Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
It's such a hassle to get a gun, too.
My plan would be to alienate everyone I knew and make them at least indifferent to me and then I would announce that I was moving across the country, and then I would pay someone to kill me and ensure no one found the body.
That is the most selfless suicide that isn't reliant on your own will. But it's a lot of hard work!
I've thought a lot about how to commit suicide without hurting people
it's hard
and it kinda cheers me up, too
going through a list of all the people who would be sad if I was gone, or distraught if they learned that I killed myself, too
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
It's such a hassle to get a gun, too.
My plan would be to alienate everyone I knew and make them at least indifferent to me and then I would announce that I was moving across the country, and then I would pay someone to kill me and ensure no one found the body.
That is the most selfless suicide that isn't reliant on your own will. But it's a lot of hard work!
The problem is, as soon as you went missing people would care again... and then there'd be no closure because they wouldn't even know why you were missing.
That would be worse.
Nobody would know you were missing though because they would no longer be talking to you due to the alienation and they would assume you resumed your life on the other side of the country.
Self-euthanasia is major trend in the making. Each year in the United States, some 26,000 men die by their own hand, including some smarter, braver men than you and me. Hunter S. Thompson. Kurt Cobain. Spalding Gray. David Foster Wallace. These were men of infinite accomplishment, finances, and talent, and we will miss them. But if you're going to check out, you must first promise to take on a more difficult task. You'll have to wait 7 days, and in that last week of your life, you'll have to perform what I glibly refer to as the Three C's. Don't worry, the time will fly by. Like the final week at a job you hate, every moment will be gilded with nostalgia and sweetened with the knowledge that you're a dead man walking. The Ultimate Temp. The game's almost over, and you're just running out the clock.
The first C stands for Clean. Clean your bathroom. Clean your car. Do the laundry and scrub the grout. Pull out the refrigerator and wipe behind it. Wash the windows. Do everything. The second C stands for Cull. Ransack your files and discard everything except your most important papers. The same goes for your closets and memorabilia -- really, all your possessions. If you haven't looked at it recently, toss it. Donate it. Destroy it. Throw all your history and secrets into the garbage. Do the same with the aged contents of your medicine cabinet and kitchen. Also, spring for a really good haircut. Despite popular superstition, human hair does not grow beyond death, so you might as well look good. Treat yourself. Pamper, pamper, pamper; you have my permission.
Any man will tell you that it's not the big disasters that finish you. No, given an invasion by hostile space aliens or an attack of flesh-eating zombies, most guys will grab their coats and hats and run out to join the fray. Even a run-of-the-mill earthquake or forest fire constitutes a nice change of pace. Instead, what grinds us down are the parking tickets. The spoiled food in the back of the fridge. The dirty clothes at the bottom of the hamper that haven't seen daylight since 1995. Once you allow a critical mass of these petty annoyances to collect, you're sunk.
Regarding Culling, my point is: If you can shave, you can live.
The third C stands for Connect. This means contacting everyone you've known and saying something nice. No matter how much you hate them, let go of that bitterness. Identify some aspect of each person, something you've secretly admired or envied or coveted, and praise that something. Say how jealous you were of his career or happy marriage or a particular merino wool mock-turtleneck sweater.
Yes, this process feels like a huge humiliation, but what do you have to lose? Forget your self-pity. Forget your anger and defensiveness. Forgive everybody and forgive yourself. In another week they'll be gazing down into your casket, feeling just awful. So for now, throw them a bone. Give them a break.
Beyond that, fully imagine your death: the cozy warmth, the pleasant wooziness. The sound of your favorite film or music playing in the background. Envision your sparkling bathroom and empty filing cabinets. Then imagine the world without you. The same traffic jams and famines. The same political crap fights and your team never making the playoffs. People will forget you. Everyone will forget you. You're no Kurt Cobain, so just light your barbecue and toast a marshmallow. . . .
But if you've completed the Three C's, chances are good that you won't bother. Because by then you'll be surrounded by friends who now recognize you as a valuable, sensitive guy. Your oven will be clean, your car vacuumed. In the same way you procrastinated on your taxes, you can procrastinate on your death. And, at least for the moment, your hair looks . . . really great.
Raiden333 on
There was a steam sig here. It's gone now.
0
ChanusHarbinger of the Spicy Rooster ApocalypseThe Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered Userregular
I always have the urge to punch anyone who describes suicide as cowardly, selfish, for pussies, etc.
The best way I've heard it described as a long term solution to a short term problem. And that sounds really callous but for most people its the truth, their desire to kill themselves is sparked by a recent situation or problem they feel is worse then it actually is or will have longer term effects then it really will.
I say this as someone who had to call a suicide hotline.
Oh yeah, that's a perfectly fine way of describing it.
It's just that the people who describe it as cowardly or selfish have absolutely no idea of context. I mean to the point that I assume the very concept of context does not exist in their mind for them to call it that.
I've done it before, but that was out of anger at losing someone to suicide. You do stupid things when you're angry, say some hurtful things, though its not like he heard any of them.
Maybe I am angry, I dunno... I just have no sympathy.
A friend just killed himself with pills and Jameson two weeks ago... just completely out of the blue.
Also impossible, and it'd break down immediately. Still interesting. They've just got defects in their human herd traits.
You should read This Alien Shore. There's an entire planet where the population is insane. It happened gradually enough that a rigid societal structure developed which places people in their best roles for their particular kind of disorder, among other things.
i like fartacus because he likes black chicks with big asses, and movado watches
i feel like he and i can relate, except for the rape thing
Goddamn I do.
I feel pretty much OK about thinking Nicki Minaj is really goddamn fine ever since hearing her completely kill it on that Kanye single.
I mean dat ass
even before Monster dropped she had a nice flow... but christ is she filthy.
i generally smile when i hear a woman confident enough to sex it up in the lyrics of a song, like rude boy, but nicki is p. much... vulgar. it's hilarious.
i mean, it's something so funny when it get soft
i like to play with it, squeeze it like a stress ball
yeah, it's pretty great.
basically I hope when her album comes out it really cements her position a the black Lady Gaga
Maybe I am angry, I dunno... I just have no sympathy.
A friend just killed himself with pills and Jameson two weeks ago... just completely out of the blue.
Fuck.
It hurts, because as a friend you think "Well fuck I was there why didn't you call me you son of a bitch!" And then you turn it on yourself as you wonder what you could have done differently or what sign you missed. And then the anger just lingers longer then the remorse. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but honestly it never does, part of the reason I attack exercise with such fury is to work out the hate.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
The thought occurs that one of the problems with modern society is that many of its members prefer to act based on their emotions rather than rational thought, even to the point of acting hostile to somebody attempting to explain why their emotions are wrong. This is in conjunction with other people quite aware of this fact and use it to get what they want.
This leaves us with a quandry: Do we try to appeal to rational thought to promote proper debate, or make appeals to their emotions to steer them in the right direction?
Also impossible, and it'd break down immediately. Still interesting. They've just got defects in their human herd traits.
You should read This Alien Shore. There's an entire planet where the population is insane. It happened gradually enough that a rigid societal structure developed which places people in their best roles for their particular kind of disorder, among other things.
You know, I've had that book for years and I've never actually read it.
I don't technically own it. I borrowed it from somebody and he never wanted it back and I stopped asking him if he wanted it back and we don't talk much anymore and I guess it's mine now.
Feral on
every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
there's euthanasia, where people who are going to die no longer
then there's suicide, which is often caused by a chemical imbalance or a cocktail of drugs or a lack of perspective causing you to (often) incorrectly assume that your life is not worth living at this moment, so it will never be worth living.
the 15 year old that killed himself because he was bullied for being gay didn't have all the facts and was so unhappy he probably felt he would never be happy again.
suicide, in my experience, is rarely done with any amount of rationality in mind.
Casual Eddy on
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Irond WillWARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!!Cambridge. MAModeratormod
Yes, because there's no way it could be asked in good faith, because it's insanely implausible and there's no empirical evidence that would contradict that conceptual unlikelihood.
It's like saying that someone asking about intelligent design is considered creationist because there's an implicit assumption of bad faith on the part of the asker. Well, yeah. It's pretty clearly indicative of ignorance, deeply-ingrained bias, or an attempt to proselytize.
i think that tons of people wonder about and ask about intelligent design in good faith.
Irond Will on
0
ThomamelasOnly one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered Userregular
Maybe I am angry, I dunno... I just have no sympathy.
A friend just killed himself with pills and Jameson two weeks ago... just completely out of the blue.
Fuck.
It hurts, because as a friend you think "Well fuck I was there why didn't you call me you son of a bitch!" And then you turn it on yourself as you wonder what you could have done differently or what sign you missed. And then the anger just lingers longer then the remorse. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but honestly it never does, part of the reason I attack exercise with such fury is to work out the hate.
It can, but you have to find your own peace with it.
Also impossible, and it'd break down immediately. Still interesting. They've just got defects in their human herd traits.
You should read This Alien Shore. There's an entire planet where the population is insane. It happened gradually enough that a rigid societal structure developed which places people in their best roles for their particular kind of disorder, among other things.
You know, I've had that book for years and I've never actually read it.
I don't technically own it. I borrowed it from somebody and he never wanted it back and I stopped asking him if he wanted it back and we don't talk much anymore and I guess it's mine now.
One of my tattoos is partly based on that book so... yeah. I'm gonna say read it.
now, I will say, that if you commit suicide in an especially inconsiderate manner that you are well, an inconsiderate asshole
like this case I was told about back in driver's ed about a head-on collision beetween a regular car and a trailer
there were no brake trails at all from the car, and the driver had been a girl with problems
but man
that is a supremely shitty thing to do
A co-worker of mine told me about what a friend of hers did about 5 years ago, the cruelest form of suicide I've ever heard of. I can't even imagine what drove him to do it.
Her friend went to his mother's house, knocked on the door, and as soon as she opened it he shot himself in the head in front of her.
Then he lived for another 6 months because his aim was off, causing even more grief.
I can't even comprehend what would spark something like that.
there's euthanasia, where people who are going to die no longer
then there's suicide, which is often caused by a chemical imbalance or a cocktail of drugs or a lack of perspective causing you to (often) incorrectly assume that your life is not worth living at this moment, so it will never be worth living.
the 15 year old that killed himself because he was bullied for being gay didn't have all the facts and was so unhappy he probably felt he would never be happy again.
suicide, in my experience, is rarely done with any amount of rationality in mind.
Euthanasia is what you do when you're either on so much morphine you can't appreciate life anyway, and when you're not on it life is one constant physical pain.
Also that story with the guy split in half by the tree. You shoot him in the head. Unless we can keep heads alive in jars.
Maybe I am angry, I dunno... I just have no sympathy.
A friend just killed himself with pills and Jameson two weeks ago... just completely out of the blue.
Fuck.
It hurts, because as a friend you think "Well fuck I was there why didn't you call me you son of a bitch!" And then you turn it on yourself as you wonder what you could have done differently or what sign you missed. And then the anger just lingers longer then the remorse. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but honestly it never does, part of the reason I attack exercise with such fury is to work out the hate.
It can, but you have to find your own peace with it.
Guess I haven't gotten there yet, try not to think about it honestly. It's a sore subject like voting for John Kerry or jerking off to grace jones.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
there's euthanasia, where people who are going to die no longer
then there's suicide, which is often caused by a chemical imbalance or a cocktail of drugs or a lack of perspective causing you to (often) incorrectly assume that your life is not worth living at this moment, so it will never be worth living.
the 15 year old that killed himself because he was bullied for being gay didn't have all the facts and was so unhappy he probably felt he would never be happy again.
suicide, in my experience, is rarely done with any amount of rationality in mind.
death really has no real downsides, though
I mean, oh no, I am missing out on the great moments I was surely going to have!
eh, in a few moments I'll be beyond caring
but that kinda also means living has few downsides either
it's not like I'm going to miss my chance to die
Abdhyius on
0
ChanusHarbinger of the Spicy Rooster ApocalypseThe Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered Userregular
Maybe I am angry, I dunno... I just have no sympathy.
A friend just killed himself with pills and Jameson two weeks ago... just completely out of the blue.
Fuck.
It hurts, because as a friend you think "Well fuck I was there why didn't you call me you son of a bitch!" And then you turn it on yourself as you wonder what you could have done differently or what sign you missed. And then the anger just lingers longer then the remorse. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but honestly it never does, part of the reason I attack exercise with such fury is to work out the hate.
Seriously, I just can't get beyond the "what the fuck?" part.
Chanus on
Allegedly a voice of reason.
0
VariableMouth CongressStroke Me Lady FameRegistered Userregular
Maybe I am angry, I dunno... I just have no sympathy.
A friend just killed himself with pills and Jameson two weeks ago... just completely out of the blue.
Fuck.
It hurts, because as a friend you think "Well fuck I was there why didn't you call me you son of a bitch!" And then you turn it on yourself as you wonder what you could have done differently or what sign you missed. And then the anger just lingers longer then the remorse. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but honestly it never does, part of the reason I attack exercise with such fury is to work out the hate.
It can, but you have to find your own peace with it.
Guess I haven't gotten there yet, try not to think about it honestly. It's a sore subject like voting for John Kerry or jerking off to grace jones.
I had to spend a long time thinking about it. Took a long time to get it into focus. It's not one of those things that heal by ignoring it.
now, I will say, that if you commit suicide in an especially inconsiderate manner that you are well, an inconsiderate asshole
like this case I was told about back in driver's ed about a head-on collision beetween a regular car and a trailer
there were no brake trails at all from the car, and the driver had been a girl with problems
but man
that is a supremely shitty thing to do
A co-worker of mine told me about what a friend of hers did about 5 years ago, the cruelest form of suicide I've ever heard of. I can't even imagine what drove him to do it.
