my webcomic - slowly starving to death since 2 weeks ago

TommyFerrari · November 2010

just a new project i'm starting to practice for when i break into the bizzzzz. it's called "Solarix Online" and it has superheroes, crazy cyborgs, mad scientists, biogenetically engineered bounty hunters, army guys with ridiculously huge guns, ancient mystical spirits, and all that good stuff.

check it out & let me know what u think. critique welcomed, so take ur best shot.

Fletcher · November 2010

You need to post the comics here if you want critiques dude; sitewhoring is against the artist's corner rules

TommyFerrari · November 2010

[IMG][/img]This is stupid. Don't do this.

orly?

well here's the most recent page, critique at your discretion

Aumni · November 2010

The images are all pretty flat - That white you're using for a highlight isn't helping at all. Faces also seem a bit off. The background in the first panel could do better darker, to make the girl in the foreground pop more. The buildings in the background look a lot different than the ones in the middleground, did you use filters on a photo?

Why aren't the lights from the fire trucks actually casting light?

Where is the light source coming from in the last frame?

The text is hard to read on those gradient boxes.

Do you have any life studies we can see to better critique your work?

Also your comic is only better than mine because I don't have one.

JLM-AWP · November 2010

I would HOPE critiques are welcome....since that's sorta what this forum is for, Mister!

In any case, I have a few gripes in terms of my enjoyment of the comic:

1. It's tough to follow the dialogue with the gradient boxes. It's like my eyes want to skip right over them and move on to the next white bubble or next panel.

2. The dialogue seems very "1980s cartoon" to me. I'm not one for drama and story-esque comics though, so this may just be a matter of preference in genre...or maybe it's what you're going for.

3. Same goes for the names of the people (forgive me, I'm only going from the one you posted here...I haven't read all of them). Billy Storm, Killrazor, and Doc Atomic? It just has a bit of "hoaky" on it that makes it tough for me to take seriously. Again, possibly a preference thing.

4. In panel 5, pink-hair-girl's right eye is looking to her right, but her left eye is fixed on the reader. Looks goofy, but a quick fix.

5. Also, who is she talking to?

6. Your comic is not better than Fletcher's.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

Aumni wrote: »

The images are all pretty flat - That white you're using for a highlight isn't helping at all. Faces also seem a bit off. The background in the first panel could do better darker, to make the girl in the foreground pop more. The buildings in the background look a lot different than the ones in the middleground, did you use filters on a photo?

Why aren't the lights from the fire trucks actually casting light?

Where is the light source coming from in the last frame?

The text is hard to read on those gradient boxes.

Do you have any life studies we can see to better critique your work?

Also your comic is only better than mine because I don't have one.

ooh, i should've specified that i was mainly looking for critique on the art/writing, since i didn't do any of the coloring. but thx for the advice. & i can provide some still life images tmw with the next update, i'll be sure to post them here.

i'm responsible for the lettering tho, & i must agree that it is hard to read at times, which i'm working on now.

& whether u have a webcomic or not, "Solarix" still beats it 8-)

TommyFerrari · November 2010

JLM-AWP wrote: »

I would HOPE critiques are welcome....since that's sorta what this forum is for, Mister!

In any case, I have a few gripes in terms of my enjoyment of the comic:

1. It's tough to follow the dialogue with the gradient boxes. It's like my eyes want to skip right over them and move on to the next white bubble or next panel.

2. The dialogue seems very "1980s cartoon" to me. I'm not one for drama and story-esque comics though, so this may just be a matter of preference in genre...or maybe it's what you're going for.

3. Same goes for the names of the people (forgive me, I'm only going from the one you posted here...I haven't read all of them). Billy Storm, Killrazor, and Doc Atomic? It just has a bit of "hoaky" on it that makes it tough for me to take seriously. Again, possibly a preference thing.

4. In panel 5, pink-hair-girl's right eye is looking to her right, but her left eye is fixed on the reader. Looks goofy, but a quick fix.

5. Also, who is she talking to?

6. Your comic is not better than Fletcher's.

fletcher WHEW? idk him but i'm sure his webcomic isn't better than mine

but anyway, yes there IS an intentional '80s/'90s cartoon vibe in the comic. it's very much inspired by early Image Comics stories, even down to character names (pretty much 90% of Image Comic characters were named by taking one ~hardcore word (blood, die, death) and adding it to another one (shot, hard, blow)). i'm working on getting that ambience "right" for readers who've read/enjoyed those stories and those who haven't. i am working on telling a good story with characters ppl can get into, but at the end of the day it all goes back to just being very tongue-in-cheek.

i see what you mean about "Nikki" (pink hair girl). i always have trouble with that sideways glance :?

and u'll see who she's talking to tmw 8-)

m3nace · November 2010

Kind of a weird way to promote your comic, some kind of pseudoprovocation...
Anyways it's nice to see a different kind of retro for once.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

m3nace wrote: »

Kind of a weird way to promote your comic, some kind of pseudoprovocation...
Anyways it's nice to see a different kind of retro for once.

saywut?

oh & thx, yeah, retro is what i aim for.

m3nace · November 2010

Pseudo implies that something is false or pretending, thus pseudoprovocation must mean that it isn't really meant as provocation to say "better than urs" but then again it... Is.
Weird way to do so o_O :P.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

lol i'm totally fucking with ppl, i just want attention tbqh

m3nace · November 2010

Yeah I know, as I said it was a way of promoting. But in a slightly surreal way.

Peen · November 2010

Don't you mean you want attntn?

TommyFerrari · November 2010

Peen wrote: »

Don't you mean you want attntn?

no, because that abbrev of attention is completely incorrect

Iruka · November 2010

Stop abbreviating everything. If you want attention, this forum responds pretty excellently to an open willingness to learn, the pseudo ego is entirely unneeded and just a bit annoying as we have some really great comic artists on this forum.

You might want to pass some crits along to the guy who's coloring your comic, because as of now its not really helping you. The pallet itself isn't bad, but the shading isnt properly describing volume, making somethings look flat and others just look plain lumpy. Also just shading with white and black makes for a muddy effect.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

Iruka wrote: »

Stop abbreviating everything. If you want attention, this forum responds pretty excellently to an open willingness to learn, the pseudo ego is entirely unneeded and just a bit annoying as we have some really great comic artists on this forum.

You might want to pass some crits along to the guy who's coloring your comic, because as of now its not really helping you. The pallet itself isn't bad, but the shading isnt properly describing volume, making somethings look flat and others just look plain lumpy. Also just shading with white and black makes for a muddy effect.

i like the coloring style tbh. it's very bright, bold, eye-catching & it stands out against other, more realistic styles. my goals with this project are to 1) gain maximum exposure & 2) improve my own penciling and inking, so the coloring works for me in that respect.

i'm mainly just looking for critique on my own artwork, since i know that's what needs work the most and it's my main focus in the long term.

Iruka · November 2010

The brightness isnt the issue, like I said, the pallet is fine, its that he isn't defining shapes in a way that describes form. Light doesn't fall on an arm or a leg by just following along a line. I suppose you could take charge of that with better inking, but I would still suggest your colorist seek to improve as well, if you are going to continue to work together.

Try to work on your line weight and using light making more descriptive drawings.
http://chodrawings.blogspot.com/2009/02/few-notes-about-inking.html

Uh, could someone link the TSO inking tutorial, I cant for the life of me find the link.
edit: nevermind, got it http://www.teamspecialolympics.com/tutorials.php?id=12921
Edit edit: Thanks Orikaeshigitae

Personally, I would put improving your artwork before maximum exposure. If the art and comic is good, the internet has ways of getting the word out.

Orikaeshigitae · November 2010

Here ya go.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

Iruka wrote: »

The brightness isnt the issue, like I said, the pallet is fine, its that he isn't defining shapes in a way that describes form. Light doesn't fall on an arm or a leg by just following along a line. I suppose you could take charge of that with better inking, but I would still suggest your colorist seek to improve as well, if you are going to continue to work together.

Try to work on your line weight and using light making more descriptive drawings.
http://chodrawings.blogspot.com/2009/02/few-notes-about-inking.html

Uh, could someone link the TSO inking tutorial, I cant for the life of me find the link.
edit: nevermind, got it http://www.teamspecialolympics.com/tutorials.php?id=12921
Edit edit: Thanks Orikaeshigitae

Personally, I would put improving your artwork before maximum exposure. If the art and comic is good, the internet has ways of getting the word out.

wow, thx for the links! that's basically exactly what i'm working on atm
i feel that my inking is holding the comic back the most and i've even considered finding an inker to take care of that for me, but i really want to improve so this is extremely helpful

TommyFerrari · November 2010

Orikaeshigitae wrote: »

Here ya go.

this looks INCREDIBLE!
thank you soooooooooo much. srsly, i'm currently working on page 8, which is a big splash page and a few tiny panels, so i'm kind of intimidated tbh lol. this will really help me.

melting_doll · November 2010

We get a lot of the same "I meant for it to be that way" responses around here. If we give you criticism, it is meant to help you, and if you really pay attention to what we're telling you, you'll improve in ways you didn't think you could. I will also honestly say that I put off commenting on this for a while specifically because you continued to insist that everyone's comic was inferior to yours - joke or not, it set me off and I completely lost interest for awhile. d:

One thing I noticed is her missing finger on the hand that's holding the binoculars.

I also have to force myself to read through the dialogue without letting my mind wander. Because I find it very boring. Is this the very beginning of the comic? Dropping names, nicknames, places, and too many pronouns in general makes it hard to follow...
[edit:] I see now that you said "most recent" so I assume it's not the first. But I don't click on links so post more pages (:

Definitely post more so it'll be easier to tell you what we think of the story itself!

Mustang · November 2010

We get a lot of the same "I meant for it to be that way" responses around here.

I tried that on my boss "Oh I meant to be lazy and not do any work" but apparently that wasn't an excuse for being apathetic in my duties.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

melting_doll wrote: »

We get a lot of the same "I meant for it to be that way" responses around here. If we give you criticism, it is meant to help you, and if you really pay attention to what we're telling you, you'll improve in ways you didn't think you could. I will also honestly say that I put off commenting on this for a while specifically because you continued to insist that everyone's comic was inferior to yours - joke or not, it set me off and I completely lost interest for awhile. d:

One thing I noticed is her missing finger on the hand that's holding the binoculars.

I also have to force myself to read through the dialogue without letting my mind wander. Because I find it very boring. Is this the very beginning of the comic? Dropping names, nicknames, places, and too many pronouns in general makes it hard to follow...
[edit:] I see now that you said "most recent" so I assume it's not the first. But I don't click on links so post more pages (:

Definitely post more so it'll be easier to tell you what we think of the story itself!

well i got some extremely negative feedback on the dialogue at another forum, so i've decide to postpone the release of the next page to tomorrow, just so i have some more time to work on it.

also, i'm going to really take my time and slow down with the art so i can really give it my best shot. i've tried numerous times to start a webcomic and usually haven't made it past page 1, so i guess i figured if i could churn out 6 pages before getting bored i'd have a better chance of having a successful, longer-lasting project.

btw, this is page 6 lol. here is page 1 -

click the link to go to page 2, and so on.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

Mustang wrote: »

We get a lot of the same "I meant for it to be that way" responses around here.

I tried that on my boss "Oh I meant to be lazy and not do any work" but apparently that wasn't an excuse for being apathetic in my duties.

well, it's not that i'm being lazy, b/c i'm genuinely going for an '80s/'90s feel with the art, character design, dialogue, etc.

i know they all need work, but i'm going to continuously work to achieve that style & even if some ppl think it's cheesy or whatever, it will still be the angle that i'm going for. i'm really trying to find the balance between "good" and "cheesy," which is something i'm sure everyone who tries to achieve "tongue-in-cheek" struggles with.

anyway, i will update y'all with the new page tomorrow, and i'll also post some still life images for critique.

also, could someone point out specifically what's wrong with page 6? b/c that's one i thought was at least sort of funny lol. it would be greatly appreciated. critique away! lol

Aumni · November 2010

So the crit that all the gradient bubbles were hard to read didn't make it into Page 6? And not just some, but all of them are now gradients?

Also they're in a hummer-thingie in frame one but the last frame makes it look like they're inside a Van.

Since they're inside a vehicle in the 3rd panel try to play with light more. It would be a lot more dramatic dark with only the light from the screens illuminating the space.

This page seems to visually be more coherent versus the last page you posted, though give the layout a try without spaces between panels. Just a thin black line, use that space!

Good to see you stick with something past page 1, keep at it.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

Aumni wrote: »

So the crit that all the gradient bubbles were hard to read didn't make it into Page 6? And not just some, but all of them are now gradients?

Also they're in a hummer-thingie in frame one but the last frame makes it look like they're inside a Van.

Since they're inside a vehicle in the 3rd panel try to play with light more. It would be a lot more dramatic dark with only the light from the screens illuminating the space.

This page seems to visually be more coherent versus the last page you posted, though give the layout a try without spaces between panels. Just a thin black line, use that space!

Good to see you stick with something past page 1, keep at it.

well page 6 came out before i received any crit on the gradient bubbles lol.

i just noticed the hummer inconsistency now that you mentioned it. thanks for your help! i really rushed this comic when starting out, i'm really going to put more effort into consistency with the next part of issue 1 and so on.

thanks for your support, i'll be sure to keep updating until this comic is getting published somewhere lol.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

here's page 7 - it still has a few gradients, but i made them less pronounced so hopefully it's easier to read!! also, dialogue received the most critique last time, so i hope that it's improved with this page. i really took my time on it (which is why the page is so late). plz let me know what you think! and again, plz don't hold back on your criticism because it only helps me in the long run

TommyFerrari · November 2010

oh, and someone asked for still life images... this is the closet i have, just some pinups. i used the inking tutorial that Orikaeshigitae posted on these! they are characters that will be appearing in the comic (the first already has). fresh off the scanner and they haven't been shown anywhere else yet!

