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Am I paranoid or not? [Girl related]
Lardalish
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Ok, so I met this girl on Omegle (yeah great start, haha) but she seemed pretty cool so we exchanged emails. Talked to her there for a while, found out we were both pretty similar in terms of personality, found out shes 28 and in Washington State (Im 25 in NC). Anyway, we keep talkin and move to texts, then to calls at night, and just recently camming on Skype. At this point we have both made comments about how if we lived closer we would be dating, each of our conversations usually touches on some form of "you need to visit!" kind of stuff, and vague blatant hints about sex (more along the lines of "oh we'd do more than cuddle" than "we gon' fuck").
Well, one night while we were camming (just talking, we haven't gotten to any phone sex or anything) and she accidentally plays a song really loud, like, blaring, and after a minute or two someone comes into her room and she tosses the iPod down (the cam shes using for skype) and I hear an older woman's voice say something. Something like "its too late for you to be up listening to loud music and camming" or something along those lines. Well, when she picks the cam back up she says its her neighbor. So at this point something doesn't sound right (what neighbor will hear 3 seconds of loud music and come over and just walk right into someone else's house and scold them?), but it hasn't quite formed yet so I just believed her.
Well, since Ive been talking to her Ive only seen her bedroom and even then not a whole lot of it (seems kind of odd for someone who lives alone. I would expect, at least occasionally, for her to cam somewhere else), she refuses to give out her facebook because "it has pictures of me" or her Deviant Art account (shes a tattoo artist so I would like to see her art and such). Up until tonight I just kind of chocked that up to her being shy.
Well, tonight I went and used the facebook find a friend deal to look up a friend on Skype I hadn't talked to in a while and this girl's skype name popped up as having a facebook. I figured I'd send her a request and if she mentions it and turns it down that shes just really shy. Buuuut the name on the facebook profile is in no way what she told me her name was. Granted I only have a first name and then the name of the person on Facebook but still. So this kind of sent off some warning bells and all those other things are starting to sound suspicious to me.
So now Im wondering if her schedule of getting up super early and being done with "work" at 3 is actually school, if that woman who came in is actually her mom, if she doesn't give out her facebook / DA account because it has her real info, and if shes just been pretending to be this girl Ive been talking to.
I think my plan at the moment is to sleep on it, see if the facebook person accepts my request or not. If they accept then I look at the photos and determine if its the person Ive been talking to. If they don't accept I guess Ill try to confront them? Pending suggestions from here I guess.
So what I really want to know is, do I sound like a paranoid dude or is this suspicious sounding to you all as well? If its suspicious, how do I go about bringing it up? Just ask her if that facebook profile is her?
Well, one night while we were camming (just talking, we haven't gotten to any phone sex or anything) and she accidentally plays a song really loud, like, blaring, and after a minute or two someone comes into her room and she tosses the iPod down (the cam shes using for skype) and I hear an older woman's voice say something. Something like "its too late for you to be up listening to loud music and camming" or something along those lines. Well, when she picks the cam back up she says its her neighbor. So at this point something doesn't sound right (what neighbor will hear 3 seconds of loud music and come over and just walk right into someone else's house and scold them?), but it hasn't quite formed yet so I just believed her.
Well, since Ive been talking to her Ive only seen her bedroom and even then not a whole lot of it (seems kind of odd for someone who lives alone. I would expect, at least occasionally, for her to cam somewhere else), she refuses to give out her facebook because "it has pictures of me" or her Deviant Art account (shes a tattoo artist so I would like to see her art and such). Up until tonight I just kind of chocked that up to her being shy.
Well, tonight I went and used the facebook find a friend deal to look up a friend on Skype I hadn't talked to in a while and this girl's skype name popped up as having a facebook. I figured I'd send her a request and if she mentions it and turns it down that shes just really shy. Buuuut the name on the facebook profile is in no way what she told me her name was. Granted I only have a first name and then the name of the person on Facebook but still. So this kind of sent off some warning bells and all those other things are starting to sound suspicious to me.
So now Im wondering if her schedule of getting up super early and being done with "work" at 3 is actually school, if that woman who came in is actually her mom, if she doesn't give out her facebook / DA account because it has her real info, and if shes just been pretending to be this girl Ive been talking to.
I think my plan at the moment is to sleep on it, see if the facebook person accepts my request or not. If they accept then I look at the photos and determine if its the person Ive been talking to. If they don't accept I guess Ill try to confront them? Pending suggestions from here I guess.
So what I really want to know is, do I sound like a paranoid dude or is this suspicious sounding to you all as well? If its suspicious, how do I go about bringing it up? Just ask her if that facebook profile is her?
Lardalish on
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I met my girlfriend online, and when I was a teenager I engaged in the whole "talking to random girls" thing, across various websites and places, and it doesn't take much to realize that a lot of people aren't who they say they are on the internet. Whether it's because they like their privacy, they're an underage minor, or they've got some issues that make them fake aspects of their identity. Can be any of those.
All I'm saying is, it's not exactly proof but everything you've said sounds pretty obvious. You talk about meeting her, but unless you're really serious about that and you're worried about what she'll say if she is indeed telling the truth, you should just come out and voice your concerns.
Obviously taking a trip would be expensive if she calls your bluff and then engineers an excuse not to show up (work called, friend/family sick), but if you started talking about making plans, booking plane tickets, whatever, it might guilt her into confessing. Or she's telling the truth and you meet up, which would be the optimum scenario, I guess.
Maybe drop stuff into the conversation about tattooing? Ask for advice, that sort of thing? Maybe talk about kids' shows and toys from your childhood.
So it becomes a matter of protecting yourself. You pretty much need to come out and say "Hey, sorry about this, but I just need to make sure you are who you say you are." The risks of doing so are far outweighed by the risks of stumbling into a relationship with a minor and her parents finding out. You don't want to ask her for anything you might be able to use to stalk her, but you need to be satisfied with the answer, and have a record of you asking for it and her giving it.
Is that paranoid? Maybe. But it's also playing it safe, and take my word for it, you absolutely want to do that when you're starting a relationship, especially one that begins online.
It could be more ambiguous if she were in college (commuting, etc. Still living with mom and dad isn't uncommon).
CYA, and all that. The last thing you need is to get yourself into a bad situation with a potential high school student.
Either get her to tell you whats up, or break it off. If shes not going to add you on facebook, nothings ever going to come out of this anyway so its not like youre really going to lose anything. Worst case scenario there is you dont end up on a sex offenders list.
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If you ask and she gets offended, I would consider trying to explain... if she's still offended I think she's being unfair to you for wanting some fairly basic information.
Ask her and go from there.
I mean, continue to chat with this person all you want. Lord knows I've chatted with lots of folks from time to time. But there is no way you should be flying cross country (or really doing as much as going to the corner coffee shop) to meet this person without knowing who they actually are.
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Say she manage to convince you everything is alright, you to agree to meet and she then proposes having a party so you can meet her friends only money is a little short a could you please chip in. Or perhaps she want to go to you only she needs traveling money...
Yeah, I don't understand this.
OP: Cam flirting, possibility of wanting to sleep with you, but she won't give out her Facebook because she has pictures there? Sorry, dude, but that's not normal.
And not giving out her Deviantart account is weird too. I mean...isn't the point of that site to share your art?
Too many things are shady, and it's not even a 'oh, she's married!' thing where you'll have an upset husband, it's a 'oh, my whole life is ruined forever' thing.
I would cut all contact with her, however you think is best. Maybe tell her being deceptive about her age can get whoever she talks to in a lot of trouble; even if she's fine with it, her mother or whoever can report your relationship without her consent.
Look... if it gets to "phone sex", and she shows you anything interesting on that cam, and she's not 18, all the "but I didn't know, she told me she was 28" in the world is not going to get you off the sex offender registry.
In my judgment, from what you've posted, she is lying to you, she's underage or AT BEST 18/19 and living at home with her mother, and you need to get the true facts asap. I would advise serious caution here. Find out who she is for real.
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The thing with girls is they tend to mature at a younger age, so even if she's 15-16 she's not talking about My little ponies. I have a 12 year old sisters, and she's obviously 12. I have a 14 year old sister, and she's not so easy to pin down, so by 16 it should be easy to pass for older than they are, especially with make-up.
She is not working a 7am-3pm shift at a tattoo shop. She is probably going to H.S. - chances are she's 17ish and in her Junior or Senior year. She's not giving you FB because it's a REAL FB with her actual info....Chances are she is just having fun flirting with a guy too far away to make good on the innuendo's. I would cut off all contact with her just to be safe. It sounds to me like you have done nothing wrong, but you need to CYA. All it takes is a curious parent to check her computer and they may not be understanding of your side of things, or even care. Do you really want Chris Hansen from Dateline knocking on your door?
I don't care how how quickly a teenager will "mature", but the disparity between 28 and 18 is huge.
Anyway, the bottom line is that everyone seems to be in agreement here, and when that happens in H/A girl threads either it's pretty solid advice or a sign of the apocalypse.
When I was her (presumed) age (and younger) i had several 'relationships' with online guys who were definitely way above my age range and well past legal.
why? because it was cool to actually say 'my boyfriend'. But then, I never lied to them about how old I was, so there's that
If she's say 17, you are in some deep shit. If she's 18, that's still one hella lot of learning to do between her and you. I don't care how mature she is, there's one hell of a lot of difference between being 18 and mid 20s.
Be upfront, be honest, ask her how old she is. And if she can't see why it bothers you, why you need to know (not want, but need), then even if she is really 28, she's obviously not all there and probably not worth your time.
Ask her if it makes you feel better, but best instincts is to run the hell away from the situation.
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It doesn't mean that this is a lost situation, but it very well may be something you want to get away from quickly. I always try to at least entertain the idea that things aren't all bad, but you need some suitable answers. She could be embarrassed about living at home at 28, or she could be someone she doesn't say she is. Awkward conversation either way.