Links are lazy in a profile. It says "Watch or listen to this, and then put in a ton of effort to understand how this video really says something about me, in a way I can't describe and in fact refuse to describe by relying on simply linking you somewhere."
It's like going to a friend's place and mentioning you haven't heard a band, and they freak out, instantly putting on that band's album(s), and then sit there talking about how great the band is and expecting you to feel exactly the same way. I mean, why are you NOT having a mind-blowing experience?
I'd say it's more like a friend saying "I like music", instantly putting on their favourite band's album, and then sit there starting at you in silence.
POF's increasing number of "subscriber-only" features is getting annoying. Doubly so since these are free features he's taking away, instead of new features he's creating.
POF's increasing number of "subscriber-only" features is getting annoying. Doubly so since these are free features he's taking away, instead of new features he's creating.
What's been taken away now?
Some of the search options.
And what's this "extended profile" thing?
No idea... you'd think they'd mention what valuable information you're "missing out" on by not giving them teh monies.
+1
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
The only incentive to use or not use a dating website is whether or not local girls are registered there. For my town, and many others, that gives the advantage to POF, unfortunately.
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
I know it's completely dependent on the girl, but how should I take it when I write up several questions, add some info about myself related to those questions, and she just quickly answers them with not much extra fluff, and no questions back.
My interpretation is she's being nice, but not interested. Is this pretty much the consensus?
I guess it doesn't hurt to try one more message, but guessing the odds are low...
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
If she's not asking questions back, then I'd guess she is indeed just being polite.
Yeah, it's probably the case. Even worse when it's obvious they are typing the message on their smartphone so it looks like they are trying to be as brief as possible to cut down on time spent typing on the touchscreen.
I know it's completely dependent on the girl, but how should I take it when I write up several questions, add some info about myself related to those questions, and she just quickly answers them with not much extra fluff, and no questions back.
My interpretation is she's being nice, but not interested. Is this pretty much the consensus?
I guess it doesn't hurt to try one more message, but guessing the odds are low...
That's how I feel about it too. But I've persevered, and a lot of those one-line-answers girls turned into dates. So, keep trying, I guess? It's annoying, but thus is life.
I noticed the other day that OKC had added another premium feature to allow people to search by some previously unsearchable criteria. One was body type. I can't remember what the other was. Income, maybe? The body type one seemed like a useless search criteria since most people have inaccurate answers in that section.
I know it's completely dependent on the girl, but how should I take it when I write up several questions, add some info about myself related to those questions, and she just quickly answers them with not much extra fluff, and no questions back.
My interpretation is she's being nice, but not interested. Is this pretty much the consensus?
I guess it doesn't hurt to try one more message, but guessing the odds are low...
That's how I feel about it too. But I've persevered, and a lot of those one-line-answers girls turned into dates. So, keep trying, I guess? It's annoying, but thus is life.
Yeah, it's not a guarantee she's not interested. Some people just don't like writing a lot, especially to an internet stranger. Or maybe she doesn't have the time to spend half an hour writing back but would rather send something instead of completely ignoring your message. Either way, she's at least more interested than a girl who doesn't reply at all. If she still doesn't seem to want to write much in a message, tell her you're interested in meeting her, give her your phone number, and ask her to call/text you if the feeling is mutual.
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Dark Raven XLaugh hard, run fast,be kindRegistered Userregular
I had a really nice conversation about Louie CK with a girl but I didn't ask her out because I already had dates this week. Now I've signed in and shes deactivated.
So, lesson learned, don't dawdle! I've noticed that generally the more attractive someone is, the faster their profile goes. Presumably women just get tired of being bombarded with shite messages.
I always preferred meeting with people who had a lot to say online, because to me it said "I am comfortable communicating online." I talk online all the time! Most people aren't so taciturn in person, so it's probably just that the girl in question is being brief. The fact that she's responding at all means she's interested a bit, but you may just be asking questions she thinks are dumb.
I had a really nice conversation about Louie CK with a girl but I didn't ask her out because I already had dates this week. Now I've signed in and shes deactivated.
So, lesson learned, don't dawdle! I've noticed that generally the more attractive someone is, the faster their profile goes. Presumably women just get tired of being bombarded with shite messages.
Yeah, never take too long to move it towards meeting in real life. At the same time, don't just jump into asking her out without at least building up to it. Some like talking a little longer, some want to get into it quick. It's really a case-by-case basis.
TehSpectre, my deepest sympathies and condolences that's awesome, congrats!
