Wrestle ★ Alliance National Geographic
So I started off creating the promotion with really humble stats. Imagine it had been funded here and on Kickstarter. We also have a weekly show on PATV called W*ANGseday Night WAR. Name subject to change.
The first thing that struck me is that we will quickly have no money so the thing I did was go secure some sponsors. Our main sponsor is Sirius Radio with $50,000 per show. Unfortunately the next two highest paying sponsors are Keystone Light and Jack Daniels at $40,000 and $15,000 a piece. With all that cheap beer flowing through our audience we're going to need a sponsor like Urine Gone, I saw that name and picked the fuck out of that. Their pitch line is "Spray it on and it's gone!" I don't know what kind of insane wizards dedicate their time to ridding the world of urine but it's a noble cause and they're giving us $5,000 per show. Also we're lowering the advertising rate to 5%.
W★ANGseday Night WAR - August 1st 2012
Urine-money in hand I went and hired some staff. Now, my unpaid assistant Sophie tells me "On a scale of 1-100 we're looking for people at about a 40." Great. So I snatched up Anne Gogolok and a woman named Tegan as my referees. Tegan has no last name so I can only assume I'm going to be paying her under the table. Thomas Giesen runs our entire production at $14,000 a month and we have a couple writers. Fuck all that though, the best option the game gave me for medical personal is a 33 year old named Booty Bangin' Nurse T. So prepare to see somebody die when they get injured.
We’re live from the W★ANG Warzone and sometimes bingo hall in front of literally tens of potential fans. Your hosts for the evening are Holly Hearse and Bryan Alvarez and only one of them is going to be getting paid. It sucks to be you Bryan.
Breaking Point’s song “27” comes on over the PA and out walks Kota Ibushi to a largely indifferent crowd who maybe thinks he’s Taka Michinoku. KUDO enters next and our crowd now seems confused that there’s two Taka Michinokus.
Kota Ibushi vs KUDO : Collar and elbow lockup to start. Ibushi pushes KUDO back to the ropes and chest chops him before sending him off the ropes. Double knees to the chest attempted by KUDO but Kota ducks it by bridging back. Spin kick by Kota Ibushi to the face. Springboard reverse elbow by Kota Ibushi. Excellent move. Hooks the leg for a two count. KUDO fights out of a grapple. Kick from KUDO to the leg. KUDO hits a dropkick on Kota Ibushi. Hooks the leg for a two count. Diamond Dust from KUDO, Ibushi is out. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. KUDO uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Kota Ibushi ducks a roundhouse kick and shoves KUDO into the ropes. Super kick by Kota Ibushi. Hooks the leg for a two count. Kota throws KUDO into the corner and cartwheels to the apron. Springboard dropkick from Kota Ibushi. Nicely done. Pin, but KUDO is out just before the three count. Flying elbow from Kota Ibushi. KUDO and Ibushi trade stiff kicks in the middle of the ring ending in KUDO going down to a hard shot to the side of the head. Ibushi only gets knees on a standing shooting star press. Driven DDT by KUDO. Tiger suplex on Ibushi, right from out of the Misawa playbook. KUDO moves in for the kill. German Suplex!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! KUDO looks amazed that he won and celebrates in the ring for a bit. Kota Ibushi offers a handshake to KUDO...and he accepts it! This gets a **3\4 rating. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.
Match Quality: 82%
Crowd Reaction: 31%
Overall Rating: 56%
KUDO debuted his new gimmick, it got a positive response. KUDO gained overness from this match.
Bryan starts putting the company over talking about how exciting matches like that are just what you can expect from the company. Then he’s cut off mid-sentence by the Robocop theme. Out waddles Cyborg Cop who does not at all look like a fat Mexican guy in a cheap cyborg costume. He remembers to act mechanical when stepping between the ropes and awaits his opponent. Johnny Goodtime hurries to the ring smiling like an idiot. One guy in the audience seems to be waking up a little.
Cyborg Cop vs Johnny Goodtime : Leg trip from Cyborg Cop who floats over into a hammerlock. Johnny Goodtime elbows Cyborg Cop in the face to break the hammerlock. Johnny Goodtime strikes Cyborg Cop. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Fisherman suplex on Cyborg Cop. Goodtime hooks the leg, but the referee is still out. Johnny Goodtime goes to wake the ref up and Cyborg Cop comes up behind him and hits a sleeper suplex. Hooks the leg for a two count. Face-first suplex from Cyborg Cop, but not done very well. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Goodtime reverses a Cyborg Cop hammerlock. Spinning bulldog in the corner, Cyborg Cop is down. Pin, but Cyborg Cop is out just before the three count. Cyborg Cop counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Cyborg Cop ducks a Goodtime clothesline and does a quick roll up. Cyborg Cop has a handful of tights! The referee hasn't seen it: 1....2....3!! Cyborg Cop leaves the ring and heads off down the aisle at a methodical robotic speed mechanically swinging his arms and making servo sounds. Johnny Goodtime jumps out of the ring and starts to give chase but Cyborg Cop suddenly busts into a chubby man sprint to the back. Rating: 1\2 star.
Match Quality: 51%
Crowd Reaction: 35%
Overall Rating: 43%
Player Uno is backstage wearing his usual ring gear with a dark black and gray color palette. He puts himself over as “the secret final boss of professional wrestling” and says that Willie Mack stands no chance against him.
Overall Rating: 65%
Player Uno debuted his new gimmick, it got a positive response. Player Uno gained overness from this segment.
Matt Bentley is standing in the set for his personal interview segment. He announces that tonight's guest is TJ Perkins, who comes out from the back. They try to do a straight interview, but it is obvious that there is tension between the two as Bentley runs down W★ANG and the fans in attendance for not giving him the reaction “a rockstar” deserves. He starts insulting TJ and Ring of Honor. Soon a brawl breaks out. Road agents and referees come out and pull the two apart. Once the chaos settles down a bit Tegan the referee signals for the bell.
Overall Rating: 52%
TJ Perkins gained overness from this segment.
TJ Perkins vs Matt Bentley :As soon as the bell sounds TJ comes out of the corner with a hard running knee to the face of Bentley. Bentley counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Stiff high kick on TJ Perkins by Matt Bentley who has evidently been watching some old AJPW tapes recently. Bentley shoves TJ into the corner and chokes him with his boot. DDT from the top rope by Matt Bentley. That looked brutal. Cover! 1! 2! Kickout!.Perkins ducks a clothesline and hits a leaping neckbreaker. Perkins nails a hard front suplex with a bridge for a two count. Springboard tornado DDT from TJ Perkins. Nicely done. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Bentley counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face and tries to climb the turnbuckles but gets stopped with a stiff elbow to the jaw. Super frankensteiner on TJ Perkins, who hit hard. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. TJ Perkins reverses a waistlock. Matt Bentley takes a nasty tumble from the top to the outside after a shove from TJ Perkins! Bentley gets to his feet at a five count and staggers away from the ring. He swats away a fan and proceeds up the ramp away from the match. Bentley gets counted out. I don't think the fight has finished. TJ Perkins rushes out of the ring and Bentley and Perkins have begun brawling again! They wind up brawling all the way down the aisle and out of view. Almost wandered into *** match territory, but there was too much that dragged it down so it only gets a **3\4 rating.
Match Quality: 78%
Crowd Reaction: 49%
Overall Rating: 63%
Peter Avalon is backstage. He says that he’s beaten TJ Perkins before and since TJ Perkins just beat Matt Bentley that means he’s on a 2-0 unbeaten streak before his first match in W★ANG. Also since he beat TJ he more or less beat everybody in ROH by the transitive property and everybody in TNA too.
Overall Rating: 42%
Peter Avalon gained overness from this segment.
The referee introduces the next match as having a five minute time limit. Peter Avalon is the first out. He stops to pose WAY too much for the crowd’s liking.Bushi comes to the ring to mostly a dead crowd because fuck these assholes. He does his top rope white mist spot and Peter Avalon immediately protests that the referee check him for weapons.
Peter Avalon vs BUSHI : BUSHI circles the ring hyping up the crowd. Avalon follows suit and somebody throws a plastic cup at him. Actually the crowd is small enough that we know who did it, it’s just that nobody cares. Peter Avalon tries to start the match with a go-behind and low blow but BUSHI jumps up avoiding the crotch shot and comes down into an arm drag so hard Avalon slides under the bottom rope to the outside. Peter Avalon throws a mini tantrum at ringside as the ref informs him he has to get back in the ring. Peter pauses on the apron until the count reaches 8 then steps back in. Stiff high kick on BUSHI by Peter Avalon who has little to no effect on BUSHI. BUSHI takes a flying neckbreaker from Peter Avalon. Second rope flying axe handle, BUSHI goes down. Peter Avalon misses a big legdrop after stalling too long to admire his own “muscular” legs. Spin kick by BUSHI to the face. Lightning kick by BUSHI on Avalon. There's a two count on the pin before Avalon gets his foot on the bottom rope. BUSHI only gets knees on a splash. Flying reverse elbow by Peter Avalon. There's a two count on the pin. Springboard dropkick from Peter Avalon. Nicely done. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Avalon stays on top of BUSHI with a bodyscissors, stoping to lean on his arm and pose again. BUSHI starts to break out so Avalon quickly goes for a crossface of some kind but BUSHI rolls through and grabs the ropes. BUSHI kicks Peter Avalon in the gut to reverse the momentum. BUSHI hits a massive spinning kick to the jaw. Peter Avalon staggers back and ducks between the ropes to stall for time. BUSHI goes after him but the referee blocks and forces a clean break. Peter Avalon ducks to the outside of the ring as the referee motions at her wrist as if to say “the clock is running out”. Peter very slowly climbs back into the ring and BUSHI rushes him and rolls him up! 1! 2! Kickout! The time limit expires, and the referee declares the match a draw. BUSHI reluctantly offers a handshake to Avalon...but he spits at BUSHI and walks off yelling “STILL UNDEFEATED”! Worth a ** rating, but no more than that.
Match Quality: 74%
Crowd Reaction: 24%
Overall Rating: 49%
Willie Mack enters the ring to Lil’ Flip’s “Game Over” looking enthusiastic and getting the crowd into it. He stops to use his hair pick before stepping in the ring but he’s unceremoniously interrupted by the music changing to Anamanaguchi’s “The Dark One”. Player Uno walks out with a dictator cap and a cape on. He lets out a bellowing laugh and rushes down to the ring where he hops to the apron and then to the middle rope, standing there with his arms crossed with his black cape blowing in the wind of a conveniently placed ringside fan. He tosses the cap and cape aside onto the turnbuckle and hops over the top rope for the match introduction.
Player Uno vs Willie Mack : Big forearm by Player Uno, ripping a page from the NOAH playbook. Mack pushes out of a Player Uno hold. Standing leg lariat by Willie Mack on Uno. Uno crawls into the corner and eats a big avalance followed by a corner clothesline from Mack. Samoan drop on Uno and Mack kips up into a standing moonsault! The crowd seems shocked that a guy this big moves this fast. Cover! 1! 2! Kickout! We have our mandatory ref bump, as she goes down after accidentally getting floored when Player Uno ducks Willie Mack’s shoulder tackle. Chocolate Thunder Bomb on Uno, that looked painful. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is conveniently laid out. Mack drops a knee but misses. Fate can be so cruel. Back elbow connects, Mack staggers backward into the corner.Wicked suplex out of the corner from Player Uno, executed well. Dig Dug Driver! Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Mack punches Player Uno in the gut to reverse the momentum. Enziguri by Willie Mack. Belly to belly suplex. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Uno blocks the suplex attempt and rolls back into an arm drag which sends Mack to the outside. While the referee is counting Mack out Uno pulls something from under his cap and conceals it in his hand. He clobbers Willie Mack with it as Willie steps back into the ring. Willie Mack collapses! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Willie Mack got screwed! Player Uno remains in the ring, celebrating the victory. He spikes the object to the ground in victory and coins go scattering everywhere! ** rating for this one. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.
Match Quality: 65%
Crowd Reaction: 47%
Overall Rating: 56%
The referee notices the quarters and argues with Player Uno.
“No! No! I beat him then he dropped the quarters!”
Uno grabs Willie Mack by his lower jaw and moves his mouth.
“OH BARF!” “See, he’s defeated!”
The referee doesn’t look convinced and she goes to the outside of the ring and talks with the timekeeper. She rolls back in the ring and the match is restarted!
Willie Mack takes a butterfly suplex from Uno. Spinebuster by Player Uno. Side suplex! Uno floats over and hooks the leg! There's a two count on the pin. Mack counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Willie Mack hits a hard spinning elbow which staggers Player Uno. Hard back suplex on Uno. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Hooks the leg for a two count. Vicious kick to the teeth from Willie Mack. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Mack hits a dropkick on Player Uno. Uno counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Doctor Bomb, Mack landed hard. Hooks the leg for a two count. Death valley driver by Player Uno, Willie Mack is down and hurt. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Willie Mack takes another butterfly suplex from Uno. Back suplex on Mack, which is a backdrop to you NOAH fans. Willie Mack reverses an Irish whip and shoots Uno into the air before catching him on the way down with an elbow. Player Uno is in trouble but makes one last attempt to kick Mack in the head and gets caught. Chocolate Thunder Bomb!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Willie Mack climbs each turnbuckle in turn, working the crowd as he celebrates his victory I'm going to give this a ** rating because i'm in a generous mood.
Match Quality: 66%
Crowd Reaction: 47%
Overall Rating: 56%
Player Uno lost overness from this match. Willie Mack gained overness from this match.
Overall rating for the show: 53%
We got an e-mail from PA TV saying that the ratings for W★ANGseday Night WAR need to improve.
We got a 0.02 rating for 'W★ANGseday Night WAR'!
The attendance level was 24 people.
We made $360 from ticket sales.
WWE got a 0.27 television rating for 'NXT'!
The event was attended by 8039 people.
They made $321560 from ticket sales.
MCW got a 0.84 television rating for 'MCW Rage TV'!
The event was attended by 174 people.
They made $2610 from ticket sales.
What I’m saying here is: we suck. The highest rated segment was Dark Player Uno cutting a promo about how he’s the Wario of professional wrestling and the best match of the night
TJ Perkins has decided to work for APW rather than W★ANG! I don’t blame him.
Public image inexplicable raised to 12%.