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The scary thread STILL THE BEST 1973

19495969799

Posts

  • TasteticleTasteticle Registered User regular
    kiss me wimble


    Uh-oh I accidentally deleted my signature. Uh-oh!!
  • TasteticleTasteticle Registered User regular
    Beasteh wrote: »
    one of them pulled out a squeezy bottle of ketchup

    and sprayed it all over me going 'aaaaa have it you cunt'

    this is exactly how I eat my fries


    Uh-oh I accidentally deleted my signature. Uh-oh!!
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    When I was about 12 or 13 some teenagers in a car stopped beside my friend and I as We were walking on the side of the road and blew his nose at us. I am guessing he thought he could Launch a booger hard enough to hit us, I dunno.

    I'm still kinda weirded out by it.

    I haven't had anyone yell shit out a window at me since I left high school though, never-mind this other insane shit like throwing objects from a moving car.

  • ButtlordButtlord Fornicus Lord of Bondage and PainRegistered User regular
    the best drive by shouting will always be the guy screaming snape kills dumbledore at the barnes and noble line when HBP came out

  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    edited May 2012
    Hey, was this one shown in the thread?

    faceless-ghost-from-ghost-story-1981-21293975.jpg

    From the 1981 movie Ghost Story. Makeup artist was the same guy who did the exorcist. Apparently they didn't end up using it in the movie though cuz it didn't have the effect the director wanted. Hmmm... yeah...

    DisruptedCapitalist on
    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • SquallSquall hap cloud Registered User regular
    dead space seems set on crashing every half hour or so

    i guess that provides good breaks?

    im in chapter four and feel ive explored a lot of the ship, but surely there's a lot more to the game coming up

  • XehalusXehalus Registered User regular
    tumblr_m3izyf4jaW1ruh19po1_500.jpg

  • LalaboxLalabox Registered User regular
    My sister is studying law, and she said that recently in either UK or aus that they are trying (or just have) made it a specific crime to throw objects onto motorways. Even if you don't hit anything, you get charged for a much tougher sentence than just reckless endagerment. I think it's around the same time you'd serve if you actually hit someone and make them go off the road (although not as bad as if you'd killed them. That's a seperate offence).

  • BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    Oh my god that photo is terrifying. Those security lights are clearly out and it would be SO DARK at night.

    Battletag BYToady#1454
  • TrippyJingTrippyJing Moses supposes his toeses are roses. But Moses supposes erroneously.Registered User regular
    I used to get comics from a Borders near my school.

    It was under the WTC.

    b1ehrMM.gif
  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    When I was in like... 6th grade out in Utah, I rode my bike home from school through a fairly nice subdivision

    One day I'm riding along and a pickup truck comes by hauling a boat on a trailer, and mounted on the boat is a water cannon, and manning the water cannon are two douchebags a couple years older than me

    They pull up level with me and stop, and aim the cannon
    Pretty quickly I realize I can't outpedal these guys and trying to back up won't do any good, so I just sat there and stared the guy down until he hit me with the cannon and the truck drove off

    I wasn't carrying anything electronic and my books were okay, so in the end there was no harm, but what the fuck?
    And I'm pretty sure it was like, their dad driving the truck

    The hell is wrong with people

  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    When I was in like... 6th grade out in Utah, I rode my bike home from school through a fairly nice subdivision

    One day I'm riding along and a pickup truck comes by hauling a boat on a trailer, and mounted on the boat is a water cannon, and manning the water cannon are two douchebags a couple years older than me

    They pull up level with me and stop, and aim the cannon
    Pretty quickly I realize I can't outpedal these guys and trying to back up won't do any good, so I just sat there and stared the guy down until he hit me with the cannon and the truck drove off

    I wasn't carrying anything electronic and my books were okay, so in the end there was no harm, but what the fuck?
    And I'm pretty sure it was like, their dad driving the truck

    The hell is wrong with people

    reminds me if the classic douche move, the "drive through this puddle at high speed because Haha this faggot has to walk and it'll be worse for him if he's covered in dirty ass gutter water"

  • XehalusXehalus Registered User regular
  • SCREECH OF THE FARGSCREECH OF THE FARG #1 PARROTHEAD margaritavilleRegistered User regular
    holy shit

    gcum67ktu9e4.pngimg
  • SCREECH OF THE FARGSCREECH OF THE FARG #1 PARROTHEAD margaritavilleRegistered User regular
    "The parasite that collapses your face"

    gcum67ktu9e4.pngimg
  • Magus`Magus` The fun has been DOUBLED! Registered User regular
    Squall wrote: »
    dead space seems set on crashing every half hour or so

    i guess that provides good breaks?

    im in chapter four and feel ive explored a lot of the ship, but surely there's a lot more to the game coming up

    Quite a bit, yes. Not sure why it's crashing though.

