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Always wear clean underpants...

BingoBingo Registered User
edited July 2007 in Debate and/or Discourse
... is a bit of advice my grandmother (93 this Saturday) gave me.

I think if I was to be hit by a bus, the fact that my boxer-shorts were clean is pretty irrelavent. "Don't get caught dead with dirty underwear".

Anyway, this got me thinking. Axioms. Stuff we live by and say "Yeah, you know what you just did there? Don't do that."..

Here are some of mine:

* Never light incense-sticks to get rid of the smell of gas.
* Kids can reach anything, make sure that the handles of pans on the stove are as inward as possible.
* Never serve Spaghetti Bolognese if your date is going to wear white.
* Masturbation isn't a crime (I bet Jesus did it too)


Anyone want to add?

Hacksaw wrote:
Defense: *plausable scenario #1*
Prosecution: *Plausable scenario #2*
Judge: Search your feelings for the truth.
Jury: Fucking hell, we're going to be here all night.
Bingo on
«1

Posts

  • FirstComradeStalinFirstComradeStalin Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I go commando.

    Anyway, one to add:

    You never go ass-to-mouth. Never.

    FirstComradeStalin on
    Picture1-4.png
  • real_pochaccoreal_pochacco Registered User
    edited July 2007
    I go commando.

    Anyway, one to add:

    You never go ass-to-mouth. Never.

    Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's forgivable to go ass to mouth.

    real_pochacco on
  • Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    * Obey your hunches, no matter how dangerous or ridiculous.

    Charles Kinbote on
    www.twitter.com/amazingwarlock
  • FirstComradeStalinFirstComradeStalin Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I go commando.

    Anyway, one to add:

    You never go ass-to-mouth. Never.

    Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's forgivable to go ass to mouth.

    YOU NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTH!!!

    FirstComradeStalin on
    Picture1-4.png
  • Wonder_HippieWonder_Hippie __BANNED USERS
    edited July 2007
    ...and you don't mess around with Jim.

    Did I do that right?

    Wonder_Hippie on
    Your sig was too tall. -Thanatos
    Feral wrote: »
    MikeMan wrote: »
    i'm just a loveologist
    love me some lovin'
    gonna study up on lovin'

    Ain't no problem you can't solve in loveology with a larger sample size.
  • HalberdBlueHalberdBlue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    This is just a silly observation I've made, but if a phrase like these rhymes, people are 10x more likely to listen to it. The only one I can think of right now is "A card laid is a card played." I play a lot of Euchre and sometimes people will say that when someone tries to take back a card and nobody ever questions it! Its like the fact that the sentence rhymes holds some mystical power over people to not argue with it. I know there are other phrases with similar effects that rhyme, but I can't think of any off the top of my head at the moment.

    HalberdBlue on
  • JamesJames Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    This is just a silly observation I've made, but if a phrase like these rhymes, people are 10x more likely to listen to it. The only one I can think of right now is "A card laid is a card played." I play a lot of Euchre and sometimes people will say that when someone tries to take back a card and nobody ever questions it! Its like the fact that the sentence rhymes holds some mystical power over people to not argue with it. I know there are other phrases with similar effects that rhyme, but I can't think of any off the top of my head at the moment.

    In many games, when you let go of your hand/piece, you can't take it back. I think that rhyme was made after the fact.

    James on
  • monikermoniker Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Actually, it doesn't matter if you're wearing clean underwear or not since your bowels release at the onset of death. Assuming you didn't shit yourself out of fear, that is.

    moniker on
  • projectmayhemprojectmayhem Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Dont' dump in your hand and rub it in your eyes.

    projectmayhem on
  • CantidoCantido Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Two from Mom, one very valid, the other I'm not so sure:

    Never deposit cash in an ATM. It can be stolen and proof of the transaction won't be enough.

    Also, for the love of God, CHECK THE PAYPHONE'S EARPIECE BEFORE YOU PUT IT TO YOUR HEAD. D:

    Cantido on
    3DS Friendcode 5413-1311-3767
  • HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I think the only possible advice I would ever feel qualified to give would be to my future sons: stay away from crazy chicks.

    No, seriously, you have no idea what you'd be getting yourself into by getting involved with one.

    This also applies to any of my daughters who might turn out to be gay.

    Hacksaw on
  • monikermoniker Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    2's company, 3's a letter to penthouse.

    :winky:

    moniker on
  • FirstComradeStalinFirstComradeStalin Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    This is just a silly observation I've made, but if a phrase like these rhymes, people are 10x more likely to listen to it. The only one I can think of right now is "A card laid is a card played." I play a lot of Euchre and sometimes people will say that when someone tries to take back a card and nobody ever questions it! Its like the fact that the sentence rhymes holds some mystical power over people to not argue with it. I know there are other phrases with similar effects that rhyme, but I can't think of any off the top of my head at the moment.

