The thinner lines on his left arm are making it look a bit odd. I'm not expert, so maybe I shouldn't be posting this, but shouldn't line weight increase as you get closer to the viewer?
Been a while since I updated this thread, thought I would dump a bit. I am going to be posting less comic stuff here so I thought I would revive it.
This dump will be mostly comics, I have been using my tablet exclusively, so if you see any common mistakes or have any tablet tips, I would love to hear them:
Oh yea, I had a baby! (well my wife HAD the baby, but you know...)
Lucy Jane Folz.
1. Congratumalations on baby Lucy! Good work and all the best for your newly expanded family.
2. I love the Robot Ghost one, but I don't think you need the word unfold there in the penultimate panel...
3. If you don't already, you should read and be a fan of American Elf by James Kochalka because I'm getting a very similar vibe from your stuff. Very, very affirming and endearing family/life experience stuff but with a twist of daftness in there.
SMWN: Thanks, I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. Robot Ghost was just a particularly good one. I don't know what I was thinking.
Mustang: While I know I should strive to be laugh out loud funny, I am completely content with wholesome smiles. I really enjoy Nedroid and that brand of humor, and I would rather be cute than crude.
I get really sick of reading webcomics that try to beat you over the head with profanity to hide that fact that they are not funny. Not to say I don't curse in the comic sometimes, but I don't want that as my calling card.
Grenn: Thanks for the kind words! How are you and your wife? Yea, I had wrote the "Unfold" on one of the sketch layers and thought it might be funny as a kind of onomatopoeia. But if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
I haven't read American Elf, but will look it up today! Sound great!
I looked up American Elf, I have seen that guys stuff around. I like his simple style and kind of autobiographical nature of his stuff. I am flattered at the comparison!
Thirding the love for "Robot ghost." It's funny in way that's hard for me to qualify but I almost never encounter in webcomics; super-relatable and just sweetly hysterical (I also dig putting your eyes on in the morning).
Thanky you Squidbunny! I am a huge fan of your stuff and take it as a double complement coming from someone I respect.
I used to do more typical comics, cast of characters and story arches and such. One was about retail customer service called "Excuse Me" and another was about a record store called "B-Sides." I think they were okay, but I felt like I would always wind up falling into old comedy troupes. I felt like Jim Davis, not in a good way.
Writing about silly stuff that happens in real life is much more rewarding to me. I might not end up being laugh out loud funny, but hopefully people can relate to it.
Glad you checked out Kochalka, and you're welcome for the comparison.
The thing I like about your strips is that basing them on everyday, real life stuff means they're endearing and funny and readible without having to come up with some crutch or prop to get the reader to the "punchline". There is a naturalness there which makes the reader smile without them feeling patronised at being hit over the head with the 'mechanics' of the joke.
EEEE!!! Thanks guys! I always like hearing nice things!
Fletcher: I did kind of change my style a bit, but I think it is from the way I am doing my layouts these days.
When I was doing these with pen and ink, I would pencil a LOT of detail before inking. I noticed after I would ink I would lose a bunch of stuff that I liked. And then after THAT I would scan it in and drop it into a bitmap to vector program so that the lines would be clean and crisp, but I would wind up losing even more.
So now I do my layouts with stick figures on a back layer and drop the opacity way down and just go right into the finished linework. I think that makes for a looser finished lines. Thank the gods for Ctrl+Z.
The pressure sensitivity also helps give the line width more personality, I think. While I love my Pilot V5, it doesn't vary at all, so going over stuff and going over stuff and going over stuff can be a bit tiring.
I am glad you like it!
Grenn: Thanks man! I was thinking the other day that real life doesn't get a fair shake in comics. Real life is fucking crazy, and we are all in it together.
Mustang: I changed that line like four times before settling on that, I am glad you like it!
In the last panel of your previous comic, "Your wife sees it", the "f" in wife looks strange. I think it's because you made the type smaller in that particular instance. The other "f"s look readable in the same comic. I know that's being picky, but I was going to originally suggest that you pick a different font altogether for readability issues.
Nibcrom, I agree, I need to work on the readablity of my text. I read your post after drawing the latest one, so please don't think I brushed off your advice. I will work on that in the future. I don't currently use a font, I hand write the text. I tend to work on these at a much bigger size and often forget how small the text can get.
Last one was simple but effective. I think it could use a background or at least a floor to help ground the characters. When I first looked at it I thought the dog was magical and was supposed to be floating.
