I agree, first date is not the time to ask the "have you ever cheated" question. Although a lot of that depends on how it's asked.
Obviously considering she asked it and threw tongs when she got the answer she did, cheating was a pretty salient issue for her.
Also she was fucking crazy.
See, I don't think asking if someone cheated on the first date falls into the fucking crazy catagory. For me, it's not even close.
Perhaps a bit idiosyncratic, but a far country mile from crazy.
Of course, that belief is then completely invalidated by her throwing Bar-B-Q tongs at him in the middle of their first blind date.
This. Also have you guys ever considered that she could have just gotten out of a relationship where she was cheated on and was hurt by this? If I found out my long term gf was cheating on me and i broke up with her and started dating other people then I probably would ask this question. I just probably wouldn't ask it in front of a group of other people. Lack of tact != crazy.
Chucking shit at people for no good reason = crazy.
I guess asking the question is not wrong per se. But I would say the venue and timing was way off. Don't forget her friend was right there with this horrified look on her face. Maybe she knew what was coming? In hindsight I probably would have answered a simple 'yes' and gone from there and dealt with what came next.
The bad thing was not so much getting hit with the tongs, but not getting anything to eat!
Her:
Asking out of the blue whether he'd cheated: Crazy, but not what happened.
Asking whether he'd cheated after the conversation innocuously turned to ex-gf's: Not crazy, especially not if she just got out of a cheating relationship.
Pitching tongs at his head when he gave an asinine answer: CRAZY.
Him:
Answering what he may have felt as a prying question with honesty: Not stupid, but not what happened.
Answering what may have been a prying question with an asshole-ish remark that wouldn't endear him to a female troglodyte: Fucking stupid.
Leaving after he had tongs pitched at his head: Quite smart, actually.
In summary: What we have here is a crazy bitch and a moronic guy who tends to be an asshole when he doesn't have enough time to think on his feet. Case closed!
My 2 cents: If I were in this situation, I wouldn't ask such a question out of the blue, nor would I lead the conversation that way so I could ask it. But if it came up, I'd like a somewhat mature response, not a juvenile prickish joke - my last boyfriend cheated so it's a touchy subject.
But I would never, ever, EVER pitch BBQ tongs at someone's head. Crazy crazy crazy.
Her:
Asking out of the blue whether he'd cheated: Crazy, but not what happened.
Asking whether he'd cheated after the conversation innocuously turned to ex-gf's: Not crazy, especially not if she just got out of a cheating relationship.
Pitching tongs at his head when he gave an asinine answer: CRAZY.
Him:
Answering what he may have felt as a prying question with honesty: Not stupid, but not what happened.
Answering what may have been a prying question with an asshole-ish remark that wouldn't endear him to a female troglodyte: Fucking stupid.
Leaving after he had tongs pitched at his head: Quite smart, actually.
In summary: What we have here is a crazy bitch and a moronic guy who tends to be an asshole when he doesn't have enough time to think on his feet. Case closed!
My 2 cents: If I were in this situation, I wouldn't ask such a question out of the blue, nor would I lead the conversation that way so I could ask it. But if it came up, I'd like a somewhat mature response, not a juvenile prickish joke - my last boyfriend cheated so it's a touchy subject.
But I would never, ever, EVER pitch BBQ tongs at someone's head. Crazy crazy crazy.
Hey thanks bro! Being called and asshole and a moron is more than I could have asked for!
Thanks fuck-face!
Hey thanks bro! Being called and asshole and a moron is more than I could have asked for!
Thanks fuck-face!
You told a girl, on the first date, that you'd fuck other girls if the sex wasn't up to your standards. You either mean it, in which case you're an asshole, or you don't mean it, in which case you're a moron because you honestly thought that'd be a HILARIOUS way to answer such a question on the first date.
Yeah, that probably IS the best you could expect, isn't it?
Hey thanks bro! Being called and asshole and a moron is more than I could have asked for!
Thanks fuck-face!
You told a girl, on the first date, that you'd fuck other girls if the sex wasn't up to your standards. You either mean it, in which case you're an asshole, or you don't mean it, in which case you're a moron because you honestly thought that'd be a HILARIOUS way to answer such a question on the first date.
Yeah, that probably IS the best you could expect, isn't it?
What do you want me to say? Today I'd probably do it different but ten years ago I wasn't as forward thinking as I am now. Funny how time does that to you, eh?
You analytical skills, I must say in all seriousness, are frightfully uncanny.
So, you asked a Mormon girl to prom and got upset that she didn't dance with you but just wanted to hang out?
Isn't that sort of like inviting a Jew to a BBQ and getting pissed when she just wants to eat salad instead of hot dogs?
Uh... Mormons can dance, dude. You're thinking Baptists.