Date tonight did not go super well. She was ok and all, but really in to a boring area, super sheltered area around here and just really too into Disney for an adult. But it was a good learning experience, I just need to figure out how to hit the eject button earlier if I can tell it's not going anywhere fairly quickly into the date. I let this one drag on too long.
Date this afternoon went really well. Three and a half hours talking and looking around a neat little area of town and a tentative idea to meet up again. It was kind of weird figuring out what to do upon going our separate ways, but we acknowledged the awkwardness and hugged.
This is depressing. Messaged about 4 people, got 2 responses, both of which took days. So far no dates arranged.
This seems to be a VERY slow process compared to the regular meet and greet. Is this normal or am I doing something wrong? I know I need to cast a wider net, but there aren't too many people in my area...
Hear about the cow that tried to jump over a barbed-wire fence? It was udder disaster.
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
I know it's completely dependent on the girl, but how should I take it when I write up several questions, add some info about myself related to those questions, and she just quickly answers them with not much extra fluff, and no questions back.
My interpretation is she's being nice, but not interested. Is this pretty much the consensus?
I guess it doesn't hurt to try one more message, but guessing the odds are low...
Women get a thousand messages, ignore most of them, and only reply to a hundred. Her message is short, because she's still got hundreds more to read.
The mere fact that you even got a reply back means that she's willing to give you a second chance. Yes, your odds are still low, but you've made it over the first hurdle.
Date this afternoon went really well. Three and a half hours talking and looking around a neat little area of town and a tentative idea to meet up again. It was kind of weird figuring out what to do upon going our separate ways, but we acknowledged the awkwardness and hugged.
I must say that it's hard to tell if the date went well for her, just from your description.
If the girl really likes you, it's usually more obvious. She would have either let you kiss her, tried to extend the date, or made more concrete plans for the second date. Of course, she may have hinted at all 3, and you didn't pick up on the clues (something that has happened to me many times). In which case, she's game for a second date.
In this case, I would assume the latter, that you just missed the clues, and go for the second date. But in the future, you should be trying to do others: extending the first date, making concrete plans for the second date, or getting a long kiss.
This is depressing. Messaged about 4 people, got 2 responses, both of which took days. So far no dates arranged.
This seems to be a VERY slow process compared to the regular meet and greet. Is this normal or am I doing something wrong? I know I need to cast a wider net, but there aren't too many people in my area...
Dude, I sent out like 35 messages and I've had three dates set up so far. Today's went well, Friday's I had no interest in at the end, and we'll see how tomorrow's goes. But that's three more dates than I've set up in years because my job and schedule doesn't really lead in to traditional meet and greet set ups and my friends suck at introducing people. As the OP says, it's not about this being the only method you're using, you're using it while you do your thing in other places.
Not really complaining about the response rate as much as the speed of it. It took days for those two responses to come in, and I have yet to receive further correspondence. I'm afraid my immediate response flagged me as desperate, and I'm hesitant to send more messages.
This is basically a Brave New World for me and I'm not sure how to proceed. Like, when is an appropriate time to ask to see someone in person? Seems like I need to time it right for each girl, but I have no idea when that is.
Thanks for the reminder, Continental_Op. You're right, I shouldn't get hung up on this as my only dating avenue. Definitely need to go out more myself.
Aeneas on
Hear about the cow that tried to jump over a barbed-wire fence? It was udder disaster.
Not really complaining about the response rate as much as the speed of it. It took days for those two responses to come in, and I have yet to receive further correspondence. I'm afraid my immediate response flagged me as desperate, and I'm hesitant to send more messages.
This is basically a Brave New World for me and I'm not sure how to proceed. Like, when is an appropriate time to ask to see someone in person? Seems like I need to time it right for each girl, but I have no idea when that is.
Thanks for the reminder, Continental_Op. You're right, I shouldn't get hung up on this as my only dating avenue. Definitely need to go out more myself.
Yeah, I guess it takes longer because people might not have time to respond right away or see it on their phone and not get a chance to write back properly for a day. I honestly had a woman tell me this two days ago, we're going out tomorrow night. The woman I had lunch with today was one of the first people I messaged, but our schedules were off so it took us a week and half to finally meet and now we are going out again on Sunday night. I've also traded a few messages back and forth with people relatively quickly, but you just have to keep moving and not dwell. I know it's really hard not to, I have a hard time not over-thinking things, but just keep moving.
Not really complaining about the response rate as much as the speed of it. It took days for those two responses to come in, and I have yet to receive further correspondence. I'm afraid my immediate response flagged me as desperate, and I'm hesitant to send more messages.