Her friend went to his mother's house, knocked on the door, and as soon as she opened it he shot himself in the head in front of her.
Then he lived for another 6 months because his aim was off, causing even more grief.
I can't even comprehend what would spark something like that.
what
the
fucking
hell
okay, something is certainly really wrong there but still it makes you want to slap them and say "what the hell, man"
there's euthanasia, where people who are going to die no longer
then there's suicide, which is often caused by a chemical imbalance or a cocktail of drugs or a lack of perspective causing you to (often) incorrectly assume that your life is not worth living at this moment, so it will never be worth living.
the 15 year old that killed himself because he was bullied for being gay didn't have all the facts and was so unhappy he probably felt he would never be happy again.
suicide, in my experience, is rarely done with any amount of rationality in mind.
Euthanasia is what you do when you're either on so much morphine you can't appreciate life anyway, and when you're not on it life is one constant physical pain.
Also that story with the guy split in half by the tree. You shoot him in the head. Unless we can keep heads alive in jars.
I'm not sure why I didn't finish my sentence on euthanasia. I meant quality of life is so bad and has no chance of improvement that it's acceptable (to me) to do
whereas suicide can seem like a good idea after enough drugs or enough depression. causes the doer to assume things will never get better
Maybe I am angry, I dunno... I just have no sympathy.
A friend just killed himself with pills and Jameson two weeks ago... just completely out of the blue.
Fuck.
It hurts, because as a friend you think "Well fuck I was there why didn't you call me you son of a bitch!" And then you turn it on yourself as you wonder what you could have done differently or what sign you missed. And then the anger just lingers longer then the remorse. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but honestly it never does, part of the reason I attack exercise with such fury is to work out the hate.
Seriously, I just can't get beyond the "what the fuck?" part.
If you need someone to talk to chanus, I'm sure someone stable will offer some kind of support.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
Suicide is definitely not the product of a rational mind.
I remember when I was seriously suicidal being held off from it not by the thought of the pain I'd cause my family and friends, but my dog. I told myself "Well, I can explain myself in a note, my family and friends will eventually understand why I wanted to die, but my dog will just have no idea what happened, I can't do that to her."
I only realized when I was sane again exactly how crazy that was.
Also impossible, and it'd break down immediately. Still interesting. They've just got defects in their human herd traits.
You should read This Alien Shore. There's an entire planet where the population is insane. It happened gradually enough that a rigid societal structure developed which places people in their best roles for their particular kind of disorder, among other things.
Ooh, sounds interesting. Bookmark'd it for future readings!
No, but I can see how they'd be fucked up people there.
A potassium overdose is probably the least messy way of killing yourself and I'm fairly sure potassium isn't all too hard to come by either.
I love how in the hospital I'm in I'm given an extraordinary amount of trust. I can go to any of the wards, speak to any of the patients (assuming I just make sure with one of the junior doctors/nurses that they're not in too terrible a condition to want to speak to anyone), and I'm allowed to observe pretty much any procedure in the hospital.
Saw a couple of bronchoscopies on Monday, and a CT scan today. Also there are drugs absolutely everywhere that could super easily be nicked - not that I would, that'd be bad.
Daxon on
0
PasserbyeI am much older than you.in Beach CityRegistered Userregular
edited September 2010
I struggle with depression fairly regularly. The suicidal thoughts used to be fairly regular as well. I think part of why I never actually went through with it (speaking as someone who's been in a knife in-hand, tarp laid out, note written kind of situation) is because suicide is not rational and I think too much to do anything I'm not 100% convinced of, I think too much to take that final step over the ledge.
Posts
Also impossible, and it'd break down immediately. Still interesting. They've just got defects in their human herd traits.
I've thought a lot about how to commit suicide without hurting people
it's hard
and it kinda cheers me up, too
going through a list of all the people who would be sad if I was gone, or distraught if they learned that I killed myself, too
Nobody would know you were missing though because they would no longer be talking to you due to the alienation and they would assume you resumed your life on the other side of the country.
Maybe I am angry, I dunno... I just have no sympathy.
A friend just killed himself with pills and Jameson two weeks ago... just completely out of the blue.
Fuck.
Ever do theater in high school?
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
unless you live in the people's state of newyorkifornia, you liberal fag
You should read This Alien Shore. There's an entire planet where the population is insane. It happened gradually enough that a rigid societal structure developed which places people in their best roles for their particular kind of disorder, among other things.
