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Bullying

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  • MulletudeMulletude Registered User regular
    This thread reminds me why I dislike so many people. Not my bullies. But just the rampant stupidity and small minded bullshit that we see every day from our fellow humans. Bullying has many faces. From the kid at school making another kids life hell to the dickhead in line in front of you at the grocery store belittling the checker.

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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    I am extremely proud of my time as a camp counselor because of the times I diffused bullies and bullying while there.

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  • agoajagoaj Top Tier One FearRegistered User regular
    I am extremely proud of my time as a camp counselor because of the times I diffused bullies and bullying while there.

    Any good examples?

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  • SolarSolar Registered User regular
    BusterK wrote: »
    Growing up a weak, nerdy kid and growing up to be a teacher of all ages
    I've seen a lot of the way kids interact with each other
    I can say plainly anyone who thinks the subject of bullying is simple and easily recognizable has their head up their ass
    Almost all the bullies I've seen were bullied themselves at one point
    The same anger and helplessness came out as violence directed outside
    It's a culture that needs to be corrected more than any individual
    At the same time a lot of what might seem like bullying actually does turn into healthy relationships between kids because the only way they can interact is in small bits of emotional violence
    It's for these reasons I don't agree with set laws about bullying when what's really required are people who are trained to recognize it, can separate it from how kids normally interact (which yes can be very hard to determine before its too late) and have the will to step in and stop it.
    It's harder yes, but laws about bullying to me seem like laws about teaching
    Every situation is too individualized to have just one solution

    Agreed. Bullying is not a simple subject.

  • T4CTT4CT BAFTA-NOMINATED NAFTA-APPROVEDRegistered User regular
    I have been bullied

    I have bullied

    that's my story

  • BusterKBusterK Negativity is Boring Cynicism is Cowardice Registered User regular
    Druhim wrote: »
    You make some excellent points, buster. It is a complex issue that unfortunately does tend to get oversimplified.
    Because we only pay attention at the end point of these extreme cases it's easy to think it must have been obvious to fix. The truth is more often the behavior right in front of everyone to see is going to be close enough to the social norm as to be indistinguishable and it's only as the kids get farther away from public scrutiny that their behavior becomes more extreme.

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  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    in popular culture bullies are almost always portrayed as big dumb guys who bully because they're dumb

    which shows you how culture views bullying

    bullying is something other people do

    much like rape, actually

    DruhimLegbaFire TruckSkeithEffefCrimson KingV1m
  • GrisloGrislo Registered User regular
    Zibblsnrt wrote: »
    Grislo wrote: »
    We had a lovely incident in a class I teach a while back - and these are 'kids' in the 18+ range. One girl in the class' mother was terminally ill, fairly close to dying. She's sharing this with a group of the other girls in class. Their response: "ew, that's gross." Cue them actually picking on a girl for having a parent on death's door.

    ...Even by the standards, goddamn.

    Yeah. I'm somewhat used to teenagers being dicks, but still. I'd like to think it's a case of some people just not knowing how to deal with certain things as opposed to real menace.

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  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    I'm mostly tired of bullying being accepted as a trial of youth

    No, fuck that shit, I've seen teachers stand by while heinous shit was being done to me

    Yeah, there's not a clear line of what's ultimately healthy or unhealthy

    But if I see kids under my care being dicks to each other, I'm going to try to make a lesson out of it every time

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  • BusterKBusterK Negativity is Boring Cynicism is Cowardice Registered User regular
    Even more so, you would be surprised how much behavior that looks exactly like you would expect bullying to look is actually kids just testing each other and then they end up closer because of it
    And then you see behavior that looks more or less normal at first until eventually you see that it is definitely a problem

    Also how many kids just flat out lie
    Not just to make themselves look better but to make everyone else look worse
    When you're a kid
    Everything happens because of you and anything bad is the result of direct malice

    You hear the same story over and over and it gets easy for your senses to get dulled and not notice when there is real malicious intent

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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    agoaj wrote: »
    I am extremely proud of my time as a camp counselor because of the times I diffused bullies and bullying while there.