  • SquallSquall hap cloud Registered User regular
    thankfully it's generally crashing during downtime bits, like loading up the store or taking an elevator

    they litter the game with save points so i never lose more than a few minutes of progress

  • A Dabble Of TheloniusA Dabble Of Thelonius It has been a doozy of a dayRegistered User regular
    Just watched The Innkeepers. Decent little flick. Good slow burn atmosphere.

    vm8gvf5p7gqi.jpg
    Steam - Talon Valdez :Blizz - Talonious#1860 : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk @TaloniousMonk Hail Satan
  • GreenGreen Stick around. I'm full of bad ideas.Registered User regular
    Reginald wrote: »
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    I was listening to the Judge John Hodgman podcast yesterday and the dispute was between a woman and her mother

    The woman said that they used to live in rural Oregon on a good deal of land and there was a grey house on the next plot, which the woman and her sister often passed on their way to play in the nearby creek. Rather than go through that other plot they went along the road because that's what their parents had told them to do. The woman and her sister both vividly recalled that house and could describe it pretty thoroughly.

    The mother said this was all wrong; there was no house on the next plot, never had been, and the two girls had always gone straight through the field to get to the creek. When asked to explain the detailed description of this house, she affirmed that was actually a description of the house they lived in, which the daughter denied but couldn't provide a viable alternate description.

    And it gave me an idea for a story about this situation, that there's a house visible to some and not to others, as though it lay in a parallel universe or some such. And I had this image of a person investigating and finding two separate film recordings of an event there, like a birthday party, and in one film the house is clearly visible on a ridge in the back of the frame and on the other, that spot is empty when the camera passes by.

    Obviously the story couldn't explore too deeply or the mystery would just sort of fizzle out but I found it kinda spooky, the idea of this house being there and not there at the same time

    Is it cool if I riff a short story off of this idea? It's a really fucking good basis. Just don't want to steal your thunder.
    Sounds a bit like N.

  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    Just watched The Innkeepers. Decent little flick. Good slow burn atmosphere.


    I just saw that about two weeks ago. It's a great movie but not a really good horror movie. It starts out like a reasonably funny light comedy and then for the last 30 minutes turns horror. Totally worth seeing tho.

  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    When I was in like... 6th grade out in Utah, I rode my bike home from school through a fairly nice subdivision

    One day I'm riding along and a pickup truck comes by hauling a boat on a trailer, and mounted on the boat is a water cannon, and manning the water cannon are two douchebags a couple years older than me

    They pull up level with me and stop, and aim the cannon
    Pretty quickly I realize I can't outpedal these guys and trying to back up won't do any good, so I just sat there and stared the guy down until he hit me with the cannon and the truck drove off

    I wasn't carrying anything electronic and my books were okay, so in the end there was no harm, but what the fuck?
    And I'm pretty sure it was like, their dad driving the truck

    The hell is wrong with people

    reminds me if the classic douche move, the "drive through this puddle at high speed because Haha this faggot has to walk and it'll be worse for him if he's covered in dirty ass gutter water"

    I ride my bike everywhere, all year, and people do shit like drive up alongside and scream or get really close and lean on their horns all the damn time. It has lead to altercations when they reach a sudden red light. :D

  • HobnailHobnail Registered User regular
    I was riding in a car with some dudes once, and one of those dudes decided it would be hysterical to pelt some biker in the side of his head with his half full fast-food cup of pop. Minutes later the car's stopped at a red light for awhile and nobody notices the victim riding up, who leans over and socks the cup-chucker right in the mouth and pedals off.

    Broke as fuck in the style of the times. Gratitude is all that can return on your generosity.

    https://www.paypal.me/hobnailtaylor
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Hobnail wrote: »
    I was riding in a car with some douches once, and one of those douches decided it would be hysterical to pelt some biker in the side of his head with his half full fast-food cup of pop. Minutes later the car's stopped at a red light for awhile and nobody notices the victim riding up, who leans over and socks the cup-chucker right in the mouth and pedals off.

    FTFY

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • HobnailHobnail Registered User regular
    Seems redundant what with the cup-chucking but yes they were totally douches

    Broke as fuck in the style of the times. Gratitude is all that can return on your generosity.

    https://www.paypal.me/hobnailtaylor
  • ReginaldReginald When I am Pres., I will create the Department of ______Registered User regular
    edited May 2012
    Let me know what you think, a first draft of the beginning of a short story I am writing. Constructive criticism appreciated. :P
    I always wanted to be invisible. When I was a kid, I would play superheroes with my big bro and my twin sis. My bro was super strength, I was invisible, and my sister actually was creative and chose different powers each time. Now that I'm older, I know that if you want to be truly invisible, all you have to do is look poor and work in downtown Los Angeles.

    As a bike courier, I just fly past all of the ignorant lawyers and self-absorbed accountants, and do my job. They either have their faces glued to their iPhone, or are walking with their eyes to the ground, trying to ignore my blemish on their polished world. Honestly, I don't mind the fact that the suits ignore me, it allows me to do some great people watching.

    For instance, right now I am looking at this suit who has been staring intently at his phone for the last 5 minutes, hyperventilating. The Los Angeles sun is beating down on his bald white head, which is already getting that rosy red look of a incoming sunburn. I swear I can see his pupils dilating, too! That is either a really good bonus email, or he just lost his job via a text. I fucking hope it's the latter, one less dumb suit to dodge on the street.

    I feel the buzz of my phone vibrating in my pocket, so I stop hate-ogling the suit and fish my shitty monochrome Nokia out. Hopefully it's another pickup, I need as many runs as possible today, rent is due and we are about 2 bills short. "Hey Will, you gotta stop by and see what is going on here. It is totally freaking me out!", my sister says in a burst of words. My twin sister, Rachel, works the front desk of the Wells Fargo building, answering phones and the dumb questions of the upperclass. "Do you know where the nearest toy store is, I forgot my kid's birthday? Where's a flower shop, my wife is onto me fucking my secretary? etc, etc..." She's smarter and nicer than me, so she deals way better than I would be able to. She definitely got the good end of this twins deal, but I love her to death. "I'll be there in a few, sis, unless I get a work call. Dolla dolla bill y'all" "Please please please hurry, I am kinda losing it here!" she says and hangs up. Ok, a frantic sis in need...

    I hop on my shitty Schwinn and needle my way up Figueroa. I swear today people are just standing in place trying to block my way, it's like a fucking obstacle course of Armani. The invisible man must have dealt with this shit too. I nearly bowl over a power-suit lady who is just standing there staring at a TV, wide eyed and breathing heavily. No common sense whatsoever, these people. I don't even spend the time to look at what has her so worked up on the tube, whatever it is can wait.

    As I pull up to the Wells Fargo building, I see about 20 people, just standing in the courtyard, all staring at their cell phones, all hyperventilating. What...the...fuck. I'm thinking nuclear strike news or 9/11 happened and I am the last to know. I drop my bike unsecured and run into the lobby. There are maybe about 30 people standing there, wheezing heavily, eyes locked to their $500 phones. My sis is nowhere to be seen at the desk. "Rachel?" I call as I run up to the desk. "Oh thank god!", she peeps as she pops up from under the desk. "Look at these people! What is going on!"

    Then I see their eyes. Their pupils are completely, 100% dilated, and they are not blinking at all. They aren't reading news story or a text...they are just vacantly staring at the phone with a 1000 mile stare. A small scream escapes my lips. Way to go, sissy boy. Out of pure gut reaction, I run up to an older latina businesswoman and smack the phone out of her hand. It hits the ground, and skitters a couple of feet away, still intact. "MYYYYOOOOOOAAAAARGH!" the lady says as she dives on the cellphone like a linebacker recovering a fumble. Then the lady just lays there, staring at the phone just as intently as before. What the fuck is on these phones?

    I catch a glimpse of linebacker lady's smartphone screen, and it looks like she is watching a stupid video game of some sort. I am so out of the loop on the technological front... I lean down to get a closer look, there is something a little odd about it, really bright colors moving around. It looks like...hamsters...HAHA!...jumping up...and down...heh...in a...very fast...pattern. Why...jumping...so...fast

    Suddenly I am on the ground staring up, and I realize my sister is standing above me, tears streaming down her face. "DON'T LOOK AT IT, DUMBASS!," she screams. "You started breathing like them! I could see your eye's glazing over." Holy shit! I get up and give her a big hug, and whisper to her "We are getting out of here right now, and going home. I'm going to call Steve and warn him not to go out."

    I flip open my cellphone and dial up my brother. "haelllllo...," my brother mumbles into the phone. Steve has been unemployed for about 6 months now as a bartender, and is making the best use of his time by sleeping until 2 daily, while sis and I bust our humps. "Steve, there is something weird going on right now, Rach and I are on our way home. Whatever you do, don't turn on anything, or look at any screens, or really fucking anything. I'll explain when I get home." Steve says in a more awake voice "Will, are you serious? What is happening?" "I don't want to explain right now, just promise you won't use anything electrical." "Ok, ok, I promise. Be safe Will, you sound totally freaked."

    I hang up, grab my sisters hand, and head out to my bike. I can see one guy's eyes dilating as he looks at a television screen, so I put my eyes to the ground. "Rach, it's the TVs too. Look at the ground and don't let go of my hand." "I know, I saw the guy too." As I walk to my bike, I accidentally bump into one of the phone-zombies. I hear the phone clatter to the ground and break. "YAAAAAAARGH!" The guy hits the ground, grabs the phone, and stares at the black screen. "oh shit oh shit oh shit!", I yelp, and I double my pace.

    On any normal day in downtown Los Angeles, an unsecured bike would last about 30 seconds, but there my shitty Schwinn was, thank god. I prop it up, my sister hops on the handlebars, and I start pedaling down Figueroa, to our house in the gang-infested portion of Exposition park. I hear screaming everywhere, and horns honking but no police sirens. No sirens at all, actually. The song "California" by Dre and Tupac, slithers out of an open car window where I can also hear a lady screaming.

    "California, no doubt about it. Califooorniiia, no doubt about it."

    Reginald on
  • Lord_SnotLord_Snot Живу за выходные American ValhallaRegistered User regular
    Wow, really liking that @Reginald.

    I look forward to reading more of it.