And even then, it depends on what kind of Baptists we're talking about. The last Baptist church I attended had a woman minister (which is great). Compare that to Westboro Baptist Church (I refuse to refer to them as Christians), who pretty much hates anyone that isn't a part of their little family cult. There are way too many different schisms of religion to make generalizations these days.
Anyway, to keep this on topic, I have a story about my ex. It's nowhere near as crazy as most of the stuff I've read in this thread, but I don't care. I want to contribute something for the hours of entertainment this thread has given me.
So I date this girl for about 7 months. First real girlfriend I've ever had (still is to this day) and everything was going well up until about the 6 month when I can tell she just isn't in to me anymore. She breaks up with me one day, causing me to be highly upset for the next few months. It does not help that she says she still wants to be friends but continues to just want to argue with me about pointless crap and be angry. Admittedly, I did contribute to these arguments some, but I felt justified in my anger since I was the one that was dumped and she was the one that supposedly moved on and wanted to "be friends".
Anyway, about 6 months after we break it off, I'm talking to a mutual friend of ours (I had not known this chick very long) and she asks about my relationship with the ex. I give her background about the relationship and why it broke down, being careful not to say anything that would impugne the ex. I tell her that even though we're not together anymore, I still care about her and would do just about anything for her if I was asked (we have slightly reconciled at this point).
I get a call a few days later from the ex, who is angry at me for reasons unknown. Turns out that she's angry because I talked to the mutual friend about our relationship. Apparently, it is illegal for me to talk about my own life experiences with others. As I said, I didn't say anything mean about the ex, so the anger confused me. She also says that the mutual friend said I "still cared about her", which I did. But the friend mixed up what I meant and it came out as "still care about you romantically", which I was sure not to imply.
She has no right to be angry at me and no right to be yelling at me through my phone. I explain this to her. I tell her that I can talk to anyone I want about my life and that if the friend misconstrued my words, that is her fault, not mine. I also explained that if she was believing this other chick over me, then she was an idiot because I had no reason to lie to her. She does not like anything that I'm saying and continues to be upset. I eventually say I'm done and hang up. Damn fruitcake.
Side note: I went back and forth with this chick as a "friend" for almost a year after she dumped me, but I eventually sent her a couple of harshly worded messages that basically told her I was sick of putting 100% of myself into someone, both as a friend and a boyfriend, and getting nothing in return for my effort. I pretty much told her to fuck off without actually saying it. Suffice to say, we haven't spoken to or looked at each other since then. Which is fine with me.
ChillyWilly on
PAFC Top 10 Finisher in Seasons 1 and 3. 2nd in Seasons 4 and 5. Final 4 in Season 6.
Look, this wasn't a candlelit dinner, it seems like it was just a casual get-to-know-you Bar-B-Q. I mean, seriously, if this were an actual date no one would be at all concerned that the woman invited her friend to it? This was obviously casual and in such a circumstance it is not out of the ordinary that the question of "have you ever cheated" would come up.
Sentry on
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wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
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KalTorakOne way or another, they all end up inthe Undercity.Registered Userregular
edited November 2009
I still don't see how "Have you ever cheated" is a loaded question. Socially awkward, particularly upon first meeting - sure. Loaded though?
Side note: I went back and forth with this chick as a "friend" for almost a year after she dumped me, but I eventually sent her a couple of harshly worded messages that basically told her I was sick of putting 100% of myself into someone, both as a friend and a boyfriend, and getting nothing in return for my effort. I pretty much told her to fuck off without actually saying it. Suffice to say, we haven't spoken to or looked at each other since then. Which is fine with me.
At least you had the balls to send such emails. I had something vaguely similar happen where after we broke up the girl still wanted me to spend the night over at her house all the time. I was some sort of substitute boyfriend. I just stopped talking to her after a few passive aggressive conversations and stopped showing up to things she invited me to.
I've been tempted to send an email telling her that she is so self centered and the most insecure hot person I've ever met. Of course I'll never do this because it won't really accomplish anything positive*.
*positive meaning she might learn to stop being so selfish.
CommunistCow on
No, I am not really communist. Yes, it is weird that I use this name.
Side note: I went back and forth with this chick as a "friend" for almost a year after she dumped me, but I eventually sent her a couple of harshly worded messages that basically told her I was sick of putting 100% of myself into someone, both as a friend and a boyfriend, and getting nothing in return for my effort. I pretty much told her to fuck off without actually saying it. Suffice to say, we haven't spoken to or looked at each other since then. Which is fine with me.
At least you had the balls to send such emails. I had something vaguely similar happen where after we broke up the girl still wanted me to spend the night over at her house all the time. I was some sort of substitute boyfriend. I just stopped talking to her after a few passive aggressive conversations and stopped showing up to things she invited me to.