    Any good examples?

    One kid said he danced with some girl at the dance. I could tell he hadn't. The guys were giving him crap about it.

    So I just said "Yeah, I saw him dancing cozy with someone."

    They asked who, I says "hell if I know, you kids all look the same to me."

    They stopped torturing him and started asking him about her in earnest. To his credit, he played coy. He thanked me at dinner, and we talked about smash bros.

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  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
    agoaj wrote: »
    I am extremely proud of my time as a camp counselor because of the times I diffused bullies and bullying while there.

    Any good examples?

    One kid said he danced with some girl at the dance. I could tell he hadn't. The guys were giving him crap about it.

    So I just said "Yeah, I saw him dancing cozy with someone."

    They asked who, I says "hell if I know, you kids all look the same to me."

    They stopped torturing him and started asking him about her in earnest. To his credit, he played coy. He thanked me at dinner, and we talked about smash bros.

    and that's the heartwarming story of how a young man was introduced to delusional relationships and stalking.

  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Dubh wrote: »
    I'm mostly tired of bullying being accepted as a trial of youth

    No, fuck that shit, I've seen teachers stand by while heinous shit was being done to me

    Yeah, there's not a clear line of what's ultimately healthy or unhealthy

    But if I see kids under my care being dicks to each other, I'm going to try to make a lesson out of it every time

    That's NOT how you diffuse bullying, dubh

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  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    Well, part of it is knowing the kids in the first place

    And understanding their common behavior

    I'm not going to roll into a brand new classroom and start calling out shit, unless it's something painfully obvious

    I see what you're saying, BusterK

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  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    My brain keeps going back to Billy Madison and "Man, I'm glad I called that guy."

    BLM - ACAB
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    If I had more than one hand and an iPad I d be more verbose

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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    But point is you don't make examples of bullies. That backfires.

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  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    Dubh wrote: »
    I'm mostly tired of bullying being accepted as a trial of youth

    No, fuck that shit, I've seen teachers stand by while heinous shit was being done to me

    Yeah, there's not a clear line of what's ultimately healthy or unhealthy

    But if I see kids under my care being dicks to each other, I'm going to try to make a lesson out of it every time

    That's NOT how you diffuse bullying, dubh

    You might be misreading me

    Because I have several years of childcare under my belt

    It's something I've had to deal with

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  • ArangArang Registered User regular
    Arang wrote: »
    I ignored bullies all through middle school, until the point where it actually stopped bothering me

    then one day on the bus a guy moved up and at across from me, and when I got up to get off he grabbed hold of a strap that was on my backpack and held onto it, which was a totally new experience because nothing physical had ever happened before

    anyway, I looked at him and said "let go", and he smiled this smug smile and said "no"

    so I backhanded him in the face and he let go, and I got off the bus and never really saw or heard from him again


    I guess either way works, but damn if I don't wish younger me had thought to try that three years earlier

    I have the feeling that you actually did better for yourself by not resorting to violence immediately.

    yeah, probably

    being able to truly ignore bad stuff has been a very valuable life skill

    then again, I probably spent those years not learning a bunch of other important stuff

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  • StaleStale Registered User regular
    I was the sickly kid who missed school for weeks at a time, and would alternate between deathly thin, and hideously fat.

    I mean big time fat, orca fat. So it was like every time I made it back to school I looked different, something else was wrong with me, and I had a whole new thing to be bullied about. This is a very, very rural school with corn-fed hearty and hale young men and women. I was relentlessly bullied. Always getting beat up, always getting humiliated, always getting made an example of for being different.

    I knew I was never going to be normal, so I acceptaed that you know what? This is just how it is. Then I started growing, and growing. You'd think being a foot taller and 75 pounds heavier than everyone else would stop it entirely.

