As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

[Internet Dating] 'It built character.' - But only after you get them dates!!

19495969799

Posts

  • OmeksOmeks Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    So I've been exchanging a few messages with this girl online, and I am thinking about asking her out in my next message (she just sent me one). It is Wednesday night here, and I'm unsure about when would be a good day for us to potentially have a date. I'd imagine tomorrow night would be too short of a notice. I don't think Friday or Saturday night would look good, as I don't want her to think I have no life. So should I just ask her to meet next Tuesday or Wednesday? Sorry if this sounds like a dumb question

    I don't see why making a date for Friday or Saturday would make it seem like you have no life. I think if you made a plan on Friday to go out Friday night, yeah, that might come off that way, but it's Wednesday. People are just now starting to make plans for the weekends. You make plans to go out on Friday night? You've got plans. You've got a life.

    Personally, I find out what she does and work around that. I work 8-5. This girl I'm going out with Saturday goes to law school. A work night might cut into her studying, and I like to goto the gym after I get off work. I have no plans for Saturday, she doesn't have school (I assume), so why not?

    Omeks on
    Online Info (Click Spoiler for More):
    |Xbox Live Tag: Omeks
    |PSN Tag: Omeks_R7
    |Rock Band: Profile|DLC Collection
    Omeks.png
  • Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    So It Goes wrote:
    Skoal Cat wrote:
    Omeks wrote:
    Plans for a lunch date on Saturday have been made.

    Question about paying. I fucked up last time and just bought everyting. Ended up spending way too much in the process. How is the best way to tackle things this time? So far I'm starting out with coffee and lunch and plan to pay.

    Its a social problem, so I'd go this way. If you want it to be a romantic date, not a lets hang out thing/date, expect to pay. Splitting the check reads to some women as "this is just us hanging out" and paying for it is a sign of "I view you romantically." Alternatively, if it feels like she is only interested in you as a friend/stranger, when the bill comes you look at it, put your share down, and wait.
    If you want her to think of you as someone to date, you need to be willing to pay the first few times.

    god damn this is dumb

    I always offer to split, never expect someone to pay for me

    And if dude says no he will pay, then I offer to get the next dinner (if there is one) and I actually do pay for it!

    I wonder if you polled women how many still think the guy is obligated to pay for everything

    Yes, it is dumb. Good on you for offering to split, but I'm talking about erring on the side of caution. Some women just never even considered that a man wouldn't pay for something on the first date and would be put off/given the wrong idea if asked to split. Lets also not forget that there is a good argument to be made for "Look, you invited me out, the onus is on you to pay."

    Obligated is one thing, and not one thing that I said. I said that its a clear way to show romantic intent.

    Skoal Cat on
  • NotYouNotYou Registered User regular
    Question for the thread:
    So I made plans with this girl for this weekend, but just now I'm looking at her profile again and in the "what are you looking for" box all it says is "new friends." Are there girls out there on the internet setting up times to hang out 1 on 1 with a guy with the intention of only making friends? Am I going to need to clarify whether this is a date or not at some point? I mean, I'm down to just make a new friend, but it'd be nice to have the option of flirting with her. Thoughts?

  • KruiteKruite Registered User regular
    Skoal Cat wrote:
    So It Goes wrote:
    Skoal Cat wrote:
    Omeks wrote:
    Plans for a lunch date on Saturday have been made.

    Question about paying. I fucked up last time and just bought everyting. Ended up spending way too much in the process. How is the best way to tackle things this time? So far I'm starting out with coffee and lunch and plan to pay.

    Its a social problem, so I'd go this way. If you want it to be a romantic date, not a lets hang out thing/date, expect to pay. Splitting the check reads to some women as "this is just us hanging out" and paying for it is a sign of "I view you romantically." Alternatively, if it feels like she is only interested in you as a friend/stranger, when the bill comes you look at it, put your share down, and wait.
    If you want her to think of you as someone to date, you need to be willing to pay the first few times.

    god damn this is dumb

    I always offer to split, never expect someone to pay for me

    And if dude says no he will pay, then I offer to get the next dinner (if there is one) and I actually do pay for it!

    I wonder if you polled women how many still think the guy is obligated to pay for everything

    Yes, it is dumb. Good on you for offering to split, but I'm talking about erring on the side of caution. Some women just never even considered that a man wouldn't pay for something on the first date and would be put off/given the wrong idea if asked to split. Lets also not forget that there is a good argument to be made for "Look, you invited me out, the onus is on you to pay."

