Did anyone's Quickmatch suddenly start showing numbers, which are assume are new people rating highly?
I'm cautious, wondering if this is some sort of way for Okcupid to get me to pony up money.
They're the amount of people who have rated you highly recently. you can see the full list if you're A-list.
If you want to find out for free though just do quickmatch, the system is highly weighted so they'll be in the first few matches.
Am I the only one that gets an email whenever someone rates me highly telling me exactly who it is?
I get that too but it doesn't happen 100% of the time.
I looked at my quick match, rated a couple of people highly who were at the start and got an email telling me me and someone else had rated each other highly.
They tell you that being told who rated you highly is an A-List feature, but I've gotten emails about high ratings without A-List. No idea how that works really.
That said I wouldn't recommend that approach to anyone(giving 4-5 star ratings to fish for validation before sending a message). Just send a message, otherwise you might put people off from appearing too passive.
Don't bring it up and don't message her on OKC. If she wants to bring it up that's fine, but it's not worth mentioning otherwise. In-person is always better. Just make sure you move things along in person during this next face to face.
So, quick question o' dating thread. I've arranged to meet a girl tomorrow for what I guess would be date number 3, but.......don't actually have a date planned. We both have somewhat crazy work schedules, she said she wanted to hang out tomorrow, and here we are. There was no, "Let's go to place X and do thing Y" just "Let's hang out tomorrow evening" So, what do I do with this?
I need some wisdom from the thread. I messaged someone on OKCupid last week and got a response, but her profile was fairly bare-bones and I couldn't really think of a good follow-up to her message and the conversation died out. Fast forward to last night and I'm going with a buddy to some girl's birthday party after work, aaand guess who the birthday girl is? She didn't recognize me beyond a "I know I know you from somewhere!" sort of deal, and both of us were too drunk for me to want to do the explanation of "oh yeah I messaged you on okcupid once hayy whats up!" We hit it off pretty well though, and I'm curious how to follow up on it. Should I shoot her another message on OKCupid and be all "Hey now I know where I recognized you from! You seem really cool we should grab lunch!" or just wait for another in person meeting and see what happens? I was invited to another party at their place on Wednesday, so assuming that doesn't fall through it looks like I have a few different ways to approach it.
I would use the in-person approach.
1. It's way more personal and effective communication than messaging through a website.
2. The messaging through website approach has already been tried and failed, while you hit it off in person.
3. Girls get dozens of messages through dating websites at once. If you're talking to her in person, odds are there aren't a dozen other people around vying for her attention at the same time, some of them with their pants down showing off their bacon sandwich.
Think I should mention the message at all? Haha she may realize who I am too in a less drunk state/after browsing OKCupid some more, ya think it's alright to just let it lay and just assume she doesn't care enough that it will be an issue that I "hid" it?
No sense in making it any more awkward this early. Save it for when/if it works out and you two tell people a funny story about how you met.
So, quick question o' dating thread. I've arranged to meet a girl tomorrow for what I guess would be date number 3, but.......don't actually have a date planned. We both have somewhat crazy work schedules, she said she wanted to hang out tomorrow, and here we are. There was no, "Let's go to place X and do thing Y" just "Let's hang out tomorrow evening" So, what do I do with this?
Third date? Too soon for movie night at someone's place?
Bowling, ice skating, hiking, public park, beach, museum, sports event, local concert at a small venue, walk around area of interest (downtown, [whatever] district), and so on.
Maybe I should go for something even more informal than coffee.
Like, I could schedule a time where we can both be walking down the same street in opposite directions
And I could smile at her
And then she could pretend not to see me
And then she could text me later and tell me how it went.
I'm sorry dude It sucks. It just does, there's no silver lining about it. Except maybe that you know these girls are complete jerks now, as opposed to spending months/years pining after them.
Don't lose hope. There are better ones out there. I know it's hard to believe when you take out two apples at random out of the bag and they're both rotten, but there are some sweet and juicy ones down there too.
I'm doing the "My Best Face" thing on OKC again and taking the little quiz on other people--you know, "would you date HIM or HIM?" (Slightly resentful that they are only showing me guys.) Anyway, my point is that most people have awful photos and right now I'm looking at a guy with a smile so crazy he looks like he might be the Joker's cousin or something.
Edit: Oh, I spoke to soon, they are showing me ladies now!
Double edit: Also do not use your high school graduation picture like this one guy did, ha ha ha! Oh man, now they're showing me pony cosplayers. The guy is dressed as Twilight Sparkle.
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Maybe I should go for something even more informal than coffee.
Like, I could schedule a time where we can both be walking down the same street in opposite directions
And I could smile at her
And then she could pretend not to see me
And then she could text me later and tell me how it went.
I'm sorry dude It sucks. It just does, there's no silver lining about it. Except maybe that you know these girls are complete jerks now, as opposed to spending months/years pining after them.
Don't lose hope. There are better ones out there. I know it's hard to believe when you take out two apples at random out of the bag and they're both rotten, but there are some sweet and juicy ones down there too.
Lot of rotten ones in the way, though. Be prepared to wade through some shit.
Maybe I should go for something even more informal than coffee.
Like, I could schedule a time where we can both be walking down the same street in opposite directions
And I could smile at her
And then she could pretend not to see me
And then she could text me later and tell me how it went.
I'm sorry dude It sucks. It just does, there's no silver lining about it. Except maybe that you know these girls are complete jerks now, as opposed to spending months/years pining after them.
Don't lose hope. There are better ones out there. I know it's hard to believe when you take out two apples at random out of the bag and they're both rotten, but there are some sweet and juicy ones down there too.
Lot of rotten ones in the way, though. Be prepared to wade through some shit.
3. Girls get dozens of messages through dating websites at once. If you're talking to her in person, odds are there aren't a dozen other people around vying for her attention at the same time, some of them with their pants down showing off their bacon sandwich.
This comes up so often here, I'm almost disappointed I've never been gifted with a random dick pic on OKC.
Maybe I should go for something even more informal than coffee.
Like, I could schedule a time where we can both be walking down the same street in opposite directions
And I could smile at her
And then she could pretend not to see me
And then she could text me later and tell me how it went.
I'm sorry dude It sucks. It just does, there's no silver lining about it. Except maybe that you know these girls are complete jerks now, as opposed to spending months/years pining after them.
Don't lose hope. There are better ones out there. I know it's hard to believe when you take out two apples at random out of the bag and they're both rotten, but there are some sweet and juicy ones down there too.
Actually, the good fruits are at the bottom. I've worked in a store.
So, new girl on POF. I messaged her, turns out she recognized me from the offline world and agreed to a date right away. That was last weekend. Dinner went well, then back to my place for a drink, then she had to go home because she worked early the next morning. Anyway, conversation during the date was great I thought, we had lots of interests in common. I mentioned an activity I was doing next weekend that she was interested in and I suggested it as date #2. Fast forward two days later, I text her and get a brief response hours later, that I reply to and get nothing. So what do I do now? How do I follow up to secure the date next weekend?
3. Girls get dozens of messages through dating websites at once. If you're talking to her in person, odds are there aren't a dozen other people around vying for her attention at the same time, some of them with their pants down showing off their bacon sandwich.
This comes up so often here, I'm almost disappointed I've never been gifted with a random dick pic on OKC.
Had 4 convos going and they all fizzled out. This is very depressing.
Am I just being too boring? So far, all the convos have been very neutral.
What are you talking about? Your conversations should be essentially about things you could do together. I found that conversations related to nebulous, vague things like a favorite movie or favorite band often petered out. Same with things like "oh your work is interesting." The trick, if you can call it that, is to take the momentum from any conversation and turn it into a date. So if you're talking about movies, is there a movie out that you'd like to see? If you're talking about books, do you ever go to a bookstore? Do you go bowling with friends or out to bars? Do you hang around a neighborhood and talk about some of the things there? You can't fully control a conversation, but as half of it you should be talking about things you find interesting. Don't dwell on the existential, philosophical parts of a conversation, but realize when you're talking about something related to an activity, you should turn that into an activity. Think of it this way:
Picture in Europe > "Hey, were you in Prague? Closest I've been is to Berlin" > Talk of travel > Talk of things you like about travel > Mention of museum > Suggest visiting cool local museum.
Shared favorite band > Talk about music > Mention artist that's playing live > go see the show together.
It's probably not that you're being boring, but that you're just talking without expressing any point to the conversation. A dating conversation, whether online or in real life, is not a D&D thread.
So, new girl on POF. I messaged her, turns out she recognized me from the offline world and agreed to a date right away. That was last weekend. Dinner went well, then back to my place for a drink, then she had to go home because she worked early the next morning. Anyway, conversation during the date was great I thought, we had lots of interests in common. I mentioned an activity I was doing next weekend that she was interested in and I suggested it as date #2. Fast forward two days later, I text her and get a brief response hours later, that I reply to and get nothing. So what do I do now? How do I follow up to secure the date next weekend?
Wait until tomorrow and send another text that says "Hey! Firming up plans for weekend. Still interested?"
3. Girls get dozens of messages through dating websites at once. If you're talking to her in person, odds are there aren't a dozen other people around vying for her attention at the same time, some of them with their pants down showing off their bacon sandwich.
This comes up so often here, I'm almost disappointed I've never been gifted with a random dick pic on OKC.
i might could make that happen for you
I don't think it counts as random if I know you IRL!
Pro Tip: When sending a message to a girl who has "I teach 5th grade Language Arts" in the first sentence of her profile, punctuation and capital letters are your friend. Seriously.
@AngelHedgie that sig hosting service went offline two years ago.
@Richy message her with something that compels a response. "Hey I was thinking we could go see/do [event] around [time] on [day]. Are you free?"
If she blows that off or responds with anything other than a yes or clear reason she can't go at that time/to that event and doesn't show an interest in rescheduling, let it go.
I've dated people who are poor communicators and you're never quite sure if you're going to be doing something with them or not. It's a giant headache and not worth it.
EggyToast, you should seriously make a website called, "Online Dating Made Easy." Thanks for the advice, that's exactly my issue.
My girlfriend thinks it's a little weird that I like giving advice, especially since my advice is relatively vague and nebulous. There's no single route that will work in every situation, of course, but if anything I try to get people to think a little more closely about what they're saying and how they're saying it.
Still, I suppose there's a growing interest in online dating profile ghostwriters. I'd probably need a tech person to go into it together and create a small business, since I've found that giving advice generally doesn't work as everyone thinks their situation is unique ;D
I think I'm going to be alone forever, because I am too picky, and other people are too picky, but I can't be bothered to just date people for the hell of it and see how it goes. (Of course the rare ones whose profiles I do read excitedly are the ones who don't message me back, or do reply but vaguely and/or douchily.)
Yet half the people I've dated totally IRL I probably never would have messaged because they weren't my "type" or whatever. Argh.
So this girl said yes to a date, but only if it's a double and i bring a friend for her friend.
In other words, bring someone to suffer through a date with her friend who can't get one.
HAHAHA no
plus what the fuck, how the hell am I supposed to meet and get to know someone for the first time, while on a double date?
Pretty sure she's just trying to avoid getting kidnapped by ensuring she has a friend present. That seems reasonable.
No it's not. I have never experienced or heard of another girl doing this.
Yes taking steps to avoid getting kidnapped is reasonable. That's why you tell a friend where you're going and who you're meeting. You set a time to check in by phone and tell them you're ok. You take your own car. If you're extremely paranoid even hide some pepper spray or an emergency whistle in your purse. But actually asking a friend to sit in on the date is not a reasonable protection step I've ever seen anyone take.
So this girl said yes to a date, but only if it's a double and i bring a friend for her friend.
In other words, bring someone to suffer through a date with her friend who can't get one.
HAHAHA no
plus what the fuck, how the hell am I supposed to meet and get to know someone for the first time, while on a double date?
That's bullshit and you should say as much drop contact and move on.
Ehhhhhh, why shouldn't he call her out on the bullshit? Doesn't need to be a 5 paragraph essay, but something to the tune that she's being ridiculous seems appropriate. To me it completely reads as Eggy said, she's trying to hook up her friend with someone and she's just being "a good friend."
Like, "Do you hold hands and go to the bathroom with your friend too?" Or maybe something more self deprecating, "Sorry, I don't have any friends." Or you could return with your own equally silly and creepy requirement: "Okay, but only if I can take pictures of both you and your friend. Embraced." If you're really daring, say you have a friend and then when you meet up just explain that your friend couldn't make it, then you have two ladies on a date with you and now you're on a real double date ;-)
I've been in that situation before. It was for a friend, the girl in question didn't so much say "I'll only come if you bring a friend for my friend" but she did say she was bringing a friend and it'd be cool if he could bring a date for her. So that was me. It actually went pretty well for me, not quite as well for him.
Then again I'm going back to the fairly early days of internet dating (2001?).
Good God, I feel old now.
Anyway, if you like the girl and have a friend willing to go there's no harm in trying. Though it's a bit of a dick move to stipulate that's the ONLY way she'll meet up.
If that's how she wants to approach online dating then what of it? She does not owe anyone anything. Say no thanks, not interested, maybe that it makes you uncomfortable. But as far as "calling her out"? Nah. That's silly and smacks a bit of entitlement.
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They tell you that being told who rated you highly is an A-List feature, but I've gotten emails about high ratings without A-List. No idea how that works really.
That said I wouldn't recommend that approach to anyone(giving 4-5 star ratings to fish for validation before sending a message). Just send a message, otherwise you might put people off from appearing too passive.
No sense in making it any more awkward this early. Save it for when/if it works out and you two tell people a funny story about how you met.
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Bowling, ice skating, hiking, public park, beach, museum, sports event, local concert at a small venue, walk around area of interest (downtown, [whatever] district), and so on.
I'm sorry dude
Don't lose hope. There are better ones out there. I know it's hard to believe when you take out two apples at random out of the bag and they're both rotten, but there are some sweet and juicy ones down there too.
Edit: Oh, I spoke to soon, they are showing me ladies now!
Double edit: Also do not use your high school graduation picture like this one guy did, ha ha ha! Oh man, now they're showing me pony cosplayers. The guy is dressed as Twilight Sparkle.
Lot of rotten ones in the way, though. Be prepared to wade through some shit.
Thanks duders!
This comes up so often here, I'm almost disappointed I've never been gifted with a random dick pic on OKC.
Actually, the good fruits are at the bottom. I've worked in a store.
Am I just being too boring? So far, all the convos have been very neutral.
i might could make that happen for you
What are you talking about? Your conversations should be essentially about things you could do together. I found that conversations related to nebulous, vague things like a favorite movie or favorite band often petered out. Same with things like "oh your work is interesting." The trick, if you can call it that, is to take the momentum from any conversation and turn it into a date. So if you're talking about movies, is there a movie out that you'd like to see? If you're talking about books, do you ever go to a bookstore? Do you go bowling with friends or out to bars? Do you hang around a neighborhood and talk about some of the things there? You can't fully control a conversation, but as half of it you should be talking about things you find interesting. Don't dwell on the existential, philosophical parts of a conversation, but realize when you're talking about something related to an activity, you should turn that into an activity. Think of it this way:
Picture in Europe > "Hey, were you in Prague? Closest I've been is to Berlin" > Talk of travel > Talk of things you like about travel > Mention of museum > Suggest visiting cool local museum.
Shared favorite band > Talk about music > Mention artist that's playing live > go see the show together.
It's probably not that you're being boring, but that you're just talking without expressing any point to the conversation. A dating conversation, whether online or in real life, is not a D&D thread.
Wait until tomorrow and send another text that says "Hey! Firming up plans for weekend. Still interested?"
:winky:
I don't think it counts as random if I know you IRL!
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Several exclamation marks. You can't have too many friends, after all.
@Richy message her with something that compels a response. "Hey I was thinking we could go see/do [event] around [time] on [day]. Are you free?"
If she blows that off or responds with anything other than a yes or clear reason she can't go at that time/to that event and doesn't show an interest in rescheduling, let it go.
I've dated people who are poor communicators and you're never quite sure if you're going to be doing something with them or not. It's a giant headache and not worth it.
Nothing wrong with subtle flirting.
My girlfriend thinks it's a little weird that I like giving advice, especially since my advice is relatively vague and nebulous. There's no single route that will work in every situation, of course, but if anything I try to get people to think a little more closely about what they're saying and how they're saying it.
Still, I suppose there's a growing interest in online dating profile ghostwriters. I'd probably need a tech person to go into it together and create a small business, since I've found that giving advice generally doesn't work as everyone thinks their situation is unique ;D
I'd hardly call that a unique situation.
Hah! Very true. It just seems like these guy would at least make an attempt since that's the very first thing on my profile. Language teacher. haha.
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I believe that the English language is debased enough. We don't have to perform the linguistic version of gonzo porn on its unconscious lexicon.
I'm definitely not getting what you mean here. Though I did just now notice I have a plural problem in my post. Whoops.
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In other words, bring someone to suffer through a date with her friend who can't get one.
HAHAHA no
plus what the fuck, how the hell am I supposed to meet and get to know someone for the first time, while on a double date?
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
Yet half the people I've dated totally IRL I probably never would have messaged because they weren't my "type" or whatever. Argh.
That's bullshit and you should say as much.
Pretty sure she's just trying to avoid getting kidnapped by ensuring she has a friend present. That seems reasonable.
No it's not. I have never experienced or heard of another girl doing this.
Yes taking steps to avoid getting kidnapped is reasonable. That's why you tell a friend where you're going and who you're meeting. You set a time to check in by phone and tell them you're ok. You take your own car. If you're extremely paranoid even hide some pepper spray or an emergency whistle in your purse. But actually asking a friend to sit in on the date is not a reasonable protection step I've ever seen anyone take.
Ehhhhhh, why shouldn't he call her out on the bullshit? Doesn't need to be a 5 paragraph essay, but something to the tune that she's being ridiculous seems appropriate. To me it completely reads as Eggy said, she's trying to hook up her friend with someone and she's just being "a good friend."
Like, "Do you hold hands and go to the bathroom with your friend too?" Or maybe something more self deprecating, "Sorry, I don't have any friends." Or you could return with your own equally silly and creepy requirement: "Okay, but only if I can take pictures of both you and your friend. Embraced." If you're really daring, say you have a friend and then when you meet up just explain that your friend couldn't make it, then you have two ladies on a date with you and now you're on a real double date ;-)
Then again I'm going back to the fairly early days of internet dating (2001?).
Good God, I feel old now.
Anyway, if you like the girl and have a friend willing to go there's no harm in trying. Though it's a bit of a dick move to stipulate that's the ONLY way she'll meet up.
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