  • Skull ManSkull Man RIP KUSU Registered User regular
    if only

    if only this thread had been posted late at night

  • ReginaldReginald When I am Pres., I will create the Department of ______Registered User regular
    edited May 2012
    Reginald wrote: »
    Let me know what you think, a first draft of the beginning of a short story I am writing. Constructive criticism appreciated. :P
    I always wanted to be invisible. When I was a kid, I would play superheroes with my big bro and my twin sis. My bro was super strength, I was invisible, and my sister actually was creative and chose different powers each time. Now that I'm older, I know that if you want to be truly invisible, all you have to do is look poor and work in downtown Los Angeles.

    As a bike courier, I just fly past all of the ignorant lawyers and self-absorbed accountants, and do my job. They either have their faces glued to their iPhone, or are walking with their eyes to the ground, trying to ignore my blemish on their polished world. Honestly, I don't mind the fact that the suits ignore me, it allows me to do some great people watching.

    For instance, right now I am looking at this suit who has been staring intently at his phone for the last 5 minutes, hyperventilating. The Los Angeles sun is beating down on his bald white head, which is already getting that rosy red look of a incoming sunburn. I swear I can see his pupils dilating, too! That is either a really good bonus email, or he just lost his job via a text. I fucking hope it's the latter, one less dumb suit to dodge on the street.

    I feel the buzz of my phone vibrating in my pocket, so I stop hate-ogling the suit and fish my shitty monochrome Nokia out. Hopefully it's another pickup, I need as many runs as possible today, rent is due and we are about 2 bills short. "Hey Will, you gotta stop by and see what is going on here. It is totally freaking me out!", my sister says in a burst of words. My twin sister, Rachel, works the front desk of the Wells Fargo building, answering phones and the dumb questions of the upperclass. "Do you know where the nearest toy store is, I forgot my kid's birthday? Where's a flower shop, my wife is onto me fucking my secretary? etc, etc..." She's smarter and nicer than me, so she deals way better than I would be able to. She definitely got the good end of this twins deal, but I love her to death. "I'll be there in a few, sis, unless I get a work call. Dolla dolla bill y'all" "Please please please hurry, I am kinda losing it here!" she says and hangs up. Ok, a frantic sis in need...

    I hop on my shitty Schwinn and needle my way up Figueroa. I swear today people are just standing in place trying to block my way, it's like a fucking obstacle course of Armani. The invisible man must have dealt with this shit too. I nearly bowl over a power-suit lady who is just standing there staring at a TV, wide eyed and breathing heavily. No common sense whatsoever, these people. I don't even spend the time to look at what has her so worked up on the tube, whatever it is can wait.

    As I pull up to the Wells Fargo building, I see about 20 people, just standing in the courtyard, all staring at their cell phones, all hyperventilating. What...the...fuck. I'm thinking nuclear strike news or 9/11 happened and I am the last to know. I drop my bike unsecured and run into the lobby. There are maybe about 30 people standing there, wheezing heavily, eyes locked to their $500 phones. My sis is nowhere to be seen at the desk. "Rachel?" I call as I run up to the desk. "Oh thank god!", she peeps as she pops up from under the desk. "Look at these people! What is going on!"

    Then I see their eyes. Their pupils are completely, 100% dilated, and they are not blinking at all. They aren't reading news story or a text...they are just vacantly staring at the phone with a 1000 mile stare. A small scream escapes my lips. Way to go, sissy boy. Out of pure gut reaction, I run up to an older latina businesswoman and smack the phone out of her hand. It hits the ground, and skitters a couple of feet away, still intact. "MYYYYOOOOOOAAAAARGH!" the lady says as she dives on the cellphone like a linebacker recovering a fumble. Then the lady just lays there, staring at the phone just as intently as before. What the fuck is on these phones?

    I catch a glimpse of linebacker lady's smartphone screen, and it looks like she is watching a stupid video game of some sort. I am so out of the loop on the technological front... I lean down to get a closer look, there is something a little odd about it, really bright colors moving around. It looks like...hamsters...HAHA!...jumping up...and down...heh...in a...very fast...pattern. Why...jumping...so...fast

    Suddenly I am on the ground staring up, and I realize my sister is standing above me, tears streaming down her face. "DON'T LOOK AT IT, DUMBASS!," she screams. "You started breathing like them! I could see your eye's glazing over." Holy shit! I get up and give her a big hug, and whisper to her "We are getting out of here right now, and going home. I'm going to call Steve and warn him not to go out."

    I flip open my cellphone and dial up my brother. "haelllllo...," my brother mumbles into the phone. Steve has been unemployed for about 6 months now as a bartender, and is making the best use of his time by sleeping until 2 daily, while sis and I bust our humps. "Steve, there is something weird going on right now, Rach and I are on our way home. Whatever you do, don't turn on anything, or look at any screens, or really fucking anything. I'll explain when I get home." Steve says in a more awake voice "Will, are you serious? What is happening?" "I don't want to explain right now, just promise you won't use anything electrical." "Ok, ok, I promise. Be safe Will, you sound totally freaked."

    I hang up, grab my sisters hand, and head out to my bike. I can see one guy's eyes dilating as he looks at a television screen, so I put my eyes to the ground. "Rach, it's the TVs too. Look at the ground and don't let go of my hand." "I know, I saw the guy too." As I walk to my bike, I accidentally bump into one of the phone-zombies. I hear the phone clatter to the ground and break. "YAAAAAAARGH!" The guy hits the ground, grabs the phone, and stares at the black screen. "oh shit oh shit oh shit!", I yelp, and I double my pace.

    On any normal day in downtown Los Angeles, an unsecured bike would last about 30 seconds, but there my shitty Schwinn was, thank god. I prop it up, my sister hops on the handlebars, and I start pedaling down Figueroa, to our house in the gang-infested portion of Exposition park. I hear screaming everywhere, and horns honking but no police sirens. No sirens at all, actually. The song "California" by Dre and Tupac, slithers out of an open car window where I can also hear a lady screaming.

    "California, no doubt about it. Califooorniiia, no doubt about it."

    Ok, well here is chapter deux. :)

    2:15 PM
    It's 2 miles of complete and utter chaos to get home. Heart racing, I am so intent on moving forward, that everything becomes a blur. I can hear Rachel letting out little screams as I pedal, but I really don't give a fuck about what she is seeing, as long as she is on the handlebars and I am moving forward. I do see a cop car, just stopped in the middle of Fig and 18th, with no lights or sirens, but I don't even stop to look inside. Fuck the police, I am a home-seeking missile.

    For the first time in a long time I am happy to see my home, with it's peeling yellow paint, a yardful of weeds, and grafitti on the front door from last week. Such a good neighborhood to raise kids in, mom. I pull up the driveway, and my sister hops off the bike and sprints inside.

    By the time I get inside, Rach has Steve cornered in the kitchen, screaming a deluge of words. "SteveohmygodpeoplearebeinghypnotizedbytheircellphonesIthinkIdon'tknowwhatthefuckisgoingonadfgahssdasfcasdfasdxad..." goes on for about 30 seconds while Steve chews on his power bar, deer in the headlights look on his face. When Rachel stops to take a breath, Steve yells "STOP! Ok, what I got from that is that somethin' bad is happening, like a natural disaster or somethin', so I think we should go to the store and stock up on stuff. That's whatcha supposed to do when natural disasters happen, get water and food and flashlights and stuff." God bless my older brother.

    Steve was an all-pro wrestler in high school, and was going to be accepted on a athletic scholarship to USC, majoring in rocks for jocks if anything, but then mom died. This was 3 years ago, and no I don't want to talk about it. Now Steve basically spends all day eating protein of any sort and lifting weights. Massive is an understatement. He worked as a bartender for a short bit, but about 6 months ago was let go for drinking on the job. He's not the brightest bulb, but I pity the person who tells him that. He's my bro, and I love him.

    "Steve, it's not a natural disaster.", I say. "It's like, a terrorist attack or something. I dunno. I swear to god, people are being hypnotized by these...dots on their phones and on the TV. It's like a visually transmitted thing...I don't think we should go anywhere until we know more about what the fuck is going on."

    2 hours later, we have established that the radio does not hypnotize, and we are listening to KROQ. Here is what we can establish from the callers on the show:

    1. Whatever is happening to these people is via visual stimuli from electronic devices. Anything with a screen that can display colors is dangerous.
    2. The people that are affected are just standing there, and even breaking the visual link doesn't seem to bring them back. If a phone goes dead, they still stare at it. People are just baking in the streets.
    3. A group of people are meeting up at the Los Angeles Public Library at 7 to discuss next steps.
    4. Roads are pretty well blocked due to stalled out cars. Motorcycles, bikes or hoofing it are the recommend mode of transportation to the library.

    Jed the Fish goes off the air at about 5:00, leaving us in stunned silence for a bit. This is really happening, this is not a dream. "Jesus", Steve says. "I'm not sure if we should go to the library, but I dunno what else to do. If there is a plan, I want to be in on it, plus safety in numbers, you know?" I kind of agree with him, but the idea of travelling scares me shitless. "If we go, we all go.", Rachel chimes in.

    If we go, we all go.

    Reginald on
  • XehalusXehalus Registered User regular
    tumblr_m3px63vTqs1r6qclio1_500.gif

  • ReginaldReginald When I am Pres., I will create the Department of ______Registered User regular
    He's cute. Tarantulas are generally very well behaved.

  • XehalusXehalus Registered User regular
    tumblr_m3pn1uiJDe1r7j9tpo1_500.gif

    I've always wanted one as a pet.

  • Lord_SnotLord_Snot Живу за выходные American ValhallaRegistered User regular
    The one thing I will say is, when he phoned his brother in part 1, why was he not hypnotized? I'm guessing he'd have had to have looked at his phone screen.

  • ReginaldReginald When I am Pres., I will create the Department of ______Registered User regular
    It's a shitty Nokia with no smartphone screen. Maybe I need to be more specific about that in the second chapter, that the phones need to have a decent screen on them. :)

  • Lord_SnotLord_Snot Живу за выходные American ValhallaRegistered User regular
    edited May 2012
    Just mention that it's an ancient Nokia that is monochrome. :P

    @Xehalus That's weird, but not scary.

    Lord_Snot on
  • NerdgasmicNerdgasmic __BANNED USERS regular
    I am interested so far, reginald

  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    When I was in like... 6th grade out in Utah, I rode my bike home from school through a fairly nice subdivision

    One day I'm riding along and a pickup truck comes by hauling a boat on a trailer, and mounted on the boat is a water cannon, and manning the water cannon are two douchebags a couple years older than me

    They pull up level with me and stop, and aim the cannon
    Pretty quickly I realize I can't outpedal these guys and trying to back up won't do any good, so I just sat there and stared the guy down until he hit me with the cannon and the truck drove off

    I wasn't carrying anything electronic and my books were okay, so in the end there was no harm, but what the fuck?
    And I'm pretty sure it was like, their dad driving the truck

    The hell is wrong with people

    reminds me if the classic douche move, the "drive through this puddle at high speed because Haha this faggot has to walk and it'll be worse for him if he's covered in dirty ass gutter water"

    I ride my bike everywhere, all year, and people do shit like drive up alongside and scream or get really close and lean on their horns all the damn time. It has lead to altercations when they reach a sudden red light. :D

    This kind of behaviour is an excellent way to lose a wing mirror...

  • SCREECH OF THE FARGSCREECH OF THE FARG #1 PARROTHEAD margaritavilleRegistered User regular
    Skull Man wrote: »
    if only

    if only this thread had been posted late at night

    LET IT GO SKULL MAN

    gcum67ktu9e4.pngimg
  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Reginald, really good so far.

  • ReginaldReginald When I am Pres., I will create the Department of ______Registered User regular
    edited May 2012
    Reginald wrote: »
    Reginald wrote: »
    Let me know what you think, a first draft of the beginning of a short story I am writing. Constructive criticism appreciated. :P
    I always wanted to be invisible. When I was a kid, I would play superheroes with my big bro and my twin sis. My bro was super strength, I was invisible, and my sister actually was creative and chose different powers each time. Now that I'm older, I know that if you want to be truly invisible, all you have to do is look poor and work in downtown Los Angeles.

    As a bike courier, I just fly past all of the ignorant lawyers and self-absorbed accountants, and do my job. They either have their faces glued to their iPhone, or are walking with their eyes to the ground, trying to ignore my blemish on their polished world. Honestly, I don't mind the fact that the suits ignore me, it allows me to do some great people watching.

    For instance, right now I am looking at this suit who has been staring intently at his phone for the last 5 minutes, hyperventilating. The Los Angeles sun is beating down on his bald white head, which is already getting that rosy red look of a incoming sunburn. I swear I can see his pupils dilating, too! That is either a really good bonus email, or he just lost his job via a text. I fucking hope it's the latter, one less dumb suit to dodge on the street.

    I feel the buzz of my phone vibrating in my pocket, so I stop hate-ogling the suit and fish my shitty monochrome Nokia out. Hopefully it's another pickup, I need as many runs as possible today, rent is due and we are about 2 bills short. "Hey Will, you gotta stop by and see what is going on here. It is totally freaking me out!", my sister says in a burst of words. My twin sister, Rachel, works the front desk of the Wells Fargo building, answering phones and the dumb questions of the upperclass. "Do you know where the nearest toy store is, I forgot my kid's birthday? Where's a flower shop, my wife is onto me fucking my secretary? etc, etc..." She's smarter and nicer than me, so she deals way better than I would be able to. She definitely got the good end of this twins deal, but I love her to death. "I'll be there in a few, sis, unless I get a work call. Dolla dolla bill y'all" "Please please please hurry, I am kinda losing it here!" she says and hangs up. Ok, a frantic sis in need...

    I hop on my shitty Schwinn and needle my way up Figueroa. I swear today people are just standing in place trying to block my way, it's like a fucking obstacle course of Armani. The invisible man must have dealt with this shit too. I nearly bowl over a power-suit lady who is just standing there staring at a TV, wide eyed and breathing heavily. No common sense whatsoever, these people. I don't even spend the time to look at what has her so worked up on the tube, whatever it is can wait.

    As I pull up to the Wells Fargo building, I see about 20 people, just standing in the courtyard, all staring at their cell phones, all hyperventilating. What...the...fuck. I'm thinking nuclear strike news or 9/11 happened and I am the last to know. I drop my bike unsecured and run into the lobby. There are maybe about 30 people standing there, wheezing heavily, eyes locked to their $500 phones. My sis is nowhere to be seen at the desk. "Rachel?" I call as I run up to the desk. "Oh thank god!", she peeps as she pops up from under the desk. "Look at these people! What is going on!"

    Then I see their eyes. Their pupils are completely, 100% dilated, and they are not blinking at all. They aren't reading news story or a text...they are just vacantly staring at the phone with a 1000 mile stare. A small scream escapes my lips. Way to go, sissy boy. Out of pure gut reaction, I run up to an older latina businesswoman and smack the phone out of her hand. It hits the ground, and skitters a couple of feet away, still intact. "MYYYYOOOOOOAAAAARGH!" the lady says as she dives on the cellphone like a linebacker recovering a fumble. Then the lady just lays there, staring at the phone just as intently as before. What the fuck is on these phones?

    I catch a glimpse of linebacker lady's smartphone screen, and it looks like she is watching a stupid video game of some sort. I am so out of the loop on the technological front... I lean down to get a closer look, there is something a little odd about it, really bright colors moving around. It looks like...hamsters...HAHA!...jumping up...and down...heh...in a...very fast...pattern. Why...jumping...so...fast

    Suddenly I am on the ground staring up, and I realize my sister is standing above me, tears streaming down her face. "DON'T LOOK AT IT, DUMBASS!," she screams. "You started breathing like them! I could see your eye's glazing over." Holy shit! I get up and give her a big hug, and whisper to her "We are getting out of here right now, and going home. I'm going to call Steve and warn him not to go out."

    I flip open my cellphone and dial up my brother. "haelllllo...," my brother mumbles into the phone. Steve has been unemployed for about 6 months now as a bartender, and is making the best use of his time by sleeping until 2 daily, while sis and I bust our humps. "Steve, there is something weird going on right now, Rach and I are on our way home. Whatever you do, don't turn on anything, or look at any screens, or really fucking anything. I'll explain when I get home." Steve says in a more awake voice "Will, are you serious? What is happening?" "I don't want to explain right now, just promise you won't use anything electrical." "Ok, ok, I promise. Be safe Will, you sound totally freaked."

    I hang up, grab my sisters hand, and head out to my bike. I can see one guy's eyes dilating as he looks at a television screen, so I put my eyes to the ground. "Rach, it's the TVs too. Look at the ground and don't let go of my hand." "I know, I saw the guy too." As I walk to my bike, I accidentally bump into one of the phone-zombies. I hear the phone clatter to the ground and break. "YAAAAAAARGH!" The guy hits the ground, grabs the phone, and stares at the black screen. "oh shit oh shit oh shit!", I yelp, and I double my pace.

    On any normal day in downtown Los Angeles, an unsecured bike would last about 30 seconds, but there my shitty Schwinn was, thank god. I prop it up, my sister hops on the handlebars, and I start pedaling down Figueroa, to our house in the gang-infested portion of Exposition park. I hear screaming everywhere, and horns honking but no police sirens. No sirens at all, actually. The song "California" by Dre and Tupac, slithers out of an open car window where I can also hear a lady screaming.

    "California, no doubt about it. Califooorniiia, no doubt about it."

    Ok, well here is chapter deux. :)

    2:15 PM
    It's 2 miles of complete and utter chaos to get home. Heart racing, I am so intent on moving forward, that everything becomes a blur. I can hear Rachel letting out little screams as I pedal, but I really don't give a fuck about what she is seeing, as long as she is on the handlebars and I am moving forward. I do see a cop car, just stopped in the middle of Fig and 18th, with no lights or sirens, but I don't even stop to look inside. Fuck the police, I am a home-seeking missile.

    For the first time in a long time I am happy to see my home, with it's peeling yellow paint, a yardful of weeds, and grafitti on the front door from last week. Such a good neighborhood to raise kids in, mom. I pull up the driveway, and my sister hops off the bike and sprints inside.

    By the time I get inside, Rach has Steve cornered in the kitchen, screaming a deluge of words. "SteveohmygodpeoplearebeinghypnotizedbytheircellphonesIthinkIdon'tknowwhatthefuckisgoingonadfgahssdasfcasdfasdxad..." goes on for about 30 seconds while Steve chews on his power bar, deer in the headlights look on his face. When Rachel stops to take a breath, Steve yells "STOP! Ok, what I got from that is that somethin' bad is happening, like a natural disaster or somethin', so I think we should go to the store and stock up on stuff. That's whatcha supposed to do when natural disasters happen, get water and food and flashlights and stuff." God bless my older brother.

    Steve was an all-pro wrestler in high school, and was going to be accepted on a athletic scholarship to USC, majoring in rocks for jocks if anything, but then mom died. This was 3 years ago, and no I don't want to talk about it. Now Steve basically spends all day eating protein of any sort and lifting weights. Massive is an understatement. He worked as a bartender for a short bit, but about 6 months ago was let go for drinking on the job. He's not the brightest bulb, but I pity the person who tells him that. He's my bro, and I love him.

    "Steve, it's not a natural disaster.", I say. "It's like, a terrorist attack or something. I dunno. I swear to god, people are being hypnotized by these...dots on their phones and on the TV. It's like a visually transmitted thing...I don't think we should go anywhere until we know more about what the fuck is going on."

    2 hours later, we have established that the radio does not hypnotize, and we are listening to KROQ. Here is what we can establish from the callers on the show:

    1. Whatever is happening to these people is via visual stimuli from electronic devices. Anything with a screen that can display colors is dangerous.
    2. The people that are affected are just standing there, and even breaking the visual link doesn't seem to bring them back. If a phone goes dead, they still stare at it. People are just baking in the streets.
    3. A group of people are meeting up at the Los Angeles Public Library at 7 to discuss next steps.
    4. Roads are pretty well blocked due to stalled out cars. Motorcycles, bikes or hoofing it are the recommend mode of transportation to the library.

