Absurd/Minimalist Comic

WaldFliegerWaldFlieger Registered User regular
edited March 2011 in Artist's Corner
Note: I don't mean to repost this, but I realized after a week of 0 responses in the Writer's forum, that even though I'm asking for writing critique, I'm asking for WEBCOMIC writing technique, and thus perhaps it fits better in this section than the former. If this is a problem, I ask that a moderator please delete one of these topics, preferably the one in the writing section, as it has gathered no interest.

That said, here is what I'm presenting.

I am requesting some critique on a few comics I've made in hopes I can find more of a focus/plan of attack with comics to come. I'm used to writing story-based, "comic book" style comics, but for various reasons am now entering the world of self-contained strips. My variety (this time) is absurd, with a minimalist style, which I'm trying to use to get me out of my head just enough that I can play around with writing and comedy more than I'm used to when I'm writing for a story. Basically spend the time working on how I write comedy, since all I've really done up to this point is spent time working on how I draw, and assuming I know what I'm doing in the writing department (probably a fatal mistake).

Here are 8 samples. Feel free to choose a couple to read at random to comment on (unless you feel like reading them all). I wanted to pick a variety, from ones I'm pretty happy with to ones I'm less happy with to see, in general, what's working and what isn't. If I have any vice, it's getting too talky when I start getting lazy. You'll probably parse that out. Based on this intro, maybe you already have.
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8.jpg

Any and all feedback is welcome, especially criticism. But what's working is helpful, too. Thanks a lot!

WaldFlieger on

Posts

  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    I really like the third one.

    A lot

    Xaquin on
  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    edited March 2011
    I quite enjoyed the very last one. But I am going to have to trundle the third one off to the TWB and present it to the Master of EXPLOSIVE Dialogue to see if it meets his approval.

    Except I skipped the part in OP where you've already been to TWB. OH NOES

    Ringo on
    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
  • VistiVisti Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    I fully expected to not like this based on the title, but it is actually pretty awesome. The dialogue could be tighter in some spots, but that might be a taste issue.

    Visti on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • bwaniebwanie Posting into the void Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    it's pretty good.

    can't help but being reminded of dinosaur comics.

    don't really know what to say further. i mean , they're whimsical guinnee pigs.

    the writing isn't too contrived for most parts, and i like the pay-off of the jokes.

    in fact, i could read some more of these.

    sooo, good job. i guess?

    bwanie on
    Yh6tI4T.jpg
  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion The Land of Flowers (and Dragons)Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    I enjoyed many of these, but I had to force myself to read them in order to do so. Even after the first few, when I knew they would be interesting, I still had trouble wanting to read them. After thinking about it, I think it is an immediate visual turnoff. This is not because of your content, which is good, but because from an immediate view you notice:
    • Too many repeated panels (pretty much all of them)
    • Too little variation in panels
    • Too many panels in total
    Dinosaur Comics may reuse the same page, but the page itself does not graphically look the same in every image. Generate more images of the characters at more interesting angles (there is a "25 panels that always work" in the tutorial page, if you are planning on reusing images I'd make one of each of those so you have a lot of stock material to work with on each page). More visual variation will draw the reader better and give you more tools to sell the jokes.

    Many of the jokes could be told in about half the frames, though not all of them. Try and collapse down your gags to the minimum total panels to convey the message. The bacon gravy one has an entire row of the same image. You can see that immediately from the first glance, and it's a turn off. One blank panel would accomplish the same thing. For instance, see the "Brevity is the source of Wit" comic edit below:
    brevity.png

    One empty panel, when properly done, can generate a good amount of feeling and humor, even when you are using stock footage. Ten of the same doesn't really add anything unless there is some kind of build (which is usually done graphically, which doesn't work in your medium).

    You got a good thing here, keep running with it and you could probably market it.

    Enc on
  • WaldFliegerWaldFlieger Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    Thanks for the feedback, gents!
    Visti wrote:
    I fully expected to not like this based on the title, but it is actually pretty awesome. The dialogue could be tighter in some spots, but that might be a taste issue.

    The title of the comic or the thread? And thanks for saying it's pretty awesome! Would you mind pointing out examples of where the dialogue could be tightened? This is one of the things I'm specifically trying to work on.
    Enc wrote:
    Many of the jokes could be told in about half the frames, though not all of them. Try and collapse down your gags to the minimum total panels to convey the message.

    This is also something I'm specifically trying to work on. I think I'd rather my solution to be funnier/less repetitive panels rather than fewer panels. But I think this is a good gauge. If a panel can successfully be removed without it affecting anything else, it needs to go. Although I think in some cases it's a matter of not indulging myself, like that was sort of the joke of the ice cream one, which I remember thinking was hilarious at the time of making it. But that's also where it gets tricky. Was that done for the benefit of the audience, or at their expense? I probably have to admit not for their benefit.
    Enc wrote:
    Generate more images of the characters at more interesting angles

    I think this is a really interesting idea that I think I'll explore.

    WaldFlieger on
  • slydonslydon Registered User
    edited March 2011
    I like it, fear engine non-withstanding.
    The last comic with them on the hill.. the rolling one.. is that a third guinea pig?

    slydon on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    I think it's just a recolored version of the brownish one

    Xaquin on
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