    Nope. These were farm boys. They didn't give a fuck. So it continued. Once I started my business things got better, I was rarely if ever in school, and actually employed some of the worst bullies. They got the shit jobs, the dirty, hot, miserable jobs. They also got paid less. Fuck those guys, this is what happens when you're an asshole for no real reason.

    By the end of High School, I had convinced people that bullying me wasn't really going to accomplish much anymore and I even had a bit of popularity. Now whether it was because I had money, or because I just stopped being a whiny little doormat, I don't know. Don't really care. Those people were all in my past, and I don't even talk to them on facebook let alone real life.

    They don't matter. I grew up to be awesome. They grew up to fat versions of their parents. I won.

    easysig2.jpg
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  • PwnanObrienPwnanObrien He's right, life sucks. Registered User regular
    edited October 2012
    Middle school was a lot like prison: tiny windows at best, thick layers of brick and groups of kids segregated by race beating the shit out of each other. I once actually had a kid argue with me about why his group's leader wasn't racist..."he just hates all white people." Of course my reward for not being racist back was to get the shit kicked out of my by four or five skinheads. You don't really get good or win at fights like that no matter how many dozen you're in. You just get in more punches. If by some minor miracle you start winning a one on two fight it's nothing more than an invitation to a third guy to get some free hits in.

    In the time I worked as a teacher I put any instance of bullying I saw to an end immediately and let the kid know that shit would not be tolerated.

    PwnanObrien on
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  • The Cow KingThe Cow King a island Registered User regular
    I can tell that I wasn't bullied that bad as a kid because my roommate is one of those bullies and we are pretty good pals.

    However I was a very depressed kid so that bullying wasn't helpful.

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  • UnbreakableVowUnbreakableVow Registered User regular
    I was picked on a lot, but never beaten up

    I think the worst incident that ever happened to me in high school was when some random kid who I'd never seen before in my life walked up to me and smacked me across the mouth hard

    A friend and I then proceeded to give him a beating after that

    I still don't know what ever happened that day. Never saw the kid again. Didn't ever even figure out his name

  • RaekreuRaekreu Registered User regular
    I was bullied pretty frequently from 4th-8th grade. It started off with the usual stuff - punching, threats, taunting, insults, etc. Slow at first, but it escalated over time.

    The 2 worst ones were in middle school, a duo that ran the gamut - they threatened me with violence on a daily basis (and beat me up multiple times, never leaving any marks so they wouldn't get caught), stole my shit out of my desk, found out my phone number from the school directory to call my house late at night...plus a lot of other shit I'd rather not go into. I was terrified of these guys and they were untouchable, I ended up having to go and see a psychologist for a while and finally got transferred to a new school. New school had a lot of assholes, but it was more or less background noise. More manageable than me being unable to sleep at night, constantly finding new ways to skip school, and freezing up in terror when I heard anyone say my name in the halls.

    I ran into one of them at a bar a few years ago. I was there in a group and he came up and talked to my friend for a while, who he knew from school but never gave a hard time. I didn't want anything to do with him and just kept playing pool, but I kept an ear out to hear what he said. He was messily drunk when he walked up and in the course of the conversation I found out that his life was a mess. He lost his license due to multiple DUIs and couldn't hold a job down as a result. The revocation on his license was severe - 5 years before he'd even be allowed to start paperwork to get it back. He was living on other people's couches due to not having money due to no job and no license.

    I gotta say, it made my night. Not because of schadenfreude, I didn't enjoy hearing about how shitty his life was, but because I realized that I didn't care. Not about his current situation, not about what happened when we were young. Helped me make some peace of mind for myself.

  • UnbreakableVowUnbreakableVow Registered User regular
    Speaking of the thread topic

    That documentary, Bully

    Anyone see it? Any good?

    They're showing it at the dollar theater here, I'm probably gonna see it on Monday

  • nevilleneville The Worst Gay (Seriously. The Worst!)Registered User regular
    Speaking as a person who almost was driven to suicide because of the actions of others, I can safely say that anybody who would treat others differently than they wish to be treated themselves can go fuck off. Everybody is perfect, and everybody deserves to be treated as such.

    :-( I'm glad you didn't. You're awesome!


    I had some hard times in my past, too, but I'm glad I stuck it out.
    People who bully others who don't fit in? Fuck them.

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  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    shut up. you can't make threads like this *shove*

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  • scarlet blvd.scarlet blvd. Bebop Cola Goooood!Registered User regular
    peace and love for everyone
    and then some joke about exclusion
    really though I wish this stuff wasn't a thing anymore
    humanity is dicks sometimes

  • ButtersButters A glass of some milks Registered User regular
    Fallout wrote: »
    shut up. you can't make threads like this *shove*

    Ha ha! Yeah! Throw his thread in the mud, Butch!

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  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    did you guys see 21 jump street

    that was my high school

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  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Someone's asking for a swirly!

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  • vermiculturevermiculture Registered User regular
    I, like many people here, was bullied in elementary school. I remember having to go to the counselor's office everyday and playing these self esteem games.

    I don't remember the bully, and I don't remember the specific games. The only things I do remember very well were 1) being incredibly embarassed when I had to leave class early for my special bully time, and 2) I was always given snickers bars candy as a reward for going to this counsel. Looking back, I guess I was insanely lucky to have some kind of counselor who cared and to not have the Internet. Also I guess this is part of the reason why snickers bars are my favorite candy bar.

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  • TamTam Registered User regular
    vermi I somehow had you figured as the type to take shit to a point and then straight up glass someone if they crossed the line
    I may be a poor judge of character

  • nevilleneville The Worst Gay (Seriously. The Worst!)Registered User regular
    I, like many people here, was bullied in elementary school. I remember having to go to the counselor's office everyday and playing these self esteem games.

    I don't remember the bully, and I don't remember the specific games. The only things I do remember very well were 1) being incredibly embarassed when I had to leave class early for my special bully time, and 2) I was always given snickers bars candy as a reward for going to this counsel. Looking back, I guess I was insanely lucky to have some kind of counselor who cared and to not have the Internet. Also I guess this is part of the reason why snickers bars are my favorite candy bar.

    I remember all the bullies.
    It wasnt just elementary school but w/e.
    Fuck the hatas

    I know I'm more successful than they are.
    Karma, bitches.

    nevillexmassig1.png
  • TamTam Registered User regular
    edited October 2012
    at first I was bullied cause I was the short fat foreign kid
    then I did some bullying cause he was the dorky kid with coke bottle glasses and I wanted to be cool like the other assholes hassling him
    if I ever meet that kid again
    I gotta have a drink with him

    Tam on
  • BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    tam is perfection

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  • vermiculturevermiculture Registered User regular
    Tam wrote: »
    vermi I somehow had you figured as the type to take shit to a point and then straight up glass someone if they crossed the line
    I may be a poor judge of character

    Man you shoulda seen me the one time I tried to hit someone. Really it was pathetic I've never been a strong enough dude to be threatening.

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  • TamTam Registered User regular
    edited October 2012
    haha then we need to hang out
    the least threatening duo in the world

    @Beasteh nah I'm a decent person at the best of times and have been an irritating shit for most of my life
    wuvs though

    Tam on
  • HugmasterGeneralHugmasterGeneral Registered User regular
    edited October 2012
    I was bullied.

    Hold your surprise.

    I never bullied, though. I just pushed people away because I never knew who was just being nice and who was just trying to trick me.

    I was never afraid to fight someone, though. I never got seriously hurt. I think I am Unbreakable starring Bruce Willis

    HugmasterGeneral on
  • TamTam Registered User regular
    edited October 2012
    we wouldn't love you if you were anything less, Richard

    Tam on
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