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How To Be A Player Without Being One?
LondonBridge
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Since I've been back in the dating I've been going the online route. I'm on a online dating site and have found many attractive and interesting girls and most will respond despite my predicament (separated). Anyways, I find that I'm emailing up to four different girls at a time and may end up going on two or more dates a week. I'm actually a nice guy and suck at playing games as I don't get off on it but I still want to date and meet the right girl, plus I suck at lying. How do I juggle different dates in a week without telling my other dates so I don't look like some player? Or maybe to say it in a polite way and still keep their interest??
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You and these girls are siting down and talking deciding on whether or not you think they're someone you want in their life. There's nothing wrong about being picky. In fact, I'd go as far and say that it makes you more attractive to women because you're not out there trying to score with any kind of female. Relationships are a big thing. Wouldn't you want to see who the best one is for you?
To paraphrase a man who helped me out with dating:
Imagine a spectrum with "bad boys" on one end and "nice guys" on the other. What you want to do is be that guy in the middle. The "Gentleman" if you will. These guys are masculine and confident like the "bad boys" but with manners and respect like the "nice guys".
Oh I'm sure they are but how do you let each other know without devaluing them and keep them interested as well?
Butterfly speaks the truth.
Just be honest with the girls that you went on dates with other girls. Remember, 99% of all relationship problems can be solved with a lot of sincerity and a little bit of discretion.
Letting a girl down easy when you haven't known her for long isn't that hard. Tell her "Hey I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship" or use the "Let's be friends" line if you have to. If the girl flips shit when you do this, then you probably wouldn't want to be with her anyways. The key thing is to not let a situation escalate if stuff starts getting awkward for you. Just be honest and sincere and you'll have nothing to worry about.
I did this for about a month, and it was wildly successful to the point that I met a girl I liked and now we're married. Just go on dates. Talk about all the regular date stuff. Leave the baggage at home -- don't talk about ex girlfriends or girls that you're dating.
If things don't work out or you don't like one of them, don't say "hey, I was actually dating 3 girls at the same time I was dating you, and all 3 are actually better than you." You say "it's not working out" or you just don't ever arrange date #2. A one-time meeting is not a commitment for marriage, and I give the same recommendations to younger people I know in high school who treat HS dating as pseudo-marriage.
If sex enters into the equation and you're not being safe, you should likely slow down. But if it's just dating, hanging out, getting to know people, you really don't need to tell them they have competition. Most people will react poorly to that, not because it's TMI but because it's somewhat tactless. The only real way to bring it up is to say that you just separated and you're not really looking to rebound into a super-committed relationship, and MAYBE mention that there sure are a lot of people on [internet dating site] and it wasn't that way when you met your soon-to-be-former wife.
But no, most people of either gender will not assume that someone they've dated once or twice is suddenly exclusive, not without having "a talk."
My mom dated 14, read'em, 14 guys at the same time, and there was no issue. She didn't tell any of them about it, but she dated two guys a day every week. It's actually fairly normal. The whole "instant commitment" thing that's so popular right now is fairly unusual in recent history. Don't let it drag you down, just make sure you're not causing anyone any damage in the process.
Truth.
Why are you so concerned about looking like a player in their eyes, or even being one? As long as you are honest about it, there is nothing wrong with it.
I'm going to disagree. You become a player when you lie. Either outright or through omission. Plain and simple. There is no set marker of "when you pass this marker you must be exclusive" . There are plenty of girls that are ok with having more than one concurrent sexual partner, and with having sexual partners with more than one partner. There are girls that are polyamorous. As long as you're up front about your current status and your intentions, then do what feels good, and find women that think that it feels good too.
He speaks the truth.