be nearly unplayable, and was rumored to have been produced extremely quickly, with no debugging attempted. Like Action 52 it was not licensed by Nintendo.

A sample of Rob Base's song It Takes Two is used in the beginning sequence of the NES version.[6] The sound generated for moving the select cursor on the NES version was used for the Power Player Super Joy III's menu. Of note is that Active Enterprises advertised a competition in which anyone who could complete level 5 of Ooze (NES version) would be entered into a prize draw to win $104,000. It was soon discovered that the game would crash on level 3, making the prize impossible to win.[7]

The kicker?

It was initially sold for the comparatively high price of $199 USD (or "less than $4 for each game"),[

admanb · October 2009

Gilder wrote: »

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Xenogears of Bore · October 2009

Do you know what I said to myself today? I said "Self, I want to see Gilder LP a really bad game again!" and lo and behold.

Couscous · October 2009

It is when you see some of the unlicensed Nintendo games where the Nintendo Seal of Quality almost makes sense.

Gilder · October 2009

admanb wrote: »

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The origins of the Cheetahmen is a heart-wrenching tale. It's the saddest thing I've seen since Grave of the Fireflies. I hope you can appreciate its deep storytelling.

Dangerous · October 2009

Fuck yeah cheetahmen! I actually own an Action 52 and attempted to play cheetahmen a few times as a child. Even back then I remember thinking "What the hell are these guys, a ninja turtles rip off?"

You should also do a Let's Play of that one game where you were a hairy little guy and all the enemies were like scissors and stuff. It was a platformer of some sort. Though it's possible I just dreamed that up.

slash000 · October 2009

Hahah, wow. Thanks for the info on the game, guys

B:L · October 2009

After the Pink Panther, I was expecting some Chester Cheetah.

Wrong Cheetah game.

Fatal3RR0R · October 2009

B:L wrote: »

After the Pink Panther, I was expecting some Chester Cheetah.

Wrong Cheetah game.

Yeah same here.

Grimthwacker · October 2009

I've heard of the Action 52, but I have never witnessed the horrors within . . . until now. Ye gods, this game borders on just plain unholy. And it was just a small fraction of the total package? This is a noble thing you're doing, Gilder my friend. I salute you.

Gennenalyse Rueben · October 2009

Xenogears of Bore wrote: »

Do you know what I said to myself today? I said "Self, I want to see Gilder LP a really bad game again!" and lo and behold.

You should do this more often.

UncleSporky · October 2009

Gilder wrote: »

admanb wrote: »

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The origins of the Cheetahmen is a heart-wrenching tale. It's the saddest thing I've seen since Grave of the Fireflies. I hope you can appreciate its deep storytelling.

For the people:

http://cheetahmen.silius.net/comic.html

SkutSkut · October 2009

You sound different when you aren't screaming at RE5 in a blood fueled rage because of the bullshit that game brings.

Xenogears of Bore · October 2009

The cheetahmen theme reminds me of the Mortal Kombat: The Movie soundtrack. It's bad in a hypnotic sort of way.

Gilder · October 2009

SkutSkut wrote: »

You sound different when you aren't screaming at RE5 in a blood fueled rage because of the bullshit that game brings.

I have no idea what you're talking about. I was a calm soul when we played RE5 together and I bounced grenades off of walls and into my own mouth.

Also I want to mention now that people shouldn't expect fast updates for this. Even if I wanted to go fast there's only going to be 5 or 6 videos so I'd like to make them last a little bit.

cooljammer00 · October 2009

I like how you can teleport your fist across the screen.

UncleSporky · October 2009

cooljammer00 wrote: »

I like how you can teleport your fist across the screen.

Are you talking about how bits of the character appear on the other side of the screen? I had issues with it while working on my own NES game. Here's some useless trivia about that:

When you tell the NES to put some graphics on the screen, it only accepts data for the full size of the screen and wraps around otherwise. This will make sense to you if you know anything about binary and single bytes, which count 253 -> 254 -> 255 -> 0 -> 1 -> 2 etc. The Cheetahman drawing routine just says, draw part one of his body here, then add 8 and draw the next part, then add 8 and draw the next part. They didn't take wrapping into account and as a result we have half his sprite on the opposite side of the screen. This affect crops up in a number of other NES games too where it was probably considered a negligible glitch (in fact many TVs crop off the far edges).

To correct this you must keep track of a second byte's worth of positional data. When you cross that 255 -> 0 edge, you also increment a second number representing the screen the sprite is on. If that screen is not visible, then you skip drawing that sprite. (Since, if it was drawn, it would be chilling on the opposite side of the screen.)

Makes perfect sense, right?

DeMoN · October 2009

So you are saying you are the true Cheetahmen

cooljammer00 · October 2009

Also how the Cheetahman kills himself by punch floating his way to the top of the screen.

SkutSkut · October 2009

Action 52 is currently worth $69+ and Cheetahmen 2 is $649+

oh yeah, could someone wrassle up a link for Gilders other LPs for me? I do like me some bad game LPs.

Gilder · October 2009

Ugh, don't watch my old videos. They're bad. They're not "Youtube LP with a camera pointed at the screen while spouting off internet memes" bad, but they still suck. The sound is horrible, I say "uhhhh" a lot, and the framerate is crap. The only one I'm proud of is Earthworm Jim, but those videos are gone now because Gamevee died.

Xenogears of Bore · October 2009

Mario all stars is incredible Gilder.

Also MMZ wasn't bad at all.

Couscous · October 2009

I love the contest to win the money by beating the game. Didn't Spyhunter have something similar? I think I remember reading about it in Game Over. Of course, all of those prizes pale compare to the ones for the Swordquest series.

In 1982, Atari set out to create a phenomenon for the Atari 2600 -- a series of four puzzle-laden adventure games that served as gateways to a nationwide contest. When gamers solved each game in the Swordquest series, based on one of the classic Greek elements, they sent the solution into Atari in hopes of competing for fantasy-themed treasures like a chalice or talisman. Each prize was crusted with jewels and worth thousands of dollars. The winner of each of the four contests would go on to a championship round where the ultimate prize was a $50,000 (in 1982 money, mind you) Sword of Ultimate Sorcery.

Sounds pretty spectacular, right? And it was. Too spectacular, in fact. The videogame industry started tumbling before the Swordquest series was finished. The contest for the third game in the Swordquest series, Waterworld, was never held. The fourth game, Airworld, was never even finished. The two prizes for those games, the Crown of Life and the Philosopher's Stone, were never awarded -- and neither was the sword. It is believed that all three of these non-awarded prizes (which were indeed crafted by the Franklin Mint before the contest was shut down), and now in the possession of Jack Tramiel, founder of Commodore and former president and CEO of Atari.

The Chalice was made of gold and platinum and was adorned with citrines, diamonds, green jade, pearls, rubies, and sapphires. It was valued at $25,000 at the time of the contest. Rideout keeps it in his safe deposit box.[1]

The Talisman was made of 18K solid gold, with 12 diamonds and the birthstones of the twelve Zodiac signs embedded in it, as well as a small sword made of white gold attached to the front. At the time of the contest, the Talisman was valued at $25,000. Bell melted down the Talisman (with the exception of the miniature sword) in order to pay for school.

Lucky son of a bitches

BlueDestiny · October 2009

How the heck did something as generic sounding as swordquest warrant such extravagant prizes.

NickTheNewbie · October 2009

UncleSporky wrote: »

cooljammer00 wrote: »

I like how you can teleport your fist across the screen.

Are you talking about how bits of the character appear on the other side of the screen? I had issues with it while working on my own NES game. Here's some useless trivia about that:

When you tell the NES to put some graphics on the screen, it only accepts data for the full size of the screen and wraps around otherwise. This will make sense to you if you know anything about binary and single bytes, which count 253 -> 254 -> 255 -> 0 -> 1 -> 2 etc. The Cheetahman drawing routine just says, draw part one of his body here, then add 8 and draw the next part, then add 8 and draw the next part. They didn't take wrapping into account and as a result we have half his sprite on the opposite side of the screen. This affect crops up in a number of other NES games too where it was probably considered a negligible glitch (in fact many TVs crop off the far edges).

To correct this you must keep track of a second byte's worth of positional data. When you cross that 255 -> 0 edge, you also increment a second number representing the screen the sprite is on. If that screen is not visible, then you skip drawing that sprite. (Since, if it was drawn, it would be chilling on the opposite side of the screen.)

Makes perfect sense, right?

I enjoy how you actually had to manually do that back in the day

cooljammer00 · October 2009

It's what scares me about programming. You're just one man entering so many numbers and praying it works.

zilo · October 2009

Wow. Just... wow.

The so-called worst game of all time, E.T. for the 2600, was done in six weeks by one guy. I can't imagine the level of non-effort and apathy that produced Cheetahmen.

Gennenalyse Rueben · October 2009

That comic is amazing. A true work of literature. Cheetahmen is the epic of our generation.

Fatal3RR0R · October 2009

Gennenalyse Rueben wrote: »

That comic is amazing. A true work of literature. Cheetahmen is the epic of our generation.

A timeless tale that must preserved for future generations.

BlueBlue · October 2009

UncleSporky wrote: »

Gilder wrote: »

admanb wrote: »

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The origins of the Cheetahmen is a heart-wrenching tale. It's the saddest thing I've seen since Grave of the Fireflies. I hope you can appreciate its deep storytelling.

For the people:

http://cheetahmen.silius.net/comic.html

"One of us is going down!" - World's greatest threat?

Couscous · October 2009

Huh. The company that did the Genesis version is somehow still around.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FarSight_Studios

FarSight Studios (formerly Farsight Technologies) is an American video game developer established in 1988. Their titles include a number of American football games for Sega, Konami and EA Sports, and more recently Gottlieb Pinball Classics, Scarface: Money. Power. Respect. for the PlayStation Portable and Game Party and Game Party 2 for the Nintendo Wii.

Early titles include the ill-received Color a Dinosaur and Action 52 for the Sega Genesis.[1]

http://www.farsightstudios.com/

Fucking anti, far eastern products.

Jul. 12--At 51, Vince Perri has called himself a businessman for a long time. But it took fatherhood to help him find what could be the business of his life.

Perri is the brains behind a 3-year-old Miami company, Active Enterprises Ltd., that is offering a new game product for the 6 million Sega Genesis systems in the United States. His isn't just another addition to the hundreds of titles on store shelves. His product, Action 52, offers 52 games for the price of two.

An investment banker for six years, Perri has seen his share of business opportunities, good and bad. This time, the idea originated at home.

"Having a 9-year-old, I had to buy a lot of video games, and it cost me a fortune," he said. "A decent Sega or Nintendo costs $55 to $60. I said there's got to be a way to do this cheaper."

The breakthrough came by accident. "I happened to see my son playing an illegal product made in Taiwan that had 40 games on it. The whole neighborhood went crazy over it," Perri said. "I figured I'd do it legally. It's obvious when you see something like that, you know there's something there."

Perri said he used his overseas banking connections to raise $5 million from private backers in Europe and Saudi Arabia. He farmed out the programming to college students and the technical work to Cronos Engineering Inc., a Boca Raton company that does work for IBM Corp. He expects to begin shipping Action 52 today.

"We've sold out of our first manufacturing cycle, so we're going into another cycle as soon as these go out the door," he said.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

darklite_x · October 2009

"Livin Large!"

Fantastic.

slash000 · October 2009

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Farmed out the programming to college students! BRILLIANT!

Penny Arcade

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Let's Play Cheetahmen. Finished.

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