Those poor suckers opening that case and wet noodles come flopping out, and augh god they're slippery and they can't pick them up and who would do such a thing this is horrible
We got a mouse trap in a VHS case once, but it snapped when they dropped it in the return box. Also, it was the best feeling to call someone up to bring back the copy of whatever movie they rented, and swap it out for the porno the left in the case. And as long as it wasn't a graphic title, we would say the movie title on the message.
I'm sorry I've been petty Dru. Can we still be friends? Or become friends? I'm not sure how this works on forums.
MetroidZoid on
Steam
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Once, when I was hunting, I was hit with the worst squirts in the world.
I was in the stand, about two hundred yards down this sendero, and I'm thinking, there's no way I can get to the truck and get the shovel and TP without pooping my pants. Not caring about the noise I was about to make, I left all my gear in my stand, and began sprinting down the sendero with my cheeks clenched and unbuckling the whole way down. I made it about fifteen feet from the truck when the urge to purge hit, and so I dropped trou and started pooping, right there on the ground.
Except, when I turned around, there was a steaming pile of shit in a snakehole. From there, I waddled to the truck and buried the toilet paper on the side of the road.
Dead Legend on
diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
Everything he read save one thing was unpublished works in progress or excerpts from his diary. It was awesome.
But why I'm bringing this up in here, besides to make you guys jealous, is that he talked about asshole customers a bit, and wanted us to share stories about them with him afterwards during the signing. He told us a few stories that he'd already gotten, like one about a woman who was a waitress at a country club, and got called over by an old woman, who grabbed her hand and she spat out chicken salad into it and said "There's a bone in my chicken salad!"
There was also a story shared by a pilot that, Sedaris said, wasn't really a story about assholes because it "belonged in a whole other level". When a flight was touching down on December 23rd, one of the flight attendants was doing the landing speech - "Please do not remove your seatbelts before the plane has come to a complete stop and the fasten seatbelts sign has been turned off. Be careful opening overhead compartments as luggage may have shifted during flight. On behalf of X and Such Airlines I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, or, if you're already standing with your seatbelt off, a Happy Hanukkah."
I remember David Sedaris wrote this great essay about people who take shits in retail stores. I thought it was on the New Yorker website but I... can't seem to find it
I have absolutely no idea why much of the literary world hate David Sedaris. The only concrete explanation I can find is that his stories are often a mix of real life and fiction for the same of comedy.
How that's bad, I'll never know.
Anyway.
Just had a little old lady and call cranky on the phone. Something about having nothing but problems since she got our service. Pulled up her ticket history. I know this woman. She's the one who we kept researching an echo problem with her phone service for three months. Turned out that she had the volume on her phone so high that it was interfering with her service. She didn't use the new phone we gave her. So, of course, it's not our fault, but you know how people are.
Today her batteries went dead on the universal remote we gave her and she refused to change them out.
I have absolutely no idea why much of the literary world hate David Sedaris. The only concrete explanation I can find is that his stories are often a mix of real life and fiction for the same of comedy.
One we gave a phone to because she can't dial a fucking number. This phone is a stupid people phone. It has a huge screen that shows you the numbers you've dialed, it beeps really loud when you hit a button, and the buttons are huge. It also saves the last 20 numbers you've dialed.
Well, today, she called in telling us she's tired of us messing with her and her phone service not working. Pulled the call records. She's dialing a few digits, and then the call is dialing out, or she's just not dialing the number completely.
We printed out these reports, went to her house, took the retard phone, and showed her that the numbers stored in it matched the call reports.
In one last defiant fuck you she told us that "It's not my fault. It's yours."
And for a little bit of crazy... Notes someone else left on another lady.
CCI TO REPORT A LOUD NOISE COMING FROM THE POLE OUTSIDE. SAID WIRES WERE HANGING LOOSE FROM THE BOX AND IT'S SUCH A LOUD NOISE THAT IT KEEPS HER AWAKE AT NIGHT AND SHE HAS HAD TO STAY AT HER FRIENDS HOUSE AT TIMES JUST TO GET SOME SLEEP. SAID A CAR STOPPED BY THE POLE LAST NIGHT AND THE NOISE STOPPED, SHE HAS CALLED A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR IN ALSO, SHE THINKS THAT SOMEONE IS DOING THIS TO HARRASS HER. SHE SAID SHE COULD NOT CALL THE POLICE BECAUSE THEY ARE AGAINST HER. I TOLD HER I HAD NEVER HEARD OF ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BUT I WOULD REPORT IT AS POLE DAMAGE AND HAVE SOMEONE COME OUT AND LOOK AT IT. I CALLED CWIN. THE REP PUT IT IN AS POLE DAMAGE AND GAVE A DUE DATE OF 10-31-09 BY 7PM. SAID COULD NOT GET IT IN ANY SOONER. CALLED HER BACK AND EXPLND DUE DATE, SHE ASKED ME TO CHANGE IT TO THE 2ND OF NOVEMBER BECAUSE SHE IS GOING ON A CRUISE AND WOULD LIKE TO BE THERE WHEN THEY COME. I CHANGED THE DUE DATE FOR HER TO THE 2ND AND THEN SHE DECIDED SHE NEEDED IT ON THE THIRD SINCE SHE GAVE ME THE WRONG DATE AND SHE WANTS IT DONE IN THE AFTERNOON SO SHE COULD BE THERE. EXPLND I CANNOT SPECIFY A TIME THAT THEY WILL BE THERE, IT WOULD JUST BE ON THE 3RD OF NOVEMBER BY 7PM. SHE SAID SHE WILL HAVE HER MOTHER COME AND STAY IN THE MORNING SINCE SHE HAS TO TEACH AN EXERCISE CLASS THAT MORNING BUT THAT DATE WOULD BE FINE.
