Echoing everyone on the crazy thing. Damn it was fun while it lasted though.
I went to the Bondage meeting on Sunday. Now I've been in some weird situations before and... this wasn't one of them. Seriously. It was just about the most mundane Sunday I've had outside of taking the dog for a walk.
I went in to the pub and immediately spotted the group sat in the corner, not because they looked particularly freaky, they didn't. But because of the cake on the tables that I had been told would be there. Introductions were quickly made and I ended up sat down with a very cute girl covered in tattoos and a middle aged guy. We chatted about american politics, batman films and how the tattoo'd girl liked being slashed with a comb.
The rest of the afternoon consisted of me slowly getting to know everyone, I think there was about 15 people there. Everyone was very friendly and chilled out and kept complimenting me on how well I was doing for my first meeting to which I replied "so far I've been talking about Family Guy in a pub, it'll take a lot more to get me out of my comfort zone".
Eventually I got round to talking to one of the girls who had invited me to go there in the first place. Ended up having a long conversation about her poly relationship while her "husband" was busy flirting and kissing some other girl in the corner. I got the distinct impression she was fishing for another man to make her husband jealous rather than for someone to practice bondage on. Once that impression had formed in my mind and given the behaviour of her husband I started to feel like it was time to leave. By this time most of the group were putting their coats on anyway. I stood up and thanked everyone for being so welcoming and said I'd probably see them at another meeting or online.
When I got home I sent the girl who had invited me a message thanking her for a nice afternoon. She then engaged me in a chat about whether or not I liked her and wanted to do stuff with her. I made it very clear to her that I was open to some kinky fun but was certainly not interested in being involved in her relationships. The conversation ended with us agreeing to meet one on one in a couple of weeks time to better feel out if we would be suited to doing some play.
So...interesting turn of events. I messaged a girl and she replied back. She's three years older than me (25 vs. 28), but seems cool enough. She gave me her phone number and I'm going to send her some texts tomorrow night.
...and then I get winked at by another girl when I get home tonight. I had seen this girl around the site but wasn't sure if I wanted to message her or not. She's kind of cute in some pictures but not so much in others, and she seems really outdoorsy which I'm not sure if I would gel with or not. But since she showed some interest, I sent a message to see where it goes. She's the same age that I am, so maybe if both of these girls turn into dates, I can get an idea of if I prefer slightly older or the same age.
Of course, I have no idea how I'm going to react to juggling more than one woman at once. People keep telling me to date lots of girls at once but this is the first time it might actually happen. Experience, I guess.
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Echoing everyone on the crazy thing. Damn it was fun while it lasted though.
I went to the Bondage meeting on Sunday. Now I've been in some weird situations before and... this wasn't one of them. Seriously. It was just about the most mundane Sunday I've had outside of taking the dog for a walk.
I went in to the pub and immediately spotted the group sat in the corner, not because they looked particularly freaky, they didn't. But because of the cake on the tables that I had been told would be there. Introductions were quickly made and I ended up sat down with a very cute girl covered in tattoos and a middle aged guy. We chatted about american politics, batman films and how the tattoo'd girl liked being slashed with a comb.
The rest of the afternoon consisted of me slowly getting to know everyone, I think there was about 15 people there. Everyone was very friendly and chilled out and kept complimenting me on how well I was doing for my first meeting to which I replied "so far I've been talking about Family Guy in a pub, it'll take a lot more to get me out of my comfort zone".
Eventually I got round to talking to one of the girls who had invited me to go there in the first place. Ended up having a long conversation about her poly relationship while her "husband" was busy flirting and kissing some other girl in the corner. I got the distinct impression she was fishing for another man to make her husband jealous rather than for someone to practice bondage on. Once that impression had formed in my mind and given the behaviour of her husband I started to feel like it was time to leave. By this time most of the group were putting their coats on anyway. I stood up and thanked everyone for being so welcoming and said I'd probably see them at another meeting or online.
When I got home I sent the girl who had invited me a message thanking her for a nice afternoon. She then engaged me in a chat about whether or not I liked her and wanted to do stuff with her. I made it very clear to her that I was open to some kinky fun but was certainly not interested in being involved in her relationships. The conversation ended with us agreeing to meet one on one in a couple of weeks time to better feel out if we would be suited to doing some play.
This was a munch, right? Yeah, they're usually pretty laid-back. People are a bit more open to talking about their sex lives, but otherwise it's just a bunch of people hanging out.
So there are, like, spam accounts on OKC, right? Just got a message from an (ostensibly) very attractive girl, but her profile doesn't appear to be written by a native English speaker. Beyond the grammar mistakes, it's meandering and weird and uses bizarre idioms.
Really, I'm not going to respond but I'm curious what the spammer's endgame is here.
Edit: I may actually respond just to dick around with her/him/it.
On pay sites the spammers usually try to get you to message them back, so that they can tell you "Yeah, you know I like <whatever site you are on right now>, but I don't like paying here. So why don't you come to <spamsite> and meet me there. It is so much cooler over there."
In no particular order, responding to people above:
There are definately spammers.
You should go out with girls outside of your comfort zone. Let me explain it another way. "You want to put your mouth WHERE?" was said at some point. Comfort zone is for the cowards. Anal sex is for the adventurers. Capture the castle (which is usually outdoors my man).
Lastly, munchs are the way to weed out the scumbags usually. Locally they are where you buy the tickets for the play parties where the true fun happens. I've seen/done some stuff that make me afraid to walk into church for fear of the holy fire/lightning.