I've been tempted to send an email telling her that she is so self centered and the most insecure hot person I've ever met. Of course I'll never do this because it won't really accomplish anything positive*.
*positive meaning she might learn to stop being so selfish.
I wouldn't be so quick to congratulate my balls (there's a sentence I never thought I'd type). Remember, it took me almost a full year to truly tell this girl off and get everything off my chest. I had extremely strong feelings for this girl, her being the first girl that I felt I was in love with. I did everything I could to be friends with the girl, but it never lasted. Some people just aren't meant to be together, romantically or friendship wise.
It was best to just cut off contact and save me the annoyance in the end. I'm much happier without having to deal with her. Of course, I haven't had a date/girlfriend in over a year and a half, which does tend to annoy me, especially when I'm fucking awesome. I mean, I told a friend of mine that I liked her a few months back and that totally didn't work out for me, but that's a post more suited for H/A or something.
ChillyWilly on
PAFC Top 10 Finisher in Seasons 1 and 3. 2nd in Seasons 4 and 5. Final 4 in Season 6.
I've been reading all of the stories and while I don't believe all women are evil, it does make me relieved to be single just to avoid trouble.
My story isn't crazy so I'll try and keep it short.
I'm 10 at the time and introduced to this girl (call her D) by my cousin (call her A). We hang out and talk online (mostly online) over the next two years. She says she wants to take things further so I amp it up as well. Before things can happen though, she does a 180 and says she would rather be just hi/bye friends. I get upset when I see this (I'm 12 now at the time) but get over it.
The next year she says we've had a great relationship and should meet up. I, remembering last year, agree but stay offline through other screen names.
We would later continue to talk all through high school and she would tell me very strange stories about drug use and sex with her boyfriends. I would do my best to offer advice as a friend. Finally after not seeing her online for a while, she's on and I figure I get an update. Her wild ways caught up with her and she told me she got HPV. I rarely saw her online after that (in mid 2005) and haven't seen her since then.
The correct response is "only on ugly and stupid people."
"But of course. I currently have two wives, four girlfriends, and ten children that I know of."
"No no it's cool. I only forogt two of the girlfriend's birthdays, only one of the wives, and only 6 of the kids. That puts me at bout a 45% average for remembering! You gotta like them odds!"
I've been reading all of the stories and while I don't believe all women are evil, it does make me relieved to be single just to avoid trouble.
My story isn't crazy so I'll try and keep it short.
I'm 10 at the time and introduced to this girl (call her D) by my cousin (call her A). We hang out and talk online (mostly online) over the next two years. She says she wants to take things further so I amp it up as well. Before things can happen though, she does a 180 and says she would rather be just hi/bye friends. I get upset when I see this (I'm 12 now at the time) but get over it.
The next year she says we've had a great relationship and should meet up. I, remembering last year, agree but stay offline through other screen names.
We would later continue to talk all through high school and she would tell me very strange stories about drug use and sex with her boyfriends. I would do my best to offer advice as a friend. Finally after not seeing her online for a while, she's on and I figure I get an update. Her wild ways caught up with her and she told me she got HPV. I rarely saw her online after that (in mid 2005) and haven't seen her since then.
Holy shit, I was worried about having enough money to play final fantasy and jerking off to the thought of my 7th grade teacher at the age of 13.
jeddy lee on
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I agree, first date is not the time to ask the "have you ever cheated" question. Although a lot of that depends on how it's asked.
Obviously considering she asked it and threw tongs when she got the answer she did, cheating was a pretty salient issue for her.
Also she was fucking crazy.
See, I don't think asking if someone cheated on the first date falls into the fucking crazy catagory. For me, it's not even close.
Perhaps a bit idiosyncratic, but a far country mile from crazy.
Of course, that belief is then completely invalidated by her throwing Bar-B-Q tongs at him in the middle of their first blind date.
This. Also have you guys ever considered that she could have just gotten out of a relationship where she was cheated on and was hurt by this? If I found out my long term gf was cheating on me and i broke up with her and started dating other people then I probably would ask this question. I just probably wouldn't ask it in front of a group of other people. Lack of tact != crazy.
Chucking shit at people for no good reason = crazy.
I guess asking the question is not wrong per se. But I would say the venue and timing was way off. Don't forget her friend was right there with this horrified look on her face. Maybe she knew what was coming? In hindsight I probably would have answered a simple 'yes' and gone from there and dealt with what came next.
The bad thing was not so much getting hit with the tongs, but not getting anything to eat!
The "Yeah, if the sex is bad" response was a bit arse-holish, but the question should never have been asked, in that circumstance. I've been with my girl for five years and I've never asked her if she's cheated on previous boyfriends. She's never asked me if I've cheated on previous girlfriends. What matters is the relationship we're in NOW, and how we treat each other.
Starting off a blind date with questions that assume previous guilt is pretty fucking crazy.