    Obligated is one thing, and not one thing that I said. I said that its a clear way to show romantic intent.

    First "date" first girlfriend nearly didn't go out with me again because I didn't pay for her movie ticket. But I opened the car door and theatre doors for her so that essentially saved my ass for the second date.

  • Medium DaveMedium Dave Registered User regular
    Depending on what the rest of her profile says, yeah, it could be just to meet friends. It could be a way to weed out the dudes who just want a fuck. I went out with a chick from the site several times who had the friends thing on it. It was clear to me the second time that it was more of a "let's see how this person is before I let him know boobs are a potential in his future" kind of friends thing.

  • Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    I generally pay on the first date (if it went well, anyway) just because normally first dates aren't very expensive and sometimes ladies expect it. Most of the time they offer to pay their half, though.

    If you went on a comparatively expensive second date and they still didn't offer to pay though, I play the "throw in half the cash and wait" card.

    NREqxl5.jpg
    it was the smallest on the list but
    Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
  • SliderSlider Registered User regular
    So It Goes wrote:
    Slider wrote:
    I just found out that my ex-girlfriend is together with a guy she met while we were dating.

    I learned about this after she contacted me, because he "hit" her. She continued to say that they get along, for the most part, and this seems to have been an isolated event.

    If you are still friends with her, you will tell her it doesn't matter if it's an isolated event (it's almost certainly not) that she doesn't deserve to be treated like that and that her partner needs to recognize he has a problem and seek help

    And maybe let her know some resources that are available to her for support if she decides to leave, or if he becomes more abusive

    And don't judge her if she doesn't leave/come running back to you/etc

    That's exactly what I told her, but she said that my advice was "fucked up."

    Huh?

  • King RiptorKing Riptor Registered User regular
    Slider she came to you because as an ex she can justify anything negative you say about the guy as jealousy. Its a tough attitude to change keep trying though.

    I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
  • Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User regular
    Slider wrote:
    So It Goes wrote:
    Slider wrote:
    I just found out that my ex-girlfriend is together with a guy she met while we were dating.

    I learned about this after she contacted me, because he "hit" her. She continued to say that they get along, for the most part, and this seems to have been an isolated event.

    If you are still friends with her, you will tell her it doesn't matter if it's an isolated event (it's almost certainly not) that she doesn't deserve to be treated like that and that her partner needs to recognize he has a problem and seek help

    And maybe let her know some resources that are available to her for support if she decides to leave, or if he becomes more abusive

    And don't judge her if she doesn't leave/come running back to you/etc

    That's exactly what I told her, but she said that my advice was "fucked up."

    Huh?

    I don't think there should be any way for her no communicate with her. I hate being an asshole who cuts someone out but yeesh.

  • lizardlooplizardloop Registered User regular
    I tried the duck thing out and people's reading comprehension (or lack of it) scares me.
    Me:"I was wondering, who is your favourite duck?"
    Her:"Mallards"
    Me:"Thanks for the answer but I was thinking more along the lines of Scrooge, Donald and Daffy etc etc"
    Her:"Oh, Scrooge in that case"

    This is a girl that claims she is an english graduate studying creative writing. In fact I'm noticing an irritating trend with the online conversations I'm having.
    Me:"blah blah blah question 1? blah blah blah question 2? blah blah blah question 3?"
    Her:"Answer to a question I never asked but vaguely related to what I wrote."

    Why? Is it so hard to answer three related questions. This was basic stuff we did in junior school. "Read the following paragraph and answer the questions related to it". Basic comprehension skills. In my experience, and I've been meeting women from the internet for about a year now, is that if they consistently make comprehension mistakes then the dates are usually a disappointment.

  • TheBigEasyTheBigEasy Registered User regular
    I think that is a general problem with the interwebz ... people have a very, very narrow and selective perception. Besides "it's only the internet, so it is no big deal".

  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    lizardloop wrote:
    I tried the duck thing out and people's reading comprehension (or lack of it) scares me.
    Me:"I was wondering, who is your favourite duck?"
    Her:"Mallards"
    Me:"Thanks for the answer but I was thinking more along the lines of Scrooge, Donald and Daffy etc etc"
    Her:"Oh, Scrooge in that case"

    This is a girl that claims she is an english graduate studying creative writing. In fact I'm noticing an irritating trend with the online conversations I'm having.
    Me:"blah blah blah question 1? blah blah blah question 2? blah blah blah question 3?"
    Her:"Answer to a question I never asked but vaguely related to what I wrote."