Face Twit Rav Gram
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
It's called the Drama club for a reason.
yeah, it's pretty great.
basically I hope when her album comes out it really cements her position a the black Lady Gaga
It hurts, because as a friend you think "Well fuck I was there why didn't you call me you son of a bitch!" And then you turn it on yourself as you wonder what you could have done differently or what sign you missed. And then the anger just lingers longer then the remorse. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but honestly it never does, part of the reason I attack exercise with such fury is to work out the hate.
pleasepaypreacher.net
This leaves us with a quandry: Do we try to appeal to rational thought to promote proper debate, or make appeals to their emotions to steer them in the right direction?
like this case I was told about back in driver's ed about a head-on collision beetween a regular car and a trailer
there were no brake trails at all from the car, and the driver had been a girl with problems
but man
that is a supremely shitty thing to do
You know, I've had that book for years and I've never actually read it.
I don't technically own it. I borrowed it from somebody and he never wanted it back and I stopped asking him if he wanted it back and we don't talk much anymore and I guess it's mine now.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
then there's suicide, which is often caused by a chemical imbalance or a cocktail of drugs or a lack of perspective causing you to (often) incorrectly assume that your life is not worth living at this moment, so it will never be worth living.
the 15 year old that killed himself because he was bullied for being gay didn't have all the facts and was so unhappy he probably felt he would never be happy again.
suicide, in my experience, is rarely done with any amount of rationality in mind.
i think that tons of people wonder about and ask about intelligent design in good faith.
It can, but you have to find your own peace with it.
I've thought before that if I ever decided fuck it, my life's over, I'm ending it. Like truly convinced of that,
then life would be awesome
I could do anything I always wanted to do! I could do anything! What the fuck do I care? I'm going to kill myself anyway!
I just want to steal a fighter jet first.
One of my tattoos is partly based on that book so... yeah. I'm gonna say read it.
Face Twit Rav Gram
A co-worker of mine told me about what a friend of hers did about 5 years ago, the cruelest form of suicide I've ever heard of. I can't even imagine what drove him to do it.
Her friend went to his mother's house, knocked on the door, and as soon as she opened it he shot himself in the head in front of her.
Then he lived for another 6 months because his aim was off, causing even more grief.
I can't even comprehend what would spark something like that.
Euthanasia is what you do when you're either on so much morphine you can't appreciate life anyway, and when you're not on it life is one constant physical pain.
Also that story with the guy split in half by the tree. You shoot him in the head. Unless we can keep heads alive in jars.
Guess I haven't gotten there yet, try not to think about it honestly. It's a sore subject like voting for John Kerry or jerking off to grace jones.
pleasepaypreacher.net
I don't know if psychopath would be the right word
death really has no real downsides, though
I mean, oh no, I am missing out on the great moments I was surely going to have!
eh, in a few moments I'll be beyond caring
but that kinda also means living has few downsides either
it's not like I'm going to miss my chance to die
Seriously, I just can't get beyond the "what the fuck?" part.
I had to spend a long time thinking about it. Took a long time to get it into focus. It's not one of those things that heal by ignoring it.
what
the
fucking
hell
okay, something is certainly really wrong there but still it makes you want to slap them and say "what the hell, man"
I'm not sure why I didn't finish my sentence on euthanasia. I meant quality of life is so bad and has no chance of improvement that it's acceptable (to me) to do
whereas suicide can seem like a good idea after enough drugs or enough depression. causes the doer to assume things will never get better
If you need someone to talk to chanus, I'm sure someone stable will offer some kind of support.
pleasepaypreacher.net
I remember when I was seriously suicidal being held off from it not by the thought of the pain I'd cause my family and friends, but my dog. I told myself "Well, I can explain myself in a note, my family and friends will eventually understand why I wanted to die, but my dog will just have no idea what happened, I can't do that to her."
I only realized when I was sane again exactly how crazy that was.
Ooh, sounds interesting. Bookmark'd it for future readings!
No, but I can see how they'd be fucked up people there.
A potassium overdose is probably the least messy way of killing yourself and I'm fairly sure potassium isn't all too hard to come by either.
I love how in the hospital I'm in I'm given an extraordinary amount of trust. I can go to any of the wards, speak to any of the patients (assuming I just make sure with one of the junior doctors/nurses that they're not in too terrible a condition to want to speak to anyone), and I'm allowed to observe pretty much any procedure in the hospital.
Saw a couple of bronchoscopies on Monday, and a CT scan today. Also there are drugs absolutely everywhere that could super easily be nicked - not that I would, that'd be bad.
Face Twit Rav Gram
Amateurhours favorite porn site.
pleasepaypreacher.net