Ok so how do you get over the forever alone thiThe ng? I mean as far I'm concerned I'll never have a relationship. I'm I more went fuck when I realised I was 22 and still a virgin so just went and got a hooker.
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mysticjuicer[he/him] I'm a muscle wizardand I cast P U N C HRegistered Userregular
Ok so how do you get over the forever alone thiThe ng? I mean as far I'm concerned I'll never have a relationship. I'm I more went fuck when I realised I was 22 and still a virgin so just went and got a hooker.
The best cure for no confidence is to become reasonably good at something (cooking, an instrument, speedrunning, boardgames). I say only reasonably good because most people can't do it at all, and having people say "woah, that's pretty cool" is a pretty nice feeling. Get involved in a social hobby (or a hobby around which social events can take place) and then go to those events.
Ok so how do you get over the forever alone thiThe ng? I mean as far I'm concerned I'll never have a relationship. I'm I more went fuck when I realised I was 22 and still a virgin so just went and got a hooker.
Stop worrying about whether or not you're in a relationship/having sex and focus on whether you are satisfied with yourself as a person. If you don't have the latter, the former won't help you.
Ok so how do you get over the forever alone thiThe ng? I mean as far I'm concerned I'll never have a relationship. I'm I more went fuck when I realised I was 22 and still a virgin so just went and got a hooker.
Stop worrying about whether or not you're in a relationship/having sex and focus on whether you are satisfied with yourself as a person. If you don't have the latter, the former won't help you.
or, as the immortal 'Cool Runnings' put it:
"Coach, what's it like, to win a gold medal?"
"Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough *with* one. "
edit- post quote, fact check, correct post. In that order. Derp.
Ok so how do you get over the forever alone thiThe ng? I mean as far I'm concerned I'll never have a relationship. I'm I more went fuck when I realised I was 22 and still a virgin so just went and got a hooker.
When I finally 'got mine' in college, it might as well have been a hooker. I met her online (a recurring theme), but this was pre-everyone had pictures days. She had said she was overweight, but grossly misrepresented how much. There were also moles on her face, a deep husky voice, incredibly small breasts, and just, I dunno, a smell. But fuck, FOREVER ALONE. And it was awful. I shouldn't have done it, I didn't respect myself, her, nothing about it. I was lonely, horny, etc.
But, when it was over, I did have a bit more confidence. Its like the first time you ride a bike, or swing a bat, or kill someone. You just get used to it after a while and your confidence can build on its own.
I'm going to go on a tangent here. I've never done that before (don't look at my other posts, I promise I don't.)
We're going to say there are two kinds of people in this world. There are Forever Alone people (you). And people who fuck and fight and are happy (me). We'll call those people ducks, because I'm telling this story and I named the thread, etc.
Now, here's what I want you to do.
Grab some feathers. Start quacking. Waddle. Get in the water. Swim with other ducks. When someone says "Who's your favorite duck?", have a better answer than 'mallard', because that's not a 'who' that's a kind, and its a bad answer anyway.
You don't have to be a duck to be a duck. You have to walk like a duck, quack like a duck, etc. Soon enough, you are a motherfucking duck and you're not Forever Alone anymore.
If you want to be Forever Alone, keep thinking about poor you that paid for a hooker.
I and other people who may have once felt like Pixel often make the mistake of believing that they have to change some fundamental part of themselves for people to like them and that this isn't fair.
The fact is, you don't have to change yourself, you just have to develop yourself into a real life human being that people enjoy being around and talking to you. Someone who can contribute to a conversation and has confidence. Shyness and depression are NOT personality traits to be protected, they are afflictions that keep the rest of you concealed from other people's view.
I can see where what I said came off as 'change who you are'. That has never been my message (at least I hope not). You have to remain true to yourself. If you are a racist, well that is just going to come through because that's probably who you are. Dirty laundry can only stay in the closet for so long.
What I meant is, you have to go out. If you stay in, if you don't try and fail, you will never succeed. The ugliest people get married all the time. I've seen them on TV. I never thought I'd find someone to marry me. I am still amazed. AMAZED that anyone would choose me (especially after all of those failures.
You will fail, fail fail fail fail fail, until you succeed. The Wright brothers didn't get it done the first time. The USA burned up alot of astronauts so that they could go into space. Even after they got there, they burned some more. Failure happens. You most likely won't die from the experience (girls usually aren't serial killers), so you have that going for you. That is a positive to take away.
Embarrassment is all in your head. If there is a nice girl at your work, at your church, at your comic book store, someone you think looks nice on the bus, tell her hello. She is going to respond poorly I'm sure because you are "Forever Alone". But you have an in, its your friend dnaeric. She doesn't know me, but its okay. "I have a friend who said when I'm trying to talk to a pretty girl, I should ask her who her favorite duck is. So, who is your favorite duck?" If she asks who your friend is, just say your friend Dan, it will come out easier.
You just called her pretty without calling her pretty. You asked her a question that she isn't expecting and it isn't rude. If she is an interesting person, she will respond.
If she isn't interested, move the fuck on cause she probably doesn't like Darkwing anyway and who has time for those girls.
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
And then if she says Darkwing you run away without another word to tell the Internet
I'll be honest, I'm not seeing the appeal of the duck thing. I think it's one of those things where most girls would see the question and automatically move on because it weirds them out or they don't get it.
