Fucking a, I started on something like this and never finished. And I was planning to just do the Kids's timeline pre-entry (since you can only order things in the Medium based on when they occur relative to each other).
And we start... with a flash. We see John's entire personal history up to where last left John at the end of Act 4, but from Karkat's point of view. Which sets us up nicely for...
Where John actually is... right now, from our perspective.
CG: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN.
CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.
CG: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR.
CG: I HAVE WATCHED YOUR ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE UNFOLD.
CG: I HAVE OBSERVED YOU WHILE YOU WOULD QUAKE AND TREMBLE IN PERSONAL PRAYERS OF SHAME.
CG: WHILE YOU PLEADED FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.
CG: PROSTRATE BEFORE THE STUPID AND FALSE CLOWN GODS YOU HAVE SCRIBBLED ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BLOCK.
CG: BOGUS DEITIES WORSHIPED BY A PRIMITIVE "PARADISE" PLANET.
CG: BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED.
CG: THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN.
CG: ONLY MY HATE.
CG: IT IS A HATE SO PURE AND HOT IT WOULD CONSUME YOUR SAD UNDERDEVELOPED HUMAN THINK PAN TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG.
CG: SHRIEKED BY THE TEN THOUSAND ROWDY SHOUT SPHINCTERS PEPPERING THE GRUESOME UNDERBELLY OF THE MOST TRUCULENT GOD THE FURTHEST RING CAN MUSTER.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT MADE YOU AND WILL SURELY DESTROY YOU.
CG: MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH THE VEINS OF YOUR UNIVERSE.
CG: IT IS MY GIFT TO YOU.
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.
CG: YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.
Oh man, Karkat is burning him good! How can John possibly respond?
EB: hi karkat!
As I said earlier, after the first couple of chats John completely turns the tables on Karkat. He never really stood a chance at this point.
EB: you and your alternian troll buddies help me and my earth human buddies hatch a plan!
EB: which we are busy putting into motion right now, as you can see. CG: THESE ARE LIES.
CG: I KNOW WHEN I AM BEING TROLLED, WHO DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO HERE.
Evidence points toward the notion that you do not know.
CG: YOU ACTUALLY WANT ME TO TROLL YOU?
CG: I MEAN
CG: DON'T WORRY, I CAN AND I WILL, AND IT WILL BE A GODDAMN BLOODBATH WHEN I GET STARTED.
CG: IT'S JUST KIND OF WEIRD YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT IT, IS THAT NORMAL FOR YOUR RACE? EB: um...
EB: i don't know, probably not.
EB: i just think it's kind of funny when you do it.
Pretty much!
EB: hey, i don't have a problem with your weird sort of alien hate-love thing!
EB: it is just that, uh... CG: WHAT
EB: i am not a homosexual.
Awkward advance: spurned!
EB: anyway, i kind of got the impression that you and terezi were a thing. CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN A THING.
Tables: turned!
CG: OK FIRST OF ALL, IF THERE WERE A "THING" WITH HER, AND THAT'S A HUGE IF
CG: IT WOULD BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT QUADRANT THAN WHAT WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT. EB: oh god, the quadrants...
CG: SECOND, WHETHER SHE AND I HAVE A THING OR DON'T HAVE A THING, OR TOOK A ROMANTIC HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE SUSPENDED IN A GODDAMN FILIAL PAIL TOGETHER
First off, once again, John speaks for all of us. Second, that's kind of dirty.
CG: SO I GUESS
CG: I'LL HAVE TO TROLL YOU BACKWARDS? EB: told you bro!!!!!!!
I WARNED YA ABOUT TROLLIN DOG
Didn't someone already point out John used 7 exclaimation points here isntead of 8? I think, considering when this chat was written, maybe the idea for John to start picking up Vriska's usage of syntax hadn't quite happened yet.
CG: I WILL BID YOU ONE FIRST AND FINAL FUCK YOU.
CG: FUCK YOU, JOHN EGBERT.
CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE JOKE BOOK YOU RODE IN ON.
CG: FUCK.
CG: FUCKING.
CG: YOU. EB:
EB: see you soon!
CG: WAIT
CG: WHAT
I had to rewatch the flash to remember specifically what Karkat meant by "joke book you rode in on". Anyway, this is, indeed, the first and final "fuck you" from Karkat, but I still love how John wins in the end with a smile and "see you soon!"
Anyway, I don't know how much I want to cover for this. Actually, we have two flashes coming up in less than a few hundred pages, that would be good to aim for - in fact, [ S] Past Karkat: Wake Up is a lot closer than I expected/remembered.
CCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONE IN RAINBOW ASSGRAB JUNCTION WHAT A GREAT IDEA IT IS. CAG: I'm 8usy.
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK COULD YOU BE BUSY WITH???
Despite the fact that we now know exactly what the fuck she was busy with, imaging Karkat yelling this as exasperated as he could possibly ever be still amuses me greatly.
CCG: WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT GOING ALONG WITH MY SIMPLE PLAN TO SERVE A FEW PINK SKINNED DOUCHE BAGS A PIPING HOT NUTRITION PLATEAU FULL OF FUCK YOU. CGC: M4YB3 W3 W1LL BUT W3 4LL JUST K1ND OF W4NT TO DO OUR OWN TH1NG!
CCG: THERE IS A WORD FOR THAT, IT IS CALLED GROSS INSUBORDINATION. CGC: TH4TS TWO WORDS R3T4RD >:P CAG: Do you guys realize you are sharing a key8oard and taking turns to argue with each other?
CAG: That is kind of cute. ::::) CTA: yeah ii hate to 2ay iit, but iit really 2ort of ii2.
CCG: OK FUCK THIS.
CCG: EVERYONE IS OFFICIALLY BANNED FROM THIS TRAIN WRECK.
D'aww.
And finally, back to our hero, safely crash landed back on LOWAS.
It is no use. It seems your abilities cannot cross between sessions. Or cannot influence his species. Or both.
Or MAYBE you just aren't TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
A quick summary to Vriska in early Act 5.2: she is responsible to just about everything bad that has ever happened to the kids. Basically. Sort of. Kinda.
OH SHIT THE RING - though this tempered by the fact we already saw WV has it, but still.
Sigh, a lady after my own heart. (I actually am drinking for this one.)
AG: Um, possi8ly? This is the first time I have contacted you that I am aware of. EB: i'm pretty sure i remember you. you hassled me a long time ago.
EB: i think you threatened to kill me at some point.
As Vriska points out, he's mixing her up with Terezi. Either way, it's a pretty safe bet.
AG: And you don't have to worry a8out me manipul8ting you to your death!
