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Your Worst Breakups

2

Posts

  • NocrenNocren Lt Futz, Back in Action North CarolinaRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Yeah, I know. I was an idiot.

    Nocren on
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  • Penguin_OtakuPenguin_Otaku Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Eh. I think that not making a move for a while just fine depending on the person. I don't like moving too fast. Become too physical and too much about sex.

    First girlfriend in HS and me were together a month before I put my arm around her. To which she said, "Finally!" and wouldn't let go but she said she really liked me more for having waited to show her that I was really into her.

    Second GF was all over my the first date. I didn't like it, was really uncomfortable and that's all I liked her for was the sex because her personality was fucking horrendous.

    Current lady and me waited a good while too before doing anything either. I put my arm around her here and there, but we didn't kiss for quite some time. Again, something that she was impatient about but thankful for too because of the last guy she'd been with.

    Penguin_Otaku on
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  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2010
    I got a friend who's dating a girl who keeps hug-blocking him.

    She's literally all about the Christian side hug.

    Sheep on
  • Loren MichaelLoren Michael Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I had a brief stint with one of those. I discovered she didn't know what a clit was, and I abandoned ship shortly after.

    Loren Michael on
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  • syndalissyndalis Getting Classy On the WallRegistered User, Loves Apple Products regular
    edited March 2010
    Okay, so I can't find it in the archive.

    I'll type a short and sweet version, as most folks here know this one.

    I dated a girl for two years that I met through an improv acting group at NC State Campus. She was really into the new age / reiki / crystal healing / alien / native american mysticism / etc. We had a really solid relationship through that whole time, threw the love word around casually, called each other boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. I had dinner with her family on thanksgiving, she met my parents... I was actually looking to the future with this girl.

    Then I find out on our two year anniversary that she was already in another relationship and had been the whole time.

    That she was a slave, as in master-slave relationship, with this person.

    And that she truly believed that he was an alien from another planet.

    You see, she and a bunch of other women, aged 18-35 or so, were convinced by this guy that he was being possessed by an alien intelligence that was here to teach people how to leave this mortal world for cooler dimensions, and that they had two ways to get there... through decades of intense study and focus, or a few years of solid deep dicking.

    And because he is so obviously an alien, and doesn't understand this material world, he gets these women to mow his lawn, clean his house, pay his bills, and buy his weed for him, which they all smoke together and have orgies.

    So yeah, I broke up with her.

    syndalis on
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  • EdcrabEdcrab Actually a hack Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    One of my exs put me on Sorry Mom. To top it all off, my blisteringly honest reply (and all its supporting comments from the site's browsers) got deleted.

    This woman once stood on my lawn at 3am and shouted "YOU'VE BEEN INSIDE ME, I KNOW HOW YOU THINK!", and it's not like I'd mentioned that or her other stalker-tendencies in my reply.

    Edcrab on
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  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy The Astral PlaneRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    my one and only breakup so far went smoothly. we talked, cried, and I left and drank bourbon and cried some more. It was a four year relationship.

    I guess I'm having more trouble getting over him than I thought I would. Also he 'hit it off' with a dude and I can't find a damn date here to save my life.

    Casual Eddy on
  • NostregarNostregar Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I've posted this story in more detail in a different thread, so I won't do the whole thing in all its glory here. Instead, you get the short version!

    I was diagnosed with depression about halfway through my freshman year of highschool. At the time, I was in a relatively new relationship with a girl I really liked.

    I acted like an ass, and was a pretty giant dick to everyone around me. She decided to break up with me, which I don't really blame her for. I was incredibly upset about it at the time, crying, a mess, etc. The disorder didn't help.

    Due to issues caused by the disorder, I was pulled out of school around April and spent from then through about June being in and out of psych wards. The final hospitalization, they realized that they'd misdiagnosed me! I actually had (and have) bipolar disorder. If you didn't know, giving anti-depressants to a person with bipolar actually makes them significantly worse. Well, that explained a lot of my behavior. After they gave me the right medication, I was and have been totally fine.

    Because I was fine, I went back to school at the beginning of the next school year (so, sophomore year). I was pleased, hung out with my friends, cool.

    Then out of nowhere I get called down to the school office about two weeks in. Turns out, the girl who had broken up with me the previous year was so bitter about my behavior at the time that she had one of her friends accuse me of threatening to rape her. Needless to say, no such threat was ever made.