My basic strategy is to find something in their profile that I find interesting and ask them something more about it. Someone earlier in the thread (I think Organichu) suggested that you challenge them in a flirty way. For example, the girl I'm hanging out with now mentioned in her profile that mashed potatoes were her favorite food. My only message to her was:
It's a shame that you live kinda far away, since you seem really awesome.
Regular or garlic mashed potatoes?
Let's be honest, there's only one right answer.
I've been using this method for the past few weeks and it's been working well. It's also helpful to have hooks in your own profile where girls have an easy opening to message you first. Here's my "Message me if..." section:
-You're driven and passionate about something in your life.
-You want to make a difference.
-You can show me something new or different or weird.
-You can challenge me. -You can recommend me an awesomely cheesy sci-fi or horror movie.
-You live every week like it's Shark Week.
Every girl who has messaged me first has begun by either recommending me a movie or asking me what she should watch.
I'm not an expert here, but I'm having reasonable levels of success, so I hope it's helpful to you lads out there who aren't.
I stayed with my wife longer than I think either of us wanted due to two main reasons -- we owned a house we couldn't afford to sell, and we were both on the cusp of making major life changes which likely would involve a move. When your life is topsy-turvy, it's easy to say "Oh, that's what makes my relationship shitty, it'll get better once we get to the next phase." Once my ex-wife and I got to that point, and realized that things were WORSE, it was a huge wake-up. In hindsight, though, we didn't have any real choice unless we wanted to assume huge gobs of debt, making one of us utterly despite the other, or somehow not have gotten married in the first place.
As that was happening, though, I felt like shit about myself. I felt that I was unattractive and that if my wife didn't seem to like me, how would someone who didn't know anything about me like anything about me?
However, I was wrapping up my masters degree and after many classes of introducing myself and getting put into teams, I realized I was actually pretty decent. I knew things, I could carry conversations, I had interesting hobbies, and there were plenty of dudes who were worse off physically than I was. I had just lost 20lbs, making me very lean and muscular, so I figured I was actually in a pretty good spot.
And, sure enough, when my wife and I separated, I had a positive response from online dating, and I found that I was attractive enough to still have women interested in me. That was a pretty great confidence boost, but I didn't use that boost to become an asshole -- I used it to say "no" when something didn't feel right after a few dates. I knew what would and wouldn't work in a relationship thanks to my marriage failing, and having actual success in dating women -- success being defined as "would meet with again after a date" -- just added to my positive self-worth.
It's important to note that the biggest change I made in how I presented myself was a focus on the activities that seemed more social. I play upright bass for fun, but I didn't mention it until music came up on a date, or we were a couple dates in. Unless, of course, a person's profile mentioned an instrument. Oddly enough, it rarely worked for setting up a date. Usually, what worked for talking with people was some physical activity -- in my case, cycling and running -- or something topical such as movies or even news. Basically, I presented myself as someone that the other person could interact with.
That's really key. You can be as geeky or dorky as you want to be in your profile, but your dating profile is you saying "I want to interact with you." So, tailor it to show that you actually do want to do that. Not in a "I want a girl in my life so I'm not alone when I play video games" way, or in a "I need a boy in my life so I don't turn into a crazy cat lady" way. In a "I'm into things, and these are things that are fun to share" way.
That's really key. You can be as geeky or dorky as you want to be in your profile, but your dating profile is you saying "I want to interact with you." So, tailor it to show that you actually do want to do that. Not in a "I want a girl in my life so I'm not alone when I play video games" way, or in a "I need a boy in my life so I don't turn into a crazy cat lady" way. In a "I'm into things, and these are things that are fun to share" way.
I must admit, when Dnaeric first suggested the "Who is your favorite duck?" question I had these initial thoughts.
1) Darkwing Duck of course
and
2)when imagining myself asking a girl her answer was "Mallard."
and I laughed to myself. I need to get over all the dissapointments I've met over the years and stop projecting their(and my own) failures onto girls I have never even met.
I agree with the flirty challenge to something in a girls profile. If you got access to any random girls inbox you would see that the breakdown is close to something like this(I'm totally making up statistics here, bear with me... then bare with me)
60% - Messages from guys that are a short message that are formulaic saying "Hey, you like zombies. I like Zombies too!"
20% - Grammatically hard to read request to blow them or send naked pictures
15% - Why didn't you answer me you bitch?!
5% - Interesting message that isn't boring or creeps them the fuck out.
Now go do something that you are good at, boost that confidence and go message a girl. Just don't do any of those first 3 breakdowns of messages they get and you will likely get a response from them. Be it if you ask who their favorite duck is, what they would pack on your vacation together, telling them to prove that they are actually good at <random shit from profile>, you are looking to get into S&M and you'd like to check out a munch, or just straight up informing someone of something you think they'd like with no undertone of you wanting to have sex with them.
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admanbunionize your workplaceSeattle, WARegistered Userregular
I'm pretty sure your 20% is more like 90%, and the rest of the messages are divided among your other three groups. :P
Looks like I've got a date on Friday night after work. Been texting her a lot last night and today. I'm liking the text conversations we're having compared to previous girls found on these sites. And she doesn't seem too forward/clingy like the last one.
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Well I had my first date since being newly single, which to be honest has been one of the few things keeping me positive since my breakup. Unfortunately I think it was a bad date. I was having a lot of trouble being my usual charming self on a first date. I wasn't able to appear enthusiastic, positive or charming, I don't think I managed to crack one joke and was stumbling and struggling for words. In other words I came off as a way to serious doofus.
On the plus side there was really good eye contact and she stayed for about two and a half hours to have one drink even though she had over an hour commute home and mentioned that I was the first person she had been on a date with since getting back into internet dating a couple of weeks ago even though she gets like 30 messages a day. When I asked she did say that she was interested in meeting me again but made no mention off any sort of timeline, blew me off on waiting at the bus stop with her and gave me some money when I asked for one bill for our drinks. I think I may have gotten the nice person blow off. This may be the first time ever that I've been denied a second date.
Uggh just checked my inbox and I received my first internet dating rejection from another girl for a date request and I do not have any other conversations going on right now.
I know I'll bounce back eventually but right now all I can say is "Ego shot, self esteem reaching critically low levels". I may have to recontact the hot crazy girl I was talking to on the weekend and set something up
Newblar on
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mysticjuicer[he/him] I'm a muscle wizardand I cast P U N C HRegistered Userregular
I know I'll bounce back eventually but right now all I can say is "Ego shot, self esteem reaching critically low levels". I may have to recontact the hot crazy girl I was talking to on the weekend and set something up
Well I had my first date since being newly single, which to be honest has been one of the few things keeping me positive since my breakup. Unfortunately I think it was a bad date. I was having a lot of trouble being my usual charming self on a first date. I wasn't able to appear enthusiastic, positive or charming, I don't think I managed to crack one joke and was stumbling and struggling for words. In other words I came off as a way to serious doofus.
On the plus side there was really good eye contact and she stayed for about two and a half hours to have one drink even though she had over an hour commute home and mentioned that I was the first person she had been on a date with since getting back into internet dating a couple of weeks ago even though she gets like 30 messages a day. When I asked she did say that she was interested in meeting me again but made no mention off any sort of timeline, blew me off on waiting at the bus stop with her and gave me some money when I asked for one bill for our drinks. I think I may have gotten the nice person blow off. This may be the first time ever that I've been denied a second date.
Uggh just checked my inbox and I received my first internet dating rejection from another girl for a date request and I do not have any other conversations going on right now.
I know I'll bounce back eventually but right now all I can say is "Ego shot, self esteem reaching critically low levels". I may have to recontact the hot crazy girl I was talking to on the weekend and set something up
Nope, nope. Don't put your dick in crazy. You wouldn't drive a car that's totally sweet but has no seatbelts or steering wheel. And has a brick of C4 strapped to the engine.
As for 2nd date, Don't give up entirely yet. Wanting to split the bill is perfectly normal. Not wanting to have you hang around is fine, too. Everyone's doing a performance on a 1st date and she might've just been socially worn down.
Now! Don't hold your breath or go all creeper. Send her a message in a day or two saying you'd like to go out again and leave the ball in her court. (And leave it there unless she returns your serve!) In the mean time, go message some other women.
life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
I know I'll bounce back eventually but right now all I can say is "Ego shot, self esteem reaching critically low levels". I may have to recontact the hot crazy girl I was talking to on the weekend and set something up
No. Bad Newblar.
Don't be stupid, stupid.
Message 10 women a day for a week about the most innocuous things in their profile. Straight, simple, non complicated messages that you don't spend more than a minute writing. You've read her profile and went, "wow, she mentioned she liked German cinema, I wonder if that means more Metropolis or Werner Herzog. Then you literally ask her, "Hi! When you say german cinema, do you mean more Metropolis/golden age stuff, or more modern Werner Herzog type work?" Message women you don't want to date just for the sheer experience of messaging women without the subtext of "let me fuck you I'm needy!!!" Once you know you can get someone to respond, you're over the biggest hurdle.
So I managed to stave off contacting the crazy for now.
I may end up getting the second date I wanted, I still can't tell because there are some timing issues with setting it up. I know she's super busy so I could just be reading into things but I'm getting an uninterested vibe. It could just be her very laid back nature, I'm way to used to reading crazy so I have no frame of reference. I can't tell if she's just too nice to straight out say no. At least with crazy you know exactly where you stand for the first couple of dates, I miss that, well that and the crazy sex. Maybe I should just contact my ex girlfriend, I'm still single and one quick slide back wouldn't hurt anyone plus its hard to think when you're going through sex withdrawal. There's so many things I never got to do to her
I got the most messed up email from a girl that I probably would have ended up in a relationship with instead of my ex if she hadn't cancelled our date. She told me she needed more time to be ok with the whole online dating thing but she was pretty vague about how much time and to be honest I thought she would never be ready so I got on the crazy train instead. We remained friends because she is like the best person I know. Used to travel around the world fighting HIV, volunteers at a homeless shelter, etc... and even managed to keep encouraging me to follow me dreams. She was actually way more supportive than my girlfriend ever was or any girlfriend I've had for that matter.
She just kind of disappeared after a bit and I thought she just got bored of talking to me or was too busy preparing for a marathon that she was going to run in but she actually disappeared because she almost died. Anyways a car clipped another car which then hit her after she got off the bus. She sent me the article, like 10 broken bones, brain trauma, severed arteries, pins and screws, breathing tube etc... This happened 10 days ago, she woke up about 7 days ago and sent me the politest message today telling me how glad she was to see my last note and promised to write me again soon. Jesus I can barely deal with my petty problems and she's able to keep positive after that. I should have waited.
Newblar on
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mysticjuicer[he/him] I'm a muscle wizardand I cast P U N C HRegistered Userregular
So I managed to stave off contacting the crazy for now.