AG: It is completely 8eneath me. Unlike her, I plan on taking the high road.
Uh, yeah, about that....
EB: so, you seem to like 8's a whole bunch, and i guess you are like, kind of spidery themed or something? AG: Yeah!
EB: haha, spiders are gross! AG: Fuck you!!!!!!!!
I believe we ere just talking about this!
Okay, so John's copy of the server was in his Dad's car, right? So it must've escaped when it fell to the surface in LOWAS?
So when we last saw Jade, she was falling from the exploded ruins of her bedroom. We should probably see what happens to her:
A dark, omnious Z. Hrm...
Meanwhile, on Skaia
You were very foolish to believe you could be a leader of men. Look at what bearing that flag has wrought.
Perhaps one day you will find something new to bear. A burden befitting of the peasant you truly are.
Oh my what's that shiny thing in the water.
EB: you mean carcino geneticist? AG: Hahahaha, no way! Karkat is so up tight, he hardly slept a wink over the whole 600 hour span of our quest.
AG: He didn't even wake up on the moon until AFTER we won the game, hahahahahahahaha.
AG: What a loser.
EB: heheh. car cat. that is how i am saying that.
EB: beep beep, meow!
Hehe.
EB: the funny thing is, he is not even really my dad.
EB: i mean, i was adopted by him, although we are not actually unrelated, i think.
EB: he is the son of my grandmother, who isn't really my grandmother...
EB: nanna is sort of like my biological mother, and my biological father would be jade's grandpa, sorta.
EB: both of which i just created, with slime and stuff, and sent back in time as babies.
EB: so i guess, if anything, that makes my dad...
EB: my half brother??? AG: ::::\
EB: tell me about it!
Human biology SURE IS WEIRD.
AG: I will show her though. I will show her the meaning of helpfulness.
AG: I will help this little human nerd under the ta8le. The very same ta8le you dined at, while I w8ted on you prong and fucking nu8. EB: you mean like a candle light hate date?
AG: God, no!!!!!!!! With a human? Gross.
Vriska sure has interesting ideas about "helpfulness".
AG: You won't win? Says who????????? EB: you guys.
EB: it is practically all you ever say.
AG: Well, ok yes, you are screwed. And so are we.
AG: 8ut so what!
AG: Just 8ecause you are going to fail doesn't mean it won't 8e any fun along the way!
AG: 8y the looks of things, you have a very exciting 24 hours ahead of you.
AG: It'll 8e one hell of a reckoning!
If you're looking to put a cap on approximately how long things are taking in the Kids' session, that should be helpful.
Look at the gicyclops in the background. It's John's hammer from earlier! I wondered what happened to that thing.
AG: That form prepares Skaia to grow the new universe you will cre8te.
AG: Or in this case, fail to cre8te. 8ut whatever!
AG: That is no reason to deter you from completing worthwhile game o8jectives. EB: we are supposed to create a universe?
AG: Yeah! You didn't realize that yet?
This is the first time anyone has told John straight-up what the objective of the game is, though probably should've pieced that together from what Nannasprite told him back in Act 2.
AG: That's the spirit, John!
AG: That is a winner's attitude, and there is always hope for someone who has that. EB: yes, i agree.
EB: also, there is always hope for someone who has good friends to count on!
AG: Pff.
AG: Laaaaaaaame.
And her's how you establish how your characters are not like each other!
John: Dispatch these pests.
EB: this one here is so great. it is about this street tough renegade who did hard time behind bars, and wants nothing more in the world than to reunite with his loving wife and daughter. but not so fast! he has to go on crazy and dangerous escapades through the sky with a motley assortment of rogues led by john malkovich, who is wise to cage's heroic nature and pure heart. they tether a grumpy police man's awesome car to the plane and smash it, and then later they crash into some casinos. cage gets out of the wreckage and hugs his family, and i usually tear up a little.
EB: that is my working troll title for the movie, i hope it was ok. AG: John, even though your title is quite amusing and pro8a8ly kind of cute, that movie sounds hilariously 8ad!
Bad, indeed.
EB: shame over what?
EB: it's just a bucket! you know, for putting soapy water in and cleaning stuff with.
EB: why, what do trolls use them for? AG: Oh.
AG: Haha, yeah, of course!
AG: That's what I was talking a8out. Your cleaning 8ucket.
AG: In troll culture we consider cleaning products to 8e really indecent or something!
AG: I am 8lushing furiously a8out it right now. Please try to 8e sensitive to my cultural ways and understandings.
EB: wow... uh. that is definitely pretty odd.
Okay, this one is funny.
It looks like someone's server player has been busy.
TT: Simple.
TT: The objective is no longer to win. EB: um...
EB: i mean, what are we actually shooting for here?
TT: To do as much damage to the game as possible.
TT: To rip its stitches and pry answers from the seams.
TT: We will snatch purpose from the jaws of futility.
TT: Are you ready to wreak some havoc, John? EB: i suddenly don't understand anything.
This is Rose's first chat since... here. Oh, right:
GA: I Suddenly Dont Understand Anything
Well, anyway, if you're reading this recap and you miss Rose from before she entered the Medium, well, I don't really have very good news for you.
GA: Ive Just Been Meaning To Say
GA: That I Read Your Instructional Guide
CG: THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE HORNS! GA: What
GA: Really
CG: YEAH, I WAS LIKE, WHOA DID THEY GET FILED DOWN OR SOMETHING
CG: BUT NO IT TURNS OUT THAT'S JUST HOW THEY ARE. GA: Weird
Hehehehe, while I'm here:
GA: Do We Really Have To Say Things Like The Rose Human
CG: GREAT! THANKS KANAYA.
CG: I'LL EXPECT A FULL REPORT SOON. GA: A Report About What
CG: LIKE
CG: HOW HASSLED YOU GOT HER TO BE
CG: BUT LESS STUPID SOUNDING THAN THAT. GA: Is There A Metric For That Concept
CG: NO
CG: WELL THERE COULD BE
CG: WE CAN GAUGE YOUR RESULTS WITH THE "FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER". GA: That Seems Just As Disparaging To Me As It Is To Her
CG: YEAH WELL
CG: USE IT AS MOTIVATION
CG: I GOTTA GET CRACKING HERE, LATER.
Yeah, that's, like, super-motivating.
Hehehehe. John gives Rose a head start!
And so beginneth the "fuzzy, out-of-focus Gamzee" meme.
I note back in time Rose's room still isn't covered in her dream scrawlings while John's is. Let's find out why John is very thoroughly enjoying the Prankster's Gambit on this exchange, though.
GA: Im Looking For Evidence Of Intelligence In Your Species
Seems simple enough.
GT: so let me see if i have this straight...
GT: you are a time traveling space alien from the future, sent here to study humans?
Okay, well, we're not getting off to a good start here. Let's skip ahead.
GT: now i know for sure you're trolling me. rose hates that movie. GA: Are You Suggesting
GA: I Was Being Trolled
GA: That It Was A Charade Meant To Make Me Look Foolish
GT: possibly! i know that sure didn't sound like her.
GT: but i think it's more likely that you made it all up cause you know i like that movie.
GT: so i tip my cap to you, well played miss troll! GA: Now Im Wondering If You Might Be Trolling Me As Well
GT: ok well, just between you and me...
GT: SOMEONE here is getting trolled.
GT: and it just might be all three of us.
Well, technically....
Simpler times.
I covered Kanaya's "second" conversation with Rose very briefly (you can read it yourself here). Anyway, the point is:
This is not the same Rose human you dealt with before. She has been toying with you all along. Oh, the curiosity. How it persists. The maddening, maddening curiosity.
Your arbitrating gauge decides on a draw. Snark reaped and sown in equal distribution.
This is far from over.
It almost is though, as Rose blows her off again in the next conversation and takes the SNARKY HORSESHIT METER to its highest levels. The most sensical thing to do after that, then, is to... talk to Dave?
Anyway, I covered that already as well, as well as the following 7th conversation. But at least we finally get to see what Kanaya sent Rose. Note that it is edited... slightly (here's the original). Actually, more than slightly, geez Kanaya.
Anyway, let's get back to... whoa!
Oh, right, we already know about that from EOA4.
GA: You Actually Did It
GA: Blew It Up I Mean
GA: I Had Begun To Believe That Was Embellishment TT: This is it, isn't it? GA: What Is It
TT: This is the eighth conversation between us, from your perspective.
TT: As well as mine.
Finally.
Oh dammit.
EB: i will find out what your name is, i am tricky and i have ways. AG: Pffffffff, dou8t it.
Hehehe.
EB: what is a boy skylark? AG: It is the most terri8le, gutless class for wimpy losers, ones who have no idea how to handle themselves when a girl talks to them and stuff.
Not that anyone here is bitter or anything.
EB: i am the wind waker. it's me.
Man, now I want to play Wind Waker. Screw this recap!
Er, okay, just a little more.
GA: That I Read Your Instructional Guide
All together now: finally.
TT: Have you ever written a message you regretted instantly upon sending? GA: Lately
GA: Almost Perpetually
Amen.
GA: But These Means Presently On Display
GA: Are Making Me A Little Nervous
GA: I Think Its Kind Of A Reckless Use Of TT: Of what?
GA: These Forces TT: Dark magic, you mean?
GA: Yes
GA: Well
GA: Influence By The Gods From The Furthest Ring
GA: The Communion You Seem To Have Developed With Them I Find Kind Of Troubling TT: I don't think they are as nefarious as you might imagine.
We're all still a little nervous, I think. Up to now, I don't believe we've deciphered what their motives are or how they relate to the other agents in the game. We have bits and pieces but nothing concrete. Also Rose reveals much of what she knows about the Gods from the Furthest Ring came from her alternate timeline dreamself, which Kanaya also regards as inauspicious.
GA: Rather Than Suspecting You Of Incompetence
GA: I Have Begun To Fear Just The Opposite
GA: I Think You Might Be Dangerous
Kanaya speaks for many of us here.
GA: I Cant See You In The Future
GA: The Viewport Wont Let Me After A Certain Point
GA: Its Black
GA: But Only For You
Well, we know why this is now. But that's a few posts away, probably.
TT: What do you know about the ? GA: Ive Never Heard Of It
TT: Thank you.
TT: The transaction was very tidy. GA: Agreed
Whew, that was a lot of dialogue. You can get the full version starting here.
This post is getting really long. I need to get a lot more efficient, but now that we're back in the meat of the story there's a lot of ground to cover and a lot of questions we no longer have the answers to. The Green Sun is one example. Oh, yes, we know what it is now, but I believe we were still debating specifics in this very thread less than 10 pages ago. So I'll start on the next post to get up to [ S] Past Karkat: Wake Up. Until then,
Edit: in fact, the original version was too long. Whoops.
A quick summary to Vriska in early Act 5.2: she is responsible to just about everything bad that has ever happened to the kids. Basically. Sort of. Kinda.
You sure did hit that on the head there pal.
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SwissLionWe are beside ourselves!Registered Userregular
Happy Birthday Bear! I am mentally transmitting to you my enjoyment of these Burgs I made.
AG: John! Is that a frog I see there? EB: uh, yes. it is.
AG: How do you have a frog already???????? EB: i dunno. i found it, and i decided to captchalogue it for some reason.
EB: frogs are pretty cool.
AG: It seems awfully early in your game for you to 8e finding frogs. Your session sure is weird!
Wait, where did he get that from anyway? I am struggling to remember.
AG: Ok, I think I can make you a completely faaaaaaaa8ulous outfit using this trash, and may8e some other stuff around your hive.
AG: 8ut you have to do exactly what I say! EB: bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy.
EB: to the eighth power.
EB: times eight infinities!!!
AG: H8RRY 8P!!!!!!!!! EB: that was nine !'s.
AG: Oops.
Anyway, this is what John'll look like for the next few hundred pages:
AG: John what? EB: Anderson. AG: Ok. Til next time, Mr. Anderson.
EB: (hehehehehehehehe)
I feel slightly less bad about my Matrix reference earlier.
EB: how far in the future are you from?
EB: i thought we only had something like 24 hours until, like...
EB: game over. TG: yeah we do
TG: but chronologically ive been around for at least triple that
Again, if you're trying to figure out the actual amount of time taken....
EB: wow. how...
EB: i don't get how that works! TG: no shit your deal is wind not time
TG: youre on easy street what is there even to think about with wind
TG: like what angle to blow it at to fly a damn kite or how gentle its gotta be to make a picnic go swimmingly
Dave, we've missed you.
TG: its like they heard somebody over here was handing out asses and theyve known nothing but years of bitter ass famine
TG: oh you know
TG: noirs outta control
TG: rose is crazy jades crazier and youre
TG: well youre you
TG: and together were up to our bulges and miscellaneous bullshit alien physiology in hot sloppy shenanigans while hatching plans under our feathery asses like a bunch of cage free farm fresh motherfuckers
I maintain that when Dave says "jades crazier" he means in a general sense of "bitches be crazy". Besides, if she's crazy, I'm sure it didn't help she had to kiss his corpse later on.
TG: speaking of which
TG: give me your money EB: but...
EB: i worked hard saving up that money!
EB: i have a whole boonbuck now.
TG: oh christ
TG: only one
Well, at least we know the answer to why Dave needs the cash. We'll get to that later.
TG: egbert stfu and give me your goddamn boonbuck j3gus fuck
TG: ill turn it into a boonmint in an hour and youll get it back ok EB: j3gus?
EB: *narrows eyes suspiciously...*
TG: no comment
:whistle:
EB: fiiiiiiiine. TG: dude
TG: dont do the vriska thing ok
TG: shes messed up we talked about this
TG: or will talk
EB: who?
You have ways indeed, Mr. Egbert. Ways indeed.
It is the perfect crime.
You would think stock exchanges in the Medium would be protected against time travel.
I haven't posted very many of these Terezi-Dave comics. So here you go. Let's get to the meat of this conversation.
TG: so whats the other thing we were accomplishing here TG: does that get to be not an obnoxious secret yet GC: Y3S, NOW 1S TH3 T1M3
GC: YOU MUST W1R3 YOUR BOONDOLL4RS TO MY 4CCOUNT TG: ok so this was your game
TG: to get rich off me
GC: Y3SSSSSSSSSSSS >8]
GC: BUT S3R1OUSLY 1TS 1MPORT4NT!
GC: 1T 1S CR1T1C4L TO 4LL OUR PL4NS TG: alright well its not like i even have a problem parting with this useless bullshit money TG: how much do you need
GC: 413 BOONBONDS TG: thats all TG: i can afford to give you a fuckload more than that TG: how bout i give you an even boonbank
GC: NO!!!
GC: 1T MUST B3 3X4CTLY TH4T 4MOUNT TG: ok just to be clear TG: thats 413 TG: not "aie"
GC: Y34H
GC: J3RK >:P TG: whats up with that number TG: ive seen it around
GC: TH3Y 4R3 TH3 NUM3R4LS OF TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS TG: whats that mean
GC: 1 DONT KNOW >:? TG: ok awesome
GC: 4LSO
GC: 4T TH3 3X4CT 3ND OF TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON
GC: YOU MUST W1R3 TH3 MON3Y TO MY 4CCOUNT 3X4CTLY 6 HOURS 4ND 12 M1NUT3S 1NTO TH3 P4ST
GC: MY P4ST! R3L4T1V3 TO MY PR3S3NT MOM3NT 4S OF TYP1NG TH1S
So there are the numbers we all know and love, referenced as "thing" in the story for the first time. And also the first mention of the blind prophets. We'll cover that later.
And then this happened:
TG: i made you a comic a while ago GC: YOU D1D??? TG: yeah here
GC: >:o
GC: D4V3...
GC: TH1S COM1C 1S BORD3RL1N3 PORNOGR4PH1C
GC: YOU 4R3 4 R34LLY FUCK3D UP K1D TG: yeah ok whatever you say
TG: fuckin aliens
GC: (1T 1S F4NT4ST1C, 1 LOV3 1T)
In case you are not familiar with the Kool-Aid Man, a helpful primer:
Meanwhile, six hours prior:
You take the brunt of the stellar smellsplosion like a sour apple punch to the snout!
In case you haven't quite figured it out, this is Terezi-vision.
And here is your bold leader, passed out on the floor. He is sleeping like a wiggler.
You wonder what he could be dreaming about? Prospit is gone now, and he never even had the chance to wake up. Poor guy.
FAT: mOSTLY,
FAT: gETTING USED TO THESE LEGS,
FAT: fALLING DOWN STAIRS, aND THINGS LIKE THAT, FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. FCT: D --> I'm quite sure I warned you about attempting to navigate stairs while adjusting to the new equipment FUTURE arachnidsGrip [FAG] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. FAG: Yes, you told him 8ro!
FAG: I distinctly remem8er you telling him a8out stairs. 8ut he didn't listen.
Reference secured. Anyway, the bottom line here is that both Propsit and Derse have been destroyed in the trolls' Incipisphere.
413 boonbonds???
This is an absolutely preposterous amount of money.
GC: SOLLUX 1 N33D YOU TO TR4C3 4 MON3Y TR4NSF3R TA: 2omeone 2ent you money?/color]
GC: Y3S TA: why'2 2omeone 2endiing you money.
TA: and why now of all tiime2, liike we can even u2e iit.
TA: who'2 thii2 doucebag?
GC: TH4TS WH4T 1 W4NT YOU TO F1GUR3 OUT!
Hrm....
Oh yes, that douchebag.
MAPLEHOOOOOFFFFF!!!
You cannot name him yet, no matter how inthufferable you find this coolkid to be! You will need to wait until his wriggling day, when he turns six solar sweeps.
There were actually multiple people who did not get this joke. Let me just make sure you do:
And if you were wondering "one of you fuckers thought I was a girl" came from:
GC: H3Y 34RTH BOY
GC: W41T...
GC: 1 JUST 4SSUM3D YOU W3R3 4 BOY
GC: M4YB3 YOUR3 4 G1RL?
GC: 1 DONT KNOW MUCH 4BOUT YOUR W31RD HORNL3SS SP3C13S, 1 GU3SS YOU COULD B3 >:\ TG: yes im a girl
GC: OH R34LLY?
GC: 34RTHL1NGS 4R3 R34LLY B1Z4RR3
GC: NO OFF3NS3
GC: WH4T 1S YOUR SP3C13S C4LL3D TG: north american hollering phallus baboon
GC: >:?
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU M1GHT B3 PULL1NG MY FROND, F3M4L3 34RTHL1NG
Just a tad. Terezi cracks the veneer a bit, though:
GC: OK H3R3 YOU GO B3N ST1LL3R
GC: http://tinyurl.com/FORB3NST1LL3R TG: oh my fucking hell
TG: that is horrendous
TG: in the most beautiful way GC: TH4NK YOU B3N >:]
TG: god damn
TG: that mouth
TG: its like
TG: i dont know
TG: a fucking pork chop
TG: jegus
TG: i mean jesus
And now you know: Terezi inspired Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.
Actually, it originated on these boards, but we're straying.
GC: ON3 D4Y YOU W1LL RU3 4LL TH1S S4SS YOU H4V3 D1SH3D D4V3
GC: YOU M4Y NOT B3 4 G1RL, BUT YOU W1LL CRY L1K3 ON3 WH3N 1 4M THROUGH W1TH YOU TG: i dont cry
GC: YOU W1LL
GC: TH3R3 W1LL B3 T34RS
GC: TH3Y W1LL SM3LL S4LTY, 4ND TH3N YOUR CH33KS W1LL B3 MY S4NDY B34CH >8] TG: oh god
GC: OK, 1 W1LL G3T B4CK TO YOU 4FT3R YOU B3G1N PL4Y1NG
GC: TH4T W1LL B3 N3XT SOL4R SW33P FOR YOU
GC: TRY NOT TO B3 TOO 1MP4T13NT FOR MY R3TURN TG: i plan on forgetting about you instantly after this conversation
GC: Y34H R1GHT
Take a wild guess of what the next panel is. It's cool, I'll wait.
