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Always wear clean underpants...

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Posts

  • an_altan_alt Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Don't whiz on an electric fence.

    an_alt on
    Pony wrote:
    I think that the internet has been for years on the path to creating what is essentially an electronic Necronomicon: A collection of blasphemous unrealities so perverse that to even glimpse at its contents, if but for a moment, is to irrevocably forfeit a portion of your sanity.
    Xbox - PearlBlueS0ul, Steam
    If you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to message me. Yes, that includes you.
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited July 2007
    an_alt wrote: »
    Don't whiz on the electric fence.

    Such a beautiful song...

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
    Drunks Against Mad Mothers
  • ShmoepongShmoepong Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    If you can't be good, be safe.

    Shmoepong on
    I don't think I could take a class without sparring. That would be like a class without techniques. Sparring has value not only as an important (necessary) step in applying your techniques to fighting, but also because it provides a rush and feeling of elation, confidence, and joyful exhaustion that can only be matched by ... oh shit, I am describing sex again. Sorry everyone. - Epicurus
  • nexuscrawlernexuscrawler Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Stop Drop and Roll

    nexuscrawler on
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited July 2007
    Shmoepong wrote: »
    If you can't be good, be safe.

    I much prefer "if you can't do something smart, do something right".

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
    Drunks Against Mad Mothers
  • GorakGorak Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Don't cross the streams.

    Gorak on
  • nexuscrawlernexuscrawler Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Gorak wrote: »
    Don't cross the streams.

    Rule number 1 of threesomes

    nexuscrawler on
  • TachTach Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Lower your head, and watch your step. If you don't lower your head, watch your language.

    And my favorite:

    Always.... Never.... Forget to check your references.

    Tach on
  • 12gauge12gauge Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Capt Howdy wrote: »
    I go commando.

    Anyway, one to add:

    You never go ass-to-mouth. Never.

    Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's forgivable to go ass to mouth.

    YOU NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTH!!!

    Oh would you grow up.

    You scratch your head, your nose, then your ass. Not the other way around.

    Also, pinch and roll.

    I don't follow. Scratching something with your finger is completely different from putting you mouth on it.

    Also, neatly eating spaghetti only requires a knife to chop it up, then a fork to eat it like it's normal pasta.

    NEVER cut spaghetti with a knife - seriously, that shows that you have no table manners what so ever.

    12gauge on
    davidoc0.jpg
  • Irond WillIrond Will WARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!! Cambridge. MAModerator mod
    edited July 2007
    LaOs wrote: »
    Hachface wrote: »
    Never trust anyone whose first name and last name are both first names.

    Hey! Fuck you!!

    My girlfriend has two first names. Also, two last names.

    Irond Will on
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  • Irond WillIrond Will WARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!! Cambridge. MAModerator mod
    edited July 2007
    "Those who can, do.

    Those who can't, teach.

    Those who can't teach, teach gym."

    Irond Will on
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  • LaOsLaOs Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    What's that about cutting spaghetti being bad??

    LaOs on
  • GorakGorak Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Gorak wrote: »
    Don't cross the streams.

    Rule number 1 of threesomes

    If there's more than one stream, your threesomes have the wrong polarity.

    Gorak on
  • monikermoniker Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    When all else fails men turn to reason.

    moniker on
  • CorlisCorlis Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I forget where I got this from, but "Before you try and beat the odds, make sure you could survive the odds beating you"

    Corlis on
    But I don't mind, as long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine,
    I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
  • NofrikinfuNNofrikinfuN Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    LaOs wrote: »
    What's that about cutting spaghetti being bad??

    I got the same thing from my girlfriend when I said "Fine, I'll just cut the damned spaghetti into bite-sized bits." (In response to her assertion that I was a sloppy pig, the first time she made me spaghetti.)

    Apparently it's taboo during all those occaisions where you're dining with the queen and whatnot.

    I just twirl it around the fork and eat. I'm willing to get a little messy for good spaghetti. But then, I was never taught any kind of upper-crust manners.

    NofrikinfuN on
  • Irond WillIrond Will WARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!! Cambridge. MAModerator mod
    edited July 2007
    Well you have the fork thing down anyways. The queen approves of this.

    Irond Will on
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  • FellhandFellhand Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    My buddy told me this one today about confidance and I'm totally stealing it:

    "Fake it till you make it."

    Fellhand on
  • Mongrel IdiotMongrel Idiot Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    In the words of the esteemed and wise Douglas Adams:

    Don't Panic.

    Mongrel Idiot on
    0sgEp4R.jpg?1
  • MikeManMikeMan Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Irond Will wrote: »
    LaOs wrote: »
    Hachface wrote: »
    Never trust anyone whose first name and last name are both first names.

    Hey! Fuck you!!

    My girlfriend has two first names. Also, two last names.

    Kim Kim Possible Possible?

    MikeMan on
    HOW DO YOU FUCK UP BAGELS. YOU BOIL THE WATER. PUT IN THE NOODLES
  • Irond WillIrond Will WARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!! Cambridge. MAModerator mod
    edited July 2007
    MikeMan wrote: »
    Irond Will wrote: »
    LaOs wrote: »
    Hachface wrote: »
    Never trust anyone whose first name and last name are both first names.

    Hey! Fuck you!!

    My girlfriend has two first names. Also, two last names.

    Kim Kim Possible Possible?

    That's my imaginary girlfriend. She can split into two imaginary girlfriends.

    Irond Will on
    Wqdwp8l.png
  • KalTorakKalTorak Way up inside your butthole, Morty. WAAAAY up inside there.Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Corlis wrote: »
    I forget where I got this from, but "Before you try and beat the odds, make sure you could survive the odds beating you"

    I think that's from www.despair.com. They've got a lot of good ones, actually.

    KalTorak on
  • CorlisCorlis Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    KalTorak wrote: »
    Corlis wrote: »
    I forget where I got this from, but "Before you try and beat the odds, make sure you could survive the odds beating you"

    I think that's from www.despair.com. They've got a lot of good ones, actually.
    Heheh, that's the one! I always intended to get something from that site, but I never get around to it.

    Corlis on
    But I don't mind, as long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine,
    I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
  • hesthefastesthesthefastest Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Just FYI, but when you die, you soil yourself, so wearing clean underwear is just a waste of time.
    Also, I will always cut my spaghetti because it is exactly a trillion times easier to eat it that way.

    To stay on topic:
    'look both ways before you cross the street'

    hesthefastest on
  • ShoggothShoggoth Registered User
    edited July 2007
    ...and you don't mess around with Jim.

    Did I do that right?

    I doubt any one will get that.

    Shoggoth on
    11tu0w1.jpg
  • geckahngeckahn Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    LaOs wrote: »
    What's that about cutting spaghetti being bad??

    It shows you have no idea how to eat pasta.

    geckahn on
  • DelzhandDelzhand Venitah, Satariel! Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    This is just a silly observation I've made, but if a phrase like these rhymes, people are 10x more likely to listen to it.

    Whoever smelt it dealt it? (which is kind of weird, because smelled doesn't rhyme with dealt, but I'm not going to argue with my grandpa)

    Delzhand on
    Steam|FFXIV|Switch SW-3472-4893-0802
  • FirstComradeStalinFirstComradeStalin Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Delzhand wrote: »
    This is just a silly observation I've made, but if a phrase like these rhymes, people are 10x more likely to listen to it.

    Whoever smelt it dealt it? (which is kind of weird, because smelled doesn't rhyme with dealt, but I'm not going to argue with my grandpa)

    It's actually derived from an expression that English blacksmiths had about the responsibility of the manufacturer of iron to provide a proper product, saying "He who smelt it dealt it." In other words, the man who smelted the iron is the one who decided to deliver it upon the market, or "dealt it" if you will. Therefore, faulty products were the fault of the manufacturer, and he was to reimburse vendors as such.
    I made this all up

    FirstComradeStalin on
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  • GoodOmensGoodOmens Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    My mother's favorite driving advice...never play chicken with a truck. The truck always wins.

    GoodOmens on
    steam_sig.png
    IOS Game Center ID: Isotope-X
  • monikermoniker Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Just FYI, but when you die, you soil yourself, so wearing clean underwear is just a waste of time.
    Also, I will always cut my spaghetti because it is exactly a trillion times easier to eat it that way.

    To stay on topic:
    'look both ways before you cross the street'

    I beat you with the first part by 2 pages, and cannot emphasize the last part enough if you're ever travelling abroad in England.

    moniker on
  • LemmingLemming Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    The one that I've been using recently is simply "Don't be a pussy."

    There are some things that I have to do for my job that just plain suck to do (going into small, hot, cramped spaces with bugs and spiders to push fiberglass out of the way so you can get to the ceiling you need to drill, only to have the sawdust go into your face, for example, also going on a steep roof in the middle of the day on the hot, black roofing so you can paint and hope you don't slip off). Whenever I find myself shying away from doing it or doing it half-assed because it makes me uncomfortable, I just remember that I'm being a pussy and I just need to do it and stop crying about it.

    On the plus side, I'm less of a pussy than I used to be :P

    Lemming on
  • FreddyDFreddyD Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Don't buy meat from a van. Especially in the summer.

    FreddyD on
  • hesthefastesthesthefastest Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    moniker wrote: »
    Just FYI, but when you die, you soil yourself, so wearing clean underwear is just a waste of time.
    Also, I will always cut my spaghetti because it is exactly a trillion times easier to eat it that way.

    To stay on topic:
    'look both ways before you cross the street'

    I beat you with the first part by 2 pages, and cannot emphasize the last part enough if you're ever travelling abroad in England.

    Goddam, I checked, oh how I checked!
    oh well, cant win em all.

    "Anyone can look smart if he simply keeps his mouth shut"

    hesthefastest on
  • CangoFettCangoFett Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    For guys:
    So you're in the shower, bored, got some time to kill, decide to have some extra "me time" ? Thats fine

    But no matter how good of an idea it seems at a time DO NOT USE SOAP FOR THAT


    You will feel like you're dying later, if you do.

    CangoFett on
  • Lucky CynicLucky Cynic Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I'm a whore for Murphy's Laws. They are just so perfect.
    +++++++++


    # If anything can go wrong, it will.

    # If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong

    # If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway

    # If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop

    # Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse

    # If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

    # Nature always sides with the hidden flaw

    # Mother nature is a bitch.

    And there's more here. The Tech Laws are fun too.

    Lucky Cynic on
  • ScooterScooter Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    CangoFett wrote: »
    For guys:
    So you're in the shower, bored, got some time to kill, decide to have some extra "me time" ? Thats fine

    But no matter how good of an idea it seems at a time DO NOT USE SOAP FOR THAT


    You will feel like you're dying later, if you do.


    It's not even soap, the water'll do it. Getting it on with your SO in, say, a jacuzzi can do the same thing.


    Unfortunately I didn't learn this til well after my early teen years.
    And even worse, it was just the shower me-time :(

    Scooter on
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I'm partial to "Nothing's worse than an ignorant person with a little bit of knowledge." Also "What's on the inside doesn't count because no one can see it."

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • UndefinedMonkeyUndefinedMonkey Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Opinions are like assholes: everyone has at least one, and the vast majority of them stink.

    UndefinedMonkey on
    This space intentionally left blank.
  • FCDFCD Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Scooter wrote: »
    CangoFett wrote: »
    For guys:
    So you're in the shower, bored, got some time to kill, decide to have some extra "me time" ? Thats fine

    But no matter how good of an idea it seems at a time DO NOT USE SOAP FOR THAT


    You will feel like you're dying later, if you do.


    It's not even soap, the water'll do it. Getting it on with your SO in, say, a jacuzzi can do the same thing.


    Unfortunately I didn't learn this til well after my early teen years.
    And even worse, it was just the shower me-time :(

    The thing about "me time" in the shower is that you have to have your back to the water, so that you get all the benefits of hot water running down your back, and non of the drawbacks of hot water hitting your junk.

    FCD on
    "If anyone tried to steal your WAX LIPS, you would eat their eyeballs and deliver an angry lecture into their empty sockets." Hearts Boxcars, The Midnight Crew
  • Apothe0sisApothe0sis Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality? Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I'm a whore for Murphy's Laws. They are just so perfect.
    +++++++++


    # If anything can go wrong, it will.

    # If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong

    # If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway

    # If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop

    # Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse

    # If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

    # Nature always sides with the hidden flaw

    # Mother nature is a bitch.

    And there's more here. The Tech Laws are fun too.

    They aren't really Murphy's Laws.

    Apothe0sis on
    Tide goes in. Tide goes out.
    Es-annon NEVA 4GET
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