I may end up getting the second date I wanted, I still can't tell because there are some timing issues with setting it up. I know she's super busy so I could just be reading into things but I'm getting an uninterested vibe. It could just be her very laid back nature, I'm way to used to reading crazy so I have no frame of reference. I can't tell if she's just too nice to straight out say no. At least with crazy you know exactly where you stand for the first couple of dates, I miss that, well that and the crazy sex. Maybe I should just contact my ex girlfriend, I'm still single and one quick slide back wouldn't hurt anyone plus its hard to think when you're going through sex withdrawal. There's so many things I never got to do to her
QQ dude, stop bringing up your ex. And stop dumping yourself: if this girl you had a so-so date with is not interested in you she'll let you know.
Someone who I had messaged a little bit back and forth 3 weeks ago that had asked for my AIM messaged me on AIM today. We had a nice chat.
Some people just don't check their messages frequently.
This one girl "winked" at me earlier this week. I sent her a message and she responded back. Sent another message about a day later and haven't heard from her since...what was it, Tuesday. I get the feeling that I'll get a message from out of nowhere at some point. Luckily I've got another girl to keep me occupied so whatever.
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I've never had a wink nor winked at anyone. I find those.. very strange. People will favorite me sometimes, but if I don't see anything interesting in their profile to message them about I usually won't do so.
Newblar you really need a new mental approach to this whole thing. Because you sound pretty crazy yourself.
So I managed to stave off contacting the crazy for now.
I may end up getting the second date I wanted, I still can't tell because there are some timing issues with setting it up. I know she's super busy so I could just be reading into things but I'm getting an uninterested vibe. It could just be her very laid back nature, I'm way to used to reading crazy so I have no frame of reference. I can't tell if she's just too nice to straight out say no. At least with crazy you know exactly where you stand for the first couple of dates, I miss that, well that and the crazy sex. Maybe I should just contact my ex girlfriend, I'm still single and one quick slide back wouldn't hurt anyone plus its hard to think when you're going through sex withdrawal. There's so many things I never got to do to her
I got the most messed up email from a girl that I probably would have ended up in a relationship with instead of my ex if she hadn't cancelled our date. She told me she needed more time to be ok with the whole online dating thing but she was pretty vague about how much time and to be honest I thought she would never be ready so I got on the crazy train instead. We remained friends because she is like the best person I know. Used to travel around the world fighting HIV, volunteers at a homeless shelter, etc... and even managed to keep encouraging me to follow me dreams. She was actually way more supportive than my girlfriend ever was or any girlfriend I've had for that matter.
She just kind of disappeared after a bit and I thought she just got bored of talking to me or was too busy preparing for a marathon that she was going to run in but she actually disappeared because she almost died. Anyways a car clipped another car which then hit her after she got off the bus. She sent me the article, like 10 broken bones, brain trauma, severed arteries, pins and screws, breathing tube etc... This happened 10 days ago, she woke up about 7 days ago and sent me the politest message today telling me how glad she was to see my last note and promised to write me again soon. Jesus I can barely deal with my petty problems and she's able to keep positive after that. I should have waited.
Non crazy people can have crazy sex too. Being crazy is not a prerequisite for crazy sex. In fact, some of the best sex I've had has been with non-crazies.
I've never had a wink nor winked at anyone. I find those.. very strange. People will favorite me sometimes, but if I don't see anything interesting in their profile to message them about I usually won't do so.
Newblar you really need a new mental approach to this whole thing. Because you sound pretty crazy yourself.
Yeah you're right after re-reading through some of the stuff I wrote and having some time to think about it I'm probably not stable enough right now to be entering a new relationship. I'm going to probably take a couple of weeks off to deal with some of my current issues and see how I feel then.
Okay so this girl and I had a great first date. Then she basicaly vanishes for like a week. No big she's still in school and obviously that can make her busy so she texts me last weekend and makes it pretty clear she wants me to ride her like a pony and then boom nothing since.
I'm perfectly in the right to say goodbye and please lose my number right(tactfully of course)?
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
Well you're never in the wrong to stop all contact with a person. Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free.
Personally, if I was making honest attempts at contacting a person after we'd already had a date and getting nothing in return or worse, weird mixed signals, I'd probably stay away. Follow your gut on this one.
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mysticjuicer[he/him] I'm a muscle wizardand I cast P U N C HRegistered Userregular
I've never had a wink nor winked at anyone. I find those.. very strange. People will favorite me sometimes, but if I don't see anything interesting in their profile to message them about I usually won't do so.
Newblar you really need a new mental approach to this whole thing. Because you sound pretty crazy yourself.
Yeah you're right after re-reading through some of the stuff I wrote and having some time to think about it I'm probably not stable enough right now to be entering a new relationship. I'm going to probably take a couple of weeks off to deal with some of my current issues and see how I feel then.
Okay so this girl and I had a great first date. Then she basicaly vanishes for like a week. No big she's still in school and obviously that can make her busy so she texts me last weekend and makes it pretty clear she wants me to ride her like a pony and then boom nothing since.
I'm perfectly in the right to say goodbye and please lose my number right(tactfully of course)?
Okay so this girl and I had a great first date. Then she basicaly vanishes for like a week. No big she's still in school and obviously that can make her busy so she texts me last weekend and makes it pretty clear she wants me to ride her like a pony and then boom nothing since.
I'm perfectly in the right to say goodbye and please lose my number right(tactfully of course)?