Got a guess? Okay.
TG: what the fuck was the point of this again GC: WHY D4V3
GC: WH4T 1S TH1S TH4T MY NOS3 D3T3CTS
GC: COULD 1T B3
GC: T34RS??? >:O TG: this is bullshit
TG: this was a setup all along
TG: later terezi nice knowing you GC: W41T!
GC: YOU C4N'T D1TCH M3, W3V3 GOT 1MPORT4NT STUFF TO DO TOG3TH3R
TG: unlikely GC: OH
GC: H3Y >:o
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY N4M3?
TG: you told me remember GC: Y34H, BUT 1 THOUGHT YOU FORGOT!
TG: why would i forget GC: YOU S41D YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO M4K3 4 PO1NT OF FORG3TT1NG!
TG: oh
TG: i guess i forgot i was supposed to forget
Just covering all my reference bases here.
TG: im still gonna go off and do my own thing though
TG: later GC: W41T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TG: dammit what GC: OK 1 G3T TH4T YOU 4R3 TH1S R4D LON3R 4ND YOU TH1NK YOU H4V3 1T 4LL F1GUR3D OUT
GC: BUT HOW 4BOUT TH1S
GC: 1F 1 4M M34NT TO H3LP YOU, TH3N YOUR FUTUR3 S3LF OUGHT TO V1S1T YOU R1GHT NOW 4ND G1V3 YOU 4 THUMBS UP, R1GHT?
GC: 1T W1LL B3 YOUR W4Y OF CONF1RM1NG TO YOURS3LF TH4T 1 C4N B3 TRUST3D
GC: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y YOU WOULD PL4N TO DO TH4T 1N TH3 FUTUR3 1F YOU 3ND UP R3GR3TT1NG MY H3LP
GC: DO3S TH4T SOUND F41R?
TG: yeah fine but i doubt that i
TG: oh fuck there i am hiding behind that column GC: >8D
Argh, so many important plot points! Yet I am so close to the GREATEST MEMO IN THE HISTORY OF HOMESTUCK. It will surely deserve it's own post!
GC: HOW RUD3 WOULD YOU S4Y TH1S J4M 1S D4V3 TG: id say if i had to take an educated guess it was outright goddamn unmannerly
TG: needs to get worked over by some stuffy prude at finishing school
GC: 4ND TH3R3 4R3 MOR3 D4V3S SCR4MBL1NG 4ROUND TH4N YOU C4N SH4K3 4 BROK3N SWORD 4T
GC: TH3N YOU W1LL G3T YOUR CH4NC3 TO 1MPR3SS M3 >;]
GC: L1K3 SO
GC: http://tinyurl.com/TH3FLO4R-1SONF1R3 TG: see
TG: i cant compete with this
GC: H3H3H3H3H3
TG: but seriously what is the real plan here
TG: that has to do with not fucking around GC: TH3R3 1S NO PL4N TH4T DO3S NOT 1NVOLV3 FUCK1NG 4ROUND
GC: BUT W3 W1LL M4K3 SUR3 4LL OF OUR FUCK1NG W1LL B3 4PPL13D 1N 4 CONSTRUCT1V3 D1R3CT1ON
TG: ok could you try to be somehow even less subtle when you hit on me thanks GC: WH4T
GC: WH4T D1D 1 S4Y?
TG: man
TG: nevermind GC: YOU W1LL H4V3 TO FORG1V3 M3 D4V3, 1 TH1NK SOM3T1M3S TH3 M34N1NG OF WORDS 1S LOST THROUGH OUR CULTUR4L D1FF3R3NC3S
TG: no shit
Let's get back on topic.
GC: W3LL, W3 N33D TO ST4RT M4K1NG YOU SOM3 MON3Y
GC: LOTS 4ND LOTS 4ND LOTS OF 1T!
So, yes, that all took place before all the stuff we saw earlier. This must be right after Dave gets to his planet in the alpha timeline.
TG: ok after all this hype you better be prepared to fucking dazzle me
TG: are you gonna bring it? GC: 4LLOW M3 TO PROV1D3 4N 4NSW3R THROUGH 1NT3RPR3T1V3 D4NC3
GC: http://tinyurl.com/H3LLFUCK1NGY3S
TG: awesome
TG: peace out t-z GC:
TG: oh shit GC: >:?
Whew, finally.
Hey, I recall this visual reference from my recent past!
EB: hey vriska!
[...] AG: First of all, who told you you could just hassle me without warning like this? That's not how this works!
EB: that's dumb. i'm going to talk to you whenever i want! AG: Secondly, I am very pissed off that you figured out my name.
EB: well, i didn't know it was your name for sure until you just told me now.
EB: so, haha. AG: Dammit!
AG: Who told you?
EB: heheh, i am not telling.
EB: a true wise guy never reveals his tricks.
Tricks, huh?
I'm telling you, it was an epidemic at one point. Fuckin' Gamzees everywhere.
John is suddenly preoccupied with something. How dare he bother you and then leave you hanging like this.
You guess you can spare a moment to watch this terrible video. Why does that nerdy kid have to be so persuasive?
TG: not cool
TG: luring me into your cyber boobytrap with shitty clip art who told you my weakness CG: IT'LL WORK, WON'T IT?
TG: obviously
Okay, here goes. This is my best attempt at summing up what is the best memo in Homestuck. You should read it for yourself, of course, because in the end it probably won't take as long as reading this because I didn't really summarize it at all. But since I already formatted all this stuff I'm just going to roll with it.
We start off as only Karkat can:
?CG: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST SACK OF SHAME GLOBES TO ONE ANOTHER.
?CG: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY ESCORT THE OTHERS "TO SCHOOL", WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DOWN THEIR INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFTS.
?CG: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED.
I think you can guess what the result of all this will be. You don't really need to go very far out on a limb.
?CG: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH. CTG: nah CEB: haha, dave you're hitting on terezi? really??
CTG: no
CTG: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop
CTG: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right
CTG: but what else is new just another lady from outer space mackin on me whatever chance she gets ?CG: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON.
?CG: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE.
Well, Karkat's already lost control of this supposed verbal beatdown.