This is basically a Brave New World for me and I'm not sure how to proceed. Like, when is an appropriate time to ask to see someone in person? Seems like I need to time it right for each girl, but I have no idea when that is.
Thanks for the reminder, Continental_Op. You're right, I shouldn't get hung up on this as my only dating avenue. Definitely need to go out more myself.
People get busy and most women get so bombarded by messages that they aren't rushing to answer them first thing when they get home, they deal with them when they aren't busy. I talked to several women in the past that only messaged on weekends or disappeared for a week or two at a time. Sometimes your message might get lost in the shuffle, I had several women that messaged me back several weeks after I initially messaged them apologizing that they took so long to get back to me.
If I initiated contact I averaged asking for a date on my third message, if they initiated contact it was usually on my second message. This can be too fast for some people and can scare some of them off but overall that's what worked best for me. Some people aren't really on their to date, sometimes they're lonely, sometimes they just want an ego boost or sometimes they're just curious to see who they could date. Asking quickly tends to get rid of these people before they've wasted too much of your time and before you can build real disappointment. Asking fairly early shows that you're serious and also helps you build momentum towards a date instead of petering out and really helps keep your investment low in someone that there's a good chance that even if you go on a date with won't go on a second one with.
Most important thing to remember is that while you're trying to find the perfect time to pull the trigger that awesome girl is out there actively looking for a relationship and she has plenty of people to choose from that aren't you.
Consider that the equation for the number of potential relationships is something along the lines of:
Number of potential relationships= number of people messaged X % respond X % that will continue responding X % that you will still be interested in after several messages X % that will agree to go on a date X % which will agree on an actual time and place for a date X % that will show up for a date X % that both of you are interested in a second date X % that don't end up in a relationship with some other dude X % that don't have something in their life get in the way X % that you are both interested in a relationship with each other.
Basically message more people than you currently are. Hey some people end up in relationships right away, I have friends that I think only ever messaged one person while most had to do alot more. Personally of my two relationships from online dating one was about 1-2 weeks of online dating and my current was about 4 weeks. Average is probably a few months but some people take years or give up and never find anyone. I suspect a large part of failure for people is lack of messaging people. Spend a night or two messaging people you don't really have anything to lose, set yourself a target for messaging at least 10 people a week and you should be fine.
What is sad one of the few times I got a reply was someone looking for a fling, I did talk to her on the phone and found out what she was going to do was revenge.
I rarely get replies I do get a lot of messages on POF even though I set it to a lot of lies and spelled out in caps I was no longer interested in the service because I was insulted they wanted to make how much money I made as a criteria for the selections
For the most part I have given up on using OKC because I was just not feeling it anymore since one of the few women I find really interesting is someone who lives far away and the more I look at it the odds are just not there
So I am thinking about trying ye olde on line dating. I tried it once many many moons ago and had a stalker after one date, so it was a mixed result.
I see many people use OKC, is there any consensus on what sites are good, and what ones suck? I was thinking of just doing Match as my thought was people paying are people more interested in finding dates, but I could be very wrong. Any advice, thoughts, tips, or warnings are appreciated.
So I am thinking about trying ye olde on line dating. I tried it once many many moons ago and had a stalker after one date, so it was a mixed result.
I see many people use OKC, is there any consensus on what sites are good, and what ones suck? I was thinking of just doing Match as my thought was people paying are people more interested in finding dates, but I could be very wrong. Any advice, thoughts, tips, or warnings are appreciated.
You are very wrong. Paying sites have lower success rates than free sites.
For free sites, OKC and POF are your only two options. OKC has the uncontested best interface and matching algorithms. However, the real determining factor is which of the sites has more local women for you to meet. You'll have to run searches to find out. A lot of people also maintain profiles on both sites, on account of they're free anyway, and two profiles are not really hard to maintain.
So I am thinking about trying ye olde on line dating. I tried it once many many moons ago and had a stalker after one date, so it was a mixed result.
I see many people use OKC, is there any consensus on what sites are good, and what ones suck? I was thinking of just doing Match as my thought was people paying are people more interested in finding dates, but I could be very wrong. Any advice, thoughts, tips, or warnings are appreciated.
You are very wrong. Paying sites have lower success rates than free sites.
Really? I am kind of suprised at that, figured there would be more users on the free sites, but a higher success rate on paid sites, wacky.
So I am thinking about trying ye olde on line dating. I tried it once many many moons ago and had a stalker after one date, so it was a mixed result.
I see many people use OKC, is there any consensus on what sites are good, and what ones suck? I was thinking of just doing Match as my thought was people paying are people more interested in finding dates, but I could be very wrong. Any advice, thoughts, tips, or warnings are appreciated.
You are very wrong. Paying sites have lower success rates than free sites.
Really? I am kind of suprised at that, figured there would be more users on the free sites, but a higher success rate on paid sites, wacky.
Well, you can see right on this very page people complaining about their messages not generating replies. Now imagine that instead of a free site, you're paying $30 to $50/month for the "privilege" of sending messages that are not generating replies and you have a smaller pool of women to choose from. What do you do? Well, most men resort to the brute-force approach, of messaging everyone and anyone they can find in an increasingly desperate attempt to get some kind of return on their increasingly expensive investment. And what do women do? Well, same thing anyone would do when an email account is getting spammed - leave. And do keep in mind that in many cases the paying sites are only paying for men, not for women. So a woman leaving the site simply walks away from her account. This creates a large and growing number of "women" on the site who are not really on the site and not responding to the messages they get for men. Cue vicious cycle.
Being more serious about it doesn't necessarily correlate towards them being people you enjoy to meet. Match.com seems to have a lot of people who want to get MARRIED RIGHT NOW.
Also I tried the signup and it asked me a lot of questions about my income, marital status and hobbys but none of the interesting personality shit OKC asks.
Posts
I'd say it's more like a friend saying "I like music", instantly putting on their favourite band's album, and then sit there starting at you in silence.
And what's this "extended profile" thing?
The only incentive to use or not use a dating website is whether or not local girls are registered there. For my town, and many others, that gives the advantage to POF, unfortunately.
My interpretation is she's being nice, but not interested. Is this pretty much the consensus?
I guess it doesn't hurt to try one more message, but guessing the odds are low...
That's how I feel about it too. But I've persevered, and a lot of those one-line-answers girls turned into dates. So, keep trying, I guess? It's annoying, but thus is life.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/muhh7777/
I've trimmed the self deprecation as per the OP guide. ;D
I've got a date tomorrow evening for coffee, but the woman in question has been texting. A lot. Which is a little weird, but I'll see how it goes.
Then on Monday I've got another coffee date with a different girl who on the whole seems more interesting and loves museums.
Thanks for all your help with the profile and messages and stuff dudes and dudettes!
So, lesson learned, don't dawdle! I've noticed that generally the more attractive someone is, the faster their profile goes. Presumably women just get tired of being bombarded with shite messages.
Been there, done that.
err I mean... congratulations!
Yeah, never take too long to move it towards meeting in real life. At the same time, don't just jump into asking her out without at least building up to it. Some like talking a little longer, some want to get into it quick. It's really a case-by-case basis.
TehSpectre, my deepest sympathies and condolences that's awesome, congrats!
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Date tonight did not go super well. She was ok and all, but really in to a boring area, super sheltered area around here and just really too into Disney for an adult. But it was a good learning experience, I just need to figure out how to hit the eject button earlier if I can tell it's not going anywhere fairly quickly into the date. I let this one drag on too long.
Date this afternoon went really well. Three and a half hours talking and looking around a neat little area of town and a tentative idea to meet up again. It was kind of weird figuring out what to do upon going our separate ways, but we acknowledged the awkwardness and hugged.
This seems to be a VERY slow process compared to the regular meet and greet. Is this normal or am I doing something wrong? I know I need to cast a wider net, but there aren't too many people in my area...
The mere fact that you even got a reply back means that she's willing to give you a second chance. Yes, your odds are still low, but you've made it over the first hurdle.
If the girl really likes you, it's usually more obvious. She would have either let you kiss her, tried to extend the date, or made more concrete plans for the second date. Of course, she may have hinted at all 3, and you didn't pick up on the clues (something that has happened to me many times). In which case, she's game for a second date.
In this case, I would assume the latter, that you just missed the clues, and go for the second date. But in the future, you should be trying to do others: extending the first date, making concrete plans for the second date, or getting a long kiss.
Dude, I sent out like 35 messages and I've had three dates set up so far. Today's went well, Friday's I had no interest in at the end, and we'll see how tomorrow's goes. But that's three more dates than I've set up in years because my job and schedule doesn't really lead in to traditional meet and greet set ups and my friends suck at introducing people. As the OP says, it's not about this being the only method you're using, you're using it while you do your thing in other places.
Not really complaining about the response rate as much as the speed of it. It took days for those two responses to come in, and I have yet to receive further correspondence. I'm afraid my immediate response flagged me as desperate, and I'm hesitant to send more messages.