    Why? Is it so hard to answer three related questions. This was basic stuff we did in junior school. "Read the following paragraph and answer the questions related to it". Basic comprehension skills. In my experience, and I've been meeting women from the internet for about a year now, is that if they consistently make comprehension mistakes then the dates are usually a disappointment.

    Are you trying to quiz these girls as a precursor to the GRE, or go on dates with them?

    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    lizardloop wrote:
    I tried the duck thing out and people's reading comprehension (or lack of it) scares me.
    Me:"I was wondering, who is your favourite duck?"
    Her:"Mallards"
    Me:"Thanks for the answer but I was thinking more along the lines of Scrooge, Donald and Daffy etc etc"
    Her:"Oh, Scrooge in that case"

    This is a girl that claims she is an english graduate studying creative writing. In fact I'm noticing an irritating trend with the online conversations I'm having.
    Me:"blah blah blah question 1? blah blah blah question 2? blah blah blah question 3?"
    Her:"Answer to a question I never asked but vaguely related to what I wrote."

    Why? Is it so hard to answer three related questions. This was basic stuff we did in junior school. "Read the following paragraph and answer the questions related to it". Basic comprehension skills. In my experience, and I've been meeting women from the internet for about a year now, is that if they consistently make comprehension mistakes then the dates are usually a disappointment.

    A) What's wrong with mallards?
    B) Are you asking 3 questions at once? Try asking the one you want answered and leaving it at that. It's a conversation, not a reading-comprehension exam.

    *shakes fist* EGGGGYTOOOOAASSST!!!!

    Bobble on
  • dnaericdnaeric Registered User regular
    I think if you ask a girl who their favorite duck is, and they respond mallards, they are fired. FIRED.

  • EvilOtakuEvilOtaku Registered User regular
    Well, to be fair, Drake and Gosalyn Mallard would count

  • BurtletoyBurtletoy Registered User regular
    man i am pretty sure in 50-100 years they will look back on how we treat ugly people these days and be like

    how the fuck did they see racism and sexism but not notice how the ugly were treated

    Natural (or Sexual) Selection is a bitch.

  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    I like mallards :(
    BadboyHido wrote:
    As for my idea to pretend to be a lawyer, I appreciate the input and know that I need a better picture and whatever. But that's not the point. I've had no success thus far and I'm going to see if pretending to be a lawyer improves my success. The only thing I'll have changed is my occupation so I'll know that that's is what people are responding to. It'll be an interesting sociological experiment.
    And what happens if, by coincidence, you do find a girl who responds to you and likes you, and then she discovers you lied?

    I once had a boyfriend whose name was X but he told me it was short for XXX. I wouldn't have cared either way what his name was, of course. When my parents asked what his name was, I told them it was X short for XXX. If people said, 'oh, is his name short for XXX?' I'd answer yes.

    A few months after we started dating I saw his ID and noted that his name was written as X. I asked him why his full name wasn't on his ID and he said, 'oh, my name really is X, I just tell people it's XXX because I think it sounds more interesting.' I nearly broke up with him then and there! The fact he'd felt able to lie so nonchalantly about his own name was a huge red flag in my book. Not only that, but I felt a little humiliated. I had to go to my parents and tell me I'd been mistaken about his name. I'd fallen hook, line and sinker for his lie and that also made me feel pretty wretched.

  • CowSharkCowShark Registered User regular
    Would it have helped if he'd then gone out and gotten his name legally changed to XXX?

  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    Of course not! The issue was the lie.

  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    It's like lying about your height, or income. If you want to actually DATE someone, the truth is going to come out. If you just want to meet them and have sex and say goodbye, then you can lie about your background, job, education, whatever. Unless they're not an idiot, in which case they'll probably figure you out pretty fast.

    Besides, anyone who isn't an idiot will know that dating a lawyer sucks. You're busy all the time, you have an insane amount of debt, and your conversations sound like you're a lawyer. Not to mention that no one likely gives a shit because these are people you're looking to interact with outside of work anyway.

    As for the conversations, a friend of mine who is newly single tells me "Why are the majority of guys on Match.com conversationally retarded?" Then cites that she will have a conversation going, some questions back & forth, and then hits a wall. The guy responds with "Yes" or "Darkwing Duck." Or asks a question like "What college did you go to?" as a flat question on its face. Example time! Which is more interesting?

    "Hi, I noticed you're a Terp. I'm a Gopher myself, although I admit that I actually have very little school spirit and never watched a game played by Minnesota. I only started caring after I had been out of school long enough for my student loans to come due. What was your major, anyway?"

    OR

    "Hi, I see you went to the University of Maryland. What was your major?"

    Real-life example time! I have received numerous messages of the following:

    "Hi! Your cats are so cute!"

    BOOOOORING. Not only boring, I have no response, and I already know my cats are cute. That's why I have cats. That's why I put a picture of them up. It's not to appear sensitive or to attract a crazy cat lady. It's to say "These guys are important in my life and I think they are super cute, so they come with the package."

    Much better real life message I received!:

    "Your profile makes me think you're awesome. If we get as much snow as they're predicting, how about you come over and we can bake muffins."

    No question at all! In fact, the girl was simply being flattering. But she doesn't compliment any particular thing about me, but rather a general "I think you're cool" vibe, and mentions a current local event and a possible activity, indicating something she likes to do. She got a response and we went on a few dates.

    That also means that there is no silver bullet. It's as true for offline dating as it is for online. You don't know someone's background, what they find attractive, or how they're necessarily seeing you. Be yourself, but you must first be aware of who yourself actually is. That's an awkward sentence. It's more than just "I like short blond girls" or "he should share my religion." Try to think of one sentence that describes an important element about you. For me, my one word description is "nuanced." So I use it to explain how I generally view the world -- we're replete with shades of gray, I rarely have favorites, have trouble ranking things, I understand that there is a difference between subjective like and objective fact, and I try not to be an asshole because I understand that my life is only my own, and what works for me may not work for you in the least.

    Dating someone shouldn't feel like a challenge. That also means you need to present yourself in a way that makes it seem like going out with you will be more fun than not going out with you. If you ask very pointed questions and stick to a script, you're going to seem like dating you would be like dating a proctor or a robot.

    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • LilnoobsLilnoobs Alpha Queue Registered User regular
    NotYou wrote:
    Question for the thread:
    So I made plans with this girl for this weekend, but just now I'm looking at her profile again and in the "what are you looking for" box all it says is "new friends." Are there girls out there on the internet setting up times to hang out 1 on 1 with a guy with the intention of only making friends? Am I going to need to clarify whether this is a date or not at some point? I mean, I'm down to just make a new friend, but it'd be nice to have the option of flirting with her. Thoughts?

    Guess you'll have to clarify at the date. I don't even respond to people who have the "new friends" tab as the only selection. What the fuck are people doing on a dating site just looking for friends?

    Alternatively, it could just mean she doesn't know what she wants and put 'friends' to be "safe".

  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    So It Goes wrote:
    Skoal Cat wrote:
    Omeks wrote:
    Plans for a lunch date on Saturday have been made.

    Question about paying. I fucked up last time and just bought everyting. Ended up spending way too much in the process. How is the best way to tackle things this time? So far I'm starting out with coffee and lunch and plan to pay.

    Its a social problem, so I'd go this way. If you want it to be a romantic date, not a lets hang out thing/date, expect to pay. Splitting the check reads to some women as "this is just us hanging out" and paying for it is a sign of "I view you romantically." Alternatively, if it feels like she is only interested in you as a friend/stranger, when the bill comes you look at it, put your share down, and wait.
    If you want her to think of you as someone to date, you need to be willing to pay the first few times.

    god damn this is dumb

    I always offer to split, never expect someone to pay for me

    And if dude says no he will pay, then I offer to get the next dinner (if there is one) and I actually do pay for it!

    I wonder if you polled women how many still think the guy is obligated to pay for everything

    It's always awkward cause everyone is different. I usually go to pay and if a lady offers some money, that's cool.

  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    Dating a lawyer is awesome. They're busy, like to drink and are fun. In my experience. I'd date a lawyer again.

    I'm glad Eggy can still summon the energy to give good, constructive advice. :)

  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    EggyToast wrote:
    It's like lying about your height, or income.
    I saw advice in this thread a few weeks back to do just that. About height, that is. I don't know if guys are generally lying about their income or not.

  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    At least with height you're found out immediately. Also, I know a few people who have misstated their height out of genuine ignorance. Unless you've been recently measured at a doctor's, you might not know exactly how tall you are. If you have short friends/family, who are constantly telling you, 'gosh, you're tall,' you might believe yourself to be taller than you are.

    Same with weight - how many people's weight, as shown on their driver's license, for example, is actually accurate? And people can look much heavier than they actually are and vice versa.

    But something like your name or your career... you KNOW what your name or your job is! And why lie about something that is so easily found out?

  • LilnoobsLilnoobs Alpha Queue Registered User regular
    You're a salesman. Salesman lie. If the salesman is just looking to a sell a car right now, then he'll lie and usally desperation breeds out the bigger lies.

    Should you lie? No. Why do people lie? To get laid. This happens in real life at the bar or other pickup joints. I don't see why it's so strange in the dating equivalent of such a place.

  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    Well, it depends on two things:

    1. Are you wanting to date, or looking for a one night stand? Lying at a bar to get a girl to go home with you for one night is vastly different than trying to find a girlfriend.

    2. What are you lying about? Your career, IMO, is far too large a part of you to lie about it. Okay, maybe you use euphemistic terms. Or you don't really mention what you actually do, but to outright lie about it? It's very easy to find out whether someone is a qualified lawyer or not.

  • CowSharkCowShark Registered User regular
    How do you tell? Do lawyers have to carry lawyer IDs?

  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    CowShark wrote:
    How do you tell? Do lawyers have to carry lawyer IDs?

    They tell me they are lawyers?

  • OmeksOmeks Registered User regular
    I made a few quick texts to this girl. I'm still glad to be meeting her, but I am getting a stronger feeling that she's going to be really clingy. I said my day went decent but was glad tomorrow is Friday. She responds with "That's true. I wish I could meet you before Saturday. I'm impatient haha." This wouldn't be that concerning if it weren't for the first night "Wish we could snuggle" text.

    Online Info (Click Spoiler for More):
    |Xbox Live Tag: Omeks
    |PSN Tag: Omeks_R7
    |Rock Band: Profile|DLC Collection
    Omeks.png
  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    Well you should know within 5 seconds to 5 minutes her precise level of crazy and go from there. Hopefully whatever you set up doesn't lock you in to a massive block of time if it's bad..

  • OmeksOmeks Registered User regular
    It's a lunch date at noon. I can easily get out by saying "I was planning on going tailgating for the game" early in the conversation.

    Online Info (Click Spoiler for More):
    |Xbox Live Tag: Omeks
    |PSN Tag: Omeks_R7
    |Rock Band: Profile|DLC Collection
    Omeks.png
  • UltimanecatUltimanecat Registered User regular
    CowShark wrote:
    How do you tell? Do lawyers have to carry lawyer IDs?

    Yup.
    barcard07.jpg

    SteamID : same as my PA forum name
  • JoolanderJoolander Registered User regular
    hmm

    I'm gonna start carrying a class IV laser license

  • UltimanecatUltimanecat Registered User regular
    I guess lawyers don't really need to carry their bar card. But all the lawyers I know do because that piece of plastic cost them $150K and damned if they're not going to keep it cocked and ready.

    SteamID : same as my PA forum name
  • SkyCaptainSkyCaptain IndianaRegistered User regular
    Ya know, I don't know that I want to leave our legal system to people that just practice at it. I'd rather they work at it. :D

    The RPG Bestiary - Dangerous foes and legendary monsters for D&D 4th Edition
  • AsharadAsharad Registered User regular
    Dating a lawyer is awesome. They're busy, like to drink and are fun. In my experience. I'd date a lawyer again.

    I'm glad Eggy can still summon the energy to give good, constructive advice. :)

    The only problem with dating a lawyer is that when you argue, especially if you are right and the lawyer is wrong, the argument quickly stops being about whatever the argument is about and turns into an argument about the format of the argument.

    Which is annoying.

  • King RiptorKing Riptor Registered User regular
    Omeks wrote:
    It's a lunch date at noon. I can easily get out by saying "I was planning on going tailgating for the game" early in the conversation.

    If she's really that clingy I don't think saying you're going to a public venue to drink is going to deter her.

    I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    Yeah, just get a pained look on your face and tell her you feel an onset of explosive diarrhea coming.

  • SkyGheNeSkyGheNe Registered User regular
    Lilnoobs wrote:
    You're a salesman. Salesman lie. If the salesman is just looking to a sell a car right now, then he'll lie and usally desperation breeds out the bigger lies.

    Should you lie? No. Why do people lie? To get laid. This happens in real life at the bar or other pickup joints. I don't see why it's so strange in the dating equivalent of such a place.

    Salespeople sell products...commoditizing other people is kinda backwards.

Sign In or Register to comment.