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Girls Cause Problems?!
Bucketman
Call meSkraggRegistered User regular
Call meSkraggRegistered User regular
So yeah...Females am I right?
My girlfriend of nearly 2 years...some of you may recall me comming here about what to do when I found out about her lying hardcore to me(I obviously stayed with her, as it turned out she has Munchousans Type B and according to her mom that basically means she lies and belives it herself). Well recently things havent been going so good.
I moved back in with my dad. She lives roughly 3 hours away. My car sucks ass to the point that I don't feel safe driving it that far there and back. Her parents won't let her drive up here. So where doing a long distance relationship. At first it was OK, it was hard, but we managed. We saw each other about a month ago, but like I said, its been a month and it seems the longer we go without physical contact the more we argue.
At first I was getting mad about her jabs at me boing poor, then it was me getting mad beacause she refused to let me go see me friends (to the point where it was "If you go out, where done") So I became isolated from my friends. Obviously I didn't let this last long and we constantly where at each others throats about it. I refused to budge and so did she. Stupid reason like "What if I want to talk to you" or "What if I need you?" as a reason for me not to go to my friends house, 3 HOUSES AWAY FROM MINE!
So I told her I felt she was being very controlling and I wanted her to back off a bit. She flipped out on me. So today I suggested we take a break. After an half hour of begging, crying, and pleading, I finally caved in and said I would give her another chance, but she had to improve. Really I felt she was just agreeing with whatever I said to get me to stay with her, as she also agreed she felt she was controling me when not 2 days ago she flipped about it.
Now the other problem: There a girl I work with, she nice and kind of cute and it turns out she interested in me. I woulden't mind going on a date or 2 with her, but I really need to get things with my current relationship stright first.
TLTR: My GF is needy and tries to keep me on a leash beacause she says she worries WAY to much and she has medication for it. I think thats bullshit beacause shes not gotten better. I'm very easily swayed by emotions and need to know what I should do? Try to see if she actully gets better, or dump her and TRY to not take her back right away?
My girlfriend of nearly 2 years...some of you may recall me comming here about what to do when I found out about her lying hardcore to me(I obviously stayed with her, as it turned out she has Munchousans Type B and according to her mom that basically means she lies and belives it herself). Well recently things havent been going so good.
I moved back in with my dad. She lives roughly 3 hours away. My car sucks ass to the point that I don't feel safe driving it that far there and back. Her parents won't let her drive up here. So where doing a long distance relationship. At first it was OK, it was hard, but we managed. We saw each other about a month ago, but like I said, its been a month and it seems the longer we go without physical contact the more we argue.
At first I was getting mad about her jabs at me boing poor, then it was me getting mad beacause she refused to let me go see me friends (to the point where it was "If you go out, where done") So I became isolated from my friends. Obviously I didn't let this last long and we constantly where at each others throats about it. I refused to budge and so did she. Stupid reason like "What if I want to talk to you" or "What if I need you?" as a reason for me not to go to my friends house, 3 HOUSES AWAY FROM MINE!
So I told her I felt she was being very controlling and I wanted her to back off a bit. She flipped out on me. So today I suggested we take a break. After an half hour of begging, crying, and pleading, I finally caved in and said I would give her another chance, but she had to improve. Really I felt she was just agreeing with whatever I said to get me to stay with her, as she also agreed she felt she was controling me when not 2 days ago she flipped about it.
Now the other problem: There a girl I work with, she nice and kind of cute and it turns out she interested in me. I woulden't mind going on a date or 2 with her, but I really need to get things with my current relationship stright first.
TLTR: My GF is needy and tries to keep me on a leash beacause she says she worries WAY to much and she has medication for it. I think thats bullshit beacause shes not gotten better. I'm very easily swayed by emotions and need to know what I should do? Try to see if she actully gets better, or dump her and TRY to not take her back right away?
Bucketman on
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Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
Yes.
Also, a crash course in english would be favorable.
Yeah sorry. While I can spell prerfectly well and talk perfectly well in writing/type I suck with grammer and spelling.
Edit: Thanks for the advice guys. Now to figure out how to actully do this without letting her make me feel like an ass. Beacause I really do care about her, hell I really love her, but I'm not really happy in this relationship at this point.
A) Ridiculously controlling girlfriend who you've been with for years, who's now long distance status, who lies to you and then believes the lies she tells you due to a mental disorder.
or
Just be strong in breaking it off with A and make sure B isn't just appealing to you because it's not A.
Also, I heartily agree about not stepping into a rebound at this point. Be honest, stay friends and give yourself plenty of time to make sure you've emotionally - and logistically! - cut ties.
And then don't change your mind. Don't waffle or let her talk you into "more time." It's gonna suck, but it's the only way to deal with it. The last thread pointed you in the right direction, and it looks like nothing's changed (despite how it's changed).
Forsake, Warlock of Stonemaul
Dump her. You're not responsible for her; if she gets better she gets better. Nothing you can do about it, and it certainly is a stupid idea to wait and see at the expense of living your life the way you want to live.
And when you do the "dump talk", you have to be absolutely firm and you have to not cave in, like you did the first time. Keep it short and to-the-point; the longer it drags on, the more messy it will get.
If she has psychological problems it might be a good idea to give her mom a heads-up though so she can be on the watch-out for crazy shit.
I think my real problem is that I feel like I'm just saying "Well thanks for standing by me for all the good times and shit the last two years. See ya later."
You aren't. Breaking it off with her means you're having some compassion for yourself.