    Since there was no evidence for her claim or my counter-claim, they just decided to believe her and I was kicked out of the school.

    Yeah.

    Nostregar on
  • MarauderMarauder Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Archgarth wrote: »
    I got divorced.

    My ex is a great individual, but she was a person who put far more stock in faith (not simply religious, but in everything) than in rationality. I knew we had a problem when she expressed how my desire for evidence before I believed in something was a detriment. As a friend later put it to me, for us to work out either she would have to have a fundamental shift in how she viewed things, or I would have to have a lobotomy. What makes the breakup bad is that she still thinks we can be together, because she believes in our relationship, and as all the evidence between us points to the contrary, I do not.

    It's sad because she's such a wonderful person, and I compare everybody else I date to her.

    Pretty much this for me, except that we're seperated headed to divorce. My wifes a great person, but when you fundamentally lose the connection which made you marry them, it is very hard to stay, when you know its all a downward spiral from there.

    The hardest thing you will ever have to do is sit down with your kids and try to explain this to them. I am still a fucking wreck, not because my marriage is ending, but because I feel like a failure to my children.

    My suggestion is get a journal and commit to writing everything you feel in it, and spend the money for good therapy. I have never been a suicidal person, but there have been moments where it became overwhelming. Always get it out, even if just on paper, or it will literally kill you.

    Marauder on
  • DecomposeyDecomposey Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    My (now EX) husband beat me black and blue. Only a black eye above the neckline, but under clothing you couldn't tell where one bruise stopped and the next one began. This was after a year of marriage that involved steadily worsening emotional abuse and manipulation. After the beating I'd try to leave, but he'd put his head under the tires of my car or black to doorway. Then he'd tearfully apologize and say he loved me and that'd oh he'd change and it would be wonderful. Then a day or so later he'd hit me again. This went on for three months. I would tr to hide from him, he would break down doors. Until one day when I was picking up a package from my parents house, I told my mom what happened. My parents convinved me to stay at their house while my dad and brother went to my place and got my clothes, my cats, and my computer. Husband kept calling, crying, trying to convinve me to come home. Even stopped by my parents place with flowers and candy to talk to me.

    When I finally got a lawyer and began divorce proceedings, I didn't try to split anything. He could have every damn thing we had jointly owned, Xbox, playstations, big screen TV, stereo system, the works. I opened a new bank account and took half the money, even though all the money in our join account I had earned. On my Lawyers advice, I no longer even answered my husbands calls, he had been directed to make any inquiries through my legal counsel. So no more crying, begging, or manipulation reached me, my lawyer handled it all, which made him worth every single cent of the couple thousand I paid him.

    He then lawyered up himself and had a five page document drafted that demanded details about every moment of my life since the moment I left him. Who I talked to, who I had shared details of our relationship with, who I had been around, who I had slept with, who I had looked at, etc. When I showed it to my lawyer, he wondered aloud how they would take 'Go fuck yourself' if it was delivered on letterhead. My husband couldn't stop the proceedings, as I was giving him all the possessions, he had nothing to contest. My lawyer said the only way to stop proceedings was if I willing had sex with the husband. And commented "It has to be willing. Unwilling not only doesn't stop the divorce, but puts him in jail for a good long time." Three months later the papers were signed, sealed, and stamped by a judge.

    TD:DR Battered Wives Syndrome SUCKS, lawyers are AWESOME.

    Decomposey on
    Before following any advice, opinions, or thoughts I may have expressed in the above post, be warned: I found Keven Costners "Waterworld" to be a very entertaining film.
  • Modern ManModern Man Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Not my breakup, but involving a family member:

    We're holding a baby shower at our house for a family member who is 8 months pregnant. Family members and friends fly in for the shower, including the girlfriend of the mom-to-be's cousin. This girlfriend is friends with everyone, including the future mom and dad (cousin can't make it that weekend). Dad-to-be is tasked with picking up the girlfriend from the airport Friday afternoon, and she is staying with us over the weekend.

    Well, everything seems to go fine at the shower. Girfriend spends Friday at our place, but decides to spend Saturday night at the mom and dad's-to-be apartment along with another cousin (her boyfriend's sister) and her husband.