Hey thanks bro! Being called and asshole and a moron is more than I could have asked for!
Thanks fuck-face!
You told a girl, on the first date, that you'd fuck other girls if the sex wasn't up to your standards. You either mean it, in which case you're an asshole, or you don't mean it, in which case you're a moron because you honestly thought that'd be a HILARIOUS way to answer such a question on the first date.
Yeah, that probably IS the best you could expect, isn't it?
What do you want me to say? Today I'd probably do it different but ten years ago I wasn't as forward thinking as I am now. Funny how time does that to you, eh?
You analytical skills, I must say in all seriousness, are frightfully uncanny.
Forward thinking? it requires forward thinking to say " No " to a question like that?
King Riptor on
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
Holy shit, I was worried about having enough money to play final fantasy and jerking off to the thought of my 7th grade teacher at the age of 13.
At the time I first met her I was in a different phase than I am now so my first reaction was "Wow, I'm really liked by someone plus she's quite beautiful. This is great." As I grew older I began thinking about things quite differently. I began asking a lot of questions, mainly to my uncle who had quite a few girlfriends in his day (those stories later). I observed my parents and asked a few questions there and finally I observe my cousins and anyone I see in public.
At this point in my life, especially after the reading through stuff on here, I feel a lot more at ease not having to deal with anyone who would be more than a friend/acquaintance.
bobwalrus on
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ShivahnUnaware of her barrel shifter privilegeWestern coastal temptressRegistered User, Moderatormod
Hey thanks bro! Being called and asshole and a moron is more than I could have asked for!
Thanks fuck-face!
You told a girl, on the first date, that you'd fuck other girls if the sex wasn't up to your standards. You either mean it, in which case you're an asshole, or you don't mean it, in which case you're a moron because you honestly thought that'd be a HILARIOUS way to answer such a question on the first date.
Yeah, that probably IS the best you could expect, isn't it?
What do you want me to say? Today I'd probably do it different but ten years ago I wasn't as forward thinking as I am now. Funny how time does that to you, eh?
You analytical skills, I must say in all seriousness, are frightfully uncanny.
Forward thinking? it requires forward thinking to say " No " to a question like that?
It requires slightly more thinking when the answer isn't "no", I'm guessing.
Shivahn on
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RentI'm always rightFuckin' deal with itRegistered Userregular
Hey thanks bro! Being called and asshole and a moron is more than I could have asked for!
Thanks fuck-face!
You told a girl, on the first date, that you'd fuck other girls if the sex wasn't up to your standards. You either mean it, in which case you're an asshole, or you don't mean it, in which case you're a moron because you honestly thought that'd be a HILARIOUS way to answer such a question on the first date.
Yeah, that probably IS the best you could expect, isn't it?
What do you want me to say? Today I'd probably do it different but ten years ago I wasn't as forward thinking as I am now. Funny how time does that to you, eh?
You analytical skills, I must say in all seriousness, are frightfully uncanny.
o_O
That would've been an excellent, reasonable answer. Why you being such a dick to Spacemilk? She's helping you out
You guys are looking way too deep into Chris66's story, goddamn.
let's set up some very basic guidelines like...Don't fucking throw tongs at a guy on the first fucking date just because he fucking jokes with you about infedility. If the topic was such a sensitive matter to her to resort to violence on a person she barely knows than clearly she was not ready for dating, okay?
you throw tongs at a first date when he or she threatens to rape and or murder you, rape/murder your parents in the house, rape/murder your roommate, or rape/murder your pet(s). sure, there's more than one category for tong-throwing offense but I don't count joking about hypothetical infedility.
he was clearly joking because chris66 felt that asking if he ever cheated on the first date was a casual question and not the-sit-on-the-couch-and-look-deep-into-each-other's-eyes inquiry.
You guys are looking way too deep into Chris66's story, goddamn.
let's set up some very basic guidelines like...Don't fucking throw tongs at a guy on the first fucking date just because he fucking jokes with you about infedility. If the topic was such a sensitive matter to her to resort to violence on a person she barely knows than clearly she was not ready for dating, okay?
you throw tongs at a first date when he or she threatens to rape and or murder you, rape/murder your parents in the house, rape/murder your roommate, or rape/murder your pet(s). sure, there's more than one category for tong-throwing offense but I don't count joking about hypothetical infedility.
he was clearly joking because chris66 felt that asking if he ever cheated on the first date was a casual question and not the-sit-on-the-couch-and-look-deep-into-each-other's-eyes inquiry.
Its not just that. Ya, we know she is pretty crazy for throwing shit. Not a good relationship prospect from the word 'Go'.
Still, he strikes me as a moron and a jerk. Almost every single post is full of idiotic shit or obnoxious bullshit. It is evidence of an emotionally immature man-child. He can't take criticism well. He doesn't even know how to relate his experiences sensibly. For example, he did the name-calling earlier and described the question as 'loaded'. I doubt he has a full grasp of what a 'loaded' question is.
A loaded question is a question that almost any response will get you in trouble or hurt you or send a message that the questioner desires. If he said he had not ever cheated or described a cheating event within the frame of the circumstances, things probably would have been fine.
As Bama said, I think "loaded" is the wrong word there and "hostile" is the better choice. It's still a question on the first date that would make me end the date.
You guys are looking way too deep into Chris66's story, goddamn.
let's set up some very basic guidelines like...Don't fucking throw tongs at a guy on the first fucking date just because he fucking jokes with you about infedility. If the topic was such a sensitive matter to her to resort to violence on a person she barely knows than clearly she was not ready for dating, okay?
you throw tongs at a first date when he or she threatens to rape and or murder you, rape/murder your parents in the house, rape/murder your roommate, or rape/murder your pet(s). sure, there's more than one category for tong-throwing offense but I don't count joking about hypothetical infedility.
he was clearly joking because chris66 felt that asking if he ever cheated on the first date was a casual question and not the-sit-on-the-couch-and-look-deep-into-each-other's-eyes inquiry.
Its not just that. Ya, we know she is pretty crazy for throwing shit. Not a good relationship prospect from the word 'Go'.
Still, he strikes me as a moron and a jerk. Almost every single post is full of idiotic shit or obnoxious bullshit. It is evidence of an emotionally immature man-child. He can't take criticism well. He doesn't even know how to relate his experiences sensibly. For example, he did the name-calling earlier and described the question as 'loaded'. I doubt he has a full grasp of what a 'loaded' question is.
A loaded question is a question that almost any response will get you in trouble or hurt you or send a message that the questioner desires. If he said he had not ever cheated or described a cheating event within the frame of the circumstances, things probably would have been fine.
Well, it looks as if I have definitely been blooded here at Penny Arcade.
Probably using the term fuckface was a bit over the top. I did try to lighten it up with a smiley face. Being called a moron and an asshole did effect the choices I had in response. Getting personal like that isn't a nice propsect for any person and I am sure we can all agree on that.
I do have to say that this is the first time I have ever been called a man-child. As for my obnoxious posts, are you referring to this thread or the ice hockey and reading thread? I never considered Salinger to be obnoxious with his only having one book and all but its an interesting proposition. I would call him narcissistic for sure and maybe even a bit manic. But I digress.
The fact is when you meet a girl/woman/guy for the very first time and within 15 minutes of meeting her he/she asks this? I'd like to hear how some of you would have handled it. Trying to joke and be light was the best I could come up with under the circumstances. Is my response a reflection of who I am as a person? I don't think so. Does her question reflect who she is as a person? I don't think so either. Her throwing the tongs? Well, quite possibly she could have been burned by some guy from another relationship and I could have hit a nerve. But hey, I'm just a person like everyone who's not perfect. I would feel terrible if I were the only here who has ever made a mistake. As a matter of fact, if a mistake of that magnitude were the only types I make hereon in, I'm way ahead of the game.
Communicating through this medium is tenuous and unlike what MacLuhan had to say, the medium is this case is not always the message. Sometimes we project through words a different reflection. Maybe that's the whole purpose of forums like these? Its arguable.
In short, it is what it is, I'm not gonna hide behind "you don't know me" or the like. I accept this for what it is; an internet forum. I will say that hopefully future contributions I make won't be as controversial. And Spacemilk, what can I say, I'm sorry for referring to you as 'fuck-face'; that wasn't very nice of me regardless.
Besides that, she asked after 15 minutes of prying about exes. Not conversation, but instant prying.
God, did any of you read the story?
Well, there was the story he wrote and the one you just made up, which one are you referring to?
because no where in his original story does he say anything about "15 minutes," in fact, it seems like he spent a good deal of time with her before this topic even came up. At which point, there were three of them and it could barely be qualified as a date.
I don't think he's an asshole, I think he could have come up with a better response, but honestly, the entire issue is that he said she was insane for even asking, and to some that is a far cry from insanity.
Although most agree chucking bar-b-q tongs certainly crosses the border into crazy town.
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
Besides that, she asked after 15 minutes of prying about exes. Not conversation, but instant prying.
God, did any of you read the story?
Well, there was the story he wrote and the one you just made up, which one are you referring to?
because no where in his original story does he say anything about "15 minutes," in fact, it seems like he spent a good deal of time with her before this topic even came up. At which point, there were three of them and it could barely be qualified as a date.
I don't think he's an asshole, I think he could have come up with a better response, but honestly, the entire issue is that he said she was insane for even asking, and to some that is a far cry from insanity.
