So first date tonight went well I think. We chatted over some tasty meat at Wild Willy's for like an hour and a half. Probably would have gone on longer if they weren't closing. We laughed at each others jokes and had very enjoyable conversation. I know she's going to NY for a few weeks on Thursday, but she seemed cool with meeting after that. So...potential success.
Quick question, if I sent a nice little, "Have a good trip" message, there's nothing creepy since we only met last night, right?
I suck at this dating thing.
Edit: I mean if I sent it tonight, not this morning.
seems like a pretty alright thing to do to me but i also suck at this dating thing.....
oh man, the guy with his boner on his sleeve is still messaging me. he's just not getting it. i thought my initial reply was pretty concise and clear cut.
observe:
him: "Hahahaha didn't expect that. But I guess it's because I'm just a very expressive person. But I'd really like to get to know you better if you're interested.."
me: "yeah, rule of thumb is that kind of stuff is MEGA creepy when you don't know the person at all. did you like.. READ my profile? it's pretty clear that that kind of 'romantic' stuff really isn't what i dig. i do appreciate the thought and it's generally more well-written than the fuckery i typically receive on this site, but uh, no dice."
him: "Can't people not like different things and still be together?"
me: "alright, i don't know how else to explain that this entire interaction is a pretty fundamental total turnoff for me. also there's something to be said for subtlety."
..
what is this i don't even
My money is on he's going to reply. Your final reply there still takes a bit of thinking plus it can be taken as (although most never would) 'if I change my approach, she'll dig me'.
i dig confidence so long as you're not annoying about it. i can be pretty cocky myself sometimes so i need someone who can keep up with it and give me a reality check when i (rarely) need it. i find that self-awareness seems to be hovering around nonexistent these days.
self-deprecation is just counter productive, not attractive, and a turnoff. if you don't think you're a cool guy, then why the hell should i? it's not my job to convince you otherwise, that's just not an alluring prospect to me.
You're an intelligent lass, but I don't think we're talking about the same thing here.
Self Deprecating != Self Depreciating (I'm not sure that's even a term, but you know what I mean).
Edit part deux: That is to say, there is a far cry between being able to poke fun at yourself and recognize the absurdity of situations you yourself are a part of, and actually being down or negative about yourself. One is actually pretty healthy, the other isn't. They aren't one and the same.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
My money is on he's going to reply. Your final reply there still takes a bit of thinking plus it can be taken as (although most never would) 'if I change my approach, she'll dig me'.
Yes, it's still not straightforward, like "I'm not interested in you in any form or fashion" or "don't message me again."
Retro, you're engaging this guy in conversation. He's just responding naturally. If you stopped responding, he'd get the point.
And I got a message from a girl last night over the videogame icebreaker I sent months ago. Interesting. I have more success with icebreakers than I do with actual messages.
oh i'm done replying for now; honestly i was stunned that he was serious with what he sent me, especially after my first reply. that's why i responded to him those few times, sheer morbid curiosity. so goddamn creepy. my point is that i make absolutely zero indication of even remote interest.
forar-- gotcha. i always forget the semantics there, haha. poking fun is one thing but outright "oh i'm ugly lolol" or something along those lines is goddamn annoying.
also that whole "hemming and hawing" online in messages thing really bugs me, but that's just me. maybe some chicks find that kind of nonsense endearing? i'm not saying you have to be an alpha-male overconfident crazy person, but for real, be confident in yourself. at least for me, i'm in my mid 20s and looking for guys in their mid to late 20s and i'd like to hope they'd be done with high school-level stuff like that by now.
I don't think his message was creepy. It was a bit odd but it wasn't creepy. Shit, it kinda half-worked since it got your attention. And it's not like he said "I wanna smell your hair." or something like that.
JustinSane07 on
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Mojo_JojoWe are only now beginning to understand the full power and ramifications of sexual intercourseRegistered Userregular
I don't think his message was creepy. It was a bit odd but it wasn't creepy. Shit, it kinda half-worked since it got your attention. And it's not like he said "I wanna smell your hair." or something like that.
We may have just identified why you're having so little success.
Mojo_Jojo on
Homogeneous distribution of your varieties of amuse-gueule
No you haven't. I don't send messages that read like Civil War love letters.
JustinSane07 on
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited May 2010
I have a girl talking to me about riding crops, handcuffs and haunted statues. I'm... confused.
One of her public answers on OKC is "Which is bigger the Earth or the sun?" and she put The Earth and then explanation 'what dose this have to do with dating?' (typo hers)
No you haven't. I don't send messages that read like Civil War love letters.
My Dearest XxMaryCorexX,
The photographs of you putting a mustachioed finger to your lips gives me the greatest pleasure. Work is hard, but I remain gay. If you would send me scantily clad pictures it would lift my spirits to the heaven. Enclosed are impressions of my wang.
No you haven't. I don't send messages that read like Civil War love letters.
My Dearest XxMaryCorexX,
The photographs of you putting a mustachioed finger to your lips gives me the greatest pleasure. Work is hard, but I remain gay. If you would send me scantily clad pictures it would lift my spirits to the heaven. Enclosed are impressions of my wang.
I'd probably get more responses if I did something like this.
People who state that they don't want to state anything in that section hurt my head.
Damnit people, if you don't write anything in a section, it doesn't show up! You don't need to share that you don't want to share anything! Just make a joke or put something somewhat tame in there! Or a reasonably amusing annecdote, perhaps one that might be a bit embarassing, but it's okay 'cause it's a little private and that's what that field is for!
Gah!
That said, people who actually admit something fairly private there are a bit of a pleasant surprise. On one hand, it's amazing what some people will admit to/state out in the open, but unless you actually meet them (or happen to know them already, which as we've seen has happened), it's like going on Jerry Springer; ten thousand random strangers knowing something intimate about you really doesn't amount to shit for the most part.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
It's definitely not unheard of. I used to listen to a radio show (oh, how quaint and anitquated) run by Sue Johanson during my high school years, and people around that age would call in all the time. And this was back in the early 90's.
ITT: Forar is old.
Wait, no, that was established in G&T a few months ago.
Edit: holy shit, according to wiki, her tv show ended two years ago. I guess when I've seen it while flipping recently it must've been reruns.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
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kaliyamaLeft to find less-moderated foraRegistered Userregular
edited May 2010
I just msged somebody to saying "the only thing i have to say to you is that I like your name, and to do something local activist related I wanted to find people for. I then got a six-paragraph response." She's cute, but 33 and two rungs further up the hipster ladder than me. jesus!
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surrealitychecklonely, but not unloveddreaming of faulty keys and latchesRegistered Userregular
edited May 2010
Older women are the best.
surrealitycheck on
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JeanHeartbroken papa bearGatineau, QuébecRegistered Userregular
edited May 2010
So I got 3 dates in the incoming days (with 3 dudes). First one is in a few hours actually. i'll let you guys know how it goes
Jean on
"You won't destroy us, You won't destroy our democracy. We are a small but proud nation. No one can bomb us to silence. No one can scare us from being Norway. This evening and tonight, we'll take care of each other. That's what we do best when attacked'' - Jens Stoltenberg
So I got 3 dates in the incoming days (with 3 dudes). First one is in a few hours actually. i'll let you guys know how it goes
Good luck!
Asuma on
"Extremism is so easy. You've got your position, and that's it. It doesn't take much thought. And when you go far enough to the right, you meet the same idiots coming around from the left." -- Clint Eastwood ***
I once received oral sex from a 40 year old ex-stripper named "Angel", but other than that I haven't ever dated anyone more than three years my senior.
To be brutally honest, I'm a little intimidated by older women. I'm halfway through 24 right now, and I always feel that women in their late twenties or early thirties are looking for someone who has their life together - someone who they can settle down and start (or continue raising) a family with, not some mid twenties dork who has no long term plans.
And yet I am talking to a woman (in real life) right now who is a couple of years older than me, is divorced, and has two young children.
Funny the way things work out sometimes.
SmokeStacks on
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surrealitychecklonely, but not unloveddreaming of faulty keys and latchesRegistered Userregular
edited May 2010
To be brutally honest, I'm a little intimidated by older women. I'm halfway through 24 right now, and I always feel that women in their late twenties or early thirties are looking for someone who has their life together - someone who they can settle down and start (or continue raising) a family with, not some mid twenties dork who has no long term plans.
That's actually the exact opposite of their desires (at least on OKCupid).
More OK with casual sex, want more sex, more likely to give oral sex and more interested in a threesome. Massively more likely to be OK with a relationship that doesn't end in marriage.
To be brutally honest, I'm a little intimidated by older women. I'm halfway through 24 right now, and I always feel that women in their late twenties or early thirties are looking for someone who has their life together - someone who they can settle down and start (or continue raising) a family with, not some mid twenties dork who has no long term plans.