    My wife and I stop by their apartment Sunday to drop off gifts that they couldn't fit in their car. The mood is decidely tense. I'm wondering if I said or did anything to piss people off after drinking too much (a realistic possibility).

    Well, I find out the next day that the tension was for a very good reason. Apparently, the dad-to-be and the girlfriend had been having an e-mail affair for about 2 months, including the exchange of some x-rated pictures. Upon picking her up at the airport, he banged her in the back of his car in the parking garage, then once more at his apartment before dropping her off at our place. No one would have been the wiser, except after they all went back to the mom and dad-to-be's apartment the visiting cousin walked in on the girlfriend giving the dad-to-be a mouth hug in the kitchen. I guess they thought everyone was sleeping.

    Shitstorm ensues. The visiting cousin tells her brother how much of a whore his girlfriend is and he kicks her out of his house the same night. The mom-to-be decides not to kick dad-to-be out, given that she's about to give birth in about a month. But, various family members are no longer speaking to one another.

    For once, I'm completely blameless in this situation. Which is kind of a novelty.

    The thing is, that's probably not the worst thing he's done, in terms of infidelity. I know he got at least a hummer from his wife' sister at the family beach house, and I suspect it went further than that.

    Modern Man on
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  • SipexSipex Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I once had a girlfriend who had sex with her best friend's father then told me she wanted to keep having sex with him and still date me. She got so pissed and couldn't seem to understand when we broke up.

    Sipex on
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2010
    Decomposey, congrats on having the courage and definitely a good handshake to your family for helping you out of that shitty situation.

    Sheep on
  • belligerentbelligerent Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Long story short...

    lol, any time you use that phrase followed by 5 more paragraphs, I find it a tad bit ironic.

    Ex-wife story: Before we got married, spent 1 week apart, she cheated on me. Then moved us to western MA for a job, away from my PA family. my mother dies 1 year later from cancer. 6 months later wife leaves me for another man. Comes back to me 6 months after that because other man's penis is too small/can't get off. have illicit sex with my own wife for 3 weeks. get divorced and move back with my dad to make sure he's ok. Wife sues for alimony, but realizes that since I was student getting masters, we'd split her income. I get crappy car.

    belligerent on
  • Solomaxwell6Solomaxwell6 Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Sheep wrote: »
    Decomposey, congrats on having the courage and definitely a good handshake to your family for helping you out of that shitty situation.

    Solomaxwell6 on
  • SkannerJATSkannerJAT Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Mine was interesting in how it worked out. My ex and I had been together for nearly 5 years. We were living together at her parents in this large addition they had built for us. I agreed to move in and rent out my condo because she felt pressured by her parents and blah blah whatever. Anyhow, one week before our five year anniversary I am ready to get off my ass and do what we have talked about for over a year.

    A friend of mine was going to go with me to pick up the ring as he is my best friend, and also my only married friend at that time. He flacked on me but it was cool, I have a week to go grab it. The night he flacked on me she says she wants me to move out because she doesn't think I will ever marry her.

    Well shit, so I try to talk to her about it and go so far to explain my intentions. She just starts bawling and I realize its gotta be a bigger issue then this so I move out.

    Not horrible but it messed me up for some time. I stayed drunk for about 6 months. Lived on my buddies couch. After sobering up though I had a better drive to make my life better. She is now engaged to a buddy of mine with no awkwardness between us. I helped them move a few weeks ago actually.

    There were a lot of small awkward things (( her parents asking where THEY went wrong, her wanting to still have sex but no relationship, etc... )) afterward but it worked out for the better.

    SkannerJAT on
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Sheep wrote: »
    Decomposey, congrats on having the courage and definitely a good handshake to your family for helping you out of that shitty situation.

    OptimusZed on
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  • ZephonateZephonate Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I was something of a late bloomer when it came to girls. Never had a girlfriend, date, or even first kiss until I was seventeen. That's when I met her. Introduced to each other by a mutual friend, she was down for the summer living with her dad, whereas she normally spent the school year in Vegas with her mom and stepdad. We hit it off instantly, the three of us going to IHOP, seeing X-Men III: The Last Stand (I know, mostly terrible movie, but worth it for the excuse to sit with and spend more time with her), etc. After the movie, we hung out in the parking lot talking for an hour and a half, and I eventually drew a picture for her in her yearbook before my buddy and I gave her a ride home.