Although most agree chucking bar-b-q tongs certainly crosses the border into crazy town.
Yeah it was about 15-20 minutes. It was like a non-sequitir from from sports, food and the weather right to the chase.
What would your answer have been? I see a lot of criticism but so far none that I have seen offers what their responses would have been. Seems to be a lot of arm-chair quarterbacks here. And why not think I'm an asshole? Everyone else does. Plenty of room on that bandwagon
Besides that, she asked after 15 minutes of prying about exes. Not conversation, but instant prying.
God, did any of you read the story?
Well, there was the story he wrote and the one you just made up, which one are you referring to?
because no where in his original story does he say anything about "15 minutes," in fact, it seems like he spent a good deal of time with her before this topic even came up. At which point, there were three of them and it could barely be qualified as a date.
I don't think he's an asshole, I think he could have come up with a better response, but honestly, the entire issue is that he said she was insane for even asking, and to some that is a far cry from insanity.
Although most agree chucking bar-b-q tongs certainly crosses the border into crazy town.
Yeah it was about 15-20 minutes. It was like a non-sequitir from from sports, food and the weather right to the chase.
What would your answer have been? I see a lot of criticism but so far none that I have seen offers what their responses would have been. Seems to be a lot of arm-chair quarterbacks here. And why not think I'm an asshole? Everyone else does. Plenty of room on that bandwagon
Honestly? On a first date being asked an uncomfortable question? I take my que from Ghostbusters.
Ray, when someone asks if you're a god you say YES!
Or, applied to this situation, if someone you barely know asks if you've ever cheated you say no.
There's plenty of time in the future for fact-checking after you've established a relationship.
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
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I guess asking the question is not wrong per se. But I would say the venue and timing was way off. Don't forget her friend was right there with this horrified look on her face. Maybe she knew what was coming? In hindsight I probably would have answered a simple 'yes' and gone from there and dealt with what came next.
The bad thing was not so much getting hit with the tongs, but not getting anything to eat!
Asking out of the blue whether he'd cheated: Crazy, but not what happened.
Asking whether he'd cheated after the conversation innocuously turned to ex-gf's: Not crazy, especially not if she just got out of a cheating relationship.
Pitching tongs at his head when he gave an asinine answer: CRAZY.
Him:
Answering what he may have felt as a prying question with honesty: Not stupid, but not what happened.
Answering what may have been a prying question with an asshole-ish remark that wouldn't endear him to a female troglodyte: Fucking stupid.
Leaving after he had tongs pitched at his head: Quite smart, actually.
In summary: What we have here is a crazy bitch and a moronic guy who tends to be an asshole when he doesn't have enough time to think on his feet. Case closed!
My 2 cents: If I were in this situation, I wouldn't ask such a question out of the blue, nor would I lead the conversation that way so I could ask it. But if it came up, I'd like a somewhat mature response, not a juvenile prickish joke - my last boyfriend cheated so it's a touchy subject.
But I would never, ever, EVER pitch BBQ tongs at someone's head. Crazy crazy crazy.
Hey thanks bro! Being called and asshole and a moron is more than I could have asked for!
Thanks fuck-face!
Yeah, that probably IS the best you could expect, isn't it?
What do you want me to say? Today I'd probably do it different but ten years ago I wasn't as forward thinking as I am now. Funny how time does that to you, eh?
You analytical skills, I must say in all seriousness, are frightfully uncanny.
And even then, it depends on what kind of Baptists we're talking about. The last Baptist church I attended had a woman minister (which is great). Compare that to Westboro Baptist Church (I refuse to refer to them as Christians), who pretty much hates anyone that isn't a part of their little family cult. There are way too many different schisms of religion to make generalizations these days.
Anyway, to keep this on topic, I have a story about my ex. It's nowhere near as crazy as most of the stuff I've read in this thread, but I don't care. I want to contribute something for the hours of entertainment this thread has given me.
So I date this girl for about 7 months. First real girlfriend I've ever had (still is to this day) and everything was going well up until about the 6 month when I can tell she just isn't in to me anymore. She breaks up with me one day, causing me to be highly upset for the next few months. It does not help that she says she still wants to be friends but continues to just want to argue with me about pointless crap and be angry. Admittedly, I did contribute to these arguments some, but I felt justified in my anger since I was the one that was dumped and she was the one that supposedly moved on and wanted to "be friends".
Anyway, about 6 months after we break it off, I'm talking to a mutual friend of ours (I had not known this chick very long) and she asks about my relationship with the ex. I give her background about the relationship and why it broke down, being careful not to say anything that would impugne the ex. I tell her that even though we're not together anymore, I still care about her and would do just about anything for her if I was asked (we have slightly reconciled at this point).
I get a call a few days later from the ex, who is angry at me for reasons unknown. Turns out that she's angry because I talked to the mutual friend about our relationship. Apparently, it is illegal for me to talk about my own life experiences with others. As I said, I didn't say anything mean about the ex, so the anger confused me. She also says that the mutual friend said I "still cared about her", which I did. But the friend mixed up what I meant and it came out as "still care about you romantically", which I was sure not to imply.
She has no right to be angry at me and no right to be yelling at me through my phone. I explain this to her. I tell her that I can talk to anyone I want about my life and that if the friend misconstrued my words, that is her fault, not mine. I also explained that if she was believing this other chick over me, then she was an idiot because I had no reason to lie to her. She does not like anything that I'm saying and continues to be upset. I eventually say I'm done and hang up. Damn fruitcake.
Side note: I went back and forth with this chick as a "friend" for almost a year after she dumped me, but I eventually sent her a couple of harshly worded messages that basically told her I was sick of putting 100% of myself into someone, both as a friend and a boyfriend, and getting nothing in return for my effort. I pretty much told her to fuck off without actually saying it. Suffice to say, we haven't spoken to or looked at each other since then. Which is fine with me.
Why? Because the kind of girl I'd date would laugh at the smart ass comment.
She also wouldn't ask that question on a first date either.
I think it's only loaded if the answer is yes.
And then only if the person asking already knows the answer.
At least you had the balls to send such emails. I had something vaguely similar happen where after we broke up the girl still wanted me to spend the night over at her house all the time. I was some sort of substitute boyfriend. I just stopped talking to her after a few passive aggressive conversations and stopped showing up to things she invited me to.
I've been tempted to send an email telling her that she is so self centered and the most insecure hot person I've ever met. Of course I'll never do this because it won't really accomplish anything positive*.
*positive meaning she might learn to stop being so selfish.
"But of course. I currently have two wives, four girlfriends, and ten children that I know of."
I wouldn't be so quick to congratulate my balls (there's a sentence I never thought I'd type). Remember, it took me almost a full year to truly tell this girl off and get everything off my chest. I had extremely strong feelings for this girl, her being the first girl that I felt I was in love with. I did everything I could to be friends with the girl, but it never lasted. Some people just aren't meant to be together, romantically or friendship wise.
It was best to just cut off contact and save me the annoyance in the end. I'm much happier without having to deal with her. Of course, I haven't had a date/girlfriend in over a year and a half, which does tend to annoy me, especially when I'm fucking awesome. I mean, I told a friend of mine that I liked her a few months back and that totally didn't work out for me, but that's a post more suited for H/A or something.
My story isn't crazy so I'll try and keep it short.
I'm 10 at the time and introduced to this girl (call her D) by my cousin (call her A). We hang out and talk online (mostly online) over the next two years. She says she wants to take things further so I amp it up as well. Before things can happen though, she does a 180 and says she would rather be just hi/bye friends. I get upset when I see this (I'm 12 now at the time) but get over it.
The next year she says we've had a great relationship and should meet up. I, remembering last year, agree but stay offline through other screen names.
We would later continue to talk all through high school and she would tell me very strange stories about drug use and sex with her boyfriends. I would do my best to offer advice as a friend. Finally after not seeing her online for a while, she's on and I figure I get an update. Her wild ways caught up with her and she told me she got HPV. I rarely saw her online after that (in mid 2005) and haven't seen her since then.
"No no it's cool. I only forogt two of the girlfriend's birthdays, only one of the wives, and only 6 of the kids. That puts me at bout a 45% average for remembering! You gotta like them odds!"
Holy shit, I was worried about having enough money to play final fantasy and jerking off to the thought of my 7th grade teacher at the age of 13.
PS2
FF X replay
PS3
God of War 1&2 HD
Rachet and Clank Future
MGS 4
Prince of Persia
360
Bayonetta
Fable 3
DS
FF: 4 heroes of light
I'm guessing HPV since it can lead to cancer.
The "Yeah, if the sex is bad" response was a bit arse-holish, but the question should never have been asked, in that circumstance. I've been with my girl for five years and I've never asked her if she's cheated on previous boyfriends. She's never asked me if I've cheated on previous girlfriends. What matters is the relationship we're in NOW, and how we treat each other.
Starting off a blind date with questions that assume previous guilt is pretty fucking crazy.
This does not assume previous guilt it could just be her being cautious because she has been hurt before by cheating.
Forward thinking? it requires forward thinking to say " No " to a question like that?
At the time I first met her I was in a different phase than I am now so my first reaction was "Wow, I'm really liked by someone plus she's quite beautiful. This is great." As I grew older I began thinking about things quite differently. I began asking a lot of questions, mainly to my uncle who had quite a few girlfriends in his day (those stories later). I observed my parents and asked a few questions there and finally I observe my cousins and anyone I see in public.
At this point in my life, especially after the reading through stuff on here, I feel a lot more at ease not having to deal with anyone who would be more than a friend/acquaintance.
It requires slightly more thinking when the answer isn't "no", I'm guessing.
o_O
That would've been an excellent, reasonable answer. Why you being such a dick to Spacemilk? She's helping you out
let's set up some very basic guidelines like...Don't fucking throw tongs at a guy on the first fucking date just because he fucking jokes with you about infedility. If the topic was such a sensitive matter to her to resort to violence on a person she barely knows than clearly she was not ready for dating, okay?
you throw tongs at a first date when he or she threatens to rape and or murder you, rape/murder your parents in the house, rape/murder your roommate, or rape/murder your pet(s). sure, there's more than one category for tong-throwing offense but I don't count joking about hypothetical infedility.
he was clearly joking because chris66 felt that asking if he ever cheated on the first date was a casual question and not the-sit-on-the-couch-and-look-deep-into-each-other's-eyes inquiry.
Its not just that. Ya, we know she is pretty crazy for throwing shit. Not a good relationship prospect from the word 'Go'.
Still, he strikes me as a moron and a jerk. Almost every single post is full of idiotic shit or obnoxious bullshit. It is evidence of an emotionally immature man-child. He can't take criticism well. He doesn't even know how to relate his experiences sensibly. For example, he did the name-calling earlier and described the question as 'loaded'. I doubt he has a full grasp of what a 'loaded' question is.
A loaded question is a question that almost any response will get you in trouble or hurt you or send a message that the questioner desires. If he said he had not ever cheated or described a cheating event within the frame of the circumstances, things probably would have been fine.
Which he did.
With a smart ass comment.
That I found to be pretty funny.
Critical Failures - Havenhold Campaign • August St. Cloud (Human Ranger)
Well, it looks as if I have definitely been blooded here at Penny Arcade.
Probably using the term fuckface was a bit over the top. I did try to lighten it up with a smiley face. Being called a moron and an asshole did effect the choices I had in response. Getting personal like that isn't a nice propsect for any person and I am sure we can all agree on that.
I do have to say that this is the first time I have ever been called a man-child. As for my obnoxious posts, are you referring to this thread or the ice hockey and reading thread? I never considered Salinger to be obnoxious with his only having one book and all but its an interesting proposition. I would call him narcissistic for sure and maybe even a bit manic. But I digress.
The fact is when you meet a girl/woman/guy for the very first time and within 15 minutes of meeting her he/she asks this? I'd like to hear how some of you would have handled it. Trying to joke and be light was the best I could come up with under the circumstances. Is my response a reflection of who I am as a person? I don't think so. Does her question reflect who she is as a person? I don't think so either. Her throwing the tongs? Well, quite possibly she could have been burned by some guy from another relationship and I could have hit a nerve. But hey, I'm just a person like everyone who's not perfect. I would feel terrible if I were the only here who has ever made a mistake. As a matter of fact, if a mistake of that magnitude were the only types I make hereon in, I'm way ahead of the game.
Communicating through this medium is tenuous and unlike what MacLuhan had to say, the medium is this case is not always the message. Sometimes we project through words a different reflection. Maybe that's the whole purpose of forums like these? Its arguable.
In short, it is what it is, I'm not gonna hide behind "you don't know me" or the like. I accept this for what it is; an internet forum. I will say that hopefully future contributions I make won't be as controversial. And Spacemilk, what can I say, I'm sorry for referring to you as 'fuck-face'; that wasn't very nice of me regardless.
God, did any of you read the story?
wander into H/A sometimes
crucifying someone for the slightest of transgressions is a sport there
Well, there was the story he wrote and the one you just made up, which one are you referring to?
because no where in his original story does he say anything about "15 minutes," in fact, it seems like he spent a good deal of time with her before this topic even came up. At which point, there were three of them and it could barely be qualified as a date.
I don't think he's an asshole, I think he could have come up with a better response, but honestly, the entire issue is that he said she was insane for even asking, and to some that is a far cry from insanity.
Although most agree chucking bar-b-q tongs certainly crosses the border into crazy town.
Yeah it was about 15-20 minutes. It was like a non-sequitir from from sports, food and the weather right to the chase.
What would your answer have been? I see a lot of criticism but so far none that I have seen offers what their responses would have been. Seems to be a lot of arm-chair quarterbacks here. And why not think I'm an asshole? Everyone else does. Plenty of room on that bandwagon
I would have cracked a joke also. Even if my answer was "no I have not cheated on anyone before"
Honestly? On a first date being asked an uncomfortable question? I take my que from Ghostbusters.
Ray, when someone asks if you're a god you say YES!
Or, applied to this situation, if someone you barely know asks if you've ever cheated you say no.
There's plenty of time in the future for fact-checking after you've established a relationship.