why is it that all the girls I want most are flawed in some fundamental way? Last one, would not do intercourse (I started a thread about that one in H&A). Now I'm talking to one who probably can't have kids. Is it too much to ask for a sane girl who likes sex and might be able to bear children?
why is it that all the girls I want most are flawed in some fundamental way? Last one, would not do intercourse (I started a thread about that one in H&A). Now I'm talking to one who probably can't have kids. Is it too much to ask for a sane girl who likes sex and might be able to bear children?
If you're looking for someone to marry and have kids with, you're going to have a long search in all likelihood.
why is it that all the girls I want most are flawed in some fundamental way? Last one, would not do intercourse (I started a thread about that one in H&A). Now I'm talking to one who probably can't have kids. Is it too much to ask for a sane girl who likes sex and might be able to bear children?
If you're looking for someone to marry and have kids with, you're going to have a long search in all likelihood.
well, one doesn't expect to meet someone and get married the next day, but one would think it wouldn't be that hard to find someone where major disqualifiers aren't revealed like week one...
There are relatively few people out there who lack significant flaws, especially if you have an uncommon perspective of what is flawed in relation to yourself; weep for the gay atheist republican environmentalist.
People who have fewer flaws are also much more likely to have people trying to keep them.
How come the people who message me the most are the ones with the red dots by their names?
Come on green dots! Step it up!
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited April 2010
Red dots mean that they are picky.
Green dots mean that they are not.
Munkus Beaver on
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
There are relatively few people out there who lack significant flaws, especially if you have an uncommon perspective of what is flawed in relation to yourself; weep for the gay atheist republican environmentalist.
People who have fewer flaws are also much more likely to have people trying to keep them.
my old best friend from high school was a gay Jewish republican environmentalist...
There are relatively few people out there who lack significant flaws, especially if you have an uncommon perspective of what is flawed in relation to yourself; weep for the gay atheist republican environmentalist.
People who have fewer flaws are also much more likely to have people trying to keep them.
my old best friend from high school was a gay Jewish republican environmentalist...
So the date that I was supposed to do wednesday ended up getting cancelled and rescheduled for today. I had to stop dating completely for a good three months due to school getting crazy, so I thought I was gonna be extremely rusty.
But it seemed to go pretty well. Very attractive girl, seems to be pretty level headed, and there's going to be another follow up date sometime next week whenever I figure out a good time.
One scheduled date for me Friday and the possibility of another one on Saturday.
The Friday night date was rescheduled from last Saturday. The girl was having some repairs done to her house and just didn't get them done in time. She seems decent but her busy schedule has meant that we really haven't been able to talk much, just txt a bit. She's slightly older than what I normally go for at 34 but she's well within my age range since I'm 32. Still, I generally like to date a few years younger. That being said, she seems to have her shit together and she owns her own home, which is always a plus.
As an interesting aside, I think I originally started talking to her last June. We just couldn't get together and I started dating someone seriously after that. She saw me on OKCupid last week and sent me an IM. After a short conversation she asked me out for dinner. I guess I made a good impression on her...
The possible date on Saturday is younger than the Friday date. She's in her mid-20s and is a counselor going for her master's degree. Again, we haven't had much of a time to talk. I emailed her on OKCupid, she emailed me back and I sent her a short message saying I was really busy with work (I was) and that I'd write as soon as I had time. I left her AIM name and phone number as a better way to contact me. She sent me a few txt messages this past week and we're trying to set up drinks on Saturday. My only reservation is that she seems like a bit of a party girl. I generally don't get along with that type very well.
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Gabriel_Pitt(effective against Russian warships)Registered Userregular
How come the people who message me the most are the ones with the red dots by their names?
Come on green dots! Step it up!
WTF are you on about? If they're messaging you first, it's not really relevant.
No no, i'm messaging them first!
I don't have the kind of looks that have women tearing my doors down to meet me.
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Mercutio87So build that wall and build it strong causeWe'll be there before too longRegistered Userregular
edited April 2010
Hm. So far seems like saturday date will go as planned, tuesday date is somewhat iffy. While I know a 25 year old graduate is going to be in a slightly different point in her life, hearing that her previous relationship was a long term that almost went to marriage and she would have been perfectly happy being the housewife and making babies for her hubby, along with "I like traditional gender roles," I dunno. That's not exactly my type. Trying to keep an open mind. She also got upset when I stated I'm more attracted to girls who are close to my body size (I'm a twig), in that that meant I "wouldn't want to date her." Um. Woman, you don't even know my last name. You've talked to me for four days. I'm looking forward to seeing you in person to see if I actually get along with you in person, I've already pointed out I find you cute, and have you noticed how I've been putting in effort to get to know you because I'm interested? Just because I have a preference for a body type doesn't mean someone outside of it is going to be instantly rejected by me. Worry about if you're going to get along with me before you worry about if I want to have sex with you. Gah.
Hm. So far seems like saturday date will go as planned, tuesday date is somewhat iffy. While I know a 25 year old graduate is going to be in a slightly different point in her life, hearing that her previous relationship was a long term that almost went to marriage and she would have been perfectly happy being the housewife and making babies for her hubby, along with "I like traditional gender roles," I dunno. That's not exactly my type. Trying to keep an open mind. She also got upset when I stated I'm more attracted to girls who are close to my body size (I'm a twig), in that that meant I "wouldn't want to date her." Um. Woman, you don't even know my last name. You've talked to me for four days. I'm looking forward to seeing you in person to see if I actually get along with you in person, I've already pointed out I find you cute, and have you noticed how I've been putting in effort to get to know you because I'm interested? Just because I have a preference for a body type doesn't mean someone outside of it is going to be instantly rejected by me. Worry about if you're going to get along with me before you worry about if I want to have sex with you. Gah.
How old are you vs. the 25 year old?
She sounds a lot like my ex, in that she's hit her mid-20s and is now ready to find a man and settle down. We were almost at marriage as well and I used to hear the phrase "I'm not getting any younger" a lot. I never understood why a 26 year old would worry about that, especially as a 32 year old guy.
Traditional gender roles is code for "I want to get married, work a couple of years, pop out a kid, and then be taken care of." I'm personally not against that if the woman is a correct match for me but it sounds like it's not something you are into. That right there might be enough to think about avoiding the date. Since I suspect that she's looking to find a man and settle down quickly...
Hm. So far seems like saturday date will go as planned, tuesday date is somewhat iffy. While I know a 25 year old graduate is going to be in a slightly different point in her life, hearing that her previous relationship was a long term that almost went to marriage and she would have been perfectly happy being the housewife and making babies for her hubby, along with "I like traditional gender roles," I dunno. That's not exactly my type. Trying to keep an open mind. She also got upset when I stated I'm more attracted to girls who are close to my body size (I'm a twig), in that that meant I "wouldn't want to date her." Um. Woman, you don't even know my last name. You've talked to me for four days. I'm looking forward to seeing you in person to see if I actually get along with you in person, I've already pointed out I find you cute, and have you noticed how I've been putting in effort to get to know you because I'm interested? Just because I have a preference for a body type doesn't mean someone outside of it is going to be instantly rejected by me. Worry about if you're going to get along with me before you worry about if I want to have sex with you. Gah.
How old are you vs. the 25 year old?
She sounds a lot like my ex, in that she's hit her mid-20s and is now ready to find a man and settle down. We were almost at marriage as well and I used to hear the phrase "I'm not getting any younger" a lot. I never understood why a 26 year old would worry about that, especially as a 32 year old guy.
Traditional gender roles is code for "I want to get married, work a couple of years, pop out a kid, and then be taken care of." I'm personally not against that if the woman is a correct match for me but it sounds like it's not something you are into. That right there might be enough to think about avoiding the date. Since I suspect that she's looking to find a man and settle down quickly...
My guess would be he's 22-23, which isn't a huge age difference, but there could be a large lifestyle disconnect if he's in college.
From reading what he wrote, it doesn't look like they're a good match, but there's no harm in just meeting with her (...usually).
Eugh I am so awkward. I am so bad at carrying on a conversation in messages. I tend to focus way too much on specifics and asking awkward questions, I can't make it feel natural. How do I do that?
Eugh I am so awkward. I am so bad at carrying on a conversation in messages. I tend to focus way too much on specifics and asking awkward questions, I can't make it feel natural. How do I do that?
Hm. So far seems like saturday date will go as planned, tuesday date is somewhat iffy. While I know a 25 year old graduate is going to be in a slightly different point in her life, hearing that her previous relationship was a long term that almost went to marriage and she would have been perfectly happy being the housewife and making babies for her hubby, along with "I like traditional gender roles," I dunno. That's not exactly my type. Trying to keep an open mind. She also got upset when I stated I'm more attracted to girls who are close to my body size (I'm a twig), in that that meant I "wouldn't want to date her." Um. Woman, you don't even know my last name. You've talked to me for four days. I'm looking forward to seeing you in person to see if I actually get along with you in person, I've already pointed out I find you cute, and have you noticed how I've been putting in effort to get to know you because I'm interested? Just because I have a preference for a body type doesn't mean someone outside of it is going to be instantly rejected by me. Worry about if you're going to get along with me before you worry about if I want to have sex with you. Gah.
How old are you vs. the 25 year old?
She sounds a lot like my ex, in that she's hit her mid-20s and is now ready to find a man and settle down. We were almost at marriage as well and I used to hear the phrase "I'm not getting any younger" a lot. I never understood why a 26 year old would worry about that, especially as a 32 year old guy.
Traditional gender roles is code for "I want to get married, work a couple of years, pop out a kid, and then be taken care of." I'm personally not against that if the woman is a correct match for me but it sounds like it's not something you are into. That right there might be enough to think about avoiding the date. Since I suspect that she's looking to find a man and settle down quickly...
My guess would be he's 22-23, which isn't a huge age difference, but there could be a large lifestyle disconnect if he's in college.
From reading what he wrote, it doesn't look like they're a good match, but there's no harm in just meeting with her (...usually).
Eh, you guys are thinking too much, it's a date. You go out, you see if you actually get along, and you deal with all that extra bullshit later on. I suspect if she really is just looking for a dude to lock up, you'll have it figured out 20 minutes into the date, women like that usually are pretty obvious.
In brief, mind explaining to those of us who haven't taken statistics classes what they did wrong?
I'm not arguing they didn't, I'm sincerely curious what errors were made and if they were simple mistakes or outright fabrications and flights of fancy.
I was trying to look at it from this perspective, and I think it still has a point, to people who think that Eharmony is awesome for having 20 million members. The point of the low percentage of profiles that are paid is relevant, as is the particular incentive for showing non-subscribers to subscribers. I think I'd normally assume that there would be a way to search only for subscribers, and the post indicates that no such filter exists.
I think the point that jumped out at me the most, was applying the 30% response rate of OKCupid to Match and Eharmory, when the nature of those sites could significantly increase the rate.
Yes and no.
There isn't a filter on eHarmony to not see unsubscribed profiles. But, in practice, it doesn't really seem to be an issue.
This is because people signed up have a choice:
1) Get 5+ emails about matchs a day
2) Remove themselves from matching
Remember that eHarmony isn't open viewing of profiles, and instead provides you with 5 to 10 people daily who "match" you. So as long as someone remembers to remove themselves from matching when they cancel their subscription (or decide not to start one in the first place), you won't have to worry about them showing up for you..
It's pretty easy to figure out which of your matches are the ones who just created a profile and didn't purchase a subscription - picture approval takes a few days so you won't be able to see one.
So while I'd love to see some real numbers (and know I never will), the numbers used in those images are bogus.
Disclaimer: I have no other reference point to compare eHarmony to, so take my comments with a grain of salt.
So since I'm a guy I need to start sending messages. I read the article on it and 'what's up' seems like a good subject line, that true?
I typically try to tailor it to their profile or something that we might share in common. For instance, if they list a couple books or webcomics or something I might ask if they'd heard of ___ since that's a good ice breaker and prompts a response. The more generic "how's it going" without any sort of legwork don't seem to work well for me, but then I haven't really had much exposure with either setup.
So since I'm a guy I need to start sending messages. I read the article on it and 'what's up' seems like a good subject line, that true?
Women get so many messages that just sending a simple Hey, what's up, probably isn't going to cut it. The other problem though is you definitely don't want to write a long one. So like the poster above, you pick something interesting out of their profile to talk about, keep it as short and to the point as possible, and I always try to end with a question.
I also seem to get better results if I end with my real first name at the bottom.
So since I'm a guy I need to start sending messages. I read the article on it and 'what's up' seems like a good subject line, that true?
Women get so many messages that just sending a simple Hey, what's up, probably isn't going to cut it. The other problem though is you definitely don't want to write a long one. So like the poster above, you pick something interesting out of their profile to talk about, keep it as short and to the point as possible, and I always try to end with a question.
I also seem to get better results if I end with my real first name at the bottom.
I'm curious, why are you against long messages?
Mine are long. I generally start the message talking about something we have in common but then I write interesting things about me that I didn't include in the profile.
On several occasions I've gotten compliments on my messages and more than a few times I've heard "I decided to write you back because you put some time and effort into your message. It wasn't just Hey... how are you."
So since I'm a guy I need to start sending messages. I read the article on it and 'what's up' seems like a good subject line, that true?
Women get so many messages that just sending a simple Hey, what's up, probably isn't going to cut it. The other problem though is you definitely don't want to write a long one. So like the poster above, you pick something interesting out of their profile to talk about, keep it as short and to the point as possible, and I always try to end with a question.
I also seem to get better results if I end with my real first name at the bottom.
I'm curious, why are you against long messages?
Mine are long. I generally start the message talking about something we have in common but then I write interesting things about me that I didn't include in the profile.
On several occasions I've gotten compliments on my messages and more than a few times I've heard "I decided to write you back because you put some time and effort into your message. It wasn't just Hey... how are you."
Most women get more messages than they care to read. Unless something about you sticks out right away there's a good chance they won't want to spend a day reading a wall of text.
I find better/more responses with shorter opening messages rather than long ones as well. The key is to find a happy medium. No, you don't want "Hey, what's up? - Forar" to be your message, but a 2 page Big Block Of Text Attack rarely seems to go over well either.
I usually aim for 2-3 reasonably sized paragraphs. One or two commenting on parts of their profile I liked or that we share in common (to show I'm paying attention / not just firing off bulk form letter emails, and to give them something to respond to) and then a little about myself. I too find that ending with my real first name seems to help, and I believe Robman suggested making sure to include a question or two that can't just be answered with an easy yes or no is a good way to get a conversation flowing.
The goal (in my eyes) is to show some personality, a bit of interest in who they are, and see if we can't spark off a conversation that's interesting enough to move forward with.
You want to stand out against the possibly dozens (or more) messages these women might be receiving per day, but throwing out a small novel (note: hyperbole) for them to read might cause their eyes to glaze over even if they like what you have to say.
Not that lengthy introductory messages can't work, but I've trimmed how long my first messages are, and it seems to be helping with getting responses back.
Though I've also gotten messaged first for the second time this week today, and it's kind of creeping me out. I guess my profile adjustments over the past few weeks are paying off, or it's a full moon or something.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
Hm. So far seems like saturday date will go as planned, tuesday date is somewhat iffy. While I know a 25 year old graduate is going to be in a slightly different point in her life, hearing that her previous relationship was a long term that almost went to marriage and she would have been perfectly happy being the housewife and making babies for her hubby, along with "I like traditional gender roles," I dunno. That's not exactly my type. Trying to keep an open mind. She also got upset when I stated I'm more attracted to girls who are close to my body size (I'm a twig), in that that meant I "wouldn't want to date her." Um. Woman, you don't even know my last name. You've talked to me for four days. I'm looking forward to seeing you in person to see if I actually get along with you in person, I've already pointed out I find you cute, and have you noticed how I've been putting in effort to get to know you because I'm interested? Just because I have a preference for a body type doesn't mean someone outside of it is going to be instantly rejected by me. Worry about if you're going to get along with me before you worry about if I want to have sex with you. Gah.
How old are you vs. the 25 year old?
She sounds a lot like my ex, in that she's hit her mid-20s and is now ready to find a man and settle down. We were almost at marriage as well and I used to hear the phrase "I'm not getting any younger" a lot. I never understood why a 26 year old would worry about that, especially as a 32 year old guy.
Traditional gender roles is code for "I want to get married, work a couple of years, pop out a kid, and then be taken care of." I'm personally not against that if the woman is a correct match for me but it sounds like it's not something you are into. That right there might be enough to think about avoiding the date. Since I suspect that she's looking to find a man and settle down quickly...
"Traditional Gender Roles" is also code for a submissive looking for a dominant. Our housemate is using several dating sites, she's a sub who doesn't want to have to break in a new dom. Kink aside, she's looking for a guy who is willing to call the shots and make the decisions, not necessarily a woman looking to be set up and kept.
I just found out that the girl i'm dating is 18, not 20 like I assumed.
She's a real sweet girl who looks a lot older, and we get along great, but man, a 21 and an 18 year old is probably gonna look bad. I kind of don't know what to do here. Crap!
I just found out that the girl i'm dating is 18, not 20 like I assumed.
She's a real sweet girl who looks a lot older, and we get along great, but man, a 21 and an 18 year old is probably gonna look bad. I kind of don't know what to do here. Crap!
You're already dating, and it's really not that huge of an age difference. Don't freak out. If she ends up not being mature enough then oh well, you start over with someone else.
So since I'm a guy I need to start sending messages. I read the article on it and 'what's up' seems like a good subject line, that true?
Women get so many messages that just sending a simple Hey, what's up, probably isn't going to cut it. The other problem though is you definitely don't want to write a long one. So like the poster above, you pick something interesting out of their profile to talk about, keep it as short and to the point as possible, and I always try to end with a question.
I also seem to get better results if I end with my real first name at the bottom.
I'm curious, why are you against long messages?
Mine are long. I generally start the message talking about something we have in common but then I write interesting things about me that I didn't include in the profile.
On several occasions I've gotten compliments on my messages and more than a few times I've heard "I decided to write you back because you put some time and effort into your message. It wasn't just Hey... how are you."
This is limed for the truth, I met my girlfriend on POF and we've been together for a year now. An the thing i did was say something along the lines of "You know, you can't get to know the person quite well from a simple message, however, I see that you like hockey, what are your favourite teams."
An here I am today dating the same girl for over a year now.
Or...well...are we talking 18 "not out of high school yet" or 18 "is a Freshman in college"?
Either way, I wouldn't particularly let it phase you, but if it's the first one I can at least understand how it might be bothersome.
Nope, she's in college, so there's none of that high school drama to be had. She apparently works with toddlers a lot, so that's probably what brought that rapid maturity. Kids can be a real hassle at times.
I think i'll give it a shot, but i'm gonna be walking on ice for this next date, and see where it goes.
Or...well...are we talking 18 "not out of high school yet" or 18 "is a Freshman in college"?
Either way, I wouldn't particularly let it phase you, but if it's the first one I can at least understand how it might be bothersome.
Nope, she's in college, so there's none of that high school drama to be had. She apparently works with toddlers a lot, so that's probably what brought that rapid maturity. Kids can be a real hassle at times.
I think i'll give it a shot, but i'm gonna be walking on ice for this next date, and see where it goes.
Don't think about it overly.
If you spend too much time thinking about it, it'll change how you behave (even unconsciously), and work as a wedge between you. If you're going to give it a shot, then give it a shot and stop giving a crap about the age.
Posts
If you're looking for someone to marry and have kids with, you're going to have a long search in all likelihood.
well, one doesn't expect to meet someone and get married the next day, but one would think it wouldn't be that hard to find someone where major disqualifiers aren't revealed like week one...
People who have fewer flaws are also much more likely to have people trying to keep them.
Jon Stewert? Stephen Colbert?
Come on green dots! Step it up!
Green dots mean that they are not.
They will live to ahundredandten.
my old best friend from high school was a gay Jewish republican environmentalist...
But it seemed to go pretty well. Very attractive girl, seems to be pretty level headed, and there's going to be another follow up date sometime next week whenever I figure out a good time.
I'm pleased.
The Friday night date was rescheduled from last Saturday. The girl was having some repairs done to her house and just didn't get them done in time. She seems decent but her busy schedule has meant that we really haven't been able to talk much, just txt a bit. She's slightly older than what I normally go for at 34 but she's well within my age range since I'm 32. Still, I generally like to date a few years younger. That being said, she seems to have her shit together and she owns her own home, which is always a plus.
As an interesting aside, I think I originally started talking to her last June. We just couldn't get together and I started dating someone seriously after that. She saw me on OKCupid last week and sent me an IM. After a short conversation she asked me out for dinner. I guess I made a good impression on her...
The possible date on Saturday is younger than the Friday date. She's in her mid-20s and is a counselor going for her master's degree. Again, we haven't had much of a time to talk. I emailed her on OKCupid, she emailed me back and I sent her a short message saying I was really busy with work (I was) and that I'd write as soon as I had time. I left her AIM name and phone number as a better way to contact me. She sent me a few txt messages this past week and we're trying to set up drinks on Saturday. My only reservation is that she seems like a bit of a party girl. I generally don't get along with that type very well.
No no, i'm messaging them first!
I don't have the kind of looks that have women tearing my doors down to meet me.
How old are you vs. the 25 year old?
She sounds a lot like my ex, in that she's hit her mid-20s and is now ready to find a man and settle down. We were almost at marriage as well and I used to hear the phrase "I'm not getting any younger" a lot. I never understood why a 26 year old would worry about that, especially as a 32 year old guy.
Traditional gender roles is code for "I want to get married, work a couple of years, pop out a kid, and then be taken care of." I'm personally not against that if the woman is a correct match for me but it sounds like it's not something you are into. That right there might be enough to think about avoiding the date. Since I suspect that she's looking to find a man and settle down quickly...
My guess would be he's 22-23, which isn't a huge age difference, but there could be a large lifestyle disconnect if he's in college.
From reading what he wrote, it doesn't look like they're a good match, but there's no harm in just meeting with her (...usually).
Send her a picture of your cock. Women love that.
Eh, you guys are thinking too much, it's a date. You go out, you see if you actually get along, and you deal with all that extra bullshit later on. I suspect if she really is just looking for a dude to lock up, you'll have it figured out 20 minutes into the date, women like that usually are pretty obvious.
Or DC?
Yes and no.
There isn't a filter on eHarmony to not see unsubscribed profiles. But, in practice, it doesn't really seem to be an issue.
This is because people signed up have a choice:
1) Get 5+ emails about matchs a day
2) Remove themselves from matching
Remember that eHarmony isn't open viewing of profiles, and instead provides you with 5 to 10 people daily who "match" you. So as long as someone remembers to remove themselves from matching when they cancel their subscription (or decide not to start one in the first place), you won't have to worry about them showing up for you..
It's pretty easy to figure out which of your matches are the ones who just created a profile and didn't purchase a subscription - picture approval takes a few days so you won't be able to see one.
So while I'd love to see some real numbers (and know I never will), the numbers used in those images are bogus.
Disclaimer: I have no other reference point to compare eHarmony to, so take my comments with a grain of salt.
I typically try to tailor it to their profile or something that we might share in common. For instance, if they list a couple books or webcomics or something I might ask if they'd heard of ___ since that's a good ice breaker and prompts a response. The more generic "how's it going" without any sort of legwork don't seem to work well for me, but then I haven't really had much exposure with either setup.
Women get so many messages that just sending a simple Hey, what's up, probably isn't going to cut it. The other problem though is you definitely don't want to write a long one. So like the poster above, you pick something interesting out of their profile to talk about, keep it as short and to the point as possible, and I always try to end with a question.
I also seem to get better results if I end with my real first name at the bottom.
I'm curious, why are you against long messages?
Mine are long. I generally start the message talking about something we have in common but then I write interesting things about me that I didn't include in the profile.
On several occasions I've gotten compliments on my messages and more than a few times I've heard "I decided to write you back because you put some time and effort into your message. It wasn't just Hey... how are you."
Most women get more messages than they care to read. Unless something about you sticks out right away there's a good chance they won't want to spend a day reading a wall of text.
I usually aim for 2-3 reasonably sized paragraphs. One or two commenting on parts of their profile I liked or that we share in common (to show I'm paying attention / not just firing off bulk form letter emails, and to give them something to respond to) and then a little about myself. I too find that ending with my real first name seems to help, and I believe Robman suggested making sure to include a question or two that can't just be answered with an easy yes or no is a good way to get a conversation flowing.
The goal (in my eyes) is to show some personality, a bit of interest in who they are, and see if we can't spark off a conversation that's interesting enough to move forward with.
You want to stand out against the possibly dozens (or more) messages these women might be receiving per day, but throwing out a small novel (note: hyperbole) for them to read might cause their eyes to glaze over even if they like what you have to say.
Not that lengthy introductory messages can't work, but I've trimmed how long my first messages are, and it seems to be helping with getting responses back.
Though I've also gotten messaged first for the second time this week today, and it's kind of creeping me out. I guess my profile adjustments over the past few weeks are paying off, or it's a full moon or something.
"Traditional Gender Roles" is also code for a submissive looking for a dominant. Our housemate is using several dating sites, she's a sub who doesn't want to have to break in a new dom. Kink aside, she's looking for a guy who is willing to call the shots and make the decisions, not necessarily a woman looking to be set up and kept.
She's a real sweet girl who looks a lot older, and we get along great, but man, a 21 and an 18 year old is probably gonna look bad. I kind of don't know what to do here. Crap!
You're already dating, and it's really not that huge of an age difference. Don't freak out. If she ends up not being mature enough then oh well, you start over with someone else.
I was dating a 19 year old. I was 25.
Or...well...are we talking 18 "not out of high school yet" or 18 "is a Freshman in college"?
Either way, I wouldn't particularly let it phase you, but if it's the first one I can at least understand how it might be bothersome.
The people I've been chatting with range from 22 to 38. I'm 30. *facepalm*
If nothing else, 18-21 falls within the "half your age plus seven" guideline.*
(Note: I'm aware such guideline doesn't amount to shit, it's just a joke)
Edit: I was dating a 31 year old when I was 23.
This is limed for the truth, I met my girlfriend on POF and we've been together for a year now. An the thing i did was say something along the lines of "You know, you can't get to know the person quite well from a simple message, however, I see that you like hockey, what are your favourite teams."
An here I am today dating the same girl for over a year now.
Nope, she's in college, so there's none of that high school drama to be had. She apparently works with toddlers a lot, so that's probably what brought that rapid maturity. Kids can be a real hassle at times.
I think i'll give it a shot, but i'm gonna be walking on ice for this next date, and see where it goes.
Don't think about it overly.
If you spend too much time thinking about it, it'll change how you behave (even unconsciously), and work as a wedge between you. If you're going to give it a shot, then give it a shot and stop giving a crap about the age.