    We spent most of each night talking on AIM after that, having conversations that ranged from making each other laugh and learning more about each other to ones that were actually fairly deep and emotional. We discovered we had a vast amount of things in common, such as never having been in a relationship, liking the same music and movies, similar opinions on different subjects, highly compatible senses of humor, etc. Wasn't long before I realized I was very much in like with her. But the situation felt hopeless to me, considering she would only be there for two months. Then my buddy intervened. He stole my phone during summer school class one day, read a lot of our texts, gave it back, and promised he'd play recon for me.

    Later that night, he sends me a transcript of an AIM conversation he had with her shortly after him and I talked, wherein he gets her to admit in plain English that she has fallen for me like a sack of bricks, though she too is concerned about the probable relationship timestamp. Needless to say, I was ecstatic. That night, we talked, admitted our feelings to each other rather than a third party, and decided to hang out one-on-one the next day after my summer school classes would get out. We met at about 12:30, walked down to the local mall, held hands on the way, had some Panda Express for lunch (during which I talked to her mom on the phone for the first time, and of course the mother knew EXACTLY who I was and what was going on, her daughter having talked with her about it at length) and saw the movie Click. We both were crying by the end of it, snuggling close. After the movie, I walked her home, and as we walked, we crossed this bridge overlooking the highway, connecting the shopping center to her apartment complex.

    In the middle of that bridge, her and I both shared our first kiss.

    One week after having met for the first time, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. By the end of the summer, she made the highly difficult choice of deciding to stay in San Diego with her dad (whom she hates) in order to stay with and go to school with me. It was the kind of thing sappy teen romance movies are made of –living proof that as corny and idealistic as they are sometimes, they do have some root or basis in reality.

    Six months in, she slept over and we celebrated our first Christmas together on New Year's Eve, since she was out of town for Christmas proper. I bought a tiny tree with a couple boxes of ornaments and lights, we set it up in my room together, exchanged gifts, ordered a pizza, drank Martinelli's as the ball dropped in NYC, and we made love for the first time while Click played in the background.

    We were together for the happiest year and eight months of my life. However, towards the end, the problems started arising. Firstly, keep in mind she's bipolar –something that was never particularly easy to deal with, but we managed. Every problem we had was made worse and magnified by this. I started putting too much of an emphasis on sex, I wasn't as romantic as I was in the beginning, I couldn't save money for the life of me, and I had no plans for college or where my future was going after graduating high school.

    Eventually, we broke up two weeks after Valentine's Day, 2008. It was the worst night of my life. We both sobbed as it happened, and I spent the better part of the next eight months in agonizing pain. Panic attacks, constant shivering and feeling cold, inability to concentrate, utter lack of motivation, splurging on DVDs and video games (more so than usual) to try and distract myself and get a cheap, quick-lived sensation of happiness. I even lost twenty five pounds because I could barely stomach one meal a day, and I'd get horribly nauseous when I'd try to eat more.

    Some further kicks in the pants:
    –Three months after the breakup, she started dating one of my two best friends.
    –I got fired from my job for stupid reasons that were my own fault that I'd rather not go into.
    –Due to the reason I was fired from said job, I needed to find a new one immediately in order to pay off a sum of money, and had to take a cashiering job at Henry's Farmer's Market. Worst job I've ever had (have it to this day) and want to put a gun in my mouth every time I walk in the doors.
    –After breaking up with my ex friend, she ended up having a brief fling with the guy that introduced us.
    –Though I posted it as a funny story in Strange & Embarrassing, one of my female friends basically gave me a pity handjob one night that really only made me feel even lower than I did previously.

    Yet, time heals most if not all wounds. Just under a year after the breakup, I met my now current girlfriend at a Halloween party thrown by my other best friend. Her and I hit it off, started gradually hanging out over the next couple months, and really connected the night we went to the Twilight midnight showing (I will put up with a lot to spend time with a girl I'm interested in...and I'll admit to liking the movies and books SHUTUPDON'TJUDGEME).

    The end all be all of this story is that even though it ended with the worst pain I've ever felt, I learned a lot from my first relationship. We taught each other many things, grew as people from being with each other, and both have many fond memories of it. Her and I have reconciled our differences and made our peace with the way things ended, and to this day remain friends. I am very happy with my new GF (been together for a year and change), and I've successfully moved on.

    Heartbreak is one of the worst things a person can feel, but we all go through it in some way eventually.

    Zephonate on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
    --John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
  • ChopperDaveChopperDave Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Zephonate wrote: »
    and we made love for the first time while Click played in the background.

    Adam Sandler is watching you bang

    I'm sure it was a romantic gesture given your history together, but man, I can't of think many less romantic backdrops than that movie.

    Also -- and this might make me a dick, especially because I had a pretty long post earlier in this thread -- I didn't come to this thread to hear the complete story of your romance, I came to it to hear the story of your bad break-up :P. Less sappy reminiscing, more grimace-inducing tales of woe!

    ChopperDave on
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  • ZephonateZephonate Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Zephonate wrote: »
    and we made love for the first time while Click played in the background.

    Adam Sandler is watching you bang

    I'm sure it was a romantic gesture given your history together, but man, I can't of think many less romantic backdrops than that movie.

    Also -- and this might make me a dick, especially because I had a pretty long post earlier in this thread -- I didn't come to this thread to hear the complete story of your romance, I came to it to hear the story of your bad break-up :P. Less sappy reminiscing, more grimace-inducing tales of woe!

    Agreed about Click, though as you stated, it was uniquely romantic to us.

    And the only reason I posted the story was to give appropriate context for just how crushing the evnetual breakup was.

    Zephonate on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
    --John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
  • chasmchasm Ill-tempered Texan Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I didn't mind the background info at all. I'll post some of my breakups later tonight...hopefully the one who castigated me for something I posted here more than two years after we broke up isn't still reading this site for any mention of her.

    chasm on
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  • ArasakiArasaki Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    When I broke up with my most recent girlfriend a couple of months back it was pretty messy. We are sat in her car in pretty much the middle of nowhere in the freezing cold, she's in tears. She then turns around and tells me she took a pregancy test that morning, and it was positive. My jaw pretty much dropped, because she was on the pill and we always used protection, plus I really don't want kids at all and she always knew my position on that.

    With hindsight blurting out, "Is it mine?" was probably the worst thing I could have done.

    Of course, about a month later I find out she was just trying to make me feel bad or make me stay. I'm quite happy I got away from that bag of crazy. It was a long walk home though.

    Arasaki on
  • ArrathArrath Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Shit, that had to be an awkward Christmas dinner. I don't know if I'd on speaking terms with my brother after something like that.

    Christmas dinner was postponed to New Years as the drama unfolded. And even then it was hard, thanks to my brother's presence. After I moved out of the mutual place with the girl I stayed with my parents for about a week, but the seething hatred for my brother made it impossible, so I bummed on a friend's couch while I looked for a job. Then my friends orchestrated a boxing match between my brother and I as I had been a walking vessel of rage and alcohol for 6 months. May not be proud to say it, but I laid the fucker out, felt good at the time anyway.
    Kyougu wrote: »
    Nothing like what I assume is statutory rape to ring in the holidays.

    I know my parents threatened her with that, but she was just inside the limit by a few months I believe.

    Arrath on
  • KlykaKlyka DO you have any SPARE BATTERIES?Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    My first girlfriend was the worst I had, the others were very smooth actually.
    Here's how it went down with her:

    I was taking dancing lessons together with 2 of my friends cause we wanted to be prepared for prom night.
    So we get assigned our partners: My friends dance with two sisters, I dance with a friend of theirs.
    We all get along great and over time get closer to eachother. Then my birthday comes up,we all go out together, party and at the end of the day I make out with one of the sisters (my first kiss,yay) and we get together. Fast forward about 4 weeks of me being happy because I have a girlfriend now and "yay everything is awesome", losing my virginity,yadda yadda.
    Then one night we sit in the car and she tells me she is breaking up with me because she has been going out with some other dude for 3 weeks now. And she then tells me that she only got together with me because she and my dancing partner had made a bet on who could get me first. And she won so there was no reason to stick around anymore and she was getting tired of me.
    I totally broke down and couldn't really cope with hearing that kind of stuff. For 3 or 4 days I was absolutely anemic and didn't talk to anyone. In retrospect,it's an interesting story,but back then it was like hell. Being told "lol you were just a piece in our betting game" was like a dagger through the heart. There was lots of screaming on the phone and in person involved later and she soon stopped dancing.

    Fun fact though: My dancing partner who was also part of the bet? 3 weeks after my breakup her and me hooked up. Just for sex. Good times 8-)

    Klyka on
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  • HenroidHenroid Mexican kicked from Immigration Thread Centrism is Racism :3Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Sounds like you made the best out of a bad situation, Klyka.

    Henroid on
  • HenroidHenroid Mexican kicked from Immigration Thread Centrism is Racism :3Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    syndalis wrote: »
    Okay, so I can't find it in the archive.

    I'll type a short and sweet version, as most folks here know this one.

    I dated a girl for two years that I met through an improv acting group at NC State Campus. She was really into the new age / reiki / crystal healing / alien / native american mysticism / etc. We had a really solid relationship through that whole time, threw the love word around casually, called each other boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. I had dinner with her family on thanksgiving, she met my parents... I was actually looking to the future with this girl.

    Then I find out on our two year anniversary that she was already in another relationship and had been the whole time.

    That she was a slave, as in master-slave relationship, with this person.

    And that she truly believed that he was an alien from another planet.

    You see, she and a bunch of other women, aged 18-35 or so, were convinced by this guy that he was being possessed by an alien intelligence that was here to teach people how to leave this mortal world for cooler dimensions, and that they had two ways to get there... through decades of intense study and focus, or a few years of solid deep dicking.

    And because he is so obviously an alien, and doesn't understand this material world, he gets these women to mow his lawn, clean his house, pay his bills, and buy his weed for him, which they all smoke together and have orgies.

    So yeah, I broke up with her.

    I remember the original story, and it was the weirdest conclusion to arrive at with all the buildup.

    Henroid on
  • KlykaKlyka DO you have any SPARE BATTERIES?Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    That is crazy. I have no idea how I would have handled that.

    @Henroid: Yeah, I guess I did. It definitely helped me get over it.

    Klyka on
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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    My sex chryssalid story fits this topic

    but it's well-documented

    joshofalltrades on
  • AnomeAnome Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    It could be because it's so fresh, but I think my recent breakup rates pretty miserable. A couple weeks ago my boyfriend (now ex I guess) and I were lying in bed and he turns to me and says, "I don't think we should have sex any more."

    I look at him like he's a crazy person. "What do you mean?" I ask.

    "Well, it's just that I don't want you to have my kids. Not now and probably not ever so I couldn't respect myself if I continued to have sex with you. Everything else is still fine, just no more intercourse."

    He has to be joking. I'm on the pill. We're careful. I know that I'm not ready for a baby, if anything catastrophic happened, no baby would be born.

    He's not joking.

    He goes on to explain that because I ever smoked pot in my life (I quit a long time ago) and because I would ever drink alcohol (not get drunk, just drink any at all) and because I have fond memories of things that he would consider unsavory, he has been having an increasingly difficult time being happy in a relationship with me. A few days later it comes out that he really doesn't think he loves me any more and so we should probably break up while the relationship is still young and we can salvage a friendship.

    I'm still living with him because for semi-complicated reasons he's living in an apartment where he pays no rent or anything and will remain here until he sells the place. We still get along well, though it is hard to see him every day and suddenly have this friend line that I can't cross even though I was quite happy with him as a person for the most part and truly believed that we could have worked through the problems that he had with me.

    Tonight sucked a lot because I sort of became really depressed and he came and talked to me to make me feel better. He asked me what I was thinking and I told him a lot of things, some of them touching on the fact that I still kind of believe we could be good together. He strongly disagreed and was fairly blunt about telling me so. Basically, even if I somehow magically changed myself to be "perfect" he would still never want to be with me. Ouch.

    Anome on
  • adytumadytum The Inevitable Rise And FallRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Anome wrote: »
    It could be because it's so fresh, but I think my recent breakup rates pretty miserable. A couple weeks ago my boyfriend (now ex I guess) and I were lying in bed and he turns to me and says, "I don't think we should have sex any more."

    I look at him like he's a crazy person. "What do you mean?" I ask.

    "Well, it's just that I don't want you to have my kids. Not now and probably not ever so I couldn't respect myself if I continued to have sex with you. Everything else is still fine, just no more intercourse."

    He has to be joking. I'm on the pill. We're careful. I know that I'm not ready for a baby, if anything catastrophic happened, no baby would be born.

    He's not joking.

    He goes on to explain that because I ever smoked pot in my life (I quit a long time ago) and because I would ever drink alcohol (not get drunk, just drink any at all) and because I have fond memories of things that he would consider unsavory, he has been having an increasingly difficult time being happy in a relationship with me. A few days later it comes out that he really doesn't think he loves me any more and so we should probably break up while the relationship is still young and we can salvage a friendship.

    I'm still living with him because for semi-complicated reasons he's living in an apartment where he pays no rent or anything and will remain here until he sells the place. We still get along well, though it is hard to see him every day and suddenly have this friend line that I can't cross even though I was quite happy with him as a person for the most part and truly believed that we could have worked through the problems that he had with me.

    Tonight sucked a lot because I sort of became really depressed and he came and talked to me to make me feel better. He asked me what I was thinking and I told him a lot of things, some of them touching on the fact that I still kind of believe we could be good together. He strongly disagreed and was fairly blunt about telling me so. Basically, even if I somehow magically changed myself to be "perfect" he would still never want to be with me. Ouch.

    You should probably do something about that.

    adytum on
  • SpacemilkSpacemilk Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    This thread has been incredibly helpful. Some people have been through a lot of horrible stuff (Decomposey I am glad you are where you are now) and it really puts my stuff in perspective.

    I dated a guy from July of last year to just after New Year's. Our breakup complicated, as a lot of breakups are, but it boiled down to me not being able to trust him or get over issues we'd had at the start of our relationship, when he'd lied to me about some stuff. It ended up that he broke up with me, and as a result I was a wreck for a week or so. But I picked up the pieces, got involved with OKCupid and started going on dates... I thought things were going to be ok, even though he and I had a lot of mutual friends and it was REALLY hard seeing him on the weekends, when I not only had the friend barrier but I had to see him flirting with other girls. But I was healing and going on dates and I figured all this pain would fade with time.

    We continued to hang out, and that's when he started flirting again. I shot him down over and over, tried to keep the barrier up, because I didn't want to get hurt. Then he asked me on a date, and was upset when I said no, so I consented (yeah yeah guilt trip, I know >.< ). We started hanging out more and more... Valentine's Day rolled around, he took me on a nice date and we started sleeping together again. Fast forward three more weeks, and he's telling me he wants to try a relationship again. I know that I am mentally and emotionally ready to give it another try, but I am not so sure he is - but I figure he's an adult, I can trust him to know himself, and if he says he's ready, he is.

    One problem: He says work is going to get more stressful, so he needs time for that, and also he wants more "guys' nights out" with his friends on the weekends, but only for a while as we work back into our relationship. I say ok, but he needs to communicate with me to let me know how he feels about our relationship, how it's going - that's my only request.

    Two days later I get kept awake two hours after I wanted to go to bed, by angry text messages because I hadn't properly said goodnight to him when leaving a group gathering. A week later we almost break up because of a stupid little fight, I honestly can't remember what about (it was both our faults though). This past weekend we ALMOST broke up again because I asked him about the whole "communication" thing - he hasn't said a word to me about our relationship or anything like that at all - and he blows up, saying he obviously can't give me what I want in a relationship, we should just give up, he doesn't want a relationship. So now we are giving it a try for the next week... but honestly I don't need this stress. I especially don't need this stress for a relationship I wasn't sure about getting in to, when he says stuff like he "doesn't want a relationship". As a side note, for the past three weeks we've been together, we've spent MAYBE two days a week together, one of them on the weekends, because he works late every weeknight and I've given him every guys' night he asked for (he's had 4-5, which is pretty good considering the whole work thing). So, as petty as this sounds, I know it's not my fault this isn't working out.

    Anyway this thread has helped a lot. It feels like the pain of the breakup will be unbearable, particularly because we DO have all the same friends and I am going to have to see him a lot. But you all have been through worse and you are still alive :P there is hope for me!

    Spacemilk on
  • VeritasVRVeritasVR Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Anome wrote: »
    He goes on to explain that because I ever smoked pot in my life (I quit a long time ago) and because I would ever drink alcohol (not get drunk, just drink any at all) and because I have fond memories of things that he would consider unsavory, he has been having an increasingly difficult time being happy in a relationship with me.

    I wish people would say the real reason they don't want to be with someone instead of making up this idealistic and quasi-fantasy bullshit. The same situation happened to me, but in reverse.

    Basically she said "well since you're my first boyfriend, it won't last because hey I want to experience the world but I'm also not a slut but I just assigned you a chronological number lol."

    No, you tell me the real reason is our difficult long distance relationship or SOMETHING REAL and I'd be happy with that. Don't create a really, really stupid reason out of nowhere (seriously, she never had that mindset for years) because I'll never grow or learn if I can't correct my mistakes from this clusterfuck of an LDR.

    VeritasVR on
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  • ParadisoParadiso Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Spacemilk wrote: »
    I know that I am mentally and emotionally ready to give it another try, but I am not so sure he is - but I figure he's an adult, I can trust him to know himself, and if he says he's ready, he is.

    So now we are giving it a try for the next week... but honestly I don't need this stress.

    Dimestore psychology from a random dude on the internet aside, you should stay away from homeboy. Even if his intentions are good, he's in no state at all to carry on a healthy relationship. It goes without saying that this constant stress is not good for you.

    Paradiso on
  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I said I wasn't going to touch this thread but I'm going to break that because this isn't about my worst/first breakup, which happens to be documented on these forums quite well anyway.

    I don't mean to derail this into an H/A thread, but Spacemilk....as hard as this may be, maybe being in that relationship isn't the best thing for you :\ I mean, he's getting all angsty over the fact that you didn't "properly say goodnight to him" or..WHATEVER that means. He's also spending 4-5 out of 7 nights with his guy friends instead of you, which, IMO is bullshit. Yes, friends are totally important, but he should make time for you.

    Also...the whole lack of communication thing. It seems like this is unnecessary and unwanted stress in your life, and you can find someone who wouldn't rather spend time with his man-friends than you, and who won't say shit like "I don't want a relationship"....while continuing to date you.

    Anyway, just my 2 cents. Sorry for the derail. And good luck! [/rant]

    Edit: Take it from someone who was in constant stress for two years due to being in a bad relationship, and now is with someone who treats them wonderfully, and is now totally stress free. You can do better.

    AlyceInWonderland on
  • SipexSipex Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Agreed with Alyce.

    You sound like you were goaded into the relationship and I think the only thing that could come from this is that you'll begin to resent it while feeling stuck.

    Sipex on
  • blakfeldblakfeld Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Okay, so mine comes with a fair bit of backstory. This was 7 years ago when I was 14. I was just discovering I had some real issues with depression, always kind of an outcast, total goth kid, all that jazz. So naturally I was mostly ignored by the fairer sex, which meant I was just thrilled at the first thing that came my way. She was a year older than me, so back in high school, that was totally awesome. So, as we are dating she gets a little stranger, didn't think much of it. Little things like developing an interest in vampire culture, which I thought was silly, but whatever, she was paying attention to me. So, one day after school I get on AIM and strike up a conversation with her. I ask how her day was, and she goes on this speil about this great group she found. People that really understand her, and seem to want to be her friend. Oh yeah, its a Cult that encourages vampire practices and demon worship. Wow. Okay. Cool, stop calling me okay?

    So, I found out that during that month period we dated she slept with 6 other guys, most of which were in their late 20's, one of which was my best friend at the time, fooled around with 2 chicks, one of which she like, got down on one knee with and like proposed, tried to kill herself (explains that weekend I couldn't get a hold of her) and right after this she went to jail for shoplifting at a walmart

    The most troubled youth I've ever experienced, and I somehow got mixed up in it in the pursuit of tits.

    blakfeld on
  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    This thread also makes me even more glad that I didn't date in highschool.

    AlyceInWonderland on
  • chasmchasm Ill-tempered Texan Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    WTF is with all these "best friends" and brothers fucking other people's girlfriends? It's not the bro code, it's just common human decency.

    chasm on
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  • L Ron HowardL Ron Howard The duck MinnesotaRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I got fired from my job. The next day, I'm driving around in my car, and the engine blows up. Then my g/f at the time dumps me a day or so later because I'm "being too whiney"....

    L Ron Howard on
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    This thread also makes me even more glad that I didn't date in highschool.
    Amen to that.

    I mean, I had some week-long hookups or whatever, but nothing that would have crushed me on the level we're seeing here.

    OptimusZed on
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