melting_doll · November 2010

It seems like there's a lot of chatter within the comic...and yet...nothing is happening

TommyFerrari · November 2010

melting_doll wrote: »

It seems like there's a lot of chatter within the comic...and yet...nothing is happening

i'm only on page 7 of the first issue lol.

so far we've seen 2 of the freaks (mutants) blow up cars on the highway, and then the main guy in the police force investigated... idk how to show anything else happening without the dialogue. I've gotten comments that I'm "TELLING" and not "SHOWING" with the dialogue of the comic, but I'm confused by the difference between the two

stuff will happen soon tho, don't worry

winter_combat_knight · November 2010

I started a graphic novel about 6 months ago, and after three spreads in i stopped because I kept second guessing my decisions rather than just rolling with it for fun. I admire your ambition TommyFerrari. Keep at it!
Is that Saiyan armour?

TommyFerrari · November 2010

winter_combat_knight wrote: »

I started a graphic novel about 6 months ago, and after three spreads in i stopped because I kept second guessing my decisions rather than just rolling with it for fun. I admire your ambition TommyFerrari. Keep at it!
Is that Saiyan armour?

ah, thank you so much! lol

i honestly didn't meant to make their uniforms look so much like saiyan armor, but i guess it snuck in there subconsciously because i used to love the dragon ball comics.

i try to take a lot of influences from various '90s comics like dragon ball, image comics, etc.

Mustang · November 2010

I actually watched my first dragon ball cartoon the other day after I stumbled into it. Are these things you need to have grown up with to enjoy? I really didn't get it, in fact I outright hated it.

earthwormadam · November 2010

Lens flare, blur, gradients and things of that nature are not your friend, they are your arch enemy.

winter_combat_knight · November 2010

Mustang wrote: »

I actually watched my first dragon ball cartoon the other day after I stumbled into it. Are these things you need to have grown up with to enjoy? I really didn't get it, in fact I outright hated it.

Depends exactly what youre watching. If youre watching the original Dragonball series, everything from episode 14 is GOLD! Dragonball Z is hard to watch. but yeah probably have to had grown up watching to appreciate.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

Mustang wrote: »

I actually watched my first dragon ball cartoon the other day after I stumbled into it. Are these things you need to have grown up with to enjoy? I really didn't get it, in fact I outright hated it.

the cartoon is pretty unbearable, but the comic series (at least earlier on) is a masterpiece. akira toriyama is an excellent storyteller and the jokes are pretty juvenile but ppl of all ages can enjoy them if they go in with the right mindset. the writing is very whimsical and fun, so don't expect any claremont level philosophizing lol.

after the frieza saga is when the plot gets kind of repetitive, and the characters aren't really compelling enough to make you want to tolerate the bad writing. but even so, that's still 28 volumes of an amazing series!

NibCrom · November 2010

Dialogue balloons are generally read left to right, top to bottom. Your balloons on the large panel are not in a logical order.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

NibCrom wrote: »

Dialogue balloons are generally read left to right, top to bottom. Your balloons on the large panel are not in a logical order.

Yeah, the dialogue was an afterthought for that panel, but now I'm arranging the panels with the dialogue in mind so that it won't be as confusing in the future

m3nace · November 2010

melting_doll wrote: »

It seems like there's a lot of chatter within the comic...and yet...nothing is happening

Yeah. It seems as if it would fit better as a cartoon. Especially that big frame you have on the most recent page you posted. Where he flies off while keeping a dialogue with the lady. Spreading it out over several pics with him flying and chatting would make it feel less chaotic.

And another thing. I'm not sure this will help if it's a certain stylistic approach you've chosen:
don't show their feelings outright like that. It feels like a b-movie where everyone overplays their character. Grown people never show their true feelings and emotions.
This is a very common misconception found in hundreds of comics.

TommyFerrari · November 2010

m3nace wrote: »

melting_doll wrote: »

It seems like there's a lot of chatter within the comic...and yet...nothing is happening

Yeah. It seems as if it would fit better as a cartoon. Especially that big frame you have on the most recent page you posted. Where he flies off while keeping a dialogue with the lady. Spreading it out over several pics with him flying and chatting would make it feel less chaotic.

I'd def like for it to be a cartoon someday

m3nace wrote: »

melting_doll wrote: »

And another thing. I'm not sure this will help if it's a certain stylistic approach you've chosen:
don't show their feelings outright like that. It feels like a b-movie where everyone overplays their character. Grown people never show their true feelings and emotions.
This is a very common misconception found in hundreds of comics.

I'm not sure I understand... There's too much emotion in the dialogue? In their facial expressions? Maybe it's just a style thing because I don't think any of the emotions have been overdone yet... :?

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my webcomic - slowly starving to death since 2 weeks ago

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