So the other week, me and my friend Jim (who is of indian origin) went down to the local pub, where we happened upon my mother propping up the bar. After some light conversation, her friend said something stupid like "bloody indians taking all the jobs". Seeking to lighten the mood I said "Jim isn't Indian, you can tell because he's 25 and hasn't got a job". Much laughter and good feeling all round, until my drunken mother says
"yes, I'd have thought he'd have a shop or something by now"
silence
she looks around
"oh I mean like a CHAIN of shops. Or a cab or something"
silence
Her friend attempts to lighten the atmosphere by mentioning how good looking Jim is and that she "wishes she had his colouring", to which my mother says "YES. AND HIS TEETH" and grabs his teeth as though examining a new horse. She then says "YOU HAVE LOVELY TEETH JIM" and then caps it off with, I shit you not
Did I tell you about the time when the two of them lived together, and then me and the ex broke up and I moved back in. So I asked her to move all her stuff out, and she wouldn't, so I dumped it all on the street, and her and my mother arranged to secretly hide it from me, and I found out and went to the pub while they were sharing a drink, called my ex a worthless whore, my mother a cunt and punched her boyfriend in the face.
I punch a lot of dudes in the face. This guy in a pub a few weeks ago decided he was going to try and set me on fire and I gave him like three "dude, don't do that"s before he decided to get people to HOLD ME DOWN while he set fire to me.
Like if you were buying a horse, you check the teeth as a sign of health
Well, yeah... but, I dunno. I don't really see teeth as being a good indica--your mom's stupid.
Dude, think about it. If the slave can't eat, he can't work, right? Now, if his teeth suck, he's not going to be able to eat very well. So you have two options. Let him weaken and become worthless, or pay to fix his teeth. That second one is prohibitively expensive.
EDIT: CT that was an awesome story. That racism was magnificent!
Dude, think about it. If the slave can't eat, he can't work, right? Now, if his teeth suck, he's not going to be able to eat very well. So you have two options. Let him weaken and become worthless, or pay to fix his teeth. That second one is prohibitively expensive.
EDIT: CT that was an awesome story. That racism was magnificent!
Dude, think about it. If the slave can't eat, he can't work, right? Now, if his teeth suck, he's not going to be able to eat very well. So you have two options. Let him weaken and become worthless, or pay to fix his teeth. That second one is prohibitively expensive.
EDIT: CT that was an awesome story. That racism was magnificent!
Or have another slave chew his food for him.
Defender, think outside the box.
He can't. Not yet anyway. First, he would have to come up with a plan to think outside the box. That plan would involve training enough martial arts, probably in a hyper gravity chamber, to get his soul to ascend outside the box and press the button outside of it for the box to release him then re enter his body and go on to teach terrible classes in a university.
Yeah, CT. I want to believe. I am like the Fox Mulder of paranormal amounts of racism. That's a horrible stretch, but I'm trying to convey my need to believe.
To be fair to my mother, I'm pretty sure she was deliberately pushing the boundaries of how offensive she could be. I don't think it was unintentional.
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited March 2007
My dad once completely lost his shit about a spoon and its perceived difference in weight from what he was expecting at Thanksgiving.
He was all, "This spoon is too heavy. THIS. SPOON. IS. TOO. HEAVY. GRAAR." And then he proceeded to throw shit around while flailing.
To be fair to my mother, I'm pretty sure she was deliberately pushing the boundaries of how offensive she could be. I don't think it was unintentional.
My dad once completely lost his shit about a spoon and its perceived difference in weight from what he was expecting at Thanksgiving.
He was all, "This spoon is too heavy. THIS. SPOON. IS. TOO. HEAVY. GRAAR. THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!" And then he proceeded to throw shit around while flailing.
To be fair to my mother, I'm pretty sure she was deliberately pushing the boundaries of how offensive she could be. I don't think it was unintentional.
I would have to think so after reading that. Still pretty funny though.
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Same with Anchor Man. I don't get how people don't find that funny as hell. Some smart people too. Maybe they humor is too 'wacky' for them?
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
i want to arm wrestle your dick
"yes, I'd have thought he'd have a shop or something by now"
silence
she looks around
"oh I mean like a CHAIN of shops. Or a cab or something"
silence
Her friend attempts to lighten the atmosphere by mentioning how good looking Jim is and that she "wishes she had his colouring", to which my mother says "YES. AND HIS TEETH" and grabs his teeth as though examining a new horse. She then says "YOU HAVE LOVELY TEETH JIM" and then caps it off with, I shit you not
My mother is the Yoda of racism
or maybe fuck her
maybe both, is she single
My mother is a unique lady
Like, do you need him to chew your food for you? Make sure he's up to par with the other food chewin' slaves?
Good times.
Like if you were buying a horse, you check the teeth as a sign of health
i don't know if i remember the punching
Oh boy was I a punching machine then.
Plus my brown friend says that racism is basically never an issue for him now because no one is ever going to top my mother
While straight faced, naturally.
Please.
i believe everything i read because things are more fun that way
Dude, think about it. If the slave can't eat, he can't work, right? Now, if his teeth suck, he's not going to be able to eat very well. So you have two options. Let him weaken and become worthless, or pay to fix his teeth. That second one is prohibitively expensive.
EDIT: CT that was an awesome story. That racism was magnificent!
Defender, think outside the box.
He can't. Not yet anyway. First, he would have to come up with a plan to think outside the box. That plan would involve training enough martial arts, probably in a hyper gravity chamber, to get his soul to ascend outside the box and press the button outside of it for the box to release him then re enter his body and go on to teach terrible classes in a university.
I was torn between hoping they were false, because seriously fuck that, and hoping they were real, because that would be hilarious.
He was all, "This spoon is too heavy. THIS. SPOON. IS. TOO. HEAVY. GRAAR." And then he proceeded to throw shit around while flailing.
It made the rest of the meal somewhat awkward...
killed 3 or 4 people
i was refueling at the time, i was unharmed
this was before (decent) camera phones
STEAM!
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN IT
Fixed for family resemblance.
I would have to think so after reading that. Still pretty funny though.