Did you find the time to ride her like a pony?
Well not one to turn such an offer down I tried to make a date. She resumed radio silence. And just now it started again. Fun.
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
Well, I was supposed to have a date with this girl tonight but around 11:00 this morning she texts me and tells me that her grandma passed away this morning and she felt like she wouldn't be very good company tonight, and then asked if we could postpone. Of course I said yes and and that I understood, mentioned that I had my grandma pass away earlier this year and know how hard it is. I told her we could try next week, she said she'd be back in town around mid-week and I told her to let me know when she's felt like she had enough time.
I don't think it was a lie, since her texts seemed pretty sincere. She said she was really looking forward to it and she was torn because she wanted to get her mind off it but also didn't want to break down crying in the middle of the date. Plus, if it was a lie then she's a horrible person and it's not a terrible loss, but again, I don't think that's the case.
I guess we'll see what happens.
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I went to the Bondage meeting on Sunday. Now I've been in some weird situations before and... this wasn't one of them. Seriously. It was just about the most mundane Sunday I've had outside of taking the dog for a walk.
I went in to the pub and immediately spotted the group sat in the corner, not because they looked particularly freaky, they didn't. But because of the cake on the tables that I had been told would be there. Introductions were quickly made and I ended up sat down with a very cute girl covered in tattoos and a middle aged guy. We chatted about american politics, batman films and how the tattoo'd girl liked being slashed with a comb.
The rest of the afternoon consisted of me slowly getting to know everyone, I think there was about 15 people there. Everyone was very friendly and chilled out and kept complimenting me on how well I was doing for my first meeting to which I replied "so far I've been talking about Family Guy in a pub, it'll take a lot more to get me out of my comfort zone".
Eventually I got round to talking to one of the girls who had invited me to go there in the first place. Ended up having a long conversation about her poly relationship while her "husband" was busy flirting and kissing some other girl in the corner. I got the distinct impression she was fishing for another man to make her husband jealous rather than for someone to practice bondage on. Once that impression had formed in my mind and given the behaviour of her husband I started to feel like it was time to leave. By this time most of the group were putting their coats on anyway. I stood up and thanked everyone for being so welcoming and said I'd probably see them at another meeting or online.
When I got home I sent the girl who had invited me a message thanking her for a nice afternoon. She then engaged me in a chat about whether or not I liked her and wanted to do stuff with her. I made it very clear to her that I was open to some kinky fun but was certainly not interested in being involved in her relationships. The conversation ended with us agreeing to meet one on one in a couple of weeks time to better feel out if we would be suited to doing some play.
...and then I get winked at by another girl when I get home tonight. I had seen this girl around the site but wasn't sure if I wanted to message her or not. She's kind of cute in some pictures but not so much in others, and she seems really outdoorsy which I'm not sure if I would gel with or not. But since she showed some interest, I sent a message to see where it goes. She's the same age that I am, so maybe if both of these girls turn into dates, I can get an idea of if I prefer slightly older or the same age.
Of course, I have no idea how I'm going to react to juggling more than one woman at once. People keep telling me to date lots of girls at once but this is the first time it might actually happen. Experience, I guess.
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This was a munch, right? Yeah, they're usually pretty laid-back. People are a bit more open to talking about their sex lives, but otherwise it's just a bunch of people hanging out.
Really, I'm not going to respond but I'm curious what the spammer's endgame is here.
Edit: I may actually respond just to dick around with her/him/it.
Had that happen a bunch of times ...
There are definately spammers.
You should go out with girls outside of your comfort zone. Let me explain it another way. "You want to put your mouth WHERE?" was said at some point. Comfort zone is for the cowards. Anal sex is for the adventurers. Capture the castle (which is usually outdoors my man).
Lastly, munchs are the way to weed out the scumbags usually. Locally they are where you buy the tickets for the play parties where the true fun happens. I've seen/done some stuff that make me afraid to walk into church for fear of the holy fire/lightning.
The best cure for no confidence is to become reasonably good at something (cooking, an instrument, speedrunning, boardgames). I say only reasonably good because most people can't do it at all, and having people say "woah, that's pretty cool" is a pretty nice feeling. Get involved in a social hobby (or a hobby around which social events can take place) and then go to those events.
Stop worrying about whether or not you're in a relationship/having sex and focus on whether you are satisfied with yourself as a person. If you don't have the latter, the former won't help you.
or, as the immortal 'Cool Runnings' put it:
"Coach, what's it like, to win a gold medal?"
"Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough *with* one. "
edit- post quote, fact check, correct post. In that order. Derp.
When I finally 'got mine' in college, it might as well have been a hooker. I met her online (a recurring theme), but this was pre-everyone had pictures days. She had said she was overweight, but grossly misrepresented how much. There were also moles on her face, a deep husky voice, incredibly small breasts, and just, I dunno, a smell. But fuck, FOREVER ALONE. And it was awful. I shouldn't have done it, I didn't respect myself, her, nothing about it. I was lonely, horny, etc.
But, when it was over, I did have a bit more confidence. Its like the first time you ride a bike, or swing a bat, or kill someone. You just get used to it after a while and your confidence can build on its own.
I'm going to go on a tangent here. I've never done that before (don't look at my other posts, I promise I don't.)
We're going to say there are two kinds of people in this world. There are Forever Alone people (you). And people who fuck and fight and are happy (me). We'll call those people ducks, because I'm telling this story and I named the thread, etc.