    It's like in the Office, where the stripper says "Secret secrets help no one. Secret Secrets hurt someone."

    While Ben Franklin says stuff about how telling his girlfriend what happened is just going to get her mad, and it really doesn't hurt anything that it happened.

    Michael goes with the stripper's advice because it rhymes.

    FirstComradeStalin on
    Picture1-4.png
  • ThreelemmingsThreelemmings Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    "Jack of all trades, master of none, oftentimes better than master of one." is one of my big ones. I like to know a little bit about everything.

    Threelemmings on
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD along with you if I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be gonna be the man whoRegistered User regular
    edited July 2007
    My only real axiom is "Don't be that guy."

    See, you've all encountered that guy. That guy who stands in line at the supermarket yaking on his bluetooth headset. That guy who changes lanes without signaling. That guy who stands right in front of the door at the restaurant to smoke. That guy is everywhere, you encounter him every day, and everybody hates that guy.

    Don't be that guy.

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • Wonder_HippieWonder_Hippie __BANNED USERS
    edited July 2007
    Feral wrote: »
    My only real axiom is "Don't be that guy."

    See, you've all encountered that guy. That guy who stands in line at the supermarket yaking on his bluetooth headset. That guy who changes lanes without signaling. That guy who stands right in front of the door at the restaurant to smoke. That guy is everywhere, you encounter him every day, and everybody hates that guy.

    Don't be that guy.

    That guy wears the band's t-shirt to their concerts.

    Seriously though, that guy also has a mook friend, and walks around with that smug, self-satisfied look on his face because he thinks he's different. He also sticks it to "the man" every chance he gets, which usually means making some minimum-wage schlock work ten times harder to please them than anybody getting payed that little should ever have to.

    Wonder_Hippie on
    Your sig was too tall. -Thanatos
    Feral wrote: »
    MikeMan wrote: »
    i'm just a loveologist
    love me some lovin'
    gonna study up on lovin'

    Ain't no problem you can't solve in loveology with a larger sample size.
  • CrayonCrayon Sleeps in the wrong bed. TejasRegistered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Don't hurl in space, it'll eventually catch up to you. My pappy use to always say that.

    Crayon on
    "I am conscious of my inability to grasp, in all its details and positive developments, any very large portion of human knowledge."
    X-Box Tag: PrettyGoodCake
    PSN: LLatikuf
  • VariableVariable Mouth Congress Stroke Me Lady FameRegistered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Feral wrote: »
    My only real axiom is "Don't be that guy."

    See, you've all encountered that guy. That guy who stands in line at the supermarket yaking on his bluetooth headset. That guy who changes lanes without signaling. That guy who stands right in front of the door at the restaurant to smoke. That guy is everywhere, you encounter him every day, and everybody hates that guy.

    Don't be that guy.

    that is exactly how I live my life. it works in every situation.

    Variable on
    BNet-Vari#1998 | Switch-SW 6960 6688 8388 | Steam | Twitch
  • HachfaceHachface Not the Minister Farrakhan you're thinking of Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Never trust anyone whose first name and last name are both first names.

    Hachface on
  • Lucky CynicLucky Cynic Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Always have a virgin handy.


    You know, just in case.

    Lucky Cynic on
  • The CatThe Cat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2007
    I always thought it was 'never eat spaghetti on a date', on account of how there's no way known to eat it neatly.

    The Cat on
    tmsig.jpg
  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Another vote for "Dont be that guy". Its just the best. The amount of times people have questioned me on why I didnt do something immoral even when there was no chance of getting caught out... the answer "I just dont want to be THAT guy" always gets a nod.

    Cheating on your girlfriend? - Dont be that guy.
    Stealing something - Dont be that guy.

    Seriously - That guy is a real dick.

    Fallingman on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • BingoBingo Registered User
    edited July 2007
    moniker wrote: »
    2's company, 3's a letter to penthouse.

    :winky:

    That's awesome :lol:

    8-)

    Bingo on
    Hacksaw wrote:
    Defense: *plausable scenario #1*
    Prosecution: *Plausable scenario #2*
    Judge: Search your feelings for the truth.
    Jury: Fucking hell, we're going to be here all night.
  • MikeManMikeMan Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Know when to hold 'em; know when to fold 'em.

    I like that one for how it combines vagueness with uselessness while diminishing neither.

    MikeMan on
    HOW DO YOU FUCK UP BAGELS. YOU BOIL THE WATER. PUT IN THE NOODLES
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited July 2007
    The Cat wrote: »
    I always thought it was 'never eat spaghetti on a date', on account of how there's no way known to eat it neatly.

    Do they not have forks where you go on dates?

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
    Drunks Against Mad Mothers
  • Bliss 101Bliss 101 Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    The Cat wrote: »
    I always thought it was 'never eat spaghetti on a date', on account of how there's no way known to eat it neatly.

    Do they not have forks where you go on dates?

    Well, you also need a spoon.

    At least, the only way I know to eat spaghetti neatly is with fork and spoon.

    Bliss 101 on
    MSL59.jpg
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited July 2007
    Bliss 101 wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    I always thought it was 'never eat spaghetti on a date', on account of how there's no way known to eat it neatly.

    Do they not have forks where you go on dates?

    Well, you also need a spoon.

    At least, the only way I know to eat spaghetti neatly is with fork and spoon.

    I only need the fork. If I'm lazy I can do some preliminary work with a knife to make it easier. I suppose it would depend on the viscosity of the sauce, though. If it's like red water, there's a problem, but then there's already a problem in that watery sauce is wrong.

    Edit: And I could never figure how people manage to make such a mess of anything involving hot fudge or chocolate-sauce.

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
    Drunks Against Mad Mothers
  • The CatThe Cat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2007
    The Cat wrote: »
    I always thought it was 'never eat spaghetti on a date', on account of how there's no way known to eat it neatly.

    Do they not have forks where you go on dates?

    I have low dex >.>

    The Cat on
    tmsig.jpg
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited July 2007
    The Cat wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    I always thought it was 'never eat spaghetti on a date', on account of how there's no way known to eat it neatly.

    Do they not have forks where you go on dates?

    I have low dex >.>

    Just as well, I had to pull from cha to make my dex.

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
    Drunks Against Mad Mothers
  • The CatThe Cat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2007
    srs though, a steak and salad is much less stressful. Also, lo-carb.

    The Cat on
    tmsig.jpg
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited July 2007
    The Cat wrote: »
    srs though, a steak and salad is much less stressful. Also, lo-carb.

    Yes but the spaghetti stops me from talking, which is helpful.

    Edit: I get chatty when I'm at all nervous.

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
    Drunks Against Mad Mothers
  • MuddBuddMuddBudd Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Fallingman wrote: »
    Another vote for "Dont be that guy". Its just the best. The amount of times people have questioned me on why I didnt do something immoral even when there was no chance of getting caught out... the answer "I just dont want to be THAT guy" always gets a nod.

    Cheating on your girlfriend? - Dont be that guy.
    Stealing something - Dont be that guy.

    Seriously - That guy is a real dick.

    I call them BMW guys, as in LA they 90% of the time turn out to drive BMWs.

    MuddBudd on
    steam_sig.png
  • nexuscrawlernexuscrawler Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    The Cat wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    I always thought it was 'never eat spaghetti on a date', on account of how there's no way known to eat it neatly.

    Do they not have forks where you go on dates?

    I have low dex >.>

    Cat fails Reflex save

    nexuscrawler on
  • NerissaNerissa Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    The Cat wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    I always thought it was 'never eat spaghetti on a date', on account of how there's no way known to eat it neatly.

    Do they not have forks where you go on dates?

    I have low dex >.>

    Just as well, I had to pull from cha to make my dex.

    No, this isn't a forum full of geeks... ;-)
    Bingo wrote: »
    .
    * Kids can reach anything, make sure that the handles of pans on the stove are as inward as possible.

    I'm personally surprised we HAVEN'T had a major accident in my house, with the number of knives my toddler has brought me off of counters I didn't think she could reach.

    My favorite is "Housework is like sex -- it never stays done"

    Nerissa on
    Personally, I like D&D because I find OCD much more interesting than ADD.
  • Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I go commando.

    Anyway, one to add:

    You never go ass-to-mouth. Never.

    Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's forgivable to go ass to mouth.

    YOU NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTH!!!

    Oh would you grow up.

    You scratch your head, your nose, then your ass. Not the other way around.

    Also, pinch and roll.

    Capt Howdy on
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  • GorakGorak Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Duck and cover!

    Don't eat the yellow snow.

    Gorak on
  • Apothe0sisApothe0sis Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality? Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Don't lick a laptop without a ground pin.

    They're tingly in an unpleasant fashion.

    Apothe0sis on
    Tide goes in. Tide goes out.
    Es-annon NEVA 4GET
  • LaOsLaOs Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Hachface wrote: »
    Never trust anyone whose first name and last name are both first names.

    Hey! Fuck you!!

    LaOs on
  • KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Hachface wrote: »
    Never trust anyone whose first name and last name are both first names.

    Even Batman?

    KalTorak on
  • FirstComradeStalinFirstComradeStalin Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Capt Howdy wrote: »
    I go commando.

    Anyway, one to add:

    You never go ass-to-mouth. Never.

    Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's forgivable to go ass to mouth.

    YOU NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTH!!!

    Oh would you grow up.

    You scratch your head, your nose, then your ass. Not the other way around.

    Also, pinch and roll.

    I don't follow. Scratching something with your finger is completely different from putting you mouth on it.

    Also, neatly eating spaghetti only requires a knife to chop it up, then a fork to eat it like it's normal pasta.

    FirstComradeStalin on
    Picture1-4.png
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