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  farbekrieg Registered User regular

  August 2011

  so is this just an ad to get people to your blog or are you actually seeking critical feedback on your stuff?
  
  because the lack of any background what so ever is giving your work a that everyone is floating in 2d space vibe

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  Mustang Arbiter of Unpopular Opinions Registered User regular

  August 2011

  The writing is not strong, it reads like the segway jokes from a Partridge Family Variety Hour or something equally terrible from the 1970's.
  Opening with "Angelina Jolie is in my apartment and I'm not dreaming" has all the tact of "Previously on Family Ties; Alex P Keaton liked money." If people find your comic interesting, they'll read the back-story regardless, there's no need to hand feed them.

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  NibCrom Registered User regular

  August 2011

  If you're going to use ellipses for the dialogue balloons, don't switch to back and forth to rectangles. Typically that indicates that the source of the dialogue is changing. For example, ellipses could be used for dialogue coming from people, and rectangles would be used for dialogue coming from a television or radio. You could use one or the other, but you should be consistent about it.

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  The Lovely Bastard Registered User regular

  August 2011

  First of all, you are trying to make it funny, right?
  
  read this: http://campcounseling.blogspot.com/2011/08/mid-week-treatise.html
  
  Secondly: is this a twist on the movie Wanted?
  
  If so, it is not very timely and you may wanna rethink it. You do not wanna date your comedy, nor do you wanna date it by using an already dated premise.
  
  Thirdly:
  
  It would help if Angelina Jolie looked like Angelina Jolie

  

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