Michael O'Leary's quote is pretty good, especially given his capacity as a public figure for the company.
BA CEO or Chair made similar but more diplomatic comments about airport security last week (26 October). Pre latest chapter on eternal war on Terror
The British national flag carrier’s chairman has attacked the stringent screening processes imposed on passengers flying from airports in the UK. Martin Broughton, head of British Airways (BA), said that that some of the measures enforced in the UK are redundant and a sop to demands by US security bosses.
Mr Broughton said checks such as those which involved shoe removal and separate screening for laptop computers were time-consuming and totally unnecessary. He also questioned the logic of imposing extra security checks on international passengers flying to the US, but not on passengers taking internal US flights.
The BA boss, who is also the Liverpool FC chairman, told an audience at the annual conference of the UK Airport Operators’ Association that the UK should run the same security checks and screening for flights, from the UK to the US, that American authorities do on their own domestic flights.
Carrot, I was fiddling, and ended up re-writing the whole thing. I'm definitely not saying you should do what I've done, but I was trying to get across the same information by saying less.
I sat on the park bench, finishing my sandwich and waiting for the rain to stop before I headed home. A pretty redhead approached the bench, walking without difficulty over the uneven ground in three inch heels. She bit her lip before speaking.
“Excuse me, are you Dan Arwood?”
“No, I’m not.”
She slumped. “Shit. I knew I’d gotten here too late. I was supposed to meet him here fifteen minutes ago. It's a sort of date. I guess he gave up waiting and went home.”
“I'm sorry." I gave what I hoped was an encouraging smile. "If you ask me, fifteen minutes isn’t so long to wait. I take it this was an online dating thing?”
I don't know whether this is helpful to you, but I felt like posting it after working on it for a few minutes.
I kept the clothing, but did the girl/redhead switch. I also added "somehow looking hopeful and dispirited at the same time." to the adverb of the first question. Also, contemplating giving the protagonist a unisex name and not giving any gender hints for a while. Of course, the redhead would almost certainly be aware after her question was answered, but that's not a problem as far as I'm concerned.
I sat on the park bench, finishing my BLT and waiting for the rain to stop before I headed home. A rather pretty girl approached, a redhead with a light blue v-neck shirt, denim jacket, and black skirt. And three-inch heels, which she somehow managed adroitly on the rather uneven pavement, not to mention the rough grass.
“Excuse me, are you Dan Arwood?” she asked, nervousness evident in her voice.
“No, I’m not,” I replied, slightly puzzled.
She slumped, dejected. “Shit. I knew I’d gotten here too late. I was supposed to meet him here for a sort of a date fifteen minutes ago. I guess he gave up waiting and went home.”
I winced. “Oh, that sucks. Although if you ask me, fifteen minutes isn’t so long to wait. I take it this was an online dating thing?”
I'd remove the period separating "black skirt" and "and three-inch heels"
I don't think you're supposed to start a sentence with 'and'. It looks really clumsy.
I'd dump both uses of 'rather' as well. It feels fussy and unneccessary. 'She slumped, dejected' is a bit redundant. If she slumps, and she says 'shit' we know she's feeling dejected. You've already shown, don't tell as well. I'd recast the sentence about the three-inch heels as well. Starting it with 'And' feels clumsy.
A pretty girl approached, a redhead with a light blue v-neck shirt, denim jacket, and black skirt – and three-inch heels, which she somehow managed adroitly on the pebbly pavement, not to mention the rough grass.
Hmm, still seems a little weird. How does this read to you?
A pretty girl approached, a redhead with a light blue v-neck shirt, denim jacket, black skirt...and three-inch heels, which she somehow managed adroitly on the pebbly pavement, not to mention the rough grass.
Not unobjectionable. I'll go with that for now, and change back if I feel strongly about it later.
Why are you trying to break up the rest of the clothing from the heels? It feels awkward and has no reason, imo.
I sat on the park bench, finishing my BLT and waiting for the rain to stop before I headed home. A rather pretty girl approached, a redhead with a light blue v-neck shirt, denim jacket, and black skirt. And three-inch heels, which she somehow managed adroitly on the rather uneven pavement, not to mention the rough grass.
“Excuse me, are you Dan Arwood?” she asked, nervousness evident in her voice.
“No, I’m not,” I replied, slightly puzzled.
She slumped, dejected. “Shit. I knew I’d gotten here too late. I was supposed to meet him here for a sort of a date fifteen minutes ago. I guess he gave up waiting and went home.”
I winced. “Oh, that sucks. Although if you ask me, fifteen minutes isn’t so long to wait. I take it this was an online dating thing?”
I'd remove the period separating "black skirt" and "and three-inch heels"
I don't think you're supposed to start a sentence with 'and'. It looks really clumsy.
I'd dump both uses of 'rather' as well. It feels fussy and unneccessary. 'She slumped, dejected' is a bit redundant. If she slumps, and she says 'shit' we know she's feeling dejected. You've already shown, don't tell as well. I'd recast the sentence about the three-inch heels as well. Starting it with 'And' feels clumsy.
A pretty girl approached, a redhead with a light blue v-neck shirt, denim jacket, and black skirt – and three-inch heels, which she somehow managed adroitly on the pebbly pavement, not to mention the rough grass.
Hmm, still seems a little weird. How does this read to you?
A pretty girl approached, a redhead with a light blue v-neck shirt, denim jacket, black skirt...and three-inch heels, which she somehow managed adroitly on the pebbly pavement, not to mention the rough grass.
Not unobjectionable. I'll go with that for now, and change back if I feel strongly about it later.
Why are you trying to break up the rest of the clothing from the heels? It feels awkward and has no reason, imo.
Because the protagonist notices the heels after the rest of the clothing, and is slightly impressed at the redhead's ability to walk in them over that ground. That is why they are mentioned with a break.
Carrot, I was fiddling, and ended up re-writing the whole thing. I'm definitely not saying you should do what I've done, but I was trying to get across the same information by saying less.
I sat on the park bench, finishing my sandwich and waiting for the rain to stop before I headed home. A pretty redhead approached the bench, walking without difficulty over the uneven ground in three inch heels. She bit her lip before speaking.
“Excuse me, are you Dan Arwood?”
“No, I’m not.”
She slumped. “Shit. I knew I’d gotten here too late. I was supposed to meet him here fifteen minutes ago. It's a sort of date. I guess he gave up waiting and went home.”
“I'm sorry." I gave what I hoped was an encouraging smile. "If you ask me, fifteen minutes isn’t so long to wait. I take it this was an online dating thing?”
I don't know whether this is helpful to you, but I felt like posting it after working on it for a few minutes.
I kept the clothing, but did the girl/redhead switch. I also added "somehow looking hopeful and dispirited at the same time." to the adverb of the first question. Also, contemplating giving the protagonist a unisex name and not giving any gender hints for a while. Of course, the redhead would almost certainly be aware after her question was answered, but that's not a problem as far as I'm concerned.
'Hopeful and dispirited'? I'm trying to imagine someone looking both optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. I kind of can't. Show she's nervous somehow. Show she's also kind of excited. Don't just tell us she looks like both at the same time.
Gonna just throw in my comments in red. Like a mean teacher.
I sat on the park bench, finishing my BLT and waiting for the rain to stop before I headed home Tense shift. I think? Change sat to was sitting, or something similar. Also is he sitting on a bench in the rain? That seems odd.. A rather pretty girl approached, a redhead with a light blue v-neck shirt, denim jacket, and black skirt. Drop the rather. Also just don't call her pretty at all. Show us that she is pretty don't tell us. Also denim jacket? Taaaacky.And three-inch heels, which she somehow managed adroitly on the rather uneven pavement, not to mention the rough grass. Once again, show don't tell. Just tell about how consistent her stride was despite the uneven ground or something.
“Excuse me, are you Dan Arwood?” she asked, nervousness evident in her voice. The tone of her voice should be conveyed in the words, not in a footnote appended to it.
“No, I’m not,” I replied, slightly puzzled. See above
She slumped, dejected. Show, don't tell.“Shit. I knew I’d gotten here too late. I was supposed to meet him here for a sort of a date fifteen minutes ago. I guess he gave up waiting and went home.”
I winced. “Oh, that sucks. Although if you ask me, fifteen minutes isn’t so long to wait. I take it this was an online dating thing?”Uneven tone. Goes from very informal "that sucks" to very proper "I take it this was a" Make it consistent.
Because the protagonist notices the heels after the rest of the clothing, and is slightly impressed at the redhead's ability to walk in them over that ground. That is why they are mentioned with a break.
I wouldn't try to show that via weird grammar tricks.
Just put "then I noticed" if you want to make it very clear to the reader the order he noticed things in.
Because the protagonist notices the heels after the rest of the clothing, and is slightly impressed at the redhead's ability to walk in them over that ground. That is why they are mentioned with a break.
I wouldn't try to show that via weird grammar tricks.
Just put "then I noticed" if you want to make it very clear to the reader the order he noticed things in.
I like it the way it is. It's precisely what I read it as because it's how my thoughts would go
Because the protagonist notices the heels after the rest of the clothing, and is slightly impressed at the redhead's ability to walk in them over that ground. That is why they are mentioned with a break.
I wouldn't try to show that via weird grammar tricks.
Just put "then I noticed" if you want to make it very clear to the reader the order he noticed things in.
I like it the way it is. It's precisely what I read it as because it's how my thoughts would go
Yes well, it making sense to you means it definitely needs to be changed. :P
Posts
I will have to see about acquiring some, then.
oh god no, he doesn't need a gincident
On the black screen
BA CEO or Chair made similar but more diplomatic comments about airport security last week (26 October). Pre latest chapter on eternal war on Terror
The British national flag carrier’s chairman has attacked the stringent screening processes imposed on passengers flying from airports in the UK. Martin Broughton, head of British Airways (BA), said that that some of the measures enforced in the UK are redundant and a sop to demands by US security bosses.
Mr Broughton said checks such as those which involved shoe removal and separate screening for laptop computers were time-consuming and totally unnecessary. He also questioned the logic of imposing extra security checks on international passengers flying to the US, but not on passengers taking internal US flights.
The BA boss, who is also the Liverpool FC chairman, told an audience at the annual conference of the UK Airport Operators’ Association that the UK should run the same security checks and screening for flights, from the UK to the US, that American authorities do on their own domestic flights.
I have a bit of tequila left over from an asshole room-mate, I may just take of that.
What is a "bit"? Because I wasn't kidding about needing a lot to erase a day
Well, the bottle is 750 ml, and there's around a 1/10th left.
If I need more than that ... well.
so, a couple fingers?
no, that won't do
that won't do at all
drink that then get your party plastic out and visit fifteen bars
"visiting" has a two drink minimum
Would it really erase a day? I'd think it'd only affect you after you start drinking, not halt memories that were already forming. Am I wrong?
I don't drink so I really don't know much, admittedly.
but it'll make the next day worse so the previous day seems like nothing
Why are you trying to break up the rest of the clothing from the heels? It feels awkward and has no reason, imo.
Go out and have a tremendous day tomorrow.
Yeah it wouldn't erase a day.
like, I'd pick her over audrey tautou pretty
Unfortunately the undo feature has been disabled since 1912 due to a lack of RAM.
a proper blackout will be accompanied by being pretty freaked out that the last eight hours are just not there, and some pretty serious pain
and not being able to walk for a week
if your experience matches mine
it just seems really awkward and unnecessary for no apparent benefit
Heels are super sexy.
if you'd shorten it it would be an easier sell that this is some guy's thoughts
'Hopeful and dispirited'? I'm trying to imagine someone looking both optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. I kind of can't. Show she's nervous somehow. Show she's also kind of excited. Don't just tell us she looks like both at the same time.
Choose Your Own Chat 1 Choose Your Own Chat 2 Choose Your Own Chat 3
I sat on the park bench, finishing my BLT and waiting for the rain to stop before I headed home Tense shift. I think? Change sat to was sitting, or something similar. Also is he sitting on a bench in the rain? That seems odd.. A rather pretty girl approached, a redhead with a light blue v-neck shirt, denim jacket, and black skirt. Drop the rather. Also just don't call her pretty at all. Show us that she is pretty don't tell us. Also denim jacket? Taaaacky.And three-inch heels, which she somehow managed adroitly on the rather uneven pavement, not to mention the rough grass. Once again, show don't tell. Just tell about how consistent her stride was despite the uneven ground or something.
“Excuse me, are you Dan Arwood?” she asked, nervousness evident in her voice. The tone of her voice should be conveyed in the words, not in a footnote appended to it.
“No, I’m not,” I replied, slightly puzzled. See above
She slumped, dejected. Show, don't tell.“Shit. I knew I’d gotten here too late. I was supposed to meet him here for a sort of a date fifteen minutes ago. I guess he gave up waiting and went home.”
I winced. “Oh, that sucks. Although if you ask me, fifteen minutes isn’t so long to wait. I take it this was an online dating thing?”Uneven tone. Goes from very informal "that sucks" to very proper "I take it this was a" Make it consistent.
He's writing a foot fetishist romance. Next chapter: "Bunions and corns and atheletes foot, oh my!"
Choose Your Own Chat 1 Choose Your Own Chat 2 Choose Your Own Chat 3
I wouldn't try to show that via weird grammar tricks.
Just put "then I noticed" if you want to make it very clear to the reader the order he noticed things in.
Sat can work but then I want a was in front of finishing. Like "I sat on the park bench and was finishing"
Don't know why, how it currently is written doesn't scan for me at all.
you could see she was french from miles away
black wool coat, brunette, french bangs
and very very cute
Toodles.
I like it the way it is. It's precisely what I read it as because it's how my thoughts would go
Yes well, it making sense to you means it definitely needs to be changed. :P