Now, here's what I want you to do.
Grab some feathers. Start quacking. Waddle. Get in the water. Swim with other ducks. When someone says "Who's your favorite duck?", have a better answer than 'mallard', because that's not a 'who' that's a kind, and its a bad answer anyway.
You don't have to be a duck to be a duck. You have to walk like a duck, quack like a duck, etc. Soon enough, you are a motherfucking duck and you're not Forever Alone anymore.
If you want to be Forever Alone, keep thinking about poor you that paid for a hooker.
If you want to be a duck, be a fucking duck.
The fact is, you don't have to change yourself, you just have to develop yourself into a real life human being that people enjoy being around and talking to you. Someone who can contribute to a conversation and has confidence. Shyness and depression are NOT personality traits to be protected, they are afflictions that keep the rest of you concealed from other people's view.
Secret Satan
What I meant is, you have to go out. If you stay in, if you don't try and fail, you will never succeed. The ugliest people get married all the time. I've seen them on TV. I never thought I'd find someone to marry me. I am still amazed. AMAZED that anyone would choose me (especially after all of those failures.
You will fail, fail fail fail fail fail, until you succeed. The Wright brothers didn't get it done the first time. The USA burned up alot of astronauts so that they could go into space. Even after they got there, they burned some more. Failure happens. You most likely won't die from the experience (girls usually aren't serial killers), so you have that going for you. That is a positive to take away.
Embarrassment is all in your head. If there is a nice girl at your work, at your church, at your comic book store, someone you think looks nice on the bus, tell her hello. She is going to respond poorly I'm sure because you are "Forever Alone". But you have an in, its your friend dnaeric. She doesn't know me, but its okay. "I have a friend who said when I'm trying to talk to a pretty girl, I should ask her who her favorite duck is. So, who is your favorite duck?" If she asks who your friend is, just say your friend Dan, it will come out easier.
You just called her pretty without calling her pretty. You asked her a question that she isn't expecting and it isn't rude. If she is an interesting person, she will respond.
If she isn't interested, move the fuck on cause she probably doesn't like Darkwing anyway and who has time for those girls.
right?
My basic strategy is to find something in their profile that I find interesting and ask them something more about it. Someone earlier in the thread (I think Organichu) suggested that you challenge them in a flirty way. For example, the girl I'm hanging out with now mentioned in her profile that mashed potatoes were her favorite food. My only message to her was:
I've been using this method for the past few weeks and it's been working well. It's also helpful to have hooks in your own profile where girls have an easy opening to message you first. Here's my "Message me if..." section:
Every girl who has messaged me first has begun by either recommending me a movie or asking me what she should watch.
I'm not an expert here, but I'm having reasonable levels of success, so I hope it's helpful to you lads out there who aren't.
As that was happening, though, I felt like shit about myself. I felt that I was unattractive and that if my wife didn't seem to like me, how would someone who didn't know anything about me like anything about me?
However, I was wrapping up my masters degree and after many classes of introducing myself and getting put into teams, I realized I was actually pretty decent. I knew things, I could carry conversations, I had interesting hobbies, and there were plenty of dudes who were worse off physically than I was. I had just lost 20lbs, making me very lean and muscular, so I figured I was actually in a pretty good spot.
And, sure enough, when my wife and I separated, I had a positive response from online dating, and I found that I was attractive enough to still have women interested in me. That was a pretty great confidence boost, but I didn't use that boost to become an asshole -- I used it to say "no" when something didn't feel right after a few dates. I knew what would and wouldn't work in a relationship thanks to my marriage failing, and having actual success in dating women -- success being defined as "would meet with again after a date" -- just added to my positive self-worth.
It's important to note that the biggest change I made in how I presented myself was a focus on the activities that seemed more social. I play upright bass for fun, but I didn't mention it until music came up on a date, or we were a couple dates in. Unless, of course, a person's profile mentioned an instrument. Oddly enough, it rarely worked for setting up a date. Usually, what worked for talking with people was some physical activity -- in my case, cycling and running -- or something topical such as movies or even news. Basically, I presented myself as someone that the other person could interact with.
That's really key. You can be as geeky or dorky as you want to be in your profile, but your dating profile is you saying "I want to interact with you." So, tailor it to show that you actually do want to do that. Not in a "I want a girl in my life so I'm not alone when I play video games" way, or in a "I need a boy in my life so I don't turn into a crazy cat lady" way. In a "I'm into things, and these are things that are fun to share" way.
:^:
1) Darkwing Duck of course
and
2)when imagining myself asking a girl her answer was "Mallard."
and I laughed to myself. I need to get over all the dissapointments I've met over the years and stop projecting their(and my own) failures onto girls I have never even met.
I agree with the flirty challenge to something in a girls profile. If you got access to any random girls inbox you would see that the breakdown is close to something like this(I'm totally making up statistics here, bear with me... then bare with me)
60% - Messages from guys that are a short message that are formulaic saying "Hey, you like zombies. I like Zombies too!"
20% - Grammatically hard to read request to blow them or send naked pictures
15% - Why didn't you answer me you bitch?!
5% - Interesting message that isn't boring or creeps them the fuck out.
Now go do something that you are good at, boost that confidence and go message a girl. Just don't do any of those first 3 breakdowns of messages they get and you will likely get a response from them. Be it if you ask who their favorite duck is, what they would pack on your vacation together, telling them to prove that they are actually good at <random shit from profile>, you are looking to get into S&M and you'd like to check out a munch, or just straight up informing someone of something you think they'd like with no undertone of you wanting to have sex with them.
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On the plus side there was really good eye contact and she stayed for about two and a half hours to have one drink even though she had over an hour commute home and mentioned that I was the first person she had been on a date with since getting back into internet dating a couple of weeks ago even though she gets like 30 messages a day. When I asked she did say that she was interested in meeting me again but made no mention off any sort of timeline, blew me off on waiting at the bus stop with her and gave me some money when I asked for one bill for our drinks. I think I may have gotten the nice person blow off. This may be the first time ever that I've been denied a second date.
Uggh just checked my inbox and I received my first internet dating rejection from another girl for a date request and I do not have any other conversations going on right now.
I know I'll bounce back eventually but right now all I can say is "Ego shot, self esteem reaching critically low levels". I may have to recontact the hot crazy girl I was talking to on the weekend and set something up
No. Bad Newblar.
Nope, nope. Don't put your dick in crazy. You wouldn't drive a car that's totally sweet but has no seatbelts or steering wheel. And has a brick of C4 strapped to the engine.
As for 2nd date, Don't give up entirely yet. Wanting to split the bill is perfectly normal. Not wanting to have you hang around is fine, too. Everyone's doing a performance on a 1st date and she might've just been socially worn down.
Now! Don't hold your breath or go all creeper. Send her a message in a day or two saying you'd like to go out again and leave the ball in her court. (And leave it there unless she returns your serve!) In the mean time, go message some other women.
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
Some people just don't check their messages frequently.
Don't be stupid, stupid.
Message 10 women a day for a week about the most innocuous things in their profile. Straight, simple, non complicated messages that you don't spend more than a minute writing. You've read her profile and went, "wow, she mentioned she liked German cinema, I wonder if that means more Metropolis or Werner Herzog. Then you literally ask her, "Hi! When you say german cinema, do you mean more Metropolis/golden age stuff, or more modern Werner Herzog type work?" Message women you don't want to date just for the sheer experience of messaging women without the subtext of "let me fuck you I'm needy!!!" Once you know you can get someone to respond, you're over the biggest hurdle.
I may end up getting the second date I wanted, I still can't tell because there are some timing issues with setting it up. I know she's super busy so I could just be reading into things but I'm getting an uninterested vibe. It could just be her very laid back nature, I'm way to used to reading crazy so I have no frame of reference. I can't tell if she's just too nice to straight out say no. At least with crazy you know exactly where you stand for the first couple of dates, I miss that, well that and the crazy sex. Maybe I should just contact my ex girlfriend, I'm still single and one quick slide back wouldn't hurt anyone plus its hard to think when you're going through sex withdrawal. There's so many things I never got to do to her
I got the most messed up email from a girl that I probably would have ended up in a relationship with instead of my ex if she hadn't cancelled our date. She told me she needed more time to be ok with the whole online dating thing but she was pretty vague about how much time and to be honest I thought she would never be ready so I got on the crazy train instead. We remained friends because she is like the best person I know. Used to travel around the world fighting HIV, volunteers at a homeless shelter, etc... and even managed to keep encouraging me to follow me dreams. She was actually way more supportive than my girlfriend ever was or any girlfriend I've had for that matter.
She just kind of disappeared after a bit and I thought she just got bored of talking to me or was too busy preparing for a marathon that she was going to run in but she actually disappeared because she almost died. Anyways a car clipped another car which then hit her after she got off the bus. She sent me the article, like 10 broken bones, brain trauma, severed arteries, pins and screws, breathing tube etc... This happened 10 days ago, she woke up about 7 days ago and sent me the politest message today telling me how glad she was to see my last note and promised to write me again soon. Jesus I can barely deal with my petty problems and she's able to keep positive after that. I should have waited.
QQ dude, stop bringing up your ex. And stop dumping yourself: if this girl you had a so-so date with is not interested in you she'll let you know.
This one girl "winked" at me earlier this week. I sent her a message and she responded back. Sent another message about a day later and haven't heard from her since...what was it, Tuesday. I get the feeling that I'll get a message from out of nowhere at some point. Luckily I've got another girl to keep me occupied so whatever.
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Newblar you really need a new mental approach to this whole thing. Because you sound pretty crazy yourself.
Non crazy people can have crazy sex too. Being crazy is not a prerequisite for crazy sex. In fact, some of the best sex I've had has been with non-crazies.
Yeah you're right after re-reading through some of the stuff I wrote and having some time to think about it I'm probably not stable enough right now to be entering a new relationship. I'm going to probably take a couple of weeks off to deal with some of my current issues and see how I feel then.
Take it easy guys, see you in a couple of weeks.
I'm perfectly in the right to say goodbye and please lose my number right(tactfully of course)?
Personally, if I was making honest attempts at contacting a person after we'd already had a date and getting nothing in return or worse, weird mixed signals, I'd probably stay away. Follow your gut on this one.
The correct choice. I hope you feel better soon.
Did you find the time to ride her like a pony?
Well not one to turn such an offer down I tried to make a date. She resumed radio silence. And just now it started again. Fun.
I don't think it was a lie, since her texts seemed pretty sincere. She said she was really looking forward to it and she was torn because she wanted to get her mind off it but also didn't want to break down crying in the middle of the date. Plus, if it was a lie then she's a horrible person and it's not a terrible loss, but again, I don't think that's the case.
I guess we'll see what happens.
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