The options really thin out above my age (36), either due to their not being the internet generation, or because the pool has simply gotten so small. On the other hand, it feels a touch creepy to me to email anyone below 30, but I do it anyway because you never know and as they say, they'll find their own reasons not to date you. Age/2+7 rule and hope they have an open mind...
Many women my age seem like they're in a rush to have kids, and being a guy who's pretty sure he doesn't want any is a solid fail to 75% of potential matches. I really wish as an a-list OKC member you could completely screen out that one aspect.
Asuma on
"Extremism is so easy. You've got your position, and that's it. It doesn't take much thought. And when you go far enough to the right, you meet the same idiots coming around from the left." -- Clint Eastwood ***
To be brutally honest, I'm a little intimidated by older women. I'm halfway through 24 right now, and I always feel that women in their late twenties or early thirties are looking for someone who has their life together - someone who they can settle down and start (or continue raising) a family with, not some mid twenties dork who has no long term plans.
That's actually the exact opposite of their desires (at least on OKCupid).
More OK with casual sex, want more sex, more likely to give oral sex and more interested in a threesome. Massively more likely to be OK with a relationship that doesn't end in marriage.
It's not that older women are more apt to feel that way, older women on OKC are more apt to feel that way.
Think about it this way: the women more likely to want a relationship to end in marriage get married and are removed from the dating pool. Etc, etc, etc. It's a sort of selection bias. The sort of woman to be on OKC at a later age is more likely to be one of those who was less likely to settle down, while those who settled down are removed from the dating pool.
GreasyKidsStuffMOMMM!ROAST BEEF WANTS TO KISS GIRLS ON THE TITTIES!Registered Userregular
edited May 2010
So uh, I've had yet another prospect fall apart on me. This girl on okcupid told me to add her on Facebook since she's not on okcupid enough, so I did. So we've continued shooting back-and-forths on there for the last few weeks.
I finally asked her yesterday if she'd like to meet up for lunch or coffee someday and she said when she was free she would definitely let me know! Awesome, right?
I wake up this morning to see she is now dating somebody So that's the second time that's happened.
So uh, I've had yet another prospect fall apart on me. This girl on okcupid told me to add her on Facebook since she's not on okcupid enough, so I did. So we've continued shooting back-and-forths on there for the last few weeks.
I finally asked her yesterday if she'd like to meet up for lunch or coffee someday and she said when she was free she would definitely let me know! Awesome, right?
I wake up this morning to see she is now dating somebody So that's the second time that's happened.
I fucking quit.
That sucks. Are you sure she is actually dating someone else? I have a friend who is constantly changing her relationship status just to fuck with people. One day she will be single, next week she will be dating her friend with the massive tits, then the next month she is married to a random in Melbourne.
So uh, I've had yet another prospect fall apart on me. This girl on okcupid told me to add her on Facebook since she's not on okcupid enough, so I did. So we've continued shooting back-and-forths on there for the last few weeks.
Try asking them out sooner than a few weeks.
And for the love of god, don't friend them on Facebook. If they want to chat, they'll log into OKCupid.
Septus on
PSN: Kurahoshi1
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GreasyKidsStuffMOMMM!ROAST BEEF WANTS TO KISS GIRLS ON THE TITTIES!Registered Userregular
edited May 2010
Yeah I'm not doing that anymore. Seems to be the kiss of death. And I'm not wasting time beating around the bush trying to be nice anymore, I need to be more forward I think.
GreasyKidsStuff on
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited May 2010
I've been reading a lot of Dan Savage lately (awesome column, enjoy his advice) and realizing how vanilla my life is. Now suddenly I'm talking to a girl and she's bringing up riding crops and handcuffs. I said something about how I wasn't good at the whole casual sex thing, and she thought I was talking about wanting to be submissive...
...so... odds I die if I let a girl off the internet handcuff me? I'm not going to just cause of the whole getting bitten once before, but I can only imagine dudes that would jump at this. For the record we were talking about how OkCupid works for meeting new people, and SHE brought up the sex stuff.
Fuck I am so tired of dating. I miss my ex and our great vanilla sex. Sorrs if this is too mopey.
OnTheLastCastle on
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
Yeah I'm not doing that anymore. Seems to be the kiss of death. And I'm not wasting time beating around the bush trying to be nice anymore, I need to be more forward I think.
If you're exchanging messages every day, one week is probably a baseline for asking them to hang out. Someone should ask someone at least. Some girls are passive just cause they expect guys to do it (and some guy will).
It can be cool to have something your friends are doing and invite her along. But you'll have to kind of be the life of the party talking to her and introducing her to your friends.
I'd just go for a regular date 'want to get drinks/coffee' though in general.
...so... odds I die if I let a girl off the internet handcuff me?
The sex handcuffs I own have an easily-accessible button on them to unlock them. So you can unlock them yourself while being handcuffed and without a key. So if she has that kind of handcuffs, there's pretty much zero chance that something bad will happen to you. Well, nothing bad that involves the handcuffs specifically.
If you're going to be a sub, keep in mind that you're actually supposed to be in charge of things, and that you need to communicate things beforehand. Also get a safeword. And make sure she has some idea of things which are off-limits.
Incenjucar on
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
...so... odds I die if I let a girl off the internet handcuff me?
The sex handcuffs I own have an easily-accessible button on them to unlock them. So you can unlock them yourself while being handcuffed and without a key. So if she has that kind of handcuffs, there's pretty much zero chance that something bad will happen to you. Well, nothing bad that involves the handcuffs specifically.
That is awesome and awesome to know. You dog, Richy, you dog. :winky:
Seriously, never tried it. I thought I knew all about lots of fetishes but Dan Savage is giving me a crash course in the not so extremely weird ones that are still obviously fetishes.
edit: You guys are actually kind of making me want to do it by not laughing at me like I expected. It would be really new.
...so... odds I die if I let a girl off the internet handcuff me?
The sex handcuffs I own have an easily-accessible button on them to unlock them. So you can unlock them yourself while being handcuffed and without a key. So if she has that kind of handcuffs, there's pretty much zero chance that something bad will happen to you. Well, nothing bad that involves the handcuffs specifically.
That is awesome and awesome to know. You dog, Richy, you dog. :winky:
Seriously, never tried it. I thought I knew all about lots of fetishes but Dan Savage is giving me a crash course in the not so extremely weird ones that are still obviously fetishes.
edit: You guys are actually kind of making me want to do it by not laughing at me like I expected. It would be really new.
Just make sure they have the safety latch/button before you get into anything, you don't want some kind of crazy Gerald's Game situation. I always just used kid's toy handcuffs with the highly visible latch on the side.
Posts
My money is on he's going to reply. Your final reply there still takes a bit of thinking plus it can be taken as (although most never would) 'if I change my approach, she'll dig me'.
You're an intelligent lass, but I don't think we're talking about the same thing here.
Self Deprecating != Self Depreciating (I'm not sure that's even a term, but you know what I mean).
Edit part deux: That is to say, there is a far cry between being able to poke fun at yourself and recognize the absurdity of situations you yourself are a part of, and actually being down or negative about yourself. One is actually pretty healthy, the other isn't. They aren't one and the same.
Yes, it's still not straightforward, like "I'm not interested in you in any form or fashion" or "don't message me again."
And I got a message from a girl last night over the videogame icebreaker I sent months ago. Interesting. I have more success with icebreakers than I do with actual messages.
forar-- gotcha. i always forget the semantics there, haha. poking fun is one thing but outright "oh i'm ugly lolol" or something along those lines is goddamn annoying.
also that whole "hemming and hawing" online in messages thing really bugs me, but that's just me. maybe some chicks find that kind of nonsense endearing? i'm not saying you have to be an alpha-male overconfident crazy person, but for real, be confident in yourself. at least for me, i'm in my mid 20s and looking for guys in their mid to late 20s and i'd like to hope they'd be done with high school-level stuff like that by now.
We may have just identified why you're having so little success.
One of her public answers on OKC is "Which is bigger the Earth or the sun?" and she put The Earth and then explanation 'what dose this have to do with dating?' (typo hers)
Oh, honey, more than you'll ever know.
My Dearest XxMaryCorexX,
The photographs of you putting a mustachioed finger to your lips gives me the greatest pleasure. Work is hard, but I remain gay. If you would send me scantily clad pictures it would lift my spirits to the heaven. Enclosed are impressions of my wang.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
I lost my virginity when I was 12.
I think my Quiver is broken
My Little Game Blog - http://profundospielen.blogspot.com/
I'd probably get more responses if I did something like this.
Whoa whoa whoa, this all depends on context.
Er, wait, no, she's admitting it publicly, nevermind!
Damnit people, if you don't write anything in a section, it doesn't show up! You don't need to share that you don't want to share anything! Just make a joke or put something somewhat tame in there! Or a reasonably amusing annecdote, perhaps one that might be a bit embarassing, but it's okay 'cause it's a little private and that's what that field is for!
Gah!
That said, people who actually admit something fairly private there are a bit of a pleasant surprise. On one hand, it's amazing what some people will admit to/state out in the open, but unless you actually meet them (or happen to know them already, which as we've seen has happened), it's like going on Jerry Springer; ten thousand random strangers knowing something intimate about you really doesn't amount to shit for the most part.
I used to listen to Creed...on purpose.
Someone be the creepy dude and ask her if it was to a family member.
I think I saw some stats a few years back that having sex before you turn 14 was a rather huge proportion of people in the US...
12 though, yeah that's pretty early. There was one couple fucking in jr high, and that was kind of a big deal
ITT: Forar is old.
Wait, no, that was established in G&T a few months ago.
Edit: holy shit, according to wiki, her tv show ended two years ago. I guess when I've seen it while flipping recently it must've been reruns.
Good luck!
Fill the generation gap :winky:
I once received oral sex from a 40 year old ex-stripper named "Angel", but other than that I haven't ever dated anyone more than three years my senior.
To be brutally honest, I'm a little intimidated by older women. I'm halfway through 24 right now, and I always feel that women in their late twenties or early thirties are looking for someone who has their life together - someone who they can settle down and start (or continue raising) a family with, not some mid twenties dork who has no long term plans.
And yet I am talking to a woman (in real life) right now who is a couple of years older than me, is divorced, and has two young children.
Funny the way things work out sometimes.
That's actually the exact opposite of their desires (at least on OKCupid).
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/02/16/the-case-for-an-older-woman/
More OK with casual sex, want more sex, more likely to give oral sex and more interested in a threesome. Massively more likely to be OK with a relationship that doesn't end in marriage.
Some of the relevant graphs:
The options really thin out above my age (36), either due to their not being the internet generation, or because the pool has simply gotten so small. On the other hand, it feels a touch creepy to me to email anyone below 30, but I do it anyway because you never know and as they say, they'll find their own reasons not to date you. Age/2+7 rule and hope they have an open mind...
Many women my age seem like they're in a rush to have kids, and being a guy who's pretty sure he doesn't want any is a solid fail to 75% of potential matches. I really wish as an a-list OKC member you could completely screen out that one aspect.
It's not that older women are more apt to feel that way, older women on OKC are more apt to feel that way.
Think about it this way: the women more likely to want a relationship to end in marriage get married and are removed from the dating pool. Etc, etc, etc. It's a sort of selection bias. The sort of woman to be on OKC at a later age is more likely to be one of those who was less likely to settle down, while those who settled down are removed from the dating pool.
I finally asked her yesterday if she'd like to meet up for lunch or coffee someday and she said when she was free she would definitely let me know! Awesome, right?
I wake up this morning to see she is now dating somebody
I fucking quit.
That sucks. Are you sure she is actually dating someone else? I have a friend who is constantly changing her relationship status just to fuck with people. One day she will be single, next week she will be dating her friend with the massive tits, then the next month she is married to a random in Melbourne.
Try asking them out sooner than a few weeks.
And for the love of god, don't friend them on Facebook. If they want to chat, they'll log into OKCupid.
...so... odds I die if I let a girl off the internet handcuff me? I'm not going to just cause of the whole getting bitten once before, but I can only imagine dudes that would jump at this. For the record we were talking about how OkCupid works for meeting new people, and SHE brought up the sex stuff.
Fuck I am so tired of dating. I miss my ex and our great vanilla sex. Sorrs if this is too mopey.
If you're exchanging messages every day, one week is probably a baseline for asking them to hang out. Someone should ask someone at least. Some girls are passive just cause they expect guys to do it (and some guy will).
It can be cool to have something your friends are doing and invite her along. But you'll have to kind of be the life of the party talking to her and introducing her to your friends.
I'd just go for a regular date 'want to get drinks/coffee' though in general.
The sex handcuffs I own have an easily-accessible button on them to unlock them. So you can unlock them yourself while being handcuffed and without a key. So if she has that kind of handcuffs, there's pretty much zero chance that something bad will happen to you. Well, nothing bad that involves the handcuffs specifically.
That is awesome and awesome to know. You dog, Richy, you dog. :winky:
Seriously, never tried it. I thought I knew all about lots of fetishes but Dan Savage is giving me a crash course in the not so extremely weird ones that are still obviously fetishes.
edit: You guys are actually kind of making me want to do it by not laughing at me like I expected. It would be really new.
Just make sure they have the safety latch/button before you get into anything, you don't want some kind of crazy Gerald's Game situation. I always just used kid's toy handcuffs with the highly visible latch on the side.