Everything he read save one thing was unpublished works in progress or excerpts from his diary. It was awesome.
But why I'm bringing this up in here, besides to make you guys jealous, is that he talked about asshole customers a bit, and wanted us to share stories about them with him afterwards during the signing. He told us a few stories that he'd already gotten, like one about a woman who was a waitress at a country club, and got called over by an old woman, who grabbed her hand and she spat out chicken salad into it and said "There's a bone in my chicken salad!"
There was also a story shared by a pilot that, Sedaris said, wasn't really a story about assholes because it "belonged in a whole other level". When a flight was touching down on December 23rd, one of the flight attendants was doing the landing speech - "Please do not remove your seatbelts before the plane has come to a complete stop and the fasten seatbelts sign has been turned off. Be careful opening overhead compartments as luggage may have shifted during flight. On behalf of X and Such Airlines I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, or, if you're already standing with your seatbelt off, a Happy Hanukkah."
Posts
how do we know they didn't? maybe they started a colony inside volyu and he's really being controlled by them
Maybe one did. Maybe it burrowed in, took control of an important nerve cluster, and has been riding him like a Gundam ever since.
We got a mouse trap in a VHS case once, but it snapped when they dropped it in the return box. Also, it was the best feeling to call someone up to bring back the copy of whatever movie they rented, and swap it out for the porno the left in the case. And as long as it wasn't a graphic title, we would say the movie title on the message.
I'm sorry I've been petty Dru. Can we still be friends? Or become friends? I'm not sure how this works on forums.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
I know this because I had a long talk with him once in real life
so long
like all night even
That's true...
I would hope the ants would have the foresight to not tell the pooping on ants story if they were controlling him though.
Do you think we should knock him out and finger around inside him for a while just to be sure?
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest.
Once, when I was hunting, I was hit with the worst squirts in the world.
I was in the stand, about two hundred yards down this sendero, and I'm thinking, there's no way I can get to the truck and get the shovel and TP without pooping my pants. Not caring about the noise I was about to make, I left all my gear in my stand, and began sprinting down the sendero with my cheeks clenched and unbuckling the whole way down. I made it about fifteen feet from the truck when the urge to purge hit, and so I dropped trou and started pooping, right there on the ground.
Except, when I turned around, there was a steaming pile of shit in a snakehole. From there, I waddled to the truck and buried the toilet paper on the side of the road.
Amazon Wishlist: http://www.amazon.com/BusterK/wishlist/3JPEKJGX9G54I/ref=cm_wl_search_bin_1
Everything he read save one thing was unpublished works in progress or excerpts from his diary. It was awesome.
But why I'm bringing this up in here, besides to make you guys jealous, is that he talked about asshole customers a bit, and wanted us to share stories about them with him afterwards during the signing. He told us a few stories that he'd already gotten, like one about a woman who was a waitress at a country club, and got called over by an old woman, who grabbed her hand and she spat out chicken salad into it and said "There's a bone in my chicken salad!"
There was also a story shared by a pilot that, Sedaris said, wasn't really a story about assholes because it "belonged in a whole other level". When a flight was touching down on December 23rd, one of the flight attendants was doing the landing speech - "Please do not remove your seatbelts before the plane has come to a complete stop and the fasten seatbelts sign has been turned off. Be careful opening overhead compartments as luggage may have shifted during flight. On behalf of X and Such Airlines I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, or, if you're already standing with your seatbelt off, a Happy Hanukkah."
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I remember David Sedaris wrote this great essay about people who take shits in retail stores. I thought it was on the New Yorker website but I... can't seem to find it
Starting out feeling more gay than he'd ever felt in his life, ending with "No photographs please, asshole. JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
How that's bad, I'll never know.
Anyway.
Just had a little old lady and call cranky on the phone. Something about having nothing but problems since she got our service. Pulled up her ticket history. I know this woman. She's the one who we kept researching an echo problem with her phone service for three months. Turned out that she had the volume on her phone so high that it was interfering with her service. She didn't use the new phone we gave her. So, of course, it's not our fault, but you know how people are.
Today her batteries went dead on the universal remote we gave her and she refused to change them out.
Maybe it's because he's gay. Like, really gay.
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
no sirree
One we gave a phone to because she can't dial a fucking number. This phone is a stupid people phone. It has a huge screen that shows you the numbers you've dialed, it beeps really loud when you hit a button, and the buttons are huge. It also saves the last 20 numbers you've dialed.
Well, today, she called in telling us she's tired of us messing with her and her phone service not working. Pulled the call records. She's dialing a few digits, and then the call is dialing out, or she's just not dialing the number completely.
We printed out these reports, went to her house, took the retard phone, and showed her that the numbers stored in it matched the call reports.
In one last defiant fuck you she told us that "It's not my fault. It's yours."
And for a little bit of crazy... Notes someone else left on another lady.
Wow. Yeah. That is a whole other level.