You have to remember that your emotions matter too. It sounds to me like she knows you have a lot of sympaty for others and she's using that to manipulate you with guilt. That doesn't sound like she really cares a lot about your feelings... it's an awful thing to do to another person. Just tell her it's over, and don't let her drag you into an argument that's going to allow her to make you feel bad. "I'm not happy, and I don't want to keep doing this. I'm breaking up with you." That's all you have to say.
My advice would be to take it slow with this other girl and take the time to get to know each other. Rebounds can be messy and if it turns out she really is a great girl, it's good to start off on the right foot.
Best of luck. This stuff ain't easy.
If you are having problems in the relationship now, it is likely they will only get worse, particularly if you can't trust her and she is so far away.
Before you dump the old girlfriend, which most people here seem to agree with, write down your reasons. If you are gonna end things with this girl you need to have it all written out so when it happens so can say everything you want to say and be clear concise and to the point.
She will probably cry and beg and possibly make you do the same. Which is why you need to control the situation. I assume it will happen over the phone, so try and make it short, be curt but not rude, be sure about your decision and don't waiver. Don't give her a chance to try and convince you otherwise. If she wants to talk about it, tell her you have explained everything to her and that there is nothing else to talk about.
For her sake and yours make it clear and break off contact completely. It will help you both get over each other faster, which is the best thing for the both of you. Contact with her after the break up will be a dis-service to her and yourself, like opening up an old wound. It could also ruin things with a new girl.
i don't know if you've done it yet, but I would not bring up her disorders as reasoning.
Good luck and be strong.
While I agree that you probably shouldn't say "I'm leaving because you're a psycho" right up front, I don't think you're going to be able to avoid discussion of her mental problems because she's probably going to blame whatever problems you have with her on her disorder.
You: "You keep me a virtual prisoner in our house!"
Her: "That's just because I have Munchausen's and it makes me want your constant attention!"
You: "You won't let me hang out with friends!"
Her: "Munchausens!"
You: "You lie to me!"
Her: "Munchausens!"
You: "I can't be with you because you're a crazy person!"
Her: "You can't leave me because I'm a crazy person!"
I don't think there's anything you can do or say to make her not hate you after the breakup, and she's probably going to tell people that you abandoned her because you didn't care enough about her to help her through her problems. But you know what? Every person has a right to not devote his life to catering to crazy people, especially if they show no sign of improving or of trying to improve. The bottom line is, if you think there's no future for the two of you, you need to end it as quickly and cleanly as possible. Don't talk to her after the breakup, no matter how it hurts you to be hurting her, and don't try to help her -- I think we have ample proof that you can't help her. And I agree with the other posts here, don't start anything with the other girl until a couple months after the breakup, because you owe it to yourself to start a new relationship with as healthy of a background as possible.
Have you looked up anything about "Munchausen's syndrome type b"? The only information I can find about a "type b" is here, which is odd because the whole point of classification as Munchausen's syndrome is that the sufferer realizes that they're lying/exaggerating. If she believes she actually has an illness, that's hypochondria.
And if she's lying about other things, it's more likely simply just chronic lying, and the fact that she also lies about medical situations ties into that. If she's lying about other things, she could also be lying about Munchausen's syndrome, even if the mom corroborates the story.
Hopefully you've already told her what's up. I still think it's in your best interest to dump her. People like her only get better when forced to realize how their actions affect other people, and how they affect their own lives.
One thing I'd point out is, even if it is Munchausen's that makes her so controlling, it is you who are allowing yourself to be controlled by it; you can be sympathetic to her illness while not abiding by the demands she imposes due to it.
You have friends three doors down? You should be there now.
*I agree, you gotta break up with this girl.
Or you could fake getting shot. It also works well.
So far its exactly as he said it would be. I gave her the second chance, and so far she's been great. She's even comming up here this week to spend some time with me and agreed to go see MY doctor WITH ME so we can find out whats actully wrong with her, if anything. But I know hes most likely right, she will eventully go back to the way she was. I'm extremely happy now with our relationship, but I know it won't last forever. In a month or two it will be back to same old same old (unless my doctor finds out there actully is somthing extremely wrong with her that her parents doctor was too stupid to notice and she gets on some good meds or gets good counciling) and then I'll have to take up your guy's advice.
Thanks again for helping me out.
The only problem with your friend's advice is that if threatening to break up with a girl suddenly makes her complaint, that doesn't make her better. What's stopping you, from in a month or 2, when she goes back to her regular self, from simply threatening to break up with her again in an attempt to make her "better" again?
Right there. Game over.
Done.
I realize she's not well, but that's not your problem. If she's not well enough to maintain a relationship without trying to control her significant other then that's not your fault or responsibility. Maybe when she gets some help and figures her shit out you can try again, but short of cheating on you this is the ultimate deal-breaker.
And taking her back is only going to prolong the inevitable, it'll all happen again.
-Robert E. Howard
Tower of the Elephant
Recognize that you are rejecting the advice given here in continuing in this vein, Bucketman.
What they should just do is ban these threads.
I can only assume the girl must have some redeeming traits if he's putting up with her (even though he apparently has other romantic prospects available). Or maybe he just enjoys the abuse and having something to complain about.
The problem is that, unlike a lot of other advice, often the best advice is "it's not working, you both need to move on." People don't feel as strongly about a car, a computer, or whatever, compared to a relationship. At least, most people don't. So when you say "Yeah, it's broken, you need a new one," it's easy to do that if it's an old TV or furniture or job. Not so easy when it's your relationship, and there's another person on the other end.
Of course, that's also why most relationship threads are pretty blunt here, too.
pleasepaypreacher.net
I think if relationship threads were allowed to be as blunt as possible in H/A, it would do a lot more good than simply beating around the bush for a couple pages trying to explain things.