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A Good Day to Live Free or Die Harder With a Vengeance [spoilers a-okay, motherfucker]
Atomika
Live fast and get fucked or whateverRegistered User regular
Live fast and get fucked or whateverRegistered User regular
AR's A Good Day to Review Die Hard
Well, that was a thing, I suppose.
As mentioned before in the [Film] thread, A Good Day to Die Hard is the first film in the series written to be an actual entry in the franchise, and boy does it show. This film gives no fucks about plot or story or any of that pussy shit that gets in the way of a'cussin' and a'splosions. It's a good thing I got my hands on a copy of the shooting script.
As you can see, this was a brilliant movie; distilled to the franchise's purest essence of Bruce Willis murdering foreigners while cracking wise, this film doesn't even try to make sense. Why did Sluttier Fairuza Balk allow the ninjas to shoot her dad if he was essential to her plan? Why did Eurotrash Stereotype not just kill the old man once he had the key? Why did Shady Government Guy not tell Eurotrash what was in that vault all along? Why would anyone ever trust Sluttier Fairuza Balk to do anything? Why even keep her around? Who sets up a undercover safehouse and keeps wearing a CIA uniform? How does anyone think the bottom of a radiator cover in a fancy ballroom is a safe place to hide a key to a military vault for thirty years? Just what the fuck was the CIA's original plan, anyway?
If any of these questions preoccupied your mind while watching this film, well, fuck you. I'm on vacation.
Well, that was a thing, I suppose.
As mentioned before in the [Film] thread, A Good Day to Die Hard is the first film in the series written to be an actual entry in the franchise, and boy does it show. This film gives no fucks about plot or story or any of that pussy shit that gets in the way of a'cussin' and a'splosions. It's a good thing I got my hands on a copy of the shooting script.
INT. DETECTIVES LOUNGE AND SHOOTING RANGE
JOHN MCCLANE shoots HOLES into a thing needing holes put into it. BLACK DETECTIVE walks in without wearing hearing protection, carrying SUPER TOP SECRET SHIT in an ENVELOPE that he hands to JOHN MCCLANE.
EXT. RUSSIA
JOHN MCCLANE takes a taxi from RUSSIA AIRPORT to RUSSIA COURTHOUSE. He moves quickly because he doesn't have any luggage for his international trip of an undefined amount of time.
Suddenly, EXPLOSIONS. They kill everyone for fifty miles except for OLD RUSSIAN MAGUFFINSKI and JACK GENNARO, MCCLANE'S son. The two of them are unharmed and meet JOHN MCCLANE immediately.
EXT. RUSSIA
EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE and SLUTTIER FAIRUZA BALK chase after everyone in a tankmobile with no regard for flagrancy. EXPLOSIONS occur again. MCCLANE chatters to himself like a schizophrenia patient and eludes their capture, so they take out their frustrations by murdering police in broad daylight with machine guns in front of thousands of people like it's no big deal.
INT. SAFE HOUSE
NEAL MCDONOUGH PATRICK WILSON COLE HAUSER reveals that JACK is a spy for the CIA.
SUDDENLY, everyone gets SHOT BY BULLETS. DAVID MORSE COLE HAUSER gets exploded in the face and head shortly before he picks up his day-player check and steals a burrito from craft services. MAGUFFINSKI takes a bullet to the arm. JOHN MCCLANE easily shoots all the ninjas attacking them because they run at him in a straight line like they're powered by glitchy A.I. software. The SAFE HOUSE is exploded by the SAFETY DEVICE. This is the least safe house ever.
It is never explained why the embassy is a bad idea, even though it's a totally great idea.
INT. RUSSIAN BALLROOM OF RUSSIA
MAGUFFINSKI meets up with his daughter, SLUTTIER FAIRUZA BALK. She double-crosses her father and takes him hostage! This would have been a lot more surprising if we hadn't just seen her shooting cops with EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE! As it stands it's just kinda tedious!
EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE has his men tie up JOHN and JACK so he can shoot them. In Russia, it's bad form to shoot someone before you tie them up and perform a snotty monologue. Russia is kind of a shitty place, and they only have VHS copies of Roger Moore's Bond films, so they think this is how you do villainy.
JACK SHOOTS EVERYONE WITH HIS KNIFE-GUN THAT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT EVEN FUCKING WORKS, and then JOHN and JACK kill everyone again with more bullets and glass and machine guns they pull seemingly from within their own asses. Except EUROTRASH, MAGUFFINSKI, and SLUTTIER, who jump into a military grade HELICOPTER that just happens to be handy because Russia is such a fucking hellhole that people give no fucks when a government chopper starts raining .50-cal rounds into apartment buildings.
EXT. RUSSIA - NIGHT
EXT. UKRAINE - NIGHT
JOHN and JACK drive to THE UKRAINE from Russia in 73 minutes. The facade of the car literally melts away from the white-hot friction they generate from traveling at 550 miles per hour. They arrive at CHERNOBYL.
EXT. CHERNOBYL (cont.)
Elsewhere in the same location, EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE takes a PHONECALL from SHADY GOVERNMENT GUY.
EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE doesn't respond because his BRAINS are on the outside of his bones and skin after SLUTTIER FAIRUZA BALK shoots him in the most predictable way possible. And then a faceless goon murders SHADY GOVERNMENT GUY. All the loose ends are tied up in incredibly convenient and improbable fashions.
A military convoy arrives seemingly from nowhere to unload the vault of its deadly, deadly contents. JOHN and JACK recapture MAGUFFINSKI while his daughter fucks around in the helicopter outside looking for her Tic-Tacs. She suddenly realizes that her dad is taking too long, so she sends NAKED DWARVEN RUSSIAN to shoot aimlessly at things in the vault full of flammable gas and nuclear warheads. EXPLOSIONS return to the plot, unexpectedly.
EXPLOSIONS continue to occur and reoccur. BULLETS are exchanged haphazardly. JOHN MCCLANE does a HELICOPTER RODEO that is somehow less silly than when he did the same thing to a fighter jet in the last DIE HARD movie.
JACK is on the ROOFTOP of CHERNOBYL kick-fighting MAGUFFINSKI. He takes a BULLET to the ABDOMEN, and fixes it by removing his BULLET-PROOF VEST. JOHN MCCLANE pilots the HELICOPTER by magic over to where his son is on the ROOFTOP. JACK kick-punches MAGUFFINSKI into the BLADES of the helicopter, turning him into THE RED MIST. JOHN yells to him from the back of the flaming helicopter.
EVERYONE and EVERYTHING explodes and crashes into CHERNOBYL. JOHN and JACK land in the one single place in the whole area where they wouldn't be immediately incinerated, the EXECUTIVE OLYMPIC SWIMMING POOL. SLUTTIER FAIRUZA BALK presumably has burned to death. No one bothers to check.
They make out.
fade to: EXT. AMERICA
JOHN and JOHN JR. get out of a private jet surrounded by official-looking military guys. Lucy McClane is waiting for them like a war bride.
Lucy runs up excitedly to her brother. They make out. This is obviously a very close family now. Except for mom. Bonnie Bedelia couldn't make it to the filming because she was too busy panhandling outside the studio.
END CREDITS
JOHN MCCLANE shoots HOLES into a thing needing holes put into it. BLACK DETECTIVE walks in without wearing hearing protection, carrying SUPER TOP SECRET SHIT in an ENVELOPE that he hands to JOHN MCCLANE.
BLACK DETECTIVE
Here's the info you wanted, grandpa. I know you're too old to look up things for yourself. You probably have arthritis. From aging. I hope you don't die before I finish this sentence. I'm establishing how old you are for the audience, understand? The writers were worried that no one would believe John McClane was an older guy in this film, despite having two children in their thirties, being bald and leathery, and also played by the same fucking guy who has starred in these films since the eighties, so I'm going to keep going on about it, just to be sure. You okay with that, Methuselah?
