Two dudes walked into subway today, thugged out head to toe in Dolce and Gabana clothing, completely unable to speak a coherent english sentence between the two of them.
They converse between themselves in Arabic for a while, then finally step forward.
"What can I get for you guys?"
"CHICKEN"
"What kind of chicken?"
"..."
So I start doing the pointing game, where I point to each kind of chicken we have. To every single chicken I point to I am met with an inquisitive "Pork?"
"No sir, there is no pork in our chicken"
They finally decide on the buffalo chicken.
"What kind of bread?"
"..."
"..."
"Best you got"
"Pork?"
"No sir, there is no pork in our bread"
So I just start making them a basic sandwich. By reflex I start doing all the questions that we're supposed to do.
"What kind of cheese would you like"
"Best you got"
"Pork?"
Toast the sandwiches, veggies go okay. My co-worker offers them the ranch dressing that goes with the sandwich.
"Pork?"
At this time, my co-worker just starts shaking in silent laughter, and struggles out a "No sir, there's no pork in our ranch dressing"
Then they tried to pay for their sandwiches with their United Arab Emirates cards, and after I got the cash off of them, they spilled orange juice everywhere and didn't bother to clean it up or let us know, which led to me getting chewed by a customer for keeping such a dirty store.
That was my day at subway.
B.C. on
Friend code for Pokemon fiends everywhere: Arch 0447-6824-1112
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Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
Two dudes walked into subway today, thugged out head to toe in Dolce and Gabana clothing, completely unable to speak a coherent english sentence between the two of them.
They converse between themselves in Arabic for a while, then finally step forward.
"What can I get for you guys?"
"CHICKEN"
"What kind of chicken?"
"..."
So I start doing the pointing game, where I point to each kind of chicken we have. To every single chicken I point to I am met with an inquisitive "Pork?"
"No sir, there is no pork in our chicken"
They finally decide on the buffalo chicken.
"What kind of bread?"
"..."
"..."
"Best you got"
"Pork?"
"No sir, there is no pork in our bread"
So I just start making them a basic sandwich. By reflex I start doing all the questions that we're supposed to do.
"What kind of cheese would you like"
"Best you got"
"Pork?"
Toast the sandwiches, veggies go okay. My co-worker offers them the ranch dressing that goes with the sandwich.
"Pork?"
At this time, my co-worker just starts shaking in silent laughter, and struggles out a "No sir, there's no pork in our ranch dressing"
Then they tried to pay for their sandwiches with their United Arab Emirates cards, and after I got the cash off of them, they spilled orange juice everywhere and didn't bother to clean it up or let us know, which led to me getting chewed by a customer for keeping such a dirty store.
That was my day at subway.
Dude, you fucking survived a terror attack.
Metzger Meister on
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The Black HunterThe key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple,unimpeachable reason to existRegistered Userregular
All black D&G.
Pants riding low, one shirt real baggy. The other shirt real loose. Beanie for one and bling for the other.
All emblazoned with the D&G.
B.C. on
Friend code for Pokemon fiends everywhere: Arch 0447-6824-1112
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Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
All black D&G.
Pants riding low, one shirt real baggy. The other shirt real loose. Beanie for one and bling for the other.
All emblazoned with the D&G.
All black D&G.
Pants riding low, one shirt real baggy. The other shirt real loose. Beanie for one and bling for the other.
All emblazoned with the D&G.
That's not very thug.
Look I'm using the concept very loosely.
B.C. on
Friend code for Pokemon fiends everywhere: Arch 0447-6824-1112
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Tommy2Handswhat is this where am iRegistered Userregular
edited October 2009
Would you like some pork?
Pork?
Pork
Pork?
Pork
No Pork
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Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
All black D&G.
Pants riding low, one shirt real baggy. The other shirt real loose. Beanie for one and bling for the other.
All emblazoned with the D&G.
That's not very thug.
nah man, dolce makes some pretty urban clothing these days.
They were obviously sons of filthy rich oil barons.
You should've slapped a few zeroes on to the end of the total cost and they totally woulda just given you a few fat wads of $100 bills from their briefcases.
This is a story about me and my boss. We are Best Friends Forever!
A Brand New Day:
I work at Safeway. First off, kill me. Seriously awful job. Anyways, my first manager got fired and demoted for being an incompetent prick sometime around last March. In comes our new manager, fresh out of the training program and groomed for success by our district manager. Or so I'm told, he comes off as an over-polite telemarketer recording transformed through some obscene ritual into a Safeway golem. This guy is seriously fake, way to polite, will never give a straight answer, and just won't wipe that smug look off his face.
Why I hate the Safeway Golem:
On his first day in the store, he informs me about twenty minutes into my shift that started at 6am that the bathrooms aren't clean enough and that I need to do them again. At this stage of they day, I am barely functional and can barely even stand, but I still did a fairly decent job on the bathroom given what I had to work with. Anyhow, I say I'll do it again and I spend a good twenty minutes re-mopping the bathroom and cleaning everything I can see.
