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GPIA7R
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Also, I just recommend sitting down and coming up with some sort of budget. Who buys the food? The water? The Electricity? The Trash service?
Also, sit down and talk about chores. Who takes out the trash? Washes dishes? vacuums? Cleans the bathroom? What if one person is messier than the other prefers to be?
Basically, communication and planning before the fact.
Good luck on the living-together!
For the money situation, I'd say "How much do you think you'll be able to reliably contribute to rent/utilities/other bills, leaving yourself enough for entertainment (not as big a problem if you're the kind of guy who pays for dates, not gonna debate whether you should pay for them all or whatever, but if thats what happens then she'll obviously need less for entertainment), and your other bills (cell phone/clothes)?" and if you think you can make this work with that then good, if not then you'll have to try to figure something out.
Hopefully you know her well enough to know how cleanly she likes to live, and hopefully you're about even in that category. Also, be prepared for any little character flaws/features of her personality that might bug you a little bit to be amplified. It'll probably lead to a bit of bickering early on while you adjust to sharing a living space, and learn to ignore the small things.
Don't let her money situation be a problem in the relationship.
Oh yeah, I meant to say, try not to get too much into the 'This is mine and that is yours' mentality. I don't mean you have to share EVERYTHING (like a bank account) but a big part of living together in a relationship is becoming a unit. If you're getting married/close to it then start sharing bank accounts and whatnot, but for right now it'd probably be easier to keep your money separate so that you contribute what you want to her lifestyle, and she contributes what she wants to yours, rather than her feeling entitled to your money. Once you start getting closer to equal income it'll be easier to share a bank account, but you shouldn't until you're sure 'shes the one', just because if you split up its just one more thing to figure out how to split (Do you go 50/50, or figure out that you make %x more than her so take more, etc etc.)
Learn to love the cat. I know people who drop their significant others like flies if they were in any way mean or hurtful toward their pets. If you let it become a point of contention you're looking at not-fun-times.
Ah, grab some Claritin. The cat out of the bedroom isn't a bad compromise, but you may find yourself on the end of some piteous mewing and scratching at the door for a bit.
A warning here based on a costly experience. Depending on what sound system you have it may or may not of concern, but if you do have speakers standing on the floor or speakers in a cat accessible location there may be trouble ahead!
An ex of mine brought a long a cat when we moved in together and the cute little beast decided the cat tree was boring when compared to my speakers. It did a good job on the cloth and an even better job on a few of units in the one speaker - let's just say the cat and I was not speaking for a few days and I was out about a months worth of money!
In other words - do try and think like a cat and take a good look around your place. It may not be speakers but then it could be something else. Don't panic but do make sure you notice how the cat behaves.
I just wanted to make sure there weren't any assumptions on the matter.
At home we are cool though, I play Starcraft she watches bad reality TV. Its just, going out without her seems...off still.
Also, you will likely argue more. There may be a some strectch or so where you feel some oddness between eachother, talk it out, dont just let it fester. Me and my lady had that a month ago and after a few days of strangeness we just talked and everything was perfect.
Also, let the little things go. If she leaves her clothes on the floor, pick them up and put them in the hamper, and then ask her to put them in the hamper next time. Fights don't need to be started, and tears don't need to be shed because of clothes on the floor.
Also, if you do argue, talk it out like adults. try not to raise your voice, and don't go to bed angry.
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Talk, about everything that might be an issue. Communication is key. Even such a small thing as "I think it looks messy when the bed isn't made" is worth mentioning.
Talk.
Talk
Talk
As for bills, my wife and I formerly split rent and utilities based on the ratio of our gross income (I made 40K and she made about 25k, so I paid 62% of the rent). It was a good way to feel that we were contributing "our share", and we didn't need to negotiate a new split when our incomes changed, just recalculate the ratio. We split food and gas evenly. Sure it's a bit nerdy, but you are asking for help from Penny Arcade =P.
3clipse: The key to any successful marriage is a good mid-game transition.
A lot of people say don't go to bed angry, but sometimes you have to take some time and just let the situation decompress overnight. I'm not saying if you're mad, you should sit on your anger, just that not everything has to be solved right now. Plus then you can have angry sex. :winky:
This, also don't let things brood, get them out in the open early. Also don't be a sucker and pay all the bills while she has a freaky time with all her monies, some girls will do that without the slightest bit of guilt if you let them.
I'd say the fact you even started this thread indicates a willingness to talk and compromise, so good luck but I think you'll both do ok.
Oh and one more thing thinking about it, vacuum every day. It seems obsessive but it will help you a ton with the cat allergies.
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You both own a shitload of stuff. It's not going to fit into one house.
She thinks a lot of your stuff is stupid.
You don't see the point to a lot of hers.
You need to learn to compromise on what is on "display".
Satans..... hints.....