    Jed the Fish goes off the air at about 5:00, leaving us in stunned silence for a bit. This is really happening, this is not a dream. "Jesus", Steve says. "I'm not sure if we should go to the library, but I dunno what else to do. If there is a plan, I want to be in on it, plus safety in numbers, you know?" I kind of agree with him, but the idea of travelling scares me shitless. "If we go, we all go.", Rachel chimes in.

    If we go, we all go.

    Chapter 3, unedited. Done for at least a couple of days.

    6:00 PM

    After much debate, we come up with the best way to get to the library collectively. With only 1 bike for the 3 of us, we are hoofing it to the library, which is smack in the middle of downtown Los Angeles, about 2.5 miles away.

    We are all to hold hands, like a caravan. I am in the lead, and I am to keep my eyes on the ground as much as possible, and never stop moving. Rachel is in the middle, and she is responsible for listening for anything out of the ordinary. Rachel will keep her eyes closed as much as possible. Steve is in the back, with his eyes closed, and is responsible for knocking Rachel and I to the ground if the caravan stops for any longer than 10 seconds. He's fairly happy about his role in this. Fuck my life, this is going to be interesting.

    Steve grabs some power bars and bottles of water and puts them in his red vinyl backpack, and we are off. When we step outside, the first thing I see is my elderly neighbor Jorge in the middle of the street, just staring into a stalled car. His legs are shaking a bit, he has pissed his pants, and he looks like he might fall over at any second. Big, black, dilated eyes. I'm sorry, Jorge.

    As I start up the street, Rachel asks, "What do you see? Is everything OK?" I decide not to tell her about Jorge, he used to bring her candy when she was little. "All clear, sis."

    One foot in front of the other, make my way up the street, eyes on the ground. Rachel squeezes my hand and says, "I keep on hearing this low pitch hum coming from houses, it sounds like a washing machine or something." I listen as I walk, and there it is, a low "weeee-ooooooh, weeee-oooooh" sound. "Rach, I don't know what that is, and I'm not going to check. Just listen for footsteps or shit." Another hand squeeze.

    I slowly make my way down the sidewalk, slaloming through the brain-dead masses, keeping my eyes to the ground, keeping myself as calm as possible with the positive mantra "Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Fuck my life." going through my head.

    We reach the library at around 6:45, thankfully Steve-tackle free. Steve and Rach open up their eyes when we get inside, and see about 100 other people milling about in the lobby area, looking about as scared shitless as I am sure we look. One guy in the corner gives me the immediate creeps, with his buzz cut, full camo gear, and a knife strapped to his side. He actually looked like he was enjoying this, with a big shit-eating grin on his face, and his eyes undressing Rach. Thank god for the mountain of Steve, or I'd be worried.

    There were also 10 of the brain-dead, 5 just standing in the lobby, breathing heavily. Looks like the 5 librarians weren't so lucky either, all of them staring dead-eyed at the computer monitors in front of them.

    A larger asian lady who is wearing jeans and a tank top clears her voice, and says "Thank you all for coming, my name is Kaylani, I am a call center manager,and I would like to get this meeting started. I really expected more people than this, but I hope more are on their way. I'd like to start with introductions. Please say your name, and your profession, and keep it at that for now. Let's start with you.", she says, as she points to Rachel. Captain creep nearly drools when Rach starts speaking.

    30 minutes later, I have learned that we have several ex-military nutbags in the crowd including Captain Creep, about 15 homeless people that listen to the radio, and the rest are poor motherfuckers with no useful skills, unless you count burger-flipping as important in armageddon. Pretty much anyone without a nice cell phone or regular TV access.

    Kaylani doesn't do too well in being a chairperson, at least in this situation. The crowd starts arguing internally, and pretty soon the amount of shouting and freaking out in the lobby is deafening. One of the homeless guys decides to take this time to go through the pockets of a brain-dead. Classy crew, this. I look towards Rach to make sure she is OK, and she gives me an exhasperated look and mouthes, "Waste of time." That's when I see it.

    I catch motion from my peripheral vision, and turn and look. A librarian brain dead is moving, and is turning the librarian's computer monitor towards the crowd! They can move! My mind races, and I do the only thing I can think of. I shout "NOBODY LOOK TOWARDS THE LIBRARIAN COUNTER!"

    Reverse psychology is a bitch. I could see literally half of the crowd of people start staring directly at the librarian counter, and watch their breathing as it accelerated, and see their eyes glaze over in unison. I just killed 50 people with my stupidy, as far as I know.

    I catch sight of another black-eyed brain-dead that is moving towards the librarian counter before Steve grabs me in one of his gigantic arms, Rachel in the other, and starts running for the door. I can hear Steve muttering "stupid stupid stupid stupid coming here was stupid fuck" as he shuttles us out the front door.

    When I said before that being poor in downtown Los Angeles was the same as being invisible, well, that no longer holds true. When we got outside, we were greeted by a sea of black eyes staring right at us.
    {/spoiler]

    Reginald on
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