Kohls one was funny too. I used to work there, (in the back), and I guess they used to make the register jockeys recite the most ridiculous shit to customers. I'm with you, fuck that place. I hate when places turn shopping into some fucking game where you needed to do homework just to get a small deal.
Postman glare was great. Feels like it could've been just the first 5 panels though, as everything after seemed superfluous. Also it seemed like if you wanted to include something after that panel, you could completely skip panel 6 + 7 and then end on the last two panels, and nothing would be lost. Try to be as concise as possible with your panels, as not only will it make your comics more direct and readable, but it will save you from doing some work that you might not have even needed to do to make a comic work.
Lawn comic is probably my favorite just because the humor is so relateable! Also the pace just seemed perfect and payed off well at the end. My only crit is that the wife in the last panel looks like she has a happy expression to me, which kills a bit of the punch. Really try to nail your expressions because a crazy angry face would've really ended the comic right.
Keep it up though your def improving, and keep working on those hands!
NappuccinoSurveyor of Things and StuffRegistered Userregular
edited September 2010
My main comment would be make the dialog text a little bit more uniform. There doesn't seem to be a conscious decision in making words bold or larger than the rest. Take the Kohls comic, in the first panel the word "alright" is very tiny for what seems like no real reason.
You could either make a font like Fletcher (that works pretty well, but it also loses some of the real organic feel of a hand-written text) or just try to keep the pressure effect lower so there isn't as huge a variance in word thickness unless you really want that variance (like the word Everyone at the end of the Kohls comic.)
I put in a lazy kind of floor, you are totally right Adam, he looked like he was floating. I am working on the fonts, I really like hand doing them but agree that they can be all over the place. I am working on legibility, I just need to keep uniformity in mind also.
better joke.. show an old serious guy telling him that his route is marked in green.. his in red.. then show that its a kid drawing them. Punchline is given away as soon as the kid is shown.
better joke.. show an old serious guy telling him that his route is marked in green.. his in red.. then show that its a kid drawing them. Punchline is given away as soon as the kid is shown.
Eh, I get what your saying, but I think it still works as is. It's hilarity is in it's ludicrousness rather than in a solid punchline.
Aim: I can't believe I missed that! Usually my wife proofreads for me and even she didn't catch it. Good eye.
KDW, Paradise and Mustang: I totally get where you are coming from Ken. To be honest, I wrote this one out a few different ways. I really wanted the last line to be the "Evewybody meets back hewyl!" while doing a circle with a fist full of crayons, because I thought it was a very childlike thing to do and say.
I wasn't sure if the reader would be on board with the speech pattern if I just dropped it on them in the last panel. I had a few co-workers say the lines out loud, and without any previous examples they didn't know what to say or what it was supposed to sound like. After I gave them the previous panels they did the "Oh, like he has a speech problem." and immediately knew how to say it and what he was trying to say. I know it gives the joke away early, but I hoped the whimsy of it would carry it through.
Special note: I had a speech problem as a kid, this one in fact. I couldn't say the letter "R." Took me YEARS to break it, years of getting dragged out of class to go with my "speech tehwapist." Already having cokebottle glasses and braces, it didn't make my life as a child easy. So don't think I am making fun of this, it just reminds me of childhood. I still lapse back into it when I get really flustered or pissed off...talk about embarrassing.
Are you still doing the type by hand? The line variance bothers me. For example, the "T" in "SHOOT" in the third panel looks bold, while the "SHOO" looks normal.
yea, I am still hand lettering, I am going to work on making a font next week to fix those problems, the past couple weeks have been crazy with projects. Can anyone offer any helpful tutorials?
MustangArbiter of Unpopular OpinionsRegistered Userregular
edited October 2010
It's a little left of field to your usual stuff. You usually have great comic turns on everyday things, going to the store, changing the baby, mowing the lawn, etc.
Bizarre person living in the basement doesn't really seem to fit. I mean maybe you could tie it in to the lawn mowing comic, "I found him in the lawn" - "I really should've mowed that earlier", but it's still kind of out there.
Yea, I guess I get that. It felt a little more off the wall than I usually do, but I thought that might be a good thing. I guess I can be a little crazy in the punch line, but I need to keep the set up pretty straight.
In a random note, here are some paintings I banged out recently. I take part in this thing called YART twice a year, a bunch of artist get together and have a yard sale with art. We set a price limit (right now it is nothing over $30, used to be nothing over $10) and everyone brings a cardtable and sets up in someones yard.
When it started everyone was just bringing leftover stuff from classes or stuff that they had showed and not sold yet. Now a lot of people are like me and produce about 10 to 12 paintings just for YART. We do one in spring and one in fall. If you are friendly with five or six artists, I recomend throwing one!
brokecracker on
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NakedZerglingA more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered Userregular
Posts
EDIT: I do like it though. Poor little dude.
This dump will be mostly comics, I have been using my tablet exclusively, so if you see any common mistakes or have any tablet tips, I would love to hear them:
Oh yea, I had a baby! (well my wife HAD the baby, but you know...)
Lucy Jane Folz.
I would love crits, so go crazy.
Thanks guys
I love this comic, hits really close to home!
Congrats on the daughter too broke, she looks very serious.
1. Congratumalations on baby Lucy! Good work and all the best for your newly expanded family.
2. I love the Robot Ghost one, but I don't think you need the word unfold there in the penultimate panel...
3. If you don't already, you should read and be a fan of American Elf by James Kochalka because I'm getting a very similar vibe from your stuff. Very, very affirming and endearing family/life experience stuff but with a twist of daftness in there.
That is all.
Mustang: While I know I should strive to be laugh out loud funny, I am completely content with wholesome smiles. I really enjoy Nedroid and that brand of humor, and I would rather be cute than crude.
I get really sick of reading webcomics that try to beat you over the head with profanity to hide that fact that they are not funny. Not to say I don't curse in the comic sometimes, but I don't want that as my calling card.
Grenn: Thanks for the kind words! How are you and your wife? Yea, I had wrote the "Unfold" on one of the sketch layers and thought it might be funny as a kind of onomatopoeia. But if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
I haven't read American Elf, but will look it up today! Sound great!
new one:
Thirding the love for "Robot ghost." It's funny in way that's hard for me to qualify but I almost never encounter in webcomics; super-relatable and just sweetly hysterical (I also dig putting your eyes on in the morning).
I used to do more typical comics, cast of characters and story arches and such. One was about retail customer service called "Excuse Me" and another was about a record store called "B-Sides." I think they were okay, but I felt like I would always wind up falling into old comedy troupes. I felt like Jim Davis, not in a good way.
Writing about silly stuff that happens in real life is much more rewarding to me. I might not end up being laugh out loud funny, but hopefully people can relate to it.
Here is a new one,
haha. this is very funny. After i dream up a gold idea, i type it into my phone.
great examples
party, ness killed
spilled down
skydive ta right
jaw jockeys (?)
Manon said I should try and convey more with drawing and less with words, I tried to apply that with this new one:
not that it wasn't great before, but something about the line quality/lettering just seems nicer and more stylish
the last two in particular seem crisper and brighter than usual
did you change the way you drew or something when you got the new tablet? I am intrigued
also your comics really funny and they just keep getting better
Webcomic Twitter Steam Wishlist SATAN
The thing I like about your strips is that basing them on everyday, real life stuff means they're endearing and funny and readible without having to come up with some crutch or prop to get the reader to the "punchline". There is a naturalness there which makes the reader smile without them feeling patronised at being hit over the head with the 'mechanics' of the joke.
Good stuff as always!
Fletcher: I did kind of change my style a bit, but I think it is from the way I am doing my layouts these days.
When I was doing these with pen and ink, I would pencil a LOT of detail before inking. I noticed after I would ink I would lose a bunch of stuff that I liked. And then after THAT I would scan it in and drop it into a bitmap to vector program so that the lines would be clean and crisp, but I would wind up losing even more.
So now I do my layouts with stick figures on a back layer and drop the opacity way down and just go right into the finished linework. I think that makes for a looser finished lines. Thank the gods for Ctrl+Z.
The pressure sensitivity also helps give the line width more personality, I think. While I love my Pilot V5, it doesn't vary at all, so going over stuff and going over stuff and going over stuff can be a bit tiring.
I am glad you like it!
Grenn: Thanks man! I was thinking the other day that real life doesn't get a fair shake in comics. Real life is fucking crazy, and we are all in it together.
Mustang: I changed that line like four times before settling on that, I am glad you like it!
here is the new one about five days late.
:^:
My lawn is in the same dire state with a similar lazy bastard driving the lawn mowing project. Maybe next week.
grr, stupid photobucket resize...anyone know how to make that show up bigger?
In the last panel of your previous comic, "Your wife sees it", the "f" in wife looks strange. I think it's because you made the type smaller in that particular instance. The other "f"s look readable in the same comic. I know that's being picky, but I was going to originally suggest that you pick a different font altogether for readability issues.
Nibcrom, I agree, I need to work on the readablity of my text. I read your post after drawing the latest one, so please don't think I brushed off your advice. I will work on that in the future. I don't currently use a font, I hand write the text. I tend to work on these at a much bigger size and often forget how small the text can get.
new one!
Kohls one was funny too. I used to work there, (in the back), and I guess they used to make the register jockeys recite the most ridiculous shit to customers. I'm with you, fuck that place. I hate when places turn shopping into some fucking game where you needed to do homework just to get a small deal.
Postman glare was great. Feels like it could've been just the first 5 panels though, as everything after seemed superfluous. Also it seemed like if you wanted to include something after that panel, you could completely skip panel 6 + 7 and then end on the last two panels, and nothing would be lost. Try to be as concise as possible with your panels, as not only will it make your comics more direct and readable, but it will save you from doing some work that you might not have even needed to do to make a comic work.
Lawn comic is probably my favorite just because the humor is so relateable! Also the pace just seemed perfect and payed off well at the end. My only crit is that the wife in the last panel looks like she has a happy expression to me, which kills a bit of the punch. Really try to nail your expressions because a crazy angry face would've really ended the comic right.
Keep it up though your def improving, and keep working on those hands!
INSTAGRAM
You could either make a font like Fletcher (that works pretty well, but it also loses some of the real organic feel of a hand-written text) or just try to keep the pressure effect lower so there isn't as huge a variance in word thickness unless you really want that variance (like the word Everyone at the end of the Kohls comic.)
I put in a lazy kind of floor, you are totally right Adam, he looked like he was floating. I am working on the fonts, I really like hand doing them but agree that they can be all over the place. I am working on legibility, I just need to keep uniformity in mind also.
Thanks for the great feedback guys!
"Now I have to do is check..." Should be "Now all I have to do is check..."
Eh, I get what your saying, but I think it still works as is. It's hilarity is in it's ludicrousness rather than in a solid punchline.
Aim: I can't believe I missed that! Usually my wife proofreads for me and even she didn't catch it. Good eye.
KDW, Paradise and Mustang: I totally get where you are coming from Ken. To be honest, I wrote this one out a few different ways. I really wanted the last line to be the "Evewybody meets back hewyl!" while doing a circle with a fist full of crayons, because I thought it was a very childlike thing to do and say.
I wasn't sure if the reader would be on board with the speech pattern if I just dropped it on them in the last panel. I had a few co-workers say the lines out loud, and without any previous examples they didn't know what to say or what it was supposed to sound like. After I gave them the previous panels they did the "Oh, like he has a speech problem." and immediately knew how to say it and what he was trying to say. I know it gives the joke away early, but I hoped the whimsy of it would carry it through.
Special note: I had a speech problem as a kid, this one in fact. I couldn't say the letter "R." Took me YEARS to break it, years of getting dragged out of class to go with my "speech tehwapist." Already having cokebottle glasses and braces, it didn't make my life as a child easy. So don't think I am making fun of this, it just reminds me of childhood. I still lapse back into it when I get really flustered or pissed off...talk about embarrassing.
Are you still doing the type by hand? The line variance bothers me. For example, the "T" in "SHOOT" in the third panel looks bold, while the "SHOO" looks normal.
here is a new one:
Bizarre person living in the basement doesn't really seem to fit. I mean maybe you could tie it in to the lawn mowing comic, "I found him in the lawn" - "I really should've mowed that earlier", but it's still kind of out there.
In a random note, here are some paintings I banged out recently. I take part in this thing called YART twice a year, a bunch of artist get together and have a yard sale with art. We set a price limit (right now it is nothing over $30, used to be nothing over $10) and everyone brings a cardtable and sets up in someones yard.
When it started everyone was just bringing leftover stuff from classes or stuff that they had showed and not sold yet. Now a lot of people are like me and produce about 10 to 12 paintings just for YART. We do one in spring and one in fall. If you are friendly with five or six artists, I recomend throwing one!
I realize those are tiny, so here are some bigger pics:
Dingo Daycare:
Get Fit With Slothercise:
Panda Police:
Beaver Demolition:
Dino Road Gas Station:
Turtles, All The Way Down:
Interaction Warning:
May Cause Drowsiness:
Delusions Of Grandeur:
Sensitivity To Light: