So this is a really weighty situation for me right now. I know I've posted in here about my depression before, and dealing with the end of my marriage. This is really more about the aftermath. Specifically, how much help should I give my ex-wife?
For some background, I pay her ~1200 a month in child and spousal support (I make good money, she does not). She has live-in custody of our daughter, but I have full parental rights and can see her whenever I want. No weird supervised custody or anything, just not full 50/50 joint. My ex wife is with her boyfriend, the guy she cheated on me with for a year, and has basically tried to cut off non-essential communication with me because her new boyfriend is apparently jealous of her ex-husband (trust me, the irony of that last statement is not lost on me, at all).
Then today I get the call: Car's broken down, can't pay rent, had to pay 700 bucks to the mechanic, etc. etc. There was no explicit asking for help, but someone who is trying not to talk to you doesn't call and complain about money issues if they aren't implying they need your help.
On the one hand, my protector/provider gland wants to help, because my daughter is involved. On the other hand, I feel like she should at some point have to sleep in the bed she made. It's not my fault she didn't maintain the car up to the standards I did, and decided to leave me for another man and leave a large chunk of her income behind.
So far I've only offered to change around my order of payment for this month (normally I pay her the large part of the monthly sum near her rent check, as that's easier for her), so that she gets the lump sum earlier and can pay down the car bills and her rent. I have offered no other assistance.
Am I right to offer only a bear minimum of assistance, or am I being vindictive? I don't feel like I should be obligated to help, given everything that's happened...but I can't help myself from feeling a twinge of guilt for not offering more help (when I have the means to provide it). I don't want to be vindictive, but I don't want to be "that ex-husband" who is a crutch for his ex-wife who walks all over him.
This is quite the moral dilemma for me, and gets back down to my issues of replacement and my "role" as a provider being stripped away (and yes, my therapist and I have talked about that issue of mine).
Oh c'mon FyreWulff, no one's gonna pay to visit Uranus.
Brainling, FF14: Zillius Rosh SFV: