Some of you might have been here for my thread about some bedroom problems I was having, which ended when I posted that my girlfriend had broken up with me.
As an update, we got back together fairly quickly, as the decision had been made in a state of tiredness and anger and frustration. We're working things out, and one of the major issues that I need to be working on is a small jealousy problem that's popped up, alongside a lot of insecurity issues I've had for years. I've never HAD jealousy issues before, so I really don't know how to deal with them. I've made an appointment with a therapist, but that isn't until next week, and right now I've got a problem that I'm trying not to blow out of proportion.
She was in Vancouver this past weekend for a convention, and while I missed her I knew she needed the space and whatnot, but today I notice something in my Facebook news feed. Someone had posted on her wall, "Hey, honey! Wanted to message you to let you know it was me, but FB wouldn't let me. Good to meet you on the weekend - my email is on my info page if you ever make that gif from the strip club, lol! xx"
Now I don't think she cheated on me - the person who posted it was a woman, and I know that the fans of the show she was at the convention for just have a close camaraderie - calling her honey was just a platonic thing. And I know that she wouldn't have fucked a guy at the strip club because she's not that kind of person and she wouldn't do something like that to me or to anyone.
What IS bothering me is that she never mentioned the strip club thing to me, which makes me worried that she was trying to hide it, and what the hell could have been worth making a gif of. I have no idea what realistically goes on in these places, so I'm fabricating all these ridiculous things in my head and it's driving me up the wall.
I don't WANT to be freaking out about this. Especially not now, when our relationship is in such a delicate state due to me being kinda clingy. Freaking out about this is exactly the thing that will drive her away, and is exactly the thing I wouldn't want her to do to ME in this scenario. I'm reacting like my ex would have reacted, which fucking kills me because she was super jealous and clingy and possessive and I hated it.
But at the same time, she knows I'm really insecure about my body - I'm overweight and a little below average in the pants, and my medical state is in the pits. Knowing she went to this place to ogle some dudeflesh, and had an experience that was apparently caught on camera and that someone wants a gif of is really making me feel like she's not satisfied with me. The odd part about this is that I don't give a fuck if she watches a porno, but this bugs me.
She wouldn't give a fuck if I went to a strip club, and I want to give her that same courtesy. I just hate not knowing what happened.
I haven't asked her about it because a) I just found out and b) there's no way I can bring it up without seeming jealous and insecure and clingy and nosey and all the things she hates.
tl;dr: girlfriend went to a strip club without telling me, help me not be a dick about it