Wait, they knock you out for colonscopys now? Score, I'll at least be out for the violation, I can just pretend it's like a one night stand gone bad.
Yeah, you usually get knocked out for the colonoscopy. The sigmoidoscopy you have to be awake for. It's creepy.
That's any surgery you're awake for. I had two stage eye surgery where you're knocked out for the first part but awake for the second part; they have to fine tune the stitches so they put topical anesthetic drops in and you try not to think about what's going on as you feel the little tugs and pulls that's the doctor manipulating the surface of your eye.
Wait, they knock you out for colonscopys now? Score, I'll at least be out for the violation, I can just pretend it's like a one night stand gone bad.
Yeah, you usually get knocked out for the colonoscopy. The sigmoidoscopy you have to be awake for. It's creepy.
That's any surgery you're awake for. I had two stage eye surgery where you're knocked out for the first part but awake for the second part; they have to fine tune the stitches so they put topical anesthetic drops in and you try not to think about what's going on as you feel the little tugs and pulls that's the doctor manipulating the surface of your eye.
That sounds like a unique experience.
Edit: Oh man sorry for the necro, I started reading this thread a few weeks ago, bit by bit the whole 86 pages. I thought it was still growing
Here's a story I posted in SE which promptly got ignored for stale's shenanigans or because it's uninteresting.
Either way, gogo story!
So I'm about 12 and I've made one of those friends. Probably not the worst kind of friends, I mean he didn't try to kill me...well, he did...he...uhm; well, it could always be worse.
The guy is a compulsive liar, thief, silly goose and to top it all off, puberty hit him like a brick. We're talking, the guy wanks it in the presense of friends and needs special lotion to stop the excessive chafing. He also had a strange fascination with wanting to cuddle with me and tried to see my ass on several occasions which was very discomforting for a 12 year old, lemme tell you.
Right, back on track. Anyways, him and I along with several other friends take over this group of trees and try to make a tree fort of sorts. This isn't too hard, some kids from years past have left the remnants of old tree forts here and there is plenty of wood planks nearby, plus we had a few abandoned motels to pry supplies from.
Now, we worked our asses off on this, an entire bloody day, no fooling and we were proud. It had a lookout spot, barracades and a main shaft...all of it very unsafe but awesome nonetheless.
My psychotic friend gets in a tiff with one of the other boys here over something stupid, probably who got to use the hammer next and pulls out clumps of this kids hair. This kid has straight, blond, bowlcut hair so psychotic friend managed to get quite a bit out.
We promptly kicked the crazy son of a bitch out and went about our fort building business.
A couple hours later he returns with three younger kids wielding hockey sticks and declares open war on our fort. We're not talking simple 'play war' where we throw pine cones at each other, no, we're talking, he's serious, he wants us fucking dead.
We play along, stupidly thinking this was all a game or that we could take him or some shit. We barracade up, gather our pine cones and take positions.
He opens up with beer fucking bottles and man was I glad I had that barracade that day, probably saved my ass. Bottle after bottle rains in, breaking against the trees. The guy in lookout is having a shitfit, clinging to the tree for dear life.
Miraculously none of us are hurt.
He calls out to one of his cronies, aptly named "Hockey Stick" for the stick he wielded, to charge the base; no comply. We emerge from our safe spots (dumb move) armed with sticks to ward off the would-be attackers, I'm lucky enough to square off against one of the ones who is further away.
Now, I can't tell you exactly what happened, I don't know, me and this kid traded looks for a while, neither of us sure where things were going to go when one of our friends lets out a scream from the fort where psychotic friend had gone.
His cronies scatter and he emerges from our fort holding a home made (and very pointy sign), making a beeline for me.
I run like the fucking wind as he makes an earnest effort to impale me on the thing and I eventually get away being the small, scrawny kid that I am. Whe I say earnest effort, I mean, he was going for the kill, no doubt.
We get the police involved, clearly over our heads.
The scream? Turns out he impaled our friends shoulder with the back of a hammer. This guy no longer has feeling in his left arm btw.
Psychotic kid got minor charges and had to see a psychiatrist before moving away shortly after.
My wife is a nursing student. The other week she was doing clinicals, and a guy came with chest pain. They did an EKG and got some weird readings. They spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out what was going on with him. Finally, they get a look at his arms, which he'd been kind of obscuring from view. Needletracks.
Turns out he's an IV drug user. He'd run out of drugs, and desperate for a high, he ground up a fucking spider and injected it. Then the little chitinous bits unsurprisingly started causing clots.
Now that reminds me of the time one kid I knew suddenly went from a normal 13 year old to a crazed enraged freak who tried to bash my head in with a lead pipe. I was a head taller than him and weighed twice as much but I only had to see him pick my best friend (who weighed more than I did and was on the rugby team) up off the ground and throw him out of his way to get to me to know I was screwed if he caught me.
Oh yeah...he was pretty fucked up but he did make for interesting stories later.
There's also the friend I had who was (is) a compulsive liar. He'd constantly lie about all the girls he dated and slept with, constantly claimed he had children and pulled lines to get girls. The worst part? Pulling lines fucking worked for him.
Mind, none of his relationships were ever long term, he always did something completely stupid after.
Turns out his first truthful girlfriend was my now wife (small world) who broke up with him after he confessed his love to her best friend at the time (who was my cousin, again, small world).
He's got two kids now which he earnestly loves but can't hold a relationship for the life of him.
In my junior year of high school it was pretty much the last few weeks of school. So during our gym class it was pretty much goof-off weeks and we just did whatever. So we played this modified form of kick ball where the bases were those huge gym mats that you could just keep stacking people on or make a run for the next few bases if you thought you could make it. To get out, you had to tag the base before the people made it or nail them with the fucking ball.
So. I'm up to kick. Bam, it goes flying. I take off. I make it to first, then second, then third, but I won't be able to get past third, but oh fuck I can't fucking stop. Oh shit. So I just fucking take out all 5 people on the base. Like bowling. I bruised up a girl pretty good too because I basically landed on top of her after a pretty intensive sprint.
I still feel bad about doing it.
bowen on
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
In my junior year of high school it was pretty much the last few weeks of school. So during our gym class it was pretty much goof-off weeks and we just did whatever. So we played this modified form of kick ball where the bases were those huge gym mats that you could just keep stacking people on or make a run for the next few bases if you thought you could make it. To get out, you had to tag the base before the people made it or nail them with the fucking ball.
So. I'm up to kick. Bam, it goes flying. I take off. I make it to first, then second, then third, but I won't be able to get past third, but oh fuck I can't fucking stop. Oh shit. So I just fucking take out all 5 people on the base. Like bowling. I bruised up a girl pretty good too because I basically landed on top of her after a pretty intensive sprint.
I still feel bad about doing it.
Mat Ball! Shit yes.
My mom does cardiac stress tests for a living; injecting people with radiation, making them run on a treadmill, using a crazy expensive camera, etc. This means she mostly works with really old people and really fat people... so this really fat woman walks into her office. My mom asks her to remove her shirt so that she can start putting on those little sticky electrode pads. The woman does so and my mom sees that she is going to need to go under/into the woman's fat rolls to get the proper location. Okay, not that big of a deal. It happens. So she is putting the pads on, lifts a roll, and a cookie falls out. The woman looks at it and says
So that's where that went! My husband and I were playing hide the cookie last night and we thought we lost one.
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Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
My mom does cardiac stress tests for a living; injecting people with radiation, making them run on a treadmill, using a crazy expensive camera, etc. This means she mostly works with really old people and really fat people... so this really fat woman walks into her office. My mom asks her to remove her shirt so that she can start putting on those little sticky electrode pads. The woman does so and my mom sees that she is going to need to go under/into the woman's fat rolls to get the proper location. Okay, not that big of a deal. It happens. So she is putting the pads on, lifts a roll, and a cookie falls out. The woman looks at it and says
So that's where that went! My husband and I were playing hide the cookie last night and we thought we lost one.
Ugh... that is vile... I didn't even think that kind of thing happened in real life! Only cartoons!
Talk about making other people lose their cookies...
My brother interned at a diabetes/nutrition clinic a while back. He was shadowing a doctor who was talking with a patient when the doctor had to leave the room for a moment. While the doctor was gone the patient pointed to a treadmill and told my brother "That's where my husband died." He had no idea what to say and described the next five minutes or so of awkward silence with him looking a bit like .
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admanbunionize your workplaceSeattle, WARegistered Userregular
My brother interned at a diabetes/nutrition clinic a while back. He was shadowing a doctor who was talking with a patient when the doctor had to leave the room for a moment. While the doctor was gone the patient pointed to a treadmill and told my brother "That's where my husband died." He had no idea what to say and described the next five minutes or so of awkward silence with him looking a bit like .
My mom does cardiac stress tests for a living; injecting people with radiation, making them run on a treadmill, using a crazy expensive camera, etc. This means she mostly works with really old people and really fat people... so this really fat woman walks into her office. My mom asks her to remove her shirt so that she can start putting on those little sticky electrode pads. The woman does so and my mom sees that she is going to need to go under/into the woman's fat rolls to get the proper location. Okay, not that big of a deal. It happens. So she is putting the pads on, lifts a roll, and a cookie falls out. The woman looks at it and says
So that's where that went! My husband and I were playing hide the cookie last night and we thought we lost one.
Ugh... that is vile... I didn't even think that kind of thing happened in real life! Only cartoons!
Talk about making other people lose their cookies...
My mom does cardiac stress tests for a living; injecting people with radiation, making them run on a treadmill, using a crazy expensive camera, etc. This means she mostly works with really old people and really fat people... so this really fat woman walks into her office. My mom asks her to remove her shirt so that she can start putting on those little sticky electrode pads. The woman does so and my mom sees that she is going to need to go under/into the woman's fat rolls to get the proper location. Okay, not that big of a deal. It happens. So she is putting the pads on, lifts a roll, and a cookie falls out. The woman looks at it and says
So that's where that went! My husband and I were playing hide the cookie last night and we thought we lost one.
Ugh... that is vile... I didn't even think that kind of thing happened in real life! Only cartoons!
Talk about making other people lose their cookies...
That also means she most likely didn't take a shower before this doctor is having to paw through her rolls of fat.
My mom does cardiac stress tests for a living; injecting people with radiation, making them run on a treadmill, using a crazy expensive camera, etc. This means she mostly works with really old people and really fat people... so this really fat woman walks into her office. My mom asks her to remove her shirt so that she can start putting on those little sticky electrode pads. The woman does so and my mom sees that she is going to need to go under/into the woman's fat rolls to get the proper location. Okay, not that big of a deal. It happens. So she is putting the pads on, lifts a roll, and a cookie falls out. The woman looks at it and says
So that's where that went! My husband and I were playing hide the cookie last night and we thought we lost one.
Ugh... that is vile... I didn't even think that kind of thing happened in real life! Only cartoons!
Talk about making other people lose their cookies...
That also means she most likely didn't take a shower before this doctor is having to paw through her rolls of fat.
After playing Hide the Cookie with her husband.
What's the worse thought: That she didn't shower since then, or that she bathes regularly and she is so fat that even water can't fit into her folds?
Short story from a friend at work:
Got drunk, picked up a guy, fooled around, let him "skeet skeet skeet all over her chest pearl necklace style" (her words), fell asleep, went to class the next morning without showering, got called out by a friend. Said friend drove her home and threw her ass in the shower.
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Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
Another friend at work had to take a drug test and knew he wouldn't pass. He knew he could easily sneak some piss in via a latex glove, the only problem is that he wears boxers and boxers can't support a urine filled glove. He talks about this with his mom and she suggests he wears a pair of her Hanes Her Way.
He does so, goes in for the drug test, is led into the bathroom, he pops a whole in the finger tip and fills his cup, then tucks everything back into his mother's panties. Comes out, gives the cup through the little window, and is told he is now going to be led into a room for a physical examination. So of course, he rushes to the bathroom and ditches the once urine filled latex glove that is in his panties.
The physical examination goes as one would expect, except my friend didn't expect a full examination. The female doctor asked him to drop trou for the old cup n' cough routine. So he stands up, the doctor sits on a stool and ball level, and he drops his pants... leaving his underwear on. No, he did not take them down in one smooth motion, now the doctor is staring at the waistband of his panties which have clearly been emblazoned with Hanes Her Way in what I imagine is a very dainty red script.
Then he pulled his panties down and the exam continued.
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
Another friend at work had to take a drug test and knew he wouldn't pass. He knew he could easily sneak some piss in via a latex glove, the only problem is that he wears boxers and boxers can't support a urine filled glove. He talks about this with his mom and she suggests he wears a pair of her Hanes Her Way.
He does so, goes in for the drug test, is led into the bathroom, he pops a whole in the finger tip and fills his cup, then tucks everything back into his mother's panties. Comes out, gives the cup through the little window, and is told he is now going to be led into a room for a physical examination. So of course, he rushes to the bathroom and ditches the once urine filled latex glove that is in his panties.
The physical examination goes as one would expect, except my friend didn't expect a full examination. The female doctor asked him to drop trou for the old cup n' cough routine. So he stands up, the doctor sits on a stool and ball level, and he drops his pants... leaving his underwear on. No, he did not take them down in one smooth motion, now the doctor is staring at the waistband of his panties which have clearly been emblazoned with Hanes Her Way in what I imagine is a very dainty red script.
Then he pulled his panties down and the exam continued.
Please tell me that he snuck in urine that belonged to a woman and that his test results showed he was on Birth Control.
Another friend at work had to take a drug test and knew he wouldn't pass. He knew he could easily sneak some piss in via a latex glove, the only problem is that he wears boxers and boxers can't support a urine filled glove. He talks about this with his mom and she suggests he wears a pair of her Hanes Her Way.
He does so, goes in for the drug test, is led into the bathroom, he pops a whole in the finger tip and fills his cup, then tucks everything back into his mother's panties. Comes out, gives the cup through the little window, and is told he is now going to be led into a room for a physical examination. So of course, he rushes to the bathroom and ditches the once urine filled latex glove that is in his panties.
The physical examination goes as one would expect, except my friend didn't expect a full examination. The female doctor asked him to drop trou for the old cup n' cough routine. So he stands up, the doctor sits on a stool and ball level, and he drops his pants... leaving his underwear on. No, he did not take them down in one smooth motion, now the doctor is staring at the waistband of his panties which have clearly been emblazoned with Hanes Her Way in what I imagine is a very dainty red script.
Then he pulled his panties down and the exam continued.
he..he wore his moms panties?
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ApogeeLancks In Every Game EverRegistered Userregular
edited April 2010
Man, this thread went from crazy and embarrasing to just... ugh. Ugh. Spiders... spiders in my veins!
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We have a thread like that:
http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?p=13819920#post13819920
Also, nice story. You probably were fairly lucky to be in the window seat.
Yeah, you usually get knocked out for the colonoscopy. The sigmoidoscopy you have to be awake for. It's creepy.
Well that's certainly strange and embarrassing...
That's any surgery you're awake for. I had two stage eye surgery where you're knocked out for the first part but awake for the second part; they have to fine tune the stitches so they put topical anesthetic drops in and you try not to think about what's going on as you feel the little tugs and pulls that's the doctor manipulating the surface of your eye.
My brother described his as the best orchestrated nap he'd ever taken.
Does your brother normally wake up from his naps starving with a sore ass?
That sounds like a unique experience.
Edit: Oh man sorry for the necro, I started reading this thread a few weeks ago, bit by bit the whole 86 pages. I thought it was still growing
Isn't that embarrassing?! :P
Either way, gogo story!
So I'm about 12 and I've made one of those friends. Probably not the worst kind of friends, I mean he didn't try to kill me...well, he did...he...uhm; well, it could always be worse.
The guy is a compulsive liar, thief, silly goose and to top it all off, puberty hit him like a brick. We're talking, the guy wanks it in the presense of friends and needs special lotion to stop the excessive chafing. He also had a strange fascination with wanting to cuddle with me and tried to see my ass on several occasions which was very discomforting for a 12 year old, lemme tell you.
Right, back on track. Anyways, him and I along with several other friends take over this group of trees and try to make a tree fort of sorts. This isn't too hard, some kids from years past have left the remnants of old tree forts here and there is plenty of wood planks nearby, plus we had a few abandoned motels to pry supplies from.
Now, we worked our asses off on this, an entire bloody day, no fooling and we were proud. It had a lookout spot, barracades and a main shaft...all of it very unsafe but awesome nonetheless.
My psychotic friend gets in a tiff with one of the other boys here over something stupid, probably who got to use the hammer next and pulls out clumps of this kids hair. This kid has straight, blond, bowlcut hair so psychotic friend managed to get quite a bit out.
We promptly kicked the crazy son of a bitch out and went about our fort building business.
A couple hours later he returns with three younger kids wielding hockey sticks and declares open war on our fort. We're not talking simple 'play war' where we throw pine cones at each other, no, we're talking, he's serious, he wants us fucking dead.
We play along, stupidly thinking this was all a game or that we could take him or some shit. We barracade up, gather our pine cones and take positions.
He opens up with beer fucking bottles and man was I glad I had that barracade that day, probably saved my ass. Bottle after bottle rains in, breaking against the trees. The guy in lookout is having a shitfit, clinging to the tree for dear life.
Miraculously none of us are hurt.
He calls out to one of his cronies, aptly named "Hockey Stick" for the stick he wielded, to charge the base; no comply. We emerge from our safe spots (dumb move) armed with sticks to ward off the would-be attackers, I'm lucky enough to square off against one of the ones who is further away.
Now, I can't tell you exactly what happened, I don't know, me and this kid traded looks for a while, neither of us sure where things were going to go when one of our friends lets out a scream from the fort where psychotic friend had gone.
His cronies scatter and he emerges from our fort holding a home made (and very pointy sign), making a beeline for me.
I run like the fucking wind as he makes an earnest effort to impale me on the thing and I eventually get away being the small, scrawny kid that I am. Whe I say earnest effort, I mean, he was going for the kill, no doubt.
We get the police involved, clearly over our heads.
The scream? Turns out he impaled our friends shoulder with the back of a hammer. This guy no longer has feeling in his left arm btw.
Psychotic kid got minor charges and had to see a psychiatrist before moving away shortly after.
That fort is now a hooters.
Turns out he's an IV drug user. He'd run out of drugs, and desperate for a high, he ground up a fucking spider and injected it. Then the little chitinous bits unsurprisingly started causing clots.
Now that reminds me of the time one kid I knew suddenly went from a normal 13 year old to a crazed enraged freak who tried to bash my head in with a lead pipe. I was a head taller than him and weighed twice as much but I only had to see him pick my best friend (who weighed more than I did and was on the rugby team) up off the ground and throw him out of his way to get to me to know I was screwed if he caught me.
STEAM
But uh... yeah, that's pretty accurate.
There's also the friend I had who was (is) a compulsive liar. He'd constantly lie about all the girls he dated and slept with, constantly claimed he had children and pulled lines to get girls. The worst part? Pulling lines fucking worked for him.
Mind, none of his relationships were ever long term, he always did something completely stupid after.
Turns out his first truthful girlfriend was my now wife (small world) who broke up with him after he confessed his love to her best friend at the time (who was my cousin, again, small world).
He's got two kids now which he earnestly loves but can't hold a relationship for the life of him.
So. I'm up to kick. Bam, it goes flying. I take off. I make it to first, then second, then third, but I won't be able to get past third, but oh fuck I can't fucking stop. Oh shit. So I just fucking take out all 5 people on the base. Like bowling. I bruised up a girl pretty good too because I basically landed on top of her after a pretty intensive sprint.
I still feel bad about doing it.
http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/aqbk5/so_tonight_i_broke_some_poor_teenagers_brains/
Mat Ball! Shit yes.
My mom does cardiac stress tests for a living; injecting people with radiation, making them run on a treadmill, using a crazy expensive camera, etc. This means she mostly works with really old people and really fat people... so this really fat woman walks into her office. My mom asks her to remove her shirt so that she can start putting on those little sticky electrode pads. The woman does so and my mom sees that she is going to need to go under/into the woman's fat rolls to get the proper location. Okay, not that big of a deal. It happens. So she is putting the pads on, lifts a roll, and a cookie falls out. The woman looks at it and says
I mean, wouldn't you feel it in there somewhere?
Ugh... that is vile... I didn't even think that kind of thing happened in real life! Only cartoons!
Talk about making other people lose their cookies...
small talk.
ur doin' it wrong.
(Sorry. It had to be done.)
Man... what?
Really?
Thats... ugh...
STEAM
That also means she most likely didn't take a shower before this doctor is having to paw through her rolls of fat.
After playing Hide the Cookie with her husband.
What's the worse thought: That she didn't shower since then, or that she bathes regularly and she is so fat that even water can't fit into her folds?
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Hide the head?
Got drunk, picked up a guy, fooled around, let him "skeet skeet skeet all over her chest pearl necklace style" (her words), fell asleep, went to class the next morning without showering, got called out by a friend. Said friend drove her home and threw her ass in the shower.
Hide the disgusting bacteria/mold/fungus!
He does so, goes in for the drug test, is led into the bathroom, he pops a whole in the finger tip and fills his cup, then tucks everything back into his mother's panties. Comes out, gives the cup through the little window, and is told he is now going to be led into a room for a physical examination. So of course, he rushes to the bathroom and ditches the once urine filled latex glove that is in his panties.
The physical examination goes as one would expect, except my friend didn't expect a full examination. The female doctor asked him to drop trou for the old cup n' cough routine. So he stands up, the doctor sits on a stool and ball level, and he drops his pants... leaving his underwear on. No, he did not take them down in one smooth motion, now the doctor is staring at the waistband of his panties which have clearly been emblazoned with Hanes Her Way in what I imagine is a very dainty red script.
Then he pulled his panties down and the exam continued.
Please tell me that he snuck in urine that belonged to a woman and that his test results showed he was on Birth Control.
Please?
he..he wore his moms panties?
But in a good way.
They probably have a giant roulette wheel in the room labeled "Wheel of Folds!"
Take a spin! Armpit! Legpit! Backfat! Everyone's a winner!
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