I guess I haven't brought it up because I've got enough going on trying to forge a career path and get diagnosed drugs that will help me. But I'm now a week away from the fifth anniversary of my mom's passing. It's going to be a struggle. I kind of don't want to mention it to this litany of psychiatrists/psychologists, because I don't want them to start trying to mix depression into my diagnosis and fuck up my prescription.
man ain't nothing about being sad that is an illness need to be treated
The american psychiatric community will medicate for ANYTHING
"and the morning stars I have seen
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin
Well I am hoping for a prescription of a pure stimulant like Adderall because that's what's worked for me in the past. I'm concerned that if I mix in my ADD complaints with 'oh and I'm bummed about my mom...' they're gonna try to get me on Lexapro or something or one of those mixed things like Strattera.
I guess I haven't brought it up because I've got enough going on trying to forge a career path and get diagnosed drugs that will help me. But I'm now a week away from the fifth anniversary of my mom's passing. It's going to be a struggle. I kind of don't want to mention it to this litany of psychiatrists/psychologists, because I don't want them to start trying to mix depression into my diagnosis and fuck up my prescription.
I'm here for you if you need to talk or anything.
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21stCenturyCall me Pixel, or Pix for short![They/Them]Registered Userregular
Alright, [chat], you're probably tired of my shit by now, but I just have to say something. I'm just unable to deal with the... depression? Sadness? I don't know. It hurts inside and I have more and more trouble dealing with this. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in about 2 weeks, I think. Don't tell me to contact a mental health professional: That's coming in time.
I feel terrible, and I feel terrible more often. I feel incredibly lonely, and with cause. I simply don't seem to have any friends, I don't go out, I feel very uneasy in public. It's been like that for years and years and it's just steadily grown. And now I'm at a point where I don't go outside at all, where I don't have friends, where I feel uneasy even at home, where everything makes me flinch.
I'm very scared. I'm very scared because I'm at a point where I could die, I could take my own life and all of 3 people would notice. I'm no one. I'm no one at all and it scares me. I'm lonely and I'm unable to get out of that situation. I feel like I need to say that to as many people as possible here. Maybe that way, I could get some attention, if not quality, some quantity of people could care about me, but I understand at the same time that it doesn't work that way. I can't just act like that for sympathy, it's not helping, but at the same time, it makes me feel a little better.
Sorry again, I just need to get this all off my chest. Otherwise, well... I don't even know what then.
He was created by tossing a baby out into the wild. It got killed by whatever. Scrape up some remains, make a clone, repeat a billion times and apparently you end up with Doomsday.
It's survival of the fittest piece of dead cloned baby.
21st: *hugs* I know I'm just a dude on the internet so, this only means so much but: You're good people, I hope you get the help that you need and deserve.
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KageraImitating the worst people. Since 2004Registered Userregular
There's this thing called a 5150, I think you might need it dude.
What's a 5150?
It's basically where you are taken immediately into psychiatric care because you pose an imminent threat to yourself and get the care you need without waiting.
He was created by tossing a baby out into the wild. It got killed by whatever. Scrape up some remains, make a clone, repeat a billion times and apparently you end up with Doomsday.
It's survival of the fittest piece of dead cloned baby.
That's not how it works, damnit. It's like post-mortem lamarckian evolution. Why couldn't it just be magic? It'd make more sense.
He was created by tossing a baby out into the wild. It got killed by whatever. Scrape up some remains, make a clone, repeat a billion times and apparently you end up with Doomsday.
It's survival of the fittest piece of dead cloned baby.
That babby instained mother alright...instained mother hard.
I guess I haven't brought it up because I've got enough going on trying to forge a career path and get diagnosed drugs that will help me. But I'm now a week away from the fifth anniversary of my mom's passing. It's going to be a struggle. I kind of don't want to mention it to this litany of psychiatrists/psychologists, because I don't want them to start trying to mix depression into my diagnosis and fuck up my prescription.
I'm here for you if you need to talk or anything.
!
Thanks.
I am just like, frustrated with this situation. When my mom died I was three weeks from entering college. I fucked up then (which was partially the blues and, in retrospect, some of these ADD tendencies and behaviours). I was hoping I could do better than that by now? Like, five years later, seeing how excited she was at my high school graduation. She took me in when she was in her sixties. She sure as shit didn't need to- she'd raised her kids, and had the right to retire, but she didn't. And at 65, 66, 67 she walked me to school and helped me with homework even though she was a grade school dropout in the 1940s. And now I am just like- ugh, do something with all of those sacrifices, right?
I try to keep a balance. I come from Roast Beef esque Circumstances, and some stuff isn't my fault. I had a weird upbringing and not a constant home. That sucks. I didn't have the financial ability to focus on school, I had to work- that sucks. But it's not all Circumstances, yeah? For the parts that I am responsible, I want to own up to them and be accountable.
But it's so hard with this stupid mental malaise. I am 99% sure now I have ADD or a related disorder. Nobody took my struggling seriously as a kid because I was sort of smart. For my low class family, the fact that I managed to graduate meant I clearly didn't have a serious problem. But this goes back as far as I can remember, really. I feel smarter than my brain chemistry is allowing me to be.
I am pretty sure I could cover some serious ground, enrich myself, further my financial prospects, and be a more productive and happy person if I could just get some help with whatever wonky shit's going on in my brain. I would like the chance, at least, to try, without dancing around psychiatrists who ask stilted, from-a-paper questions and sound like they have little interest in my problems.
@Organichu I wouldn't worry too much about them over-inferring. It's natural that you'll be bummed out because of your mom. If anything, you should mention, as that will explain why you may be showing any unconscious signs of being in a down place.
There's this thing called a 5150, I think you might need it dude.
What's a 5150?
It's basically where you are taken immediately into psychiatric care because you pose an imminent threat to yourself and get the care you need without waiting.
Oh man, I think that would make it worse, actually. I've been dealing with my suicidal thoughts for years, I'm not kidding, either. I've never did any self-harm, I have no way of killing myself, none, and It's by design. I simply cannot commit suicide. I'm not a threat to myself because I've carefuly made sure of that when I had an easier time dealing with those thoughts.
And hospitals scare me because, well, I know how the people talk about the patients. I would be so damn embarassed to ask anything, it'd make my case worse because I'd be afraid of imposing myself. I'm not kidding here, i'm really that stupid that I'd feel too selfish if I were in need of care to ask for it.
I am not a threat to myself or others. I have zero destructive (self or external) tendencies whatsoever.
It's not all about YOU chu, GOD!
You know what else gets me about that video? The kid looks like my niece who I haven't really gotten to see since my mom passed because my brother and his wife and I are not on the best terms.
It's all roses tonight! Who started this so I can punch them?
Also, @21stCentury, you should get yourself checked into a facility if you're really that close to the edge. Call a helpline, go to a hospital, fuck two weeks, you need someone to talk to NYAO!
Also, I hope the ribbings you've been getting in chat over the past month has not contributed overly to this situation. Also, also, you can PM me if you'd like, and perhaps want to get a bit more into detail, if something specific is pushing on you.
Also, @21stCentury, you should get yourself checked into a facility if you're really that close to the edge. Call a helpline, go to a hospital, fuck two weeks, you need someone to talk to NYAO!
Also, I hope the ribbings you've been getting in chat over the past month has not contributed overly to this situation. Also, also, you can PM me if you'd like, and perhaps want to get a bit more into detail, if something specific is pushing on you.
Ribbings? Aside from the one time I said I didn't want to discuss something and that became the big subject of discussion, [chat] has been good to me. mostly.
Oh. Not me. Nevermind that then. I didn't see the other fellow's post.
thanks, mister Chu. I feel totally like I exist here.
You need to go to a hospital, @21stCentury. You do not need to be on the forums right now, you need professionals who can administer the type of care that you need to be receiving.
I know, I know, all that stuff you just got done saying before. It's not about avoiding negative behavior, it's about seeking positive behavior. You need to go get yourself help, immediately.
What you're going through sounds pretty normal and natural to me Chu. I think you put more pressure on yourself, and have higher expectations of "where you should be" right now than you really need to; I think there's every possibility that things will start improving for you as you work at it.