JOHN MCCLANE
Thanks, Black Detective. So what happened to my son? Is he dead? I care very deeply about my kids, which is why I have to have people use government resources to find out if they're even alive.
BLACK DETECTIVE
Bad news, Cryptkeeper. Your son is in a Russian prison. You'll probably want to hear the story of what happened or at least finish reading the files before you jump on the first ticket to Russia without even having a plan or knowing what he's even doing there in the first place-
JOHN MCCLANE
(McClane says nothing because he's already on the plane to Russia)
Here's the info you wanted, grandpa. I know you're too old to look up things for yourself. You probably have arthritis. From aging. I hope you don't die before I finish this sentence. I'm establishing how old you are for the audience, understand? The writers were worried that no one would believe John McClane was an older guy in this film, despite having two children in their thirties, being bald and leathery, and also played by the same fucking guy who has starred in these films since the eighties, so I'm going to keep going on about it, just to be sure. You okay with that, Methuselah?
JOHN MCCLANE
Thanks, Black Detective. So what happened to my son? Is he dead? I care very deeply about my kids, which is why I have to have people use government resources to find out if they're even alive.
BLACK DETECTIVE
Bad news, Cryptkeeper. Your son is in a Russian prison. You'll probably want to hear the story of what happened or at least finish reading the files before you jump on the first ticket to Russia without even having a plan or knowing what he's even doing there in the first place-
JOHN MCCLANE
(McClane says nothing because he's already on the plane to Russia)
EXT. RUSSIA
JOHN MCCLANE takes a taxi from RUSSIA AIRPORT to RUSSIA COURTHOUSE. He moves quickly because he doesn't have any luggage for his international trip of an undefined amount of time.
JOHN MCCLANE
Taxi man, take me to the courthouse where my son is. I'm on vacation.
TAXI MAN
You are funny guy! Vacation! This is joke in your country?
JOHN MCCLANE
I'm going to repeat it a few dozen more times, so I guess we'll see.
Taxi man, take me to the courthouse where my son is. I'm on vacation.
TAXI MAN
You are funny guy! Vacation! This is joke in your country?
JOHN MCCLANE
I'm going to repeat it a few dozen more times, so I guess we'll see.
Suddenly, EXPLOSIONS. They kill everyone for fifty miles except for OLD RUSSIAN MAGUFFINSKI and JACK GENNARO, MCCLANE'S son. The two of them are unharmed and meet JOHN MCCLANE immediately.
JACK GENNARO
Damn it, John! You're screwing everything up, John! Way to go, John! I keep using your first name to point out how strained our parent-child relationship is!
JOHN MCCLANE
Yes, I'm familiar with the device. Your sister did it a lot better in the last movie.
JACK GENNARO
We got to go, John! To the safe house! Because you ruined the plan!
JOHN MCCLANE
Your plan was a explosion that killed lots of innocent people and getting chased around the Russian highways after your superiors decide to abort the mission for no fucking discernable reason whatsoever?
JACK GENNARO
Yes! This took years of planning! We are terribly inept!
Damn it, John! You're screwing everything up, John! Way to go, John! I keep using your first name to point out how strained our parent-child relationship is!
JOHN MCCLANE
Yes, I'm familiar with the device. Your sister did it a lot better in the last movie.
JACK GENNARO
We got to go, John! To the safe house! Because you ruined the plan!
JOHN MCCLANE
Your plan was a explosion that killed lots of innocent people and getting chased around the Russian highways after your superiors decide to abort the mission for no fucking discernable reason whatsoever?
JACK GENNARO
Yes! This took years of planning! We are terribly inept!
EXT. RUSSIA
EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE and SLUTTIER FAIRUZA BALK chase after everyone in a tankmobile with no regard for flagrancy. EXPLOSIONS occur again. MCCLANE chatters to himself like a schizophrenia patient and eludes their capture, so they take out their frustrations by murdering police in broad daylight with machine guns in front of thousands of people like it's no big deal.
INT. SAFE HOUSE
NEAL MCDONOUGH PATRICK WILSON COLE HAUSER reveals that JACK is a spy for the CIA.
JOHN MCCLANE
Wow, you'd think I'd know something about that, given how long you have to train and go to school and stuff. I guess I really should have talked to you more often between the years of 2004 and 2013.
Wow, you'd think I'd know something about that, given how long you have to train and go to school and stuff. I guess I really should have talked to you more often between the years of 2004 and 2013.
SUDDENLY, everyone gets SHOT BY BULLETS. DAVID MORSE COLE HAUSER gets exploded in the face and head shortly before he picks up his day-player check and steals a burrito from craft services. MAGUFFINSKI takes a bullet to the arm. JOHN MCCLANE easily shoots all the ninjas attacking them because they run at him in a straight line like they're powered by glitchy A.I. software. The SAFE HOUSE is exploded by the SAFETY DEVICE. This is the least safe house ever.
JACK GENNARO
John! We gotta go!
MAGUFFINSKI
Not without my daughter! Sally Field was wonderful in that!
JOHN MCCLANE
Why don't we go to the US Embassy, drop this stiff off, and jet back home?
JACK GENNARO
Because these bad guys are connected with the Russian government! It'd never work!
JOHN MCCLANE
You can't just say that without explaining why. I'm on vacation. It should totally work.
JACK GENNARO
You're so stupid, John! And I still hate you because of childhood stuff! You were never around! You were always too busy saving millions of lives with impossible heroics! You're the worst dad ever! John!
John! We gotta go!
MAGUFFINSKI
Not without my daughter! Sally Field was wonderful in that!
JOHN MCCLANE
Why don't we go to the US Embassy, drop this stiff off, and jet back home?
JACK GENNARO
Because these bad guys are connected with the Russian government! It'd never work!
JOHN MCCLANE
You can't just say that without explaining why. I'm on vacation. It should totally work.
JACK GENNARO
You're so stupid, John! And I still hate you because of childhood stuff! You were never around! You were always too busy saving millions of lives with impossible heroics! You're the worst dad ever! John!
It is never explained why the embassy is a bad idea, even though it's a totally great idea.
INT. RUSSIAN BALLROOM OF RUSSIA
MAGUFFINSKI meets up with his daughter, SLUTTIER FAIRUZA BALK. She double-crosses her father and takes him hostage! This would have been a lot more surprising if we hadn't just seen her shooting cops with EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE! As it stands it's just kinda tedious!
EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE has his men tie up JOHN and JACK so he can shoot them. In Russia, it's bad form to shoot someone before you tie them up and perform a snotty monologue. Russia is kind of a shitty place, and they only have VHS copies of Roger Moore's Bond films, so they think this is how you do villainy.
JACK SHOOTS EVERYONE WITH HIS KNIFE-GUN THAT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT EVEN FUCKING WORKS, and then JOHN and JACK kill everyone again with more bullets and glass and machine guns they pull seemingly from within their own asses. Except EUROTRASH, MAGUFFINSKI, and SLUTTIER, who jump into a military grade HELICOPTER that just happens to be handy because Russia is such a fucking hellhole that people give no fucks when a government chopper starts raining .50-cal rounds into apartment buildings.
EXT. RUSSIA - NIGHT
JACK GENNARO
John! We have to go to Chernobyl. That's where they're taking MAGUFFINSKI. He's got files there!
JOHN MCCLANE
Why didn't you guys just do that already? Like, years ago? You just needed this guy's key, right? In three years, you couldn't break into a safe? I'm on vacation?
JACK GENNARO
We figured the "get agent captured by Russian police after murdering mob boss to get close to target so they can escape during an explosion in a courtroom that wasn't even done by them and then get extracted in a tiny window of opportunity and never go to the embassy" was the tighter control. Cracking that vault would have taken, like, drills and stuff. We don't have any drills. I didn't even go to drill school. I can't even work an emory board without proper training.
JOHN MCCLANE
We should steal a car so we can drive to Chernobyl. It's 600 miles away in a different country, so we better get something low-profile that gets good gas mileage.
JACK GENNARO
Okay, how about I steal Bugatti Veyron from a Chechen mafia don?
John! We have to go to Chernobyl. That's where they're taking MAGUFFINSKI. He's got files there!
JOHN MCCLANE
Why didn't you guys just do that already? Like, years ago? You just needed this guy's key, right? In three years, you couldn't break into a safe? I'm on vacation?
JACK GENNARO
We figured the "get agent captured by Russian police after murdering mob boss to get close to target so they can escape during an explosion in a courtroom that wasn't even done by them and then get extracted in a tiny window of opportunity and never go to the embassy" was the tighter control. Cracking that vault would have taken, like, drills and stuff. We don't have any drills. I didn't even go to drill school. I can't even work an emory board without proper training.
JOHN MCCLANE
We should steal a car so we can drive to Chernobyl. It's 600 miles away in a different country, so we better get something low-profile that gets good gas mileage.
JACK GENNARO
Okay, how about I steal Bugatti Veyron from a Chechen mafia don?
EXT. UKRAINE - NIGHT
JOHN and JACK drive to THE UKRAINE from Russia in 73 minutes. The facade of the car literally melts away from the white-hot friction they generate from traveling at 550 miles per hour. They arrive at CHERNOBYL.
EXT. CHERNOBYL (cont.)
JOHN MCCLANE
I've had fun murdering people with you, son. I wish I was a better father to you, like I am to your sister. We get along fantastically. So maybe we can bond a little over our international spree of violent crime and violation of multiple treaties and statutes?
JACK GENNARO
I'll think about it, John.
I've had fun murdering people with you, son. I wish I was a better father to you, like I am to your sister. We get along fantastically. So maybe we can bond a little over our international spree of violent crime and violation of multiple treaties and statutes?
JACK GENNARO
I'll think about it, John.
Elsewhere in the same location, EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE takes a PHONECALL from SHADY GOVERNMENT GUY.
SHADY
So when you get the vault open, you can kill MAGUFFINSKI and his daughter. Probably as quickly as you can. There's something that strikes me incredibly questionable about a daughter ratting out her dad to the guy that ruined his life, especially when they obviously still care for each other. Are you even listening to me? Hellooooo?
So when you get the vault open, you can kill MAGUFFINSKI and his daughter. Probably as quickly as you can. There's something that strikes me incredibly questionable about a daughter ratting out her dad to the guy that ruined his life, especially when they obviously still care for each other. Are you even listening to me? Hellooooo?
EUROTRASH STEREOTYPE doesn't respond because his BRAINS are on the outside of his bones and skin after SLUTTIER FAIRUZA BALK shoots him in the most predictable way possible. And then a faceless goon murders SHADY GOVERNMENT GUY. All the loose ends are tied up in incredibly convenient and improbable fashions.
SLUTTIER FAIRUZA BALK
Now we will sell the uranium from the vault and be super-rich, papa!
MAGUFFINSKI
Why are you saying this in English? The subtitle machine works fine, just turn it on.
Now we will sell the uranium from the vault and be super-rich, papa!
MAGUFFINSKI
Why are you saying this in English? The subtitle machine works fine, just turn it on.
A military convoy arrives seemingly from nowhere to unload the vault of its deadly, deadly contents. JOHN and JACK recapture MAGUFFINSKI while his daughter fucks around in the helicopter outside looking for her Tic-Tacs. She suddenly realizes that her dad is taking too long, so she sends NAKED DWARVEN RUSSIAN to shoot aimlessly at things in the vault full of flammable gas and nuclear warheads. EXPLOSIONS return to the plot, unexpectedly.
EXPLOSIONS continue to occur and reoccur. BULLETS are exchanged haphazardly. JOHN MCCLANE does a HELICOPTER RODEO that is somehow less silly than when he did the same thing to a fighter jet in the last DIE HARD movie.
JOHN MCCLANE
I'm on vacation!! Remember!? Like Billy Crystal in City Slickers?
I'm on vacation!! Remember!? Like Billy Crystal in City Slickers?
JACK is on the ROOFTOP of CHERNOBYL kick-fighting MAGUFFINSKI. He takes a BULLET to the ABDOMEN, and fixes it by removing his BULLET-PROOF VEST. JOHN MCCLANE pilots the HELICOPTER by magic over to where his son is on the ROOFTOP. JACK kick-punches MAGUFFINSKI into the BLADES of the helicopter, turning him into THE RED MIST. JOHN yells to him from the back of the flaming helicopter.
JOHN MCCLANE
You're supposed to say a clever catchphrase before you kill the badguy! C'mon! You blew it!
JACK GENNARO
It's my first villain! I'll do better in the next film! I promise!
You're supposed to say a clever catchphrase before you kill the badguy! C'mon! You blew it!
JACK GENNARO
It's my first villain! I'll do better in the next film! I promise!
EVERYONE and EVERYTHING explodes and crashes into CHERNOBYL. JOHN and JACK land in the one single place in the whole area where they wouldn't be immediately incinerated, the EXECUTIVE OLYMPIC SWIMMING POOL. SLUTTIER FAIRUZA BALK presumably has burned to death. No one bothers to check.
JACK GENNARO
That was really harrowing shit, dad.
JOHN MCCLANE
Hey, you called me "dad!"
JACK GENNARO
Yep. Lucy told me it was the surefire way to end this tiring exercise in familial bonding.
JOHN MCCLANE
It sure is, John McClane, Junior.
That was really harrowing shit, dad.
JOHN MCCLANE
Hey, you called me "dad!"
JACK GENNARO
Yep. Lucy told me it was the surefire way to end this tiring exercise in familial bonding.
JOHN MCCLANE
It sure is, John McClane, Junior.
They make out.
fade to: EXT. AMERICA
JOHN and JOHN JR. get out of a private jet surrounded by official-looking military guys. Lucy McClane is waiting for them like a war bride.
JOHN MCCLANE JUNIOR
It's a good thing this whole mess is behind us now.
JOHN MCCLANE SENIOR
Whaddya mean? We instigated and took part in the biggest series of international crimes the world has seen in three decades, blew up a nuclear facility, and were involved in the high-profile murders of several Russian dignitaries, one of them by your own hands.
It's a good thing this whole mess is behind us now.
JOHN MCCLANE SENIOR
Whaddya mean? We instigated and took part in the biggest series of international crimes the world has seen in three decades, blew up a nuclear facility, and were involved in the high-profile murders of several Russian dignitaries, one of them by your own hands.
Lucy runs up excitedly to her brother. They make out. This is obviously a very close family now. Except for mom. Bonnie Bedelia couldn't make it to the filming because she was too busy panhandling outside the studio.
JOHN MCCLANE JUNIOR
No, see, it's cool. Because the credits are about to roll. We'll never have to worry about any of this.
JOHN MCCLANE SENIOR
What? Oh, yeah, there they are . . .
No, see, it's cool. Because the credits are about to roll. We'll never have to worry about any of this.
JOHN MCCLANE SENIOR
What? Oh, yeah, there they are . . .
END CREDITS
As you can see, this was a brilliant movie; distilled to the franchise's purest essence of Bruce Willis murdering foreigners while cracking wise, this film doesn't even try to make sense. Why did Sluttier Fairuza Balk allow the ninjas to shoot her dad if he was essential to her plan? Why did Eurotrash Stereotype not just kill the old man once he had the key? Why did Shady Government Guy not tell Eurotrash what was in that vault all along? Why would anyone ever trust Sluttier Fairuza Balk to do anything? Why even keep her around? Who sets up a undercover safehouse and keeps wearing a CIA uniform? How does anyone think the bottom of a radiator cover in a fancy ballroom is a safe place to hide a key to a military vault for thirty years? Just what the fuck was the CIA's original plan, anyway?
If any of these questions preoccupied your mind while watching this film, well, fuck you. I'm on vacation.
Atomika on
+4
Posts
It was 12A, the Yippy Ki Yay was censored, as was the big blood and gore finale I'm sure you guys got. :I
Movies don't normally do that.
