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The thread for horrible kids' jokes.

The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, OmeganautRegistered User, ClubPA regular
edited December 2009 in Social Entropy++
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts!

How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.

Where do cows go on a date?
To the moooo-vies.

BLM - ACAB
The Geek on
«13456

Posts

  • SoundwaveSoundwave Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What's brown and sticky?
    A stick.

    Soundwave on
  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    A guy walks into a bar
    OUCH

    Ahahahahaha

    Meissnerd on
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you call a black airline pilot?
    A pilot, you fucking racist

    Staleghoti on
    tmmysta-sig.png2wT1Q.gifYAH!YAH!STEAMYoutubeMixesPSN: Clintown
    Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
  • BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    It's not on.
    What isn't?
    off.

    BigDes on
    steam_sig.png
  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    what looks like poo and smells like it too?

    your face!

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • CriticalCritical Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?
    To-the-dump to-the-dump to-the-dump-dump-dump

    Critical on
    edesig.jpg
  • BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you call a frozen policeman?

    A copsicle.

    BigDes on
    steam_sig.png
  • BergyBergy Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    like kid fucking jokes?

    Bergy on
    ChicagoBulls01.jpg
    I've been trying to reach you, but your extension cord doesn't reach that far.
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To determine the shade of the green in the grass on the other side.

    MKR on
  • LednehLedneh shinesquawk Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Got a light?
    Yeah, my face and your ass
    wait hold on

    Ledneh on
  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Bergy wrote: »
    like kid fucking jokes?

    in this case, I'm more of a prop comedian

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
    Nacho Cheese!



    This still makes me laugh whenever I hear it

    lostwords on
    rat.jpg tumbler? steam/ps3 thingie: lostwords Amazon Wishlist!
  • BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I went to buy some camoflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

    BigDes on
    steam_sig.png
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What did the judge say when a skunk gave its testimony?
    ODOR IN THE COURT

    Staleghoti on
    tmmysta-sig.png2wT1Q.gifYAH!YAH!STEAMYoutubeMixesPSN: Clintown
    Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
  • AggroChanAggroChan __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2007
    What do miniature surfers ride?
    Microwaves.

    AggroChan on
    PSN + Zune :>
    Sillender.jpgSillender.png
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Staleghoti wrote: »
    What did the judge say when a skunk gave its testimony?
    ODOR IN THE COURT

    :v:

    MKR on
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool?
    Bob

    Hunter on
  • misbehavinmisbehavin Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do peinguins use for napkins?
    Flapkins

    Why do you go to bed?
    Because the bed won't come to you

    Knock,Knock!
    Who's there?
    Howl!
    Howl who?
    Howl we get away from that mean dog over there?

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Boo
    Boo Who?
    Don't Cry it's only a joke.

    misbehavin on
  • WerrickWerrick Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you get when you cross an elephant with a Sith Lord?
    An Ele-Vader

    Werrick on
    "Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be rude without having their skulls split, as a general thing."

    -Robert E. Howard
    Tower of the Elephant
  • BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do birds say on Halloween?
    Trick or tweet.

    BigDes on
    steam_sig.png
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    A little kid is sitting in the park, eating chocolate bars. An old man feeding the pidgeons nearby watches him eat, and eat, six in a row. The old man, perturbed by such behavior, walks up to our young candy-loving lad and says "Son, you shouldn't eat so much candy! I'm 80 years old, and I got to be this old by NEVER eating candy!" Little boy says, "Oh yeah? My grandpa lived to be 112." The old man says "Did he eat candy every day?"
    "No, but he minded his own fucking business."

    Metzger Meister on
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Knock Knock
    Who's There?
    Dwayne
    Dwayne who?
    Dwayne the bathtub I'm dwowning

    Staleghoti on
    tmmysta-sig.png2wT1Q.gifYAH!YAH!STEAMYoutubeMixesPSN: Clintown
    Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
  • SoundwaveSoundwave Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
    Art

    What so you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying on the floor?
    Matt

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
    Russel

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs standing in a hole?
    Phil

    Soundwave on
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2007
    These are truly some fine Laffy Taffy caliber jokes, good fellows.

    The Geek on
    BLM - ACAB
  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    replace "guy" with "baby"

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Crap, crap, mega crap.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What did Tennessee?
    The same thing that Arkansas

    Nogs on
    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    There's a little girl, sitting in class, drawing God. The teacher asks her, "What are you drawing, Suzy?" The little girl says God. The teacher says, "You can't draw God, no one knows what he looks like." Suzy says "They will in a minute."

    Metzger Meister on
  • NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Crap, crap, mega crap.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you call a woman with one leg?
    Eileen

    Where do one-legged people go to eat?
    IHOP

    Nogs on
    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
  • BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Why did Mr. Stupid tip toe past the medicine cabinet?

    He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

    BigDes on
    steam_sig.png
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Nogs wrote: »
    What do you call a woman with one leg?
    Eileen

    What do you call a woman with one leg from Japan?

    Irene.

    God, my dad told me so many fucking horribly inapropriate jokes when I was little. Fer real.


    He was a big fan of racist/misogynist jokes tgoo, which is surprising since my dad is the least prejudiced guy I know.

    For example: Why did god give women legs? So they wouldn't leave snail-trails. Alternatively, because ovens and ironing boards are waist-high.

    Metzger Meister on
  • misbehavinmisbehavin Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?
    A map!

    misbehavin on
  • BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a boy scout?

    Someone who likes to pitch tents.

    BigDes on
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  • J3pJ3p Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I have a whole book full of these.

    J3p on
    +./\ 50 ?. 50
  • Mad IronMad Iron Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    On the way in to get my prescription filled today, I overheard a little boy and his mom talking. They were going back and forth about the mom's health. "I'm going to be fine" she'd say. "No you're not" the boy would reply. Then the mom asked why he thought she wasn't going to be okay. "Because you're big and fat!" the kid answered.

    The kid was right. She was big and fat.

    Mad Iron on
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Why do they lock the gates to Cemeteries?
    Cause people are dying to get in there

    Staleghoti on
    tmmysta-sig.png2wT1Q.gifYAH!YAH!STEAMYoutubeMixesPSN: Clintown
    Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Is it hot in here?" The other muffin says, "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!"

    Metzger Meister on
  • MeizMeiz Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What's red and squirms in the corner?
    A baby playing with a razor blade

    Meiz on
  • misbehavinmisbehavin Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Mad Iron wrote: »
    On the way in to get my prescription filled today, I overheard a little boy and his mom talking. They were going back and forth about the mom's health. "I'm going to be fine" she'd say. "No you're not" the boy would reply. Then the mom asked why he thought she wasn't going to be okay. "Because you're big and fat!" the kid answered.

    The kid was right. She was big and fat.

    That's not funny by itself, but damn if it probably wasn't funny to see the look on the mom's face.

    misbehavin on
  • J3pJ3p Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Alright guys I found the book. 3 jokes chosen at random from it.

    "Your son's very full of himself, isn't he?"
    "That's because he bites his nails."

    What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?
    That somewhere a horse is walking around in its socks.

    What's the best day to have bacon for breakfast?
    Fry-day

    This book was purchased. With money. ;_;

    oh man it has knock knock jokes too!

    Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Betty.
    Betty who?
    Betty let me in, it's freezing out here!

    J3p on
    +./\ 50 ?. 50
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Meiz wrote: »
    What's red and squirms in the corner?
    A baby playing with a razor blade


    You have opened a fucking portal which cannot now be closed.

    What's more fun then feeling up a dead baby?
    Nothing!

    What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
    You take off your boots to jump on a trampoline!

    How do you make a baby cry twice?
    Wipe your bloody fist off on its teddy bear.

    Metzger Meister on
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