Also, talk about things early. If she does something that bothers you, talk about it right away. And tell her to do the same, that way little issues can be worked out at the earliest stage and not escalate into something bigger. And it's ok to get mad sometimes, but just take a step back from the situation when this happens so you can cool your head, collect your thoughts, and then calmly talk about things instead of arguing. Also, good luck!
Also, cats can get playful with wires and bite them, so if you have any bare-wires anywhere, I would recommend securing them in some way (speaker wires, or computer wires). I have a cat and it's not a problem, but it *could* be, so your results will vary on that too...
And it sounds you have a good Siamese...every Siamese cat I've ever had was chemically imbalanced or something, they were all psycho...I hope you don't have a closet-psycho cat.
This is very true. She might want to make the place hers while you might want it with your stuff (since she's moving into your place). Make sure you have this sorted out.
We definitely had this problem when we moved in together. We each thought each other's stuff was stupid and that ours is far superior. Luckily, 3 years later, we have pretty much decided it was all crap from college and bought our own stuff
I also echo the advice of letting things go. Learn to accept that there are some things that you will always end up doing even if you'd prefer that the other person did them once in awhile. For example, I have accepted that my roommate (both at one point) will never pull a full trash bag out of the garbage can and will never take the trash out. I brought it up once, nothing really changed, and I decided that rather than let it be an issue, I'd just take out the trash. It's just not that big of a deal.
I wish my girlfriend would realize this about her clothes. They're everywhere in piles and she flies off the handle if I ask her to do anything about it and she blames me for not doing her laundry. Even though one of the things we discussed before she moved in was that she would be doing her own laundry and I would do mine. Not to mention the clutter. Seriously, all the advice about talking about chores and more beforehand is 100% grade a advice well worth taking.
Hope you have better luck then I've had.
Trust me, this sort of behaviour is kind of frowned upon by girls so it's your last chance.
At the very least it will be a new place for the cat - if he was trying to keep the cat out of a room in a house the cat previously had access to, it would be worse. If the cat isn't allowed in the bed at night, keep the bedroom door closed during the day. The cat should have no access to the bedroom.
thsi sounds cliched but it is SO true
always sort out arguments or disagreements, or at least finish the argument. never go to bed fuming, even if it means staying up three hours too late and being very tired the next day
its not worth going to bed angry because you will still be angry in the morning. if you go to bed happy you will remain happy in the morning and the argument will seem silly.
I completely disagree with this. Personally, my husband and I are much more likely to come to a useful solution to a problem if we both take a step back and think about an issue before we discuss it. This means if something comes up right before bed we talk about it in the morning or after work the next day depending on the next days schedule. Being tired and grumpy isn't useful to anyone. Don't ignore problems, but don't be afraid to say "I'm tired, lets discuss this in the morning" and follow through.
The cliche is really just short hand for "don't try to ignore something that's bothering you." If something's upsetting you but you're trying not to make waves, a little problem can fester into a bigger problem than it needs to be. But yes, if it's two o'clock in the morning and you're angry about something, you're allowed to go to sleep as long as you can promise to yourself that you'll take the first available opportunity to have a mature discussion about it with your partner the following day. This is doubly true if being angry means you're more likely to say something mean and immature to vent your frustration.
This is exactly what I meant. I mean, It's always good to not go to bed while absolutely raging on the inside (I personally can't sleep when something is bothering me anyway), but if you need to put it off until the morning, and step back a bit, then do so. Just make sure to bring up aggravations, and such you have with her as soon as possible. It's a bit of a big deal to be able to talk to your girlfriend (and her with you) like a mature adult. Not everyone knows how to do that, but make sure that you two are the ones that do. It's very important.
Also, try not to get too worked up over her looking over your shoulder. I have a habit of looking over my boyfriends shoulder when he's on the computer, not because I'm snooping or anything, but because I'm genuinely interested and curious as to what he's doing, whether it's a video game, or work. Try not to take it as being nosy.
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It makes it hard to hide things haha.
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The first time this happened to me and I couldn't retreat to a bathroom out of earshot, I ran the shower for twenty minutes and pretended to be bathing. After the event was over and the ungodly, inhuman and humiliating noises had subsided, I hopped beneath the shower head so that my hair would be wet when I walked back into the next room, toweling off. Little did I know, "All You Can Eat Buffalo Wing Night" hadn't finished having its way with me just yet, and I had to either accept the fact that I couldn't keep up the charade or try to explain why I sometimes take multiple showers every night.
There's all sorts of similar things that you should just sort of accept now. You will, at some point in your future, handle a pair of panties which she happened to be wearing when she got her period two days earlier than expected. She will discover that sometimes if you can't sleep, you masturbate until you're too tired to stay awake like it's mother nature's Ambien. There's all sorts of stuff you didn't know about your partner before; just try to remember that all of it was still true even back when you were first falling in love.
Cats fucking hate vinegar. If you have a plant or a desk or whatever that the cats likes to mess with and you want it to stop, just put a little vinegar water in a spray bottle and spray it on that thing. The cat will likely never touch it again.