Digital Strips comic

HalleysComicHalleysComic Registered User
edited March 2007 in Artist's Corner
I put together a comic for the "We Love Webcomics Contest" at "Digital Strips" the podcast.

Here it is, any crits would be appreciated.

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HalleysComic on

Posts

  • KioliaKiolia Registered User
    edited March 2007
    I, too, skipped the monologue.

    Kiolia on
    and stuff

    visit my webcomic at http://www.kiolia.com/shadowfolk Science fiction, updated almost never.
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus premium Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    If I wanted to read that much text, I'd go read Tycho's post on the main page.

    Comics are not about filling the entire panel with words. The joke falls flat.

    DarkPrimus on
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    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • JohannenJohannen Registered User
    edited March 2007
    You also had some spelling errors and gramatical errors in the monologue. Like "corporate" instead of "cooperate". You also had a sentence which didn't work. You should put anything you have down into a programme like MS Word and spellcheck it. (although MSWord can be a little shite). Other than that get someone to proof read it for you.

    I like the drawing stye but I don't think the joke is all that fantastic. If you're sending in an entry for a competition you're serious about you really need to either give them something new that they've never seen before, or do something known, but safe, in a new and improved way.

    Johannen on
  • SpilltoySpilltoy Registered User
    edited March 2007
    Kiolia wrote: »
    I, too, skipped the monologue.

    Spilltoy on
    I really don't.
  • HalleysComicHalleysComic Registered User
    edited March 2007
    Thanks for the correction Johannen! And it's fixed now.

    I put it through Word, but it did say to change anything but some capitalization, I'm sure you're correct though when you say some of the grammar doesn't work, if there's anything else that's super obvious to you, please let me know!

    And as for the joke, the criteria of the whole contest is to do a comic which included the hosts from the podcast, and characters from your own webcomic, so it was kind of limited there.

    Plus I probably should have explained that it's kind of an "in-joke" for those who listen to the podcast, since the guy (Daku the Rouge) has talked about how he skips past long spans of text when he's going through webcomic archives.

    It still might not be the best joke ever, but at least maybe now it makes more sense.

    HalleysComic on
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  • GreatnationGreatnation Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I dunno, I skipped the monolauge too, but thought that that was part of the funny when I finished it. Though the punchline shouldn't be that long, it might be better as just "Wait, sorry I just skipped over you monologue" The last part of the joke is kinda clunky.


    /edit Look down for the solution, though I forgot what the acronym was initally, it came to me after moments. I think that would work alot better then what you've got now

    Greatnation on
  • Toji SuzuharaToji Suzuhara Southern CaliforniaRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I dunno, I skipped the monolauge too, but thought that that was part of the funny when I finished it. Though the punchline shouldn't be that long, it might be better as just "Wait, sorry I just skipped over you monologue" The last part of the joke is kinda clunky.

    "tl;dr"

    Then it's making one of those nerd jokes your monologue says are so cool.

    Toji Suzuhara on
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  • MagicToasterMagicToaster JapanRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I didn't read it.

    MagicToaster on
  • Tweaked_Bat_Tweaked_Bat_ Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I too, did not read it...

    But then I went back and read it... goddammit.

    As a general rule, you tend to avoid too many "inside" jokes, atleast if you're trying to appeal to as wide an audience as possible... I dunno.

    Tweaked_Bat_ on
  • Kewop DecamKewop Decam Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    reading a comic shouldn't be a chore.

    Kewop Decam on
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  • Chief1138Chief1138 Registered User
    edited March 2007
    I think most of us assumed it was some kind of inside joke but you can't honestly expect anybody to read all that

    Chief1138 on
    My roommate last year was very drunk when he got back from his gf's room after a night of sex and couldn't remember a few things: 1 he was no longer in her room 2 that was my bed he was trying to get into and 3 that i wasn't the gf and not into doggy style. Needless to say he sobered up quickly and its not like anything really happened...
  • GreatnationGreatnation Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I got a feeling the joke went over alot of your heads, its supposed to be long.

    Greatnation on
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I think it would just be funnier if in the last panel, he just said "I'm not reading all that."

    earthwormadam on
  • Aaron LeeAaron Lee Registered User
    edited March 2007
    I thought the joke was fine. For those familiar with the attitude surrounding webcomics that you address, the "joke" works (though I do think people are looking too much for a straight forward punchline as opposed to a humorous social statement).

    I don't mind reading, and I don't agree that too much text ruins a comic by default (too much pointless text on the other hand). Since you poked fun at the fact that there was a lot of text, there lies the funny and the excusable use of a dialogue heavy strip.

    It worked for me.

    Aaron Lee on
  • GodfatherGodfather Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Not related to the comic, but I gotta ask:

    Halley, is is what, the THIRD time you've changed the art style in the comic, and not to be rude, but after each change the art just gets less appealing and more mundane.

    Remember how you used to have characters like orange, blue, and the like? Your writing actually isn't bad overall, but I would strongly recommend that you revert back to your first style; it was just more visually appealing and was part of the reason why I went there. Again, the writing is solid but not enough to where it can carry the comic by itself, forgoing a more appealing visual styling.

    On a side note, do you still have the penis pop joke with orange from your original stylings? That was a right-click->save-as if I ever saw one.

    PM if it's considered NSFW.

    Godfather on
  • SmudgeSmudge Registered User
    edited March 2007
    I get the joke in that the reader is expected to skip the monologue, but the problem is that I don't think a reader would skip to the punchline panel, instead they would just look away and hit some other link on their browser.

    Smudge on
  • edited March 2007
    There are things you can do visually to make the monologue more apparently part of the joke.

    I can think of three or four ways off hand that would make it more clear to the reader that they "should not read this"

    However ... your approach indicates visually that people are supposed to read it and that is a turn off.

    The visual aspeccts of a comic are not merely the characters and environments but also how the dialogue interacts with the characters and environment.

    People that are talented letterists are able to visually with use of or lack of word bubbles and certain fonts etc lead the reader through the test of a comic and hit on important notes.

    Its like an actor. You dont want to listen to a monotone actor. You need deviances in tone to stay activly involvved in the script. And in comics its no different.

    It's YOUR responsability as the creator to weave teh tale NOT you readers responsability to figure out what the fuck you mean.

    Castle_Builder on
    Captain K wrote:
    So yeah, that's pretty much the sketchiest train of thought I've ever seen committed to text on the PA forums.
  • .Tripwire..Tripwire. Firman Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I think it's funny fp_chuckle.gif, which is impressive enough, since self-aware humour is so often lame.

    I'd recommend you not follow the advice about clarifying the uselessness of the monologue, since that would expose the joke early and cheapen the satire. I do agree that the punchline could benefit from snappier wording, and I'd also suggest that the monologue contain more interesting/humourous writing to reward the reader who actually goes through it.

    Also, I wouldn't play this off as an "in-joke", since "too long; didn't read" is a pretty universal subject.

    .Tripwire. on
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  • srsizzysrsizzy Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I dunno, I skipped the monolauge too, but thought that that was part of the funny when I finished it. Though the punchline shouldn't be that long, it might be better as just "Wait, sorry I just skipped over you monologue" The last part of the joke is kinda clunky.

    "tl;dr"

    Then it's making one of those nerd jokes your monologue says are so cool.
    I was going to write that and then I saw your post.

    srsizzy on
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