Looking for a general audience's opinion-

SAI 9to5SAI 9to5 Registered User regular
edited September 2012 in Artist's Corner
Hey everyone, I specifically made a profile to post my short film for a limited time (don't want to upset any festivals) in one of my favorite sub-forums on the internet. I really need some critiques and real reactions to the film I spent more than a year making, that don't come from family, friends, or crew members. I know everyone on here is good for it, and if you can spare thirteen minutes and forty seconds (w/ credits) it would give me some insight into how we'll play to fests and what we should do on the next one. Appreciate all comments, and looking forward to having a more diverse audience. Thank you for your time.

(Also, I think in this cut there are two shots that hadn't been color corrected yet, just to let you know)

SAI 9to5 on


  • GrifterGrifter BermudaModerator mod
    You're probably going to do better if you upload the video to a streaming site like youtube or vimeo.

  • SAI 9to5SAI 9to5 Registered User regular
    edited September 2012
    EDIT: Embed above should be working. Let me know what you think.

    SAI 9to5 on
  • HalenHalen Registered User regular
    Um, I don't want to be rude, but realistically, if you've spent a year making this film, nothing is going to change based on our opinion, right? Or are you just hoping we'll be like a little public test screening? :)

    Draw an egg.
  • tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    He's said in the OP that he's looking for crits he can keep in mind for the next film. Getting feedback on finished work is still valid.

  • GrifterGrifter BermudaModerator mod
    I would imagine it being rather difficult to post works in progress of a film. While we normally want people to post artwork that is fairly new or in the works, I think it's fair that finished films can be posted for people to critique so that they can try to be better in their next endeavour.

  • HalenHalen Registered User regular
    Ok, I watched it. Reaction behind spoilers because of possible... spoilers.
    First off, I really liked it. Really a lot liked it. I liked the sense of scale for a short film, and the camerawork is very delicate, although I found the shot where it goes behind a pillar a little jarring. The CGI of the ships taking off was just incredible, really.

    In terms of pacing, I found it a bit confusing. I think the long presidential speech was a bit too much, and I'm still confused about why they're from Mars. The president's speech went over ground that you'd already hinted at plenty, and wasn't needed in that detail, and I found the jump in 5-6 years to be a little jarring, and kind of cut into development of relationships, although I guess you'd be limited by what actors you had! Were they all siblings? Fantastic job making their faces and mannerisms match.

    So yeah, visually fantastic, that one shot aside, story-wise I found it a little confusing and oddly paced - less presidential explanation and a little more explanation into what I assume was a twist, but I'd have to watch again to be sure. Very very impressive though. And that spaceship shot, wow. I really wanted more of that :)

    Draw an egg.
  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    Just finished it. I'll post my thoughts in spoilers for those that haven't.
    First off, I'm weird in the way I look at shorts. I let the video buffer, and I skip every minute or so and catch a 20-30 second chunk until I finish it, then I watch it the whole way through. That way I get an idea if it storyboards well, and if what's shown between those skips helps or hurts the story. In your case, everything flowed well for me. I understood what was going on and enjoyed the little twist here or there.

    My only real critique is the flashback-esque scene in the corn field. The lighting was different from the rest of the shots, and of a poorer quality, and it just didn't fit well with the rest of the film. It was 10 seconds tops, but it was definitely noticeable.

    I really did enjoy this. I thought throughout the film your lighting and camera angles were really well done. Also your film didn't reek of that "I got my buddies who can't act to act in this and everything feels forced and fake" theme that most do. I don't know how you cast this, but you did a fantastic job with it.

    The only casting choice I didn't enjoy was the news anchor. He seemed like he was trying to impersonate Morgan Freeman who was impersonating Barack Obama and it just didn't work for me. It took me out of the scene more than once just trying to understand him. The lines he was speaking were good lines, I just think next time you should go with a better voice over guy, and my apologies if that man was you or a friend of yours, it just didn't work for me there.

    The mother and child were both exceptionally cast, as well as the president.

    My personal preference would be to sandbag the reveal from them being from another planet until closer to the end, maybe even after the soldier's speech (I'm assuming he's a soldier, the one at the end lying in the bed) or right before takeoff. That's just my .02 though, I like how you had the teenagers talking about it with each other just fine too.

    Really, really good with with the sfx. I hope we see more of your stuff here!

    Arch wrote: »

    I never expected this burn from captain bushmeat
  • SAI 9to5SAI 9to5 Registered User regular
    Really appreciate the detailed analysis guys, thanks. Hopefully more people have a minute to check it out and chime in.

  • risingsonrisingson Registered User
    This is very well put together. I think there was a lot of great shots and really well done fx. However, I was not a huge fan of the music as I felt it didn't really capture what was going on, let alone the the "reveal" at the end. Also, I didn't like the specific titles, as they were pretty much like NASA's. I get that it kind of felt right to use them in this context. The music and titles are really silly nitpicks because overall, it was a solid film. Kind of Spielbergy otherworldly-ness. Well done.

  • TokyoVTokyoV Registered User regular
    All the technical stuff was great. Shots (especially the ending), lightning, acting, etc. I loved the President's address. It went on long enough to move me as much as it could without getting stale.

    I'd like to see the twist either come right at the very end, or have a bit more explanation. I spent the last minute of the film trying to fully comprehend what was going on.

    On a personal level, I love the plot of the film for the emphasis on the power and importance of space travel. I doubt you had an agenda when you came up with the concept, but it's a topic I enjoy seeing visualized.

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