This is basically a Brave New World for me and I'm not sure how to proceed. Like, when is an appropriate time to ask to see someone in person? Seems like I need to time it right for each girl, but I have no idea when that is.
Thanks for the reminder, Continental_Op. You're right, I shouldn't get hung up on this as my only dating avenue. Definitely need to go out more myself.
Yeah, I guess it takes longer because people might not have time to respond right away or see it on their phone and not get a chance to write back properly for a day. I honestly had a woman tell me this two days ago, we're going out tomorrow night. The woman I had lunch with today was one of the first people I messaged, but our schedules were off so it took us a week and half to finally meet and now we are going out again on Sunday night. I've also traded a few messages back and forth with people relatively quickly, but you just have to keep moving and not dwell. I know it's really hard not to, I have a hard time not over-thinking things, but just keep moving.
People get busy and most women get so bombarded by messages that they aren't rushing to answer them first thing when they get home, they deal with them when they aren't busy. I talked to several women in the past that only messaged on weekends or disappeared for a week or two at a time. Sometimes your message might get lost in the shuffle, I had several women that messaged me back several weeks after I initially messaged them apologizing that they took so long to get back to me.
If I initiated contact I averaged asking for a date on my third message, if they initiated contact it was usually on my second message. This can be too fast for some people and can scare some of them off but overall that's what worked best for me. Some people aren't really on their to date, sometimes they're lonely, sometimes they just want an ego boost or sometimes they're just curious to see who they could date. Asking quickly tends to get rid of these people before they've wasted too much of your time and before you can build real disappointment. Asking fairly early shows that you're serious and also helps you build momentum towards a date instead of petering out and really helps keep your investment low in someone that there's a good chance that even if you go on a date with won't go on a second one with.
Most important thing to remember is that while you're trying to find the perfect time to pull the trigger that awesome girl is out there actively looking for a relationship and she has plenty of people to choose from that aren't you.
Consider that the equation for the number of potential relationships is something along the lines of:
Number of potential relationships= number of people messaged X % respond X % that will continue responding X % that you will still be interested in after several messages X % that will agree to go on a date X % which will agree on an actual time and place for a date X % that will show up for a date X % that both of you are interested in a second date X % that don't end up in a relationship with some other dude X % that don't have something in their life get in the way X % that you are both interested in a relationship with each other.
Basically message more people than you currently are. Hey some people end up in relationships right away, I have friends that I think only ever messaged one person while most had to do alot more. Personally of my two relationships from online dating one was about 1-2 weeks of online dating and my current was about 4 weeks. Average is probably a few months but some people take years or give up and never find anyone. I suspect a large part of failure for people is lack of messaging people. Spend a night or two messaging people you don't really have anything to lose, set yourself a target for messaging at least 10 people a week and you should be fine.
I rarely get replies I do get a lot of messages on POF even though I set it to a lot of lies and spelled out in caps I was no longer interested in the service because I was insulted they wanted to make how much money I made as a criteria for the selections
For the most part I have given up on using OKC because I was just not feeling it anymore since one of the few women I find really interesting is someone who lives far away and the more I look at it the odds are just not there
I see many people use OKC, is there any consensus on what sites are good, and what ones suck? I was thinking of just doing Match as my thought was people paying are people more interested in finding dates, but I could be very wrong. Any advice, thoughts, tips, or warnings are appreciated.
You are very wrong. Paying sites have lower success rates than free sites.
For free sites, OKC and POF are your only two options. OKC has the uncontested best interface and matching algorithms. However, the real determining factor is which of the sites has more local women for you to meet. You'll have to run searches to find out. A lot of people also maintain profiles on both sites, on account of they're free anyway, and two profiles are not really hard to maintain.
Really? I am kind of suprised at that, figured there would be more users on the free sites, but a higher success rate on paid sites, wacky.
Well, you can see right on this very page people complaining about their messages not generating replies. Now imagine that instead of a free site, you're paying $30 to $50/month for the "privilege" of sending messages that are not generating replies and you have a smaller pool of women to choose from. What do you do? Well, most men resort to the brute-force approach, of messaging everyone and anyone they can find in an increasingly desperate attempt to get some kind of return on their increasingly expensive investment. And what do women do? Well, same thing anyone would do when an email account is getting spammed - leave. And do keep in mind that in many cases the paying sites are only paying for men, not for women. So a woman leaving the site simply walks away from her account. This creates a large and growing number of "women" on the site who are not really on the site and not responding to the messages they get for men. Cue vicious cycle.
Also I tried the signup and it asked me a lot of questions about my income, marital status and hobbys but none of the interesting personality shit OKC asks.