CEB: what is so different about your romance?
CEB: what's a quadrant? how many do you have? CTG: john god dammit stop embarrassing us
CTG: first of all weve got to be on record here as not giving a shit about that
CTG: second obviously theres gonna be 4 quadrants come on
Yeah seriously, John.
CEB: who cares, jeeeeeeeez. ?CG: JOHN, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE HOW MANY E'S YOU JUST TYPED THERE.
?CG: THAT'S GOT TO STOP TOO. CEB: what does? ?CG: STOP TALKING TO VRISKA. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS. CEB: what!
CEB: no way. vriska's cool, i'll talk to her all i want!
Yes folks, we've established the entire point of this memo.
?CG: YOU JACKASSES HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELVES INTO.
?CG: THEY'RE DANGEROUS, AND YOU'RE JUST BLUNDERING RIGHT INTO THEIR HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDFUCK MURDER-THICKET.
?CG: THESE PSYCHO GIRLS HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN EACH OF YOU KILLED AT LEAST ONCE TO MY KNOWLEDGE.
Okay, let's see. I guess Karkat is including alternate timeline versions because the only real death Dave has suffered was, well, later. John, well, yeah. We'll get to that.
CTG: like you dont want to acknowledge that your troll ladies find a couple of human dudes irresistible ?CG: YOU DON'T GET IT.
?CG: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY VARIOUS BITS OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, THESE GIRLS ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH BOTH OF YOU PRETTY HARD.
?CG: THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SWEPT YOU BOTH INTO THEIR SICK ASSASSINATION GAMES IS SADLY WHAT MAKES THIS OBVIOUS.
?CG: THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
Heh, says you.
CEB: wait...
CEB: are you saying that vriska is interested in me?
CEB: like, romantically? ?CG: EGBERT JUST EARNED A FEW BRAIN POINTS!
This always make me think, "LOOK AT THE BIG BRAIN ON BRETT!"
This has already been pasted once in this thread, but it wasn't color-coded now was it?
CTG: smooth CEB: oh man.
CEB: uh... ?CG: YES LET'S ALL HAVE A GREAT BIG OH MAN OVER THAT
?CG: AND THEN FUCKING CUT THE HORSESHIT FOREVER. SOUND GOOD? CEB: i'm not sure what to think about this.
CEB: dave, what do you think i should do? CTG: i dunno
CTG: do you like her CEB: well, like i said, i thought she was pretty cool...
CEB: kinda bossy! but also pretty friendly. CTG: yeah ok
CTG: but i mean
CTG: anything more than that
CTG: like
CTG: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits
CTG: and she was on earth visiting your town or something
CTG: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies
CTG: like the new maconnohey jam where he smirks and like all but deliberately draws the audiences ire like a goddamn magnetron CEB: mcconaughey!!!!!!!!
CEB: um, wow, i don't know.
CEB: i mean, yeah, sure it would be fun to do something like that with her, i think.
CEB: but...
CEB: beyond that, it's a little confusing!
CEB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do... ?CG: HOLY FUCK WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE????? CTG: doesnt concern you dude
mcconaughey!
Dave presses the attack:
CTG: i dunno man doesnt sound like you really got our interests in mind here
CTG: you just sound kinda bitter
CTG: did one of the human ladies reject you ?CG: OF COURSE NOT.
CTG: how did it go did you stand in a quadrant like you were playing four square
CTG: holding a bucket full of flowers or slime or whatever and jade was like no thanks bro
CTG: is that how it went down ?CG: YES, YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ARE A SAVANT OF XENOBIOLOGY DAVE AND I SALUTE YOU WITH ONE OF MY MANY INTERGALACTIC SPACE TENDRILS
?CG: (THAT'S FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TO FUCK WITH YOU)
CTG: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you ?CG: FUCK OFF.
CTG: haha wow bingo
He'll soon regret it, though.
CTG: john just a heads up in the future i think youre gonna spurn one of his awkward advances CEB: uh oh! ?CG: JOHN DON'T LISTEN TO THIS FUCKER, HE'S THE WORST GUY AT GIVING ADVICE I'VE EVER SEEN. CEB: yeah, i dunno dave, i have talked to karkat a lot and i really don't think he has a thing for me. ?CG: EXACTLY. JOHN ONCE AGAIN IS FLYING HIGH AS SMARTEST HUMAN.
?CG: AND JOHN, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US IN THE FUTURE DOES MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND...
?CG: BECAUSE OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
?CG: I MEAN NO ONE IN PARTICULAR HERE
?CG: MAYBE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THINKING TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT CEB: uh...
?CG: IT MIGHT BE THE CASE THAT THIS PERSON HAS GOTTEN TOO WRAPPED UP IN A SORT OF CALIGINOUS IDEAL
?CG: AND GET CARRIED AWAY, POSSIBLY SO MUCH SO THEY WERE BLIND TO HOW COMPLETELY FUCKED UP AND WEIRD IT WOULD BE TO PURSUE ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITH ANOTHER SPECIES
?CG: ESPECIALLY ONE THAT DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF A CALIGINIOUS RELATIONSHIP CTG: what
CTG: the fuck
CTG: are you talking about
You've done it now, Dave! You've sassed him up!
?CG: ALRIGHT I ADMIT THIS ISN'T PURELY MAGNANIMOUS CONCERN FOR YOUR SAFETY HERE.
?CG: WE'RE ALL SORT OF COOKING UP A PLAN RIGHT NOW.
?CG: MY RIGHT NOW.
?CG: WHICH IF SUCCESSFUL, MAY, AND I DO STRESS MAY, END UP WITH ALL OF US MEETING FACE TO FACE.
?CG: AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO AVOID IF AT ALL POSSIBLE
?CG: IS TO HAVE THIS RENDEZVOUS INSTANTLY DETERIORATE INTO A LOT OF REVOLTING TROLL/HUMAN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.
?CG: THAT WOULD JUST RUIN IT FOR ME, OK?
?CG: REALLY THE ONLY SCENARIO THAT I AM SURE WOULD CAUSE ME TO REGRET SUCCESS. GOT IT? CEB: er...
CEB: do...
CEB: you think that vriska is going to try to make out with me?
John, I believe the most succinct way I can answer your query at this time is "no".
?CG: DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM??? CEB: rose and jade?
CEB: so, uh...
CEB: you want us to like, date them? ?CG: WOULD IT REALLY FUCKING KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT??????
?CG: I MEAN GOD. WHAT DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE IN THIS GAME?
?CG: YOU'RE CREATING YOUR OWN UNIVERSE TO GO LIVE IN.
?CG: AND JUST HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR SPECIES IS SUPPOSED TO REPOPULATE ITSELF??????????? IDIOTS. CTG: dude
CTG: no
CTG: just
CTG: stop
Dave, I hate to say it, but we are motherfucking entrenched in this bitch.
?CG: OH RIGHT, THE BIZARRE HUMAN ANATHEMA OF INCEST, I FORGOT. CTG: oh my fucking god
CTG: please let this conversation not be taking place
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
?CG: OK WELL LET'S SAY THAT'S HYPOTHETICALLY A PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH I'M RACKING MY BRAIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE.
?CG: I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST THAT STUPID.
?CG: HERE
?CG: http://tinyurl.com/MATINGDIAGRAMFORMORONS
Memorize this, we'll be making mocking references to it later.
CTG: ok youre by far the worst artist out of any of us
CTG: and thats saying something ?CG: SHUT UP I DREW IT FAST
?CG: NOW
?CG: AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THERE ARE ONLY TWO SETS OF COMPATIBLE QUADRANTS HERE FOR LEGITIMATE CONCUPISCENT PAIRINGS.
?CG: DAVE AND ROSE ARE "RELATED"
?CG: JADE AND JOHN ARE "RELATED"
?CG: THAT ONLY LEAVES TWO PAIRS.
?CG: ONCE AGAIN, THE DECISIONS PERTAINING TO HUMAN ROMANCE REMAIN STUNNINGLY SIMPLE.
?CG: AND YET I STILL HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.
?CG: NOW GO HASSLE YOUR FUTURE MATESPRITS AND LEAVE THE TROLL GIRLS ALONE. CTG: thx for the shipping grid bro imma drop everything and go have a baby with jade right now
CTG: no peeking k CEB: wow, i have to marry rose?
CEB: uh...
CEB: wow.
Wow, indeed.
?CG: I WILL BID YOU A BITTER FUCKING FAREWELL.
?CG: JEGUS I AM SO TIRED.
I hear you there. Fortunately, I can go to sleep.
Anyway, if you read that for some reason, well, congratulations.
I promise my summary of [ S] Past Karkat: Wake Up will be more useful and constructive, as it's a flash walkabout game that not everyone may have the time or patient to play.
CTG: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits
CTG: and she was on earth visiting your town or something
CTG: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies
CTG: like the new maconnohey jam where he smirks and like all but deliberately draws the audiences ire like a goddamn magnetron
CTG: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits
CTG: and she was on earth visiting your town or something
CTG: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies
CTG: like the new maconnohey jam where he smirks and like all but deliberately draws the audiences ire like a goddamn magnetron
Holy shit foreshadowing
Yeah, I thought about saying something about Alternate Dead John getting to do that.
Posts
I wish I wasn't done rereading Homestuck
I liked having all the MSPA I could read whenever I wanted it
http://www.audioentropy.com/
started when a daddy long legs creeped up into my bed when I was six, then disappeared
I shrieked SO HARD
You can live vicariously through my recap!
that tarantualgif is still cute
yeah yeah yeah
but really i don't get bothered by spiders online or anything, it's when they are in my house
when they are on my bed
ughhhhhhhhhhhhh
we can argue more about Homestuck, and how is the best troll in there.
Also somebody updated this timeline of events.
You used to be such a sweet, poliahahahahahahahahahaha
i was thinking of that
Fucking a, I started on something like this and never finished. And I was planning to just do the Kids's timeline pre-entry (since you can only order things in the Medium based on when they occur relative to each other).
Oh my god this is incredible
Also I don't know how effective it is to have timelines of things that explicitly exist outside of time.
THE BEGINNINGING
Post 2
Post 3
Post 4
Post 5
Post 6
Post 6
Post 7
Post 8 - Start of ACT 2
Post 7
PART II: ACT 3
Post 2
Post 3
Post 4
Part III: The Intermission
Post 1
Post 2
Part 3: ACT 4
Post 1
Post 2
Post 3
PART V: ACT 4 (part 2)
Post 2
PART VI: ACT 4 (part 3)
Post 2
Post 3
Post 4
PART VII: ACT 5: Hivebent
Post 2
PART VIII: ACT 5: Hivebent (part 2)
Post 2
Post 3
PART IX: ACT 5: Hivebent (part 3)
Post 2
PART X: ACT 5: ACT 2
And we start... with a flash. We see John's entire personal history up to where last left John at the end of Act 4, but from Karkat's point of view. Which sets us up nicely for...
Where John actually is... right now, from our perspective.
Oh man, Karkat is burning him good! How can John possibly respond? As I said earlier, after the first couple of chats John completely turns the tables on Karkat. He never really stood a chance at this point.
Evidence points toward the notion that you do not know.
Pretty much!
Awkward advance: spurned!
Tables: turned!
First off, once again, John speaks for all of us. Second, that's kind of dirty.
I WARNED YA ABOUT TROLLIN DOG
Didn't someone already point out John used 7 exclaimation points here isntead of 8? I think, considering when this chat was written, maybe the idea for John to start picking up Vriska's usage of syntax hadn't quite happened yet.
I had to rewatch the flash to remember specifically what Karkat meant by "joke book you rode in on". Anyway, this is, indeed, the first and final "fuck you" from Karkat, but I still love how John wins in the end with a smile and "see you soon!"
Anyway, I don't know how much I want to cover for this. Actually, we have two flashes coming up in less than a few hundred pages, that would be good to aim for - in fact, [ S] Past Karkat: Wake Up is a lot closer than I expected/remembered.
This chat is pretty great. I'll skip over a lot of it though.
Despite the fact that we now know exactly what the fuck she was busy with, imaging Karkat yelling this as exasperated as he could possibly ever be still amuses me greatly.
D'aww.
And finally, back to our hero, safely crash landed back on LOWAS.
A quick summary to Vriska in early Act 5.2: she is responsible to just about everything bad that has ever happened to the kids. Basically. Sort of. Kinda.
OH SHIT THE RING - though this tempered by the fact we already saw WV has it, but still.
Sigh, a lady after my own heart. (I actually am drinking for this one.)
As Vriska points out, he's mixing her up with Terezi. Either way, it's a pretty safe bet.
Uh, yeah, about that....
I believe we ere just talking about this!
Okay, so John's copy of the server was in his Dad's car, right? So it must've escaped when it fell to the surface in LOWAS?
So when we last saw Jade, she was falling from the exploded ruins of her bedroom. We should probably see what happens to her:
A dark, omnious Z. Hrm...
Meanwhile, on Skaia
Hehe.
Human biology SURE IS WEIRD.
Vriska sure has interesting ideas about "helpfulness".
