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Girl advice, help!
Ice-Nine
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Registered User regular
Redacted post, soz
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also what you wrote is basically softcore, maybe dial that down a bit
Honestly though, if she's an hour away and you've only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, it's going to take a lot of effort on both sides to make something of this relationship.
Yeah, you apologise and say it was your fault.
But don't keep telling her it's cool to break up with. Don't encourage that.
Satans..... hints.....
2) I would invite her out for one last hurrah before she leaves, then explain things as SIMPLY as you can. It's not her fault, she's goddamn sexy, but your upbringing has gotten you a bit hung up over the issue of sex. Apologize. You'd like to get past it, but it's not been easy, and your interaction on the past X night was part of that. Here's the tough part... you have to do this with a matter-of-fact confidence. You don'y have to be brash or cocky, but at the same time nobody wants to hear someone spill their guts with a whiny tone, expecting you to swoop in and solve your problems, so don't put her up to that.
3) There was no three, but I'll put it forward: learn from this. Think about what went right and put it to use, and think about what went wrong and try and amend it in the future.
1) It's okay. You don't HAVE to have sex if you're not ready. Being a virgin isn't some character flaw or a sign that you're messed up. If you're too anxious to have full-on sex just yet, then don't. There's a lot of stuff you can do between holding hands and intercourse.
2) You did the right thing in letting her know that you had anxiety and it was about you, not her. (Straight women get a pretty consistent message that men will fuck anything that's slippery and holds still, therefore if a guy DOESN'T want to fuck you, you're the most disgusting, unattractive piece of shit on the planet; "it's not you" explains this isn't what's going on.) Having said that, STOP APOLOGIZING.
Also, if you want to break up with her, then do it. Don't put it on her. Believe me, she knows she can dump you if she wants to or isn't happy with the way things are going. Stop putting her in the position of reassuring you.
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Here is what one of my best friends did and it may sound a bit odd. She put me in her room and turned on some porn. Freaked me the F out at first and then it desensitized me. Seeing an extreme made me realize all the stuff guys do for me is really innocent and that it was normal. Anyways....might work for you.
So I sure as hell DON'T want to break up with her. I just never want a girl to feel bothered/pressured by me, and she seemed to respect that. To make a long story short, she just clicked well with me on a number of levels. When I first asked her out, I started by saying I'm really shy but I thought she's cute and I'd like to hang out. She told me that's why she said yes.
I sent her a text last night, asking how she felt. I said I wanted her and she wanted me, but I was just too nervous. Also said she's hot as hell (I worried that she thought it was because she's not beautiful, when she's really quite sexy). This was probably a mistake to send.
She didn't respond, and I thought, "If she doesn't respond I'm deleting her number and I'll never talk to her again." I deleted all of our text conversations, and I had my finger hovering over "delete contact." Here's the reason: I don't want to be that guy whose some loser who won't get the girl he likes but he keeps bothering her. And if I don't have a shot with a girl, I don't want to be tempted to contact her, I'd rather put it out of my mind by ending the possibility.
But I don't understand how girls feel so I guess it's better to give it some time even if it hurts.
How long should I wait before I contact her? If she's already gone back home, should I just try talking to her for a bit before asking if I could visit?
If you're not quite sure why sending those texts was a bad move, here's why:
"Hey, how are you feeling about the other night? I want you. You want me. And you're hot as hell."
That might not be the verbiage you used, but that's your own summary, and that's what she's going to get out of it. You've likely ruined this relationship, but let me make it clear that it's not because you didn't have sex with her that night. It's how you behaved after.
Desperate. Needy. Not confidant.
Leave it alone now. She's either going to message you one day or she won't. Whatever you do, don't keep sending her texts.
You made it clear that this is about you working through stuff, and not about her. Yes, give it some time. Maybe she won't respond; maybe she will. If she doesn't, remember that doesn't mean U R FAIL, it means that she has decided things aren't going to work out. If she does, then great!
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Thanks
Thanks to those who offered encouragement and sympathy
I'm late to this thread so I hope it's okay I comment anyway.
1. I agree - it sounds like it's gonna be fine with the two of you. Since she is getting back to you I'm sure she gets you're figuring out things and that it is fine with her. It is certainly possible she is also finding out things.
2. Posting an update is great.