At around 8 am, new boss comes up to me and informs me that the bathrooms aren't "up to par". I inform him that I cleaned them thoroughly, and we go into the bathroom together to see what is wrong. He stands in front of the urinal and asks me "Do you see something wrong here?" I gaze into the porcelain bowl and can't quite make out what he wants me to see "No," I say. He points at a piece of gum lying nestled in the yellow basin "That's not supposed to be in there" he says. At this point, he made me pick it up with my hand, never letting go of the horrible grin etched on his slab face. As I fantasize about choking him to death with the piece of gum, an eery calm comes over me. Revenge will be mine. On top of my own passive aggressive approach of eating an egg burrito every morning before work and then farting in his office while I "cleaned" it before he got there every morning, Karma seemed to have a plan in store for my boss.
In Which my Manager Learns a Lesson:
The back room of Safeway is a torture chamber right out of one those dreadful Saw movies. Cold cement walls, cracked cement floors, the smell of trash, and the sound of customers shitting give ya a hearty howdy-do when one walks into this Safeway, and stands as a constant plague upon the sanity of the employees trapped inside. Now, it's already pretty awful inside of this store but when the toilets and drain system clogs it's like crawling inside of Mephistopheles ass hole and taking a shit--one almost expects to see Hitler chained in the back being sodomized by a pack of wild boars. Hyperbole set aside for now, the drains in the walkways are apparently connected with the toilets so every time someone flushes the toilets, the water seeps further out into the back room and the the smell begins to yell louder at my nose. And when I say water, I mean used toilet water mixed with feces, urine, old milk, any chemical we've dumped recently, and the collected grime of 60 years of disrepair. People are gagging and running out of the store.
I isolate the clog to the drain outside the milk cooler. My boss asks me to stick my hand in the drain to see what is clogging it, to which I tell him "No," and suggest that he waits until the plumber we called comes to repair it. Well, screw patience, my boss sticks his hand down in the drain and pulls out the plug to reveal a drain full of hair, feces, chunks of old milk, more hair, "goop", and the crown jewel; a single blood-soaked tampon. As soon as his bare hand touched the bloody old thing, the smug fucking smile came right off his face and his body began to convulse while he violently gagged for about a minute.
A Choice:
Now, what would you, dear reader, do in this situation? I had the choice of looking away, and pretending it didn't happen. I could console the man, in his hour of need and help him find something to clean himself up. I could...I could....laugh? Yes! I laughed--laughed as uncontrollably as he was convulsing, at the top of my lungs. And this was no mere laugh of shock, no! It was a horrible, raucous, mocking laugh, as disgusting to the ears of my shamed boss as the treasure found in the clog was to his eyes. Justice was mine.
Technically Jigrah, what he asked me to do both times was illegal according to my union rights though I didn't know it at the time. And yes, I was being a "nancy pants" about my boss forcing me to pick up a piece of gum lying in a urinal with my bare hands. Oh, I also forgot to mention that our store is right by a half-way house and is the place to go for drug addicts and hobos to pee. And my boss being pretty solid? What? That was incredibly stupid of him, the plumber showed up like twenty minutes later with the proper equipment but my boss was too much of a dumbass to wait for him to show up.
Two dudes walked into subway today, thugged out head to toe in Dolce and Gabana clothing, completely unable to speak a coherent english sentence between the two of them.
They converse between themselves in Arabic for a while, then finally step forward.
"What can I get for you guys?"
"CHICKEN"
"What kind of chicken?"
"..."
So I start doing the pointing game, where I point to each kind of chicken we have. To every single chicken I point to I am met with an inquisitive "Pork?"
"No sir, there is no pork in our chicken"
They finally decide on the buffalo chicken.
"What kind of bread?"
"..."
"..."
"Best you got"
"Pork?"
"No sir, there is no pork in our bread"
So I just start making them a basic sandwich. By reflex I start doing all the questions that we're supposed to do.
"What kind of cheese would you like"
"Best you got"
"Pork?"
Toast the sandwiches, veggies go okay. My co-worker offers them the ranch dressing that goes with the sandwich.
"Pork?"
At this time, my co-worker just starts shaking in silent laughter, and struggles out a "No sir, there's no pork in our ranch dressing"
Then they tried to pay for their sandwiches with their United Arab Emirates cards, and after I got the cash off of them, they spilled orange juice everywhere and didn't bother to clean it up or let us know, which led to me getting chewed by a customer for keeping such a dirty store.
That was my day at subway.
This isn't that weird, they were probably trying to figure if the place fit in with a Halal diet. They knew the place wasn't really going to be Halal but they could avoid eating certain things.
Technically, what he asked me to do was illegal within my union rights though I didn't know it at the time. Same with the second thing.
I also work a very shitty job in a grocery store. I could say with 100% certainty that if anyone ever tried to get me to do the first thing with any degree of seriousness I would just hand in my nametag and leave.
I don't usually get these but the other day a woman came over and was like "I'd like to make a complaint" so I was all "sure" and she was like "with the air conditioning on in here it's so cold! I'm sitting over there practically shivering!" and I was like "well okay, I'll turn it off, thanks for telling us" and she was like "well it's too late now! I'm leaving!". I turned around and walked off. I was unaware that my job description included being psychic.
Posts
would you like a camera crew over to your place to record this breaking news?
They converse between themselves in Arabic for a while, then finally step forward.
"What can I get for you guys?"
"CHICKEN"
"What kind of chicken?"
"..."
So I start doing the pointing game, where I point to each kind of chicken we have. To every single chicken I point to I am met with an inquisitive "Pork?"
"No sir, there is no pork in our chicken"
They finally decide on the buffalo chicken.
"What kind of bread?"
"..."
"..."
"Best you got"
"Pork?"
"No sir, there is no pork in our bread"
So I just start making them a basic sandwich. By reflex I start doing all the questions that we're supposed to do.
"What kind of cheese would you like"
"Best you got"
"Pork?"
Toast the sandwiches, veggies go okay. My co-worker offers them the ranch dressing that goes with the sandwich.
"Pork?"
At this time, my co-worker just starts shaking in silent laughter, and struggles out a "No sir, there's no pork in our ranch dressing"
Then they tried to pay for their sandwiches with their United Arab Emirates cards, and after I got the cash off of them, they spilled orange juice everywhere and didn't bother to clean it up or let us know, which led to me getting chewed by a customer for keeping such a dirty store.
That was my day at subway.
Dude, you fucking survived a terror attack.
What?
Their AMERICAN GODDAMN FREEDOM SANDWICHES.
All black D&G.
Pants riding low, one shirt real baggy. The other shirt real loose. Beanie for one and bling for the other.
All emblazoned with the D&G.
"GODDAMN AMERICAN BACON ORANGES! I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO BLIMPIE'S, ABDULLAH!"
"YOU WERE RIGHT, OKAY? JUST DROP IT, GREG."
HAM.
That's not very thug.
Look I'm using the concept very loosely.
Pork?
Pork
Pork?
Pork
No Pork
nah man, dolce makes some pretty urban clothing these days.
You should've slapped a few zeroes on to the end of the total cost and they totally woulda just given you a few fat wads of $100 bills from their briefcases.
Rane, I thought you were cool, but now I know you're just mean.
Meany.
A Brand New Day:
Why I hate the Safeway Golem:
At around 8 am, new boss comes up to me and informs me that the bathrooms aren't "up to par". I inform him that I cleaned them thoroughly, and we go into the bathroom together to see what is wrong. He stands in front of the urinal and asks me "Do you see something wrong here?" I gaze into the porcelain bowl and can't quite make out what he wants me to see "No," I say. He points at a piece of gum lying nestled in the yellow basin "That's not supposed to be in there" he says. At this point, he made me pick it up with my hand, never letting go of the horrible grin etched on his slab face. As I fantasize about choking him to death with the piece of gum, an eery calm comes over me. Revenge will be mine. On top of my own passive aggressive approach of eating an egg burrito every morning before work and then farting in his office while I "cleaned" it before he got there every morning, Karma seemed to have a plan in store for my boss.
In Which my Manager Learns a Lesson:
I isolate the clog to the drain outside the milk cooler. My boss asks me to stick my hand in the drain to see what is clogging it, to which I tell him "No," and suggest that he waits until the plumber we called comes to repair it. Well, screw patience, my boss sticks his hand down in the drain and pulls out the plug to reveal a drain full of hair, feces, chunks of old milk, more hair, "goop", and the crown jewel; a single blood-soaked tampon. As soon as his bare hand touched the bloody old thing, the smug fucking smile came right off his face and his body began to convulse while he violently gagged for about a minute.
A Choice:
The fact that you hold such disdain for being held to a high standard on the bathroom though makes you a nancy pants.
Edit: Are you sure he's not an extremely tall adolescent?
This isn't that weird, they were probably trying to figure if the place fit in with a Halal diet. They knew the place wasn't really going to be Halal but they could avoid eating certain things.
Unions have a lot of dumb laws these days, but that won't stop you from feeling all indignant.
I also work a very shitty job in a grocery store. I could say with 100% certainty that if anyone ever tried to get me to do the first thing with any degree of seriousness I would just hand in my nametag and leave.
what?
>
I'm not at all surprised that you would look up to someone for doing something incredibly fucking stupid.
Are you honestly pro-drugaddictedhobopeegum and tamponshitplugs?
Jigrah is basically this guy: