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Wedding Preperations
JPArbiter
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So Mrs Arbiter and I finally decided to bite the bullet and actually get married. She is set to graduate here in december and we are looking at a June wedding (who gets married in June after all?)
that gives us a little under 400 days to prepare. What all do we need to arrainge
My List
Cerimony Requirments
Venue for Cerimony
Guest List for Cerimony
Judge and/or Minister
Application for marrage liscence
Attournies for both of us (prenups)
Reception Requirments
Venue for Reception
Larger guest List for Reception
Catering and Bartending
Music
Honeymoon Requirments
Plane Tickets
Hotel
Lingere
Sex Toys
Suntan lotion
Life Requirments
a Bright outlook towards the future, and that together we can get past any argument we may have with trust, honor, loyalty, and dignity.
that gives us a little under 400 days to prepare. What all do we need to arrainge
My List
Cerimony Requirments
Venue for Cerimony
Guest List for Cerimony
Judge and/or Minister
Application for marrage liscence
Attournies for both of us (prenups)
Reception Requirments
Venue for Reception
Larger guest List for Reception
Catering and Bartending
Music
Honeymoon Requirments
Plane Tickets
Hotel
Lingere
Sex Toys
Suntan lotion
Life Requirments
a Bright outlook towards the future, and that together we can get past any argument we may have with trust, honor, loyalty, and dignity.
Sinning since 1983
JPArbiter on
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Anyway, after doing it once, I'd recommend no one EVER have the giant traditional ceremony. It's a giant waste of time and money. Elope, save the money and buy yourselves a nice vacation or whatever.
They hold a small ceremony on a beach in Hawaii. It ends up being beautiful, memorable, and relatively cheap compared to a regulation wedding. Plus, the honeymoon is really easy to pull off from there.
1)My best friend, so I'm the best man. He had it not too far from his house at a very nice hotel that does this type of stuff all the time. To the point where they have an inhouse wedding planner. All that the guests needed to do was check into the room. They had blocked off every room around this beautiful courtyard for us, so all it took to get there was just stepping out the door of your room.
Nice ceremony, and then the reception was in the same hotel and was catered by them as well.
Got drunk? You're 50 feet from your room while the happy couple takes an elevator to their suite.
Was perfect.
2) Beach wedding as Thanatos suggests. Rented a big damned house in the Outer Bank, NC. Party, wedding on the beach, more party.
Simple is often good my friend.
To be more specific to your list, you'll need:
Flowers, invitations, transportation, hmm..what's else.
-Invitations (with maps) are a plus
-Figure out if you're having groomsmen/bridesmaids, and who they're going to be. If so, are you going to let them wear 1.) whatever, 2.) let them pick out their matching suits/gowns from a store, or 3.) you pick their outfits out and they're damn well going to live with it. (I recommend options 1 or 2 - I had my maid of honor, the only attendant who lived in town, pick out a dress that was in the right color range, and then she made sure the others liked it.)
-Flowers, probably at least for bride's and bridesmaids' bouquets. Are you also going to 1.) decorate the ceremony venue? 2.) the reception venue? 3.) Boutenieres for the groomsmen and groom? 4.) Boutenieres or corsages for your parents?
-Are you doing a gift registry? Where, and what do you need/want?
-Do you want a wedding cake? That's something you have to go to a specialist for, not something the caterers would generally take care of. If you're doing the wedding cake thing, you're going to need a cake cutter/server. It's neat if you can borrow the ones your parents used at their own wedding, I think. At ours we used the cutter from Mr. DG's parents' wedding, and my mother gave us our own server engraved with the wedding date and our names, which was really sweet.
-Are you going to have anyone close to you do a reading/sing/perform other music during the ceremony?
-Do you want a photographer at the ceremony/reception?
I also did not point out that we have a few of the items listed already decided upon. Public parks where I am from cost about nothing to use
- For you and your entourage to get to the ceremony
- For your bride and her to get to the ceremony
- For the parents to get to the ceremony
- For any guests to get to the ceremony
- For you and the bride to get to the reception
- For your parents and the groom and bride entourages to get to the reception
- For any other guests that were at the ceremony to get to the reception
- For other guests to get to the reception
- For everybody to get home/to their hotels/the airport etc. after the reception
In practical terms, this means either taxis or chauffeur driven cars for your entourage, her entourage and the parents and coaches for the rest of the guests. Ideally, the coach should go from a convenient central location in the city and return there at the end of the night. Bonus points if you can have it shuttle past one or two hotels that guests are likely to be using.
You should also be planning to stagger the reception. You'll want to have a dinner with a portion of the guests in attendance (typically those who attended the ceremony) with the cluster-fuck arriving in the evening. You'll probably want the caterers to put on a second buffet for the evening guests as well.
Oh and sort your passports out NOW.
I did that with my ex-wife in St. Thomas. A month after the honeymoon we had the reception back home. It was a pretty wedding though I wished we did it back home with my entire family able to attend.
Arbiter should just let his girl do the planning and say 'yes, dear' otherwise its gonna be a head ache.
No, they should do it together. They should also check if their parents have any specific wishes with regards to location, guests to be invited etc.
Fortunbatly the reception is being paid for by my dad.
Food can be easy depending on where you host the reception. The hall my wife and I chose also offered catering so we went with them. In order to choose our menu, they invited my wife, me, my parents, and her parents to their restaurant where we all shared the options available and then chose from there. Important note about food. Make sure that you have a veggie option. This is important not just for vegetarians but also for people that don't like either of the courses you choose. It might be that they absolutely love chicken but hate the way you've chosen to have it prepared. A nice veggie lasagna is a nice out for them.
Along with food, you'll also need to figure out alcohol. Open bar? If so, how long and what will be available?
You should know this (and probably just forgot to list it), but select your groomsmen early. Keep on them to get measured. And don't be afraid to bitch at the rental place when they measure your brother and neglect to get a shirt large enough to fit him anyway. In terms of tux selection, take your future wife with you and decide together. I don't know if it's common, but my wife brought a fabric sample from the bridesmaid dresses with her so that we could match the groomsmen vests to it. I had a slightly different suit than the groomsmen with a white vest.
I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can think right now.
You probably shouldn't have bought the dress for her. In my experience that's something that a mother and daughter want to pick out together.
The wedding sounds unconventional so it seems like you may have to fly by the seat of your pants. I suggest being very flexible then. Good luck & congrats. Oh, at least build a website. You can find easy ones pre-made online for a small fee.
Um, yeah. My best friend helped me pick one out, and I really wouldn't have wanted to give that up. Plus you'd better be damn sure you know what size/style she wants ...
If you tell her you've already picked one out for her, it could put her in an awkward place where she doesn't want to be ungrateful for the effort you went to to do so, yet she'd wish you hadn't so she could. You know her better than us so it's your call, but that's something to keep in mind.
Wedding dresses aren't meant for replay, they are suppose to shine for a day and then hold that sheen by not becoming an everyday affair.
I am curious, did your fiance say she would like a kimono wedding dress? And I would double check to be sure sapphires are going to fly.
Especially if this is something that you haven't spoken about with her.
That and, in my supersitious opinion, there is no way you should see the dress before the day of the wedding.
Oh and I'll..hmm..third(?) the thing about replay value on a wedding dress. I doubt she's looking for it. Yes, yes..I know as a man you think fairly logically and see the upside to that. She is, in fact, a woman and will likely not see your logic in so clear a manner.
Please stop the gender stereotyping.
And superstition is to be ignored.
Having said that, I agree with everyone else re. the dress. Even the most unconventional person would still probably want to choose their own outfit, whatever they were planning to wear.
In addition to what DisGrace listed, many people these days seem to hire a hairdresser and make-up artist for the day, too. If it's going to be a big do with glossy photographs, then you're going to want to look your absolute best.
The bridesmaids will likely also want to partake of this service.
Are you having bridesmaids? Because they'll need a dress as well.
Oh, and shoes, for the bridesmaids and the bride.
And all of these things should be handled by your wife-to-be and people of her choosing (mother, aunt(s), friends, whoever). If she's a big enough girl to get married then she's a big enough girl to dress herself.
Haha! Yeah, totally. But it's a good idea to get a Big List Of Stuff We Need so that you can work out a budget. For the love of god, budget. Wedding costs can spiral out of control unless you keep tabs on everything. We kept a spread sheet with a list of everything we'd need, estimates on how much we expected to pay, how much they ended up costing, what we had payed and what still needed to be paid. Include the honeymoon on this list.
I'm snapping on the ol' ball and chain in June this year.
As others have said, invitations are one of those things that can get crazy out of hand. Since you're gettign married in June next year, I'd recomend doing what we did and send Save The Date cards out as Christmas/Non-secular Winter Wishes cards to everyone you want to invite. We printed the info on photo-postcards with a picutre of us under the Marshall Field's tree. Since June is popular vacation time, it gives people a heads-up to plan for it. Hopefully you'll know the date by December.
Will she be having a bridal shower? Something to think about too.
If you want her to go totally insane, check out The Knot. It's a goddamn Bridezilla breeding grounds.
to answer the question of the bridesmaids, we have agreed to limit ourselves to one each, and are prepping the short list of candidates.
Szech has my idea in mind, Right now it is all on a big whiteboard of T Accounts what we are planning on doing, and we will make it digital as soon as we have some hard numbers.
Hmm..My apologies Janson. Wasn't really intended as a gender stereotype. More speaking to the point that men and women often view a wedding dress or the clothes surrounding a wedding in two different manners. A guy will often rent a tux that will merely be returned, because he may never wear it again. While a bride's dress, while often only worn once, will be preserved because it is such a critical part of the memory of the day.
Now, there are certainly times when neither of those things hold true. Wasn't a steretype, but perhaps not a fully worded thought.
edit: As for superstition, that's a "to each their own thing". My best friend's wedding neither the bride nor groom wanted to see each other just before the wedding and the dress was kept as her mother's house so that he would not see it. Lends a bit to the mystery and often "wow factor" of when she first steps down the aisle.
Budget-wise, you also might want to be thinking about the rehersal dinner, housing/transportation/welcome baskets for out of town guests, and thank you gifts for the best man/maid of honor.
As far as planning advice, the venue booking + photographer are the first step. The rest is all details details details.
Check out theknot.com and possibly look into some planning software. It'll help you keep track of your budget and give you some idea of where everything is going and what needs to be done.
I concur.
See how many books I've read so far in 2010
She sees diamonds as the opium of white girls???
I dunno she just does not like them, fact of the matter being except for her pearl earrings and pentcle necklace she really rarely werars jewelry
Discuss dress code with your photographer, and make sure you've seen a broad sampling of his prior work. If he's only got one or two weddings to show you, he hasn't done enough of them well to be trusted with yours. I've also seen way too many of these dudes show up in a golf shirt and khakis at the ceremony and they look stupid and out of place and tacky. Make sure you're hiring a guy that'll at least show up in a suit, even if it is a cheap one.
Get a DJ. Your brother will do a shitty job and your iPod won't handle requests properly. Make sure your DJ understands that the hierarchy is the bride, you, and then whoever's paying (bonus points if you're paying: your bride's dad won't get to force any requests). He needs to understand that if you or your wife say no country music, that playing Billy Ray Cyrus will ensure that his employer is called immediately with a scathing review. DJs basically operate on the good will of their client base and the last thing they want at the end of the night is to have to convince someone that even though they fucked up and ignored everything they were told that they still totally deserve to be paid.
Also, don't give the DJ any alcohol. It won't help them do a better job.
And finally, have some tip money on hand if the DJ does a particularly good job. These guys can make your reception.
And never, ever get a band instead. Weddings with bands are weddings that suck. Oooh, unless it's a cash bar, because then you'll drive drink sales.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
They were pricey, but the photographs are excellent and the service was way above and beyond.
As for Pheezers opinions on a band...well, I guess being an ex-DJ he's biased! I definitely agree that a DJ is a requirement, but if you can get a good live cover band (as my sister did) or a good ceilidh band, as we did in addition to a DJ then it can make for a more varied wedding evening. Also, the DJ we used actually only used iPods which was actually pretty good. He didn't have a lot of equipment to lug in and setup - just some decent speakers and some lighting + a couple of iPods - and it also meant that we could give him one of our iPods pre-loaded with some songs that we particularly wanted him to play (such as the first dance track) and it worked really well. But yeah, an experienced wedding DJ can definitely be the make or break for the evening celebrations.
Not all girls require you to buy them with an overpriced ring, you know.
I'm not sure if people have mentioned it yet, but from all people that you hire....check references.
I've been to great weddings with a DJ, I've been to amazing weddings with a band. It really depends on what you're going for.
On the same score....I'd adivse against highering "friends of the family" for things like this. The wedding I was best man for did that for the DJ. Bride's dad knew a guy and since he was paying for it....there you have it.
He walked away from the DJ booth on 3 seperate occasions. This I have no problem with. However, on all 3 occasions the CDs began skipping horribly. Each time I was the one to run out and find him.
In the bathroom? No.
Quick cig break? Nope.
Getting a bite to eat? Negatory.
He was chatting it up with the hotel staff trying to become their in house DJ.
Father of bride told me he was a good guy and I should take it easy. On the third time I had to go find him, I unloaded the wrath of god upon him. A professional should be exactly that.
Okay, you've made your point.
Guys, keep the gender stereotyped and non-advice containing remarks out of it from here on.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH