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girl advice
Zavian
universal peace sounds better than forever warRegistered User regular
universal peace sounds better than forever warRegistered User regular
okay, so i've been working with this girl for about 6 months now. we're both 21. she works in a different department then me. basically, shes been kind of flirting with me (smiles and waves whenever she sees me, etc). we also go to the same college, and usually joke around or talk about school and whatnot. i can tell she has a crush on me, and one of her friends who also works with us told me that she talks about me. she has an old boyfriend who lives in peru (she moved to the US around 2001), but its one of those extremly long distance relationships, she hasnt seen him since last summer i think but they talk over the phone and whatnot.
ive asked her out to dinner once, but she said she wasnt able to go because of midterms. at first i just took that as a "no" and didnt ask her out again, but she kept kind of flirting with me and her friend said that she told her i asked her out but she wasnt able to go cause she needed to study, so im thinking now that it really was because she couldnt go and wasnt a rejection. a few weeks later she even gave me her cell number right after she got a new phone, but im not too sure if shes just trying to be friends with me (because she already sort of has a boyfriend) or if shes interested in going out with me. i havent really called her up yet for that very reason
normally if a girl had a boyfriend i wouldnt even think of asking them out or anything, but i think this situation is a bit different. college classes are over may 7th, and im not quite sure if i should ask her out again or not, or what i should do
ive asked her out to dinner once, but she said she wasnt able to go because of midterms. at first i just took that as a "no" and didnt ask her out again, but she kept kind of flirting with me and her friend said that she told her i asked her out but she wasnt able to go cause she needed to study, so im thinking now that it really was because she couldnt go and wasnt a rejection. a few weeks later she even gave me her cell number right after she got a new phone, but im not too sure if shes just trying to be friends with me (because she already sort of has a boyfriend) or if shes interested in going out with me. i havent really called her up yet for that very reason
normally if a girl had a boyfriend i wouldnt even think of asking them out or anything, but i think this situation is a bit different. college classes are over may 7th, and im not quite sure if i should ask her out again or not, or what i should do
Zavian on
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She has a boyfriend.
Her "flirting" with you has consisted of smiles and waving when a greeting would be expected of anyone.
I'd say to let this one go, buddy.
From what you've said, it doesn't seem like she's flirting with you. It seems like she's just being friendly. Saying hi and waving isn't flirting. You asked her out, and she said no. Sure, she gave a reason, but that's something that females will do. Of course, as the problem solving males that we tend to be, we think "well, if we can get around that reason, all will be fine." If the girl was interested in going out, she would have said "I have finals so we can't be out late" or "I have finals this week but what about next week."
Count me in the "let it go" boat.
At the very least, you'll get some closure when she says no.
he already did. i also say let this one go, there's other fish in the sea.
Good qualifications.
Yeah, one rejection isn't conclusive in this particular case, with a friend vouching for the legitimacy of the excuse (unless he's the one who asked the friend about it).
He's not a boyfriend anymore, he's a friend.
She flirts with you, and gave you her new number. She has in no way rejected you at this point. And by any realistic standards, she is not currently taken. You have every reason in the world to call that number, and ask her out again.
But hope springs eternal, and it's worth another shot.
Besides, a lot of people don't know the difference between flirting and merely being friendly.
So? The worst that could possibly happen, is she says no. Big deal.
Besides, flirting isn't a prerequisite for asking someone out. You don't need to wait for "signals."
Just don't be all wierd about it, or you'll give off the creepy vibe. Nothing scares off the ladies like stalker vibes.
C'mon, this isn't the little red haired girl, and he isn't Charlie Brown. He'd not admiring her from afar, they know each other, and she seems to like him.
Just ask her out. Either call her, or ask her out in person next time you see her.
Not to mention getting a person drunk for honesty doesn't always work well, if they're the type to feel embarrassed afterwards. I hate myself for anything I say while drunk.
It is a big deal if you get your hopes up and over-analyze, is my point.
No, it is not a prerequisite. It just moves the thing from "awkward and sudden" to "normal and fun".
flirting: playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest.
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Also, 'smiling and waving' is just being friendly. Flirting would be making a suggestive comment to you or some such. Still, if she is flirting with you then she's probably not all that satisfied with her current guy. I'd say continue to be friendly and when she breaks it off with this guy, make your move.
It doesn't work that way. A lot of women who really do consider themselves single, have these "boyfriends" a couple states away, or in another country, but it's over, they just haven't moved on yet, and won't until they find someone new.
If it's actually an active relationship, that's different. But let her tell you that. Let her tell you if she's taken. Don't ask, just pay attention.
If you ask her out, and she says she has a boyfriend, fine. If you ask her out, and you both enjoy yourselves, but she mentions her boyfriend a few times during the date, clearly she's still committed. And in that case, maybe she's just looking for a friend.
But if you two go out, and she doesn't say a word about him (don't ask), she may be ready to move on.
wow there, just cause he's in another country doesn't mean he's not a boyfriend. i had a 2 year long distance relationship and you can still be very close to your SO.
I said it before, I'll say it again. Don't assume anything, let her tell you if she's taken.
Don't do this stalker shit where you have to build a file on someone before asking them out. There's a simpler way, that lets her be judge of her own status with this other guy. Ask her out. Period.
If she has told you she has a boyfriend (or knows that you know) and you ask her out, you'll look like a douche.
If said boyfriend is standing next to her, then yes. In this case, he is in another continent or non-existant. Don't listen to this advice.
Let 'em eat fucking pineapples!
actually she hasnt told me she has a boyfriend or mentioned him to me, i know about him through a mutual friend of ours. ive never asked her or talked to her about it, and shes never brought it up before
This contradicts with what you said later on:
Just because she isn't mentioning a boyfriend does not mean you can assume she is ready to move on.
In any case, I don't agree with your advice. It is always, always much simpler to simply ask the girl if she is seeing anyone.
If she is interested in you, she will say no, even if the real answer is yes. If she is not interested in you, she will say yes, even if the real answer is no.
so maybe i should ask her if she has a boyfriend even though i know about her old boyfriend in peru? i can see how not mentioning "do you have a boyfriend" before asking her out might be easier for her though, if she is interested she wont have to lie and say no even if the real answer is yes, so it might be better to just simply ask her out and not ask her if she has a boyfriend. i think i might as well just ask her out again though and just see how it goes
yea, this is why im thinking it might just be simpler to just ask her out and not even ask if she has a boyfriend already. besides, i dont know all the details about their relationship as i didnt really ask my friend for all the info or anything, it just came up in conversation
I usually ask, "so what is your relationship status these days?" and smile.
It's a more open-ended question that hints at the same thing.
Anyway, do what you want.
This is the right approach here, based on what I'm hearing.
For starters, you don't even know if this first date will be the beginning of a relationship or just make you closer friends. In my opinion, if anything, it's a second date question, if she hasn't said something already.