If you're looking to put a cap on approximately how long things are taking in the Kids' session, that should be helpful.
Look at the gicyclops in the background. It's John's hammer from earlier! I wondered what happened to that thing.
This is the first time anyone has told John straight-up what the objective of the game is, though probably should've pieced that together from what Nannasprite told him back in Act 2.
And her's how you establish how your characters are not like each other!
Bad, indeed.
This is Rose's first chat since... here. Oh, right: Well, anyway, if you're reading this recap and you miss Rose from before she entered the Medium, well, I don't really have very good news for you.
Yeah, that's, like, super-motivating.
Hehehehe. John gives Rose a head start!
And so beginneth the "fuzzy, out-of-focus Gamzee" meme.
I note back in time Rose's room still isn't covered in her dream scrawlings while John's is. Let's find out why John is very thoroughly enjoying the Prankster's Gambit on this exchange, though.
Seems simple enough.
Okay, well, we're not getting off to a good start here. Let's skip ahead.
Well, technically....
Simpler times.
I covered Kanaya's "second" conversation with Rose very briefly (you can read it yourself here). Anyway, the point is: It almost is though, as Rose blows her off again in the next conversation and takes the SNARKY HORSESHIT METER to its highest levels. The most sensical thing to do after that, then, is to... talk to Dave?
Anyway, I covered that already as well, as well as the following 7th conversation. But at least we finally get to see what Kanaya sent Rose. Note that it is edited... slightly (here's the original). Actually, more than slightly, geez Kanaya.
Anyway, let's get back to... whoa!
Oh, right, we already know about that from EOA4.
Finally.
Oh dammit.
Hehehe.
Not that anyone here is bitter or anything.
Man, now I want to play Wind Waker. Screw this recap!
Er, okay, just a little more.
We're all still a little nervous, I think. Up to now, I don't believe we've deciphered what their motives are or how they relate to the other agents in the game. We have bits and pieces but nothing concrete. Also Rose reveals much of what she knows about the Gods from the Furthest Ring came from her alternate timeline dreamself, which Kanaya also regards as inauspicious.
Kanaya speaks for many of us here.
Well, we know why this is now. But that's a few posts away, probably.
Whew, that was a lot of dialogue. You can get the full version starting here.
This post is getting really long. I need to get a lot more efficient, but now that we're back in the meat of the story there's a lot of ground to cover and a lot of questions we no longer have the answers to. The Green Sun is one example. Oh, yes, we know what it is now, but I believe we were still debating specifics in this very thread less than 10 pages ago. So I'll start on the next post to get up to [ S] Past Karkat: Wake Up. Until then,
Edit: in fact, the original version was too long. Whoops.
cant be LIEVE you would go behind my back like that
and with Dave????
really??????????!
that's it
i quit
i'm moving on
You sure did hit that on the head there pal.
Birth Bear Burgs.
Anyway, this is what John'll look like for the next few hundred pages:
I feel slightly less bad about my Matrix reference earlier.
Again, if you're trying to figure out the actual amount of time taken....
Dave, we've missed you.
I maintain that when Dave says "jades crazier" he means in a general sense of "bitches be crazy". Besides, if she's crazy, I'm sure it didn't help she had to kiss his corpse later on.
Well, at least we know the answer to why Dave needs the cash. We'll get to that later.
:whistle:
You have ways indeed, Mr. Egbert. Ways indeed.
I haven't posted very many of these Terezi-Dave comics. So here you go. Let's get to the meat of this conversation.
So there are the numbers we all know and love, referenced as "thing" in the story for the first time. And also the first mention of the blind prophets. We'll cover that later.
And then this happened: In case you are not familiar with the Kool-Aid Man, a helpful primer:
Meanwhile, six hours prior:
In case you haven't quite figured it out, this is Terezi-vision.
Reference secured. Anyway, the bottom line here is that both Propsit and Derse have been destroyed in the trolls' Incipisphere.
Hrm....
Oh yes, that douchebag.
MAPLEHOOOOOFFFFF!!!
And if you were wondering "one of you fuckers thought I was a girl" came from: Just a tad. Terezi cracks the veneer a bit, though:
And now you know: Terezi inspired Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.
Take a wild guess of what the next panel is. It's cool, I'll wait.
Got a guess? Okay.
Argh, so many important plot points! Yet I am so close to the GREATEST MEMO IN THE HISTORY OF HOMESTUCK. It will surely deserve it's own post!
In the meantime, let's DANCE:
Let's get back on topic. So, yes, that all took place before all the stuff we saw earlier. This must be right after Dave gets to his planet in the alpha timeline.
Whew, finally.
Hey, I recall this visual reference from my recent past!
Tricks, huh?
I'm telling you, it was an epidemic at one point. Fuckin' Gamzees everywhere. And here's our first Act 5.2 flash: Oh man I forgot about the meaty hand thing... which was probably for the best. Anyway, on to the memo.
I try not to think about the MSPA fandom too hard.
Yes, I am aware of the extreme irony/possible hyprocrisy of that statement.
Okay, here goes. This is my best attempt at summing up what is the best memo in Homestuck. You should read it for yourself, of course, because in the end it probably won't take as long as reading this because I didn't really summarize it at all. But since I already formatted all this stuff I'm just going to roll with it.
We start off as only Karkat can: I think you can guess what the result of all this will be. You don't really need to go very far out on a limb.
Well, Karkat's already lost control of this supposed verbal beatdown.
Yeah seriously, John.
Yes folks, we've established the entire point of this memo.
Okay, let's see. I guess Karkat is including alternate timeline versions because the only real death Dave has suffered was, well, later. John, well, yeah. We'll get to that.
Heh, says you.
This always make me think, "LOOK AT THE BIG BRAIN ON BRETT!"
This has already been pasted once in this thread, but it wasn't color-coded now was it? mcconaughey!
Dave presses the attack: He'll soon regret it, though.
You've done it now, Dave! You've sassed him up!
John, I believe the most succinct way I can answer your query at this time is "no".
Dave, I hate to say it, but we are motherfucking entrenched in this bitch.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Memorize this, we'll be making mocking references to it later.
Wow, indeed.
I hear you there. Fortunately, I can go to sleep.
Anyway, if you read that for some reason, well, congratulations.
I promise my summary of [ S] Past Karkat: Wake Up will be more useful and constructive, as it's a flash walkabout game that not everyone may have the time or patient to play.
Steam Switch FC: 2799-7909-4852
Holy shit foreshadowing
Everyone on the train thought I was losing my mind. They'll never know it was all your fault.
Yeah, I thought about saying something about Alternate Dead John getting to do that.
Oh, right, supposed to be in bed.