The last movie that made me mad was the Death Race remake, because of the tonal inconsistency and how bad it was.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
Instead I find that Atomic Ross has done the Lord's work here already and I can rest easy.
All of my hearts.
Inquisitor77: Rius, you are Sisyphus and melee Wizard is your boulder
Tube: This must be what it felt like to be an Iraqi when Saddam was killed
Bookish Stickers - Mrs. Rius' Etsy shop with bumper stickers and vinyl decals.
I mean, I don't really know what people were expecting from a 5th Die Hard film... but uh, this certainly fit the formula I had in mind. Which was awesome explosions and a ridiculously convoluted plot.
PS4: Voranth
Inquisitor77: Rius, you are Sisyphus and melee Wizard is your boulder
Tube: This must be what it felt like to be an Iraqi when Saddam was killed
Bookish Stickers - Mrs. Rius' Etsy shop with bumper stickers and vinyl decals.
Unlike A Good Day to Die Hard where half his lines revolve around 'killing bad guys and scumbags'.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
One of the biggest flaws in this script that was chock-full of flaws was that McClane never has any kind of plan or motivation for anything he does unless, like you say, you take it as given that he's just a murdering fascist bordering on psychopathic. Within 15 minutes of being in Russia (which, as I said, started with him having no plans to do anything once he got there), he's trying to kill people on a highway and assaulting innocent people to steal their cars.
He defaults to murder and mayhem at the drop of a hat. That's a very different John McClane than we've seen before.
Still, I'd say this film was overall more enjoyable than 2 or 4.
Did he ID them as a threat?
Or did he just see a truck with soldiers responding to a car bombing.
Because that's all he should have seen.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
He looked at them suspiciously. I assumed his McClaney-sense was tingling.
McClane sense was going for even less in Die Harder.
Except when he was having that bromance time with Yuri, talking parenthood.
To be fair, McClane has experience with these kind of things.
If there are tons of explosions and characters/catch phrases made popular in the 80's/early 90's, I will enjoy it.
Despite the weirdness of the plot in Die Hard 4.0 and McClanes stunts, he still felt very much like McClane and had moments of vulnerability and real-ness, which is what made me like the character in the first place.
In Die Hard 5... he's just so generic.
It's so generic.
And bad.
If I go to a theater and it's empty, I'll live tweet it, which is what happened with this; at one point I tweeted, "I no longer know what is going on."
If any movie makes me do that in an unintended fashion, I'm going to get irked. But Die Hard, of all things? They're not exactly plot heavy films, but they're not needlessly complex and they don't leave me confused or angry.
It watches like bad Die Hard fan fiction.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
Geeze, man, next you're going to say they should have seen a detachment of stormtroopers responding to an assault and gunfight in a seedy club in Mos Eisly.
Die Hard on Tattoine.
Return of the JeDie Hard?
I think I recall reading last year that the original plot had Jack in jail (still as a CIA agent) trying to get to a prisoner who was about to turn on his old employer, and his old employer instigated a prison riot to get the prisoner killed. And McClane was there visiting his son and then BAM, Die Hard in a Prison.
I might be making that up.
I probably am.
WHO KNOWS.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
I'd watch that.
But I am a sucker for prison stuff. That one ep of 24 in the prison during a riot was awesome stuff. Bauer ended up in a game of Russian Roulette with the one guy he needed to protect.
And that's what I meant when I said earlier that this film much more than the previous four films felt like it had no other purpose than being a Die Hard film, which makes sense as none of the other films were actually supposed to be Die Hard films.
There's no point in this film where it makes sense for John McClane to be involved at all. The script is on rails, and those rails lead to oblivion. I didn't clock it in the film, but I would put money on McClane's first murder-rampage on the highway taking place in the first ten minutes of the film. Maybe first fifteen. This script didn't give a shit about causality or consequence; it just needs to bring McClane as close as it can to guns and explosions as often as possible.
I don't really have any interest in seeing the rest
Mission: Impossible 4 spoilers