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South hostI obey without questionRegistered Userregular
Oh. Not me. Nevermind that then. I didn't see the other fellow's post.
thanks, mister Chu. I feel totally like I exist here.
You need to go to a hospital, @21stCentury. You do not need to be on the forums right now, you need professionals who can administer the type of care that you need to be receiving.
I know, I know, all that stuff you just got done saying before. It's not about avoiding negative behavior, it's about seeking positive behavior. You need to go get yourself help, immediately.
Seriously.
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
Chu all I can say is that the medication worked for me. I went from gtfo of our school to deans list.
It wasn't all medication as I had matured quite a deal in the process but it really helped. But you're doing the hard and strenuous first step toward building the momentum that you feel like you should have. It gets easier.
Whoever posted death cab has put me in a spot. Because I don't have my cds of theirs ripped and thus I must deal with the imperfect internet to listen to them.
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21stCenturyCall me Pixel, or Pix for short![They/Them]Registered Userregular
Oh. Not me. Nevermind that then. I didn't see the other fellow's post.
thanks, mister Chu. I feel totally like I exist here.
You need to go to a hospital, @21stCentury. You do not need to be on the forums right now, you need professionals who can administer the type of care that you need to be receiving.
I know, I know, all that stuff you just got done saying before. It's not about avoiding negative behavior, it's about seeking positive behavior. You need to go get yourself help, immediately.
Look, I'm sort of self-medicating here. Except instead of it being drugs or alcohol or prayer, it's video games, pop culture and the internet. Without that, I will be in real trouble. Without all that, my life is unbearably bleak, empty, unbearably terrible, unbearably sad. Just thinking about it makes me feel a bit worse, too, but it's the only way I have to take my mind off of the bad and I just can't quit that cold turkey. I had to try just last week and I had a pretty bad breakdown. I'm capable of staying in control here until the appointment. I can do it in steps. I just need a tiny bit of help. Just a bit. I know you feel concerned and I'm happy for it, but it just scares me way too much.
Marching Bands Over Manhattan, What Sarah Said, A Lack of Colour, and various people's covers of Transatlanticism are really only what's stuck with me re: DCFC
The Postal Service was a much more successful project in my opinion
I guess I Will Follow You Into the Dark works as well but I mean that has too much emotional baggage riding on it THANKS EMO GIRLFRIENDS
Eddy on
"and the morning stars I have seen
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin
Senjutsu you're going on the list with my mom, Will, and Donkey Kong who I am officially crediting for me entering the professional world whenever I do.
Posts
Yeah, that's a mood killer.
Yeah I heard it on the john carter trailer and it really fit the tone of the trailer.
pleasepaypreacher.net
The american psychiatric community will medicate for ANYTHING
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin
I actually really liked that album, fuck the haters
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin
I'm here for you if you need to talk or anything.
I feel terrible, and I feel terrible more often. I feel incredibly lonely, and with cause. I simply don't seem to have any friends, I don't go out, I feel very uneasy in public. It's been like that for years and years and it's just steadily grown. And now I'm at a point where I don't go outside at all, where I don't have friends, where I feel uneasy even at home, where everything makes me flinch.
I'm very scared. I'm very scared because I'm at a point where I could die, I could take my own life and all of 3 people would notice. I'm no one. I'm no one at all and it scares me. I'm lonely and I'm unable to get out of that situation. I feel like I need to say that to as many people as possible here. Maybe that way, I could get some attention, if not quality, some quantity of people could care about me, but I understand at the same time that it doesn't work that way. I can't just act like that for sympathy, it's not helping, but at the same time, it makes me feel a little better.
Sorry again, I just need to get this all off my chest. Otherwise, well... I don't even know what then.
Thanks for you kind ears eyes, I guess.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
What's a 5150?
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
It's survival of the fittest piece of dead cloned baby.
It's basically where you are taken immediately into psychiatric care because you pose an imminent threat to yourself and get the care you need without waiting.
And the murderer of my gall bladder emerges. KILLED ANYONE ELSES ORGANS YOU SON OF A BITCH?
pleasepaypreacher.net
That's not how it works, damnit. It's like post-mortem lamarckian evolution. Why couldn't it just be magic? It'd make more sense.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
That babby instained mother alright...instained mother hard.
Lamarck! That's the name I couldn't quite remember.
!
Thanks.
I am just like, frustrated with this situation. When my mom died I was three weeks from entering college. I fucked up then (which was partially the blues and, in retrospect, some of these ADD tendencies and behaviours). I was hoping I could do better than that by now? Like, five years later, seeing how excited she was at my high school graduation. She took me in when she was in her sixties. She sure as shit didn't need to- she'd raised her kids, and had the right to retire, but she didn't. And at 65, 66, 67 she walked me to school and helped me with homework even though she was a grade school dropout in the 1940s. And now I am just like- ugh, do something with all of those sacrifices, right?
I try to keep a balance. I come from Roast Beef esque Circumstances, and some stuff isn't my fault. I had a weird upbringing and not a constant home. That sucks. I didn't have the financial ability to focus on school, I had to work- that sucks. But it's not all Circumstances, yeah? For the parts that I am responsible, I want to own up to them and be accountable.
But it's so hard with this stupid mental malaise. I am 99% sure now I have ADD or a related disorder. Nobody took my struggling seriously as a kid because I was sort of smart. For my low class family, the fact that I managed to graduate meant I clearly didn't have a serious problem. But this goes back as far as I can remember, really. I feel smarter than my brain chemistry is allowing me to be.
I am pretty sure I could cover some serious ground, enrich myself, further my financial prospects, and be a more productive and happy person if I could just get some help with whatever wonky shit's going on in my brain. I would like the chance, at least, to try, without dancing around psychiatrists who ask stilted, from-a-paper questions and sound like they have little interest in my problems.
Oh man, I think that would make it worse, actually. I've been dealing with my suicidal thoughts for years, I'm not kidding, either. I've never did any self-harm, I have no way of killing myself, none, and It's by design. I simply cannot commit suicide. I'm not a threat to myself because I've carefuly made sure of that when I had an easier time dealing with those thoughts.
And hospitals scare me because, well, I know how the people talk about the patients. I would be so damn embarassed to ask anything, it'd make my case worse because I'd be afraid of imposing myself. I'm not kidding here, i'm really that stupid that I'd feel too selfish if I were in need of care to ask for it.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
It's not all about YOU chu, GOD!
You know what else gets me about that video? The kid looks like my niece who I haven't really gotten to see since my mom passed because my brother and his wife and I are not on the best terms.
It's all roses tonight! Who started this so I can punch them?
Also, I hope the ribbings you've been getting in chat over the past month has not contributed overly to this situation. Also, also, you can PM me if you'd like, and perhaps want to get a bit more into detail, if something specific is pushing on you.
thanks, mister Chu. I feel totally like I exist here.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
Ribbings? Aside from the one time I said I didn't want to discuss something and that became the big subject of discussion, [chat] has been good to me. mostly.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
You need to go to a hospital, @21stCentury. You do not need to be on the forums right now, you need professionals who can administer the type of care that you need to be receiving.
I know, I know, all that stuff you just got done saying before. It's not about avoiding negative behavior, it's about seeking positive behavior. You need to go get yourself help, immediately.
(I am joking, I hope you understand)
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
Seriously.
It wasn't all medication as I had matured quite a deal in the process but it really helped. But you're doing the hard and strenuous first step toward building the momentum that you feel like you should have. It gets easier.
Look, I'm sort of self-medicating here. Except instead of it being drugs or alcohol or prayer, it's video games, pop culture and the internet. Without that, I will be in real trouble. Without all that, my life is unbearably bleak, empty, unbearably terrible, unbearably sad. Just thinking about it makes me feel a bit worse, too, but it's the only way I have to take my mind off of the bad and I just can't quit that cold turkey. I had to try just last week and I had a pretty bad breakdown. I'm capable of staying in control here until the appointment. I can do it in steps. I just need a tiny bit of help. Just a bit. I know you feel concerned and I'm happy for it, but it just scares me way too much.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
The Postal Service was a much more successful project in my opinion
I guess I Will Follow You Into the Dark works as well but I mean that has too much emotional baggage riding on it THANKS EMO GIRLFRIENDS
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin