Oh no gruesome jokes must rebalance thread with harmless bad jokes
How many skunks does it take to raise a bit stink?
A phew
SALLY: Did he really marry her because her grandfather left her a fortune? CALLY: He denies it. He says he'd have married her no matter who had left her a fortune.
What did the cannibal say when he saw his wife chopping up a snake and a little man?
The student of zoology had the question on his oral exam: "is it possible for a horse's pregnancy to be aborted?" He didn't know, so he failed. He decided to spend following evening in bar getting drunk. After few turns, bartender asked him what had happened to him. The student only asked:
- Dude, tell me one thing: is it possible to give an abortion to mare?
- Geez, you're really in big trouble...
Inside the bar. The man drinks his tenth or eleventh turn. Bartender, as previously, asks him curious:
- Man, what has happened?
- I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
- Oh, I'm so sorry. What did you do?
- I came close to bed, grabbed my wife's hair and told her to go to hell.
- And then?
- I came to my best friend, I looked deep into his eyes and said to him: bad, bad dog!
The farm worker asks his chief:
- Are we gonna tell that young trainee that she won't gain any milk this way?
- No it's not necessary. She will fill her work hours anyway and moreover, just look how satisfied our bull looks.
Two brothers wake up on Christmas morning and race to the tree to open presents. The older boy opens some socks, underwear, shirts and a couple of pairs of jeans. The younger boy opens up a shiny red remote control firetruck. The firetruck can be filled with water and the hoses work; there is a ladder, action figures, a little dalmation and the lights and siren work quite well. The little boy says to his older brother, "This is the best present ever and I'll never let you play with it." The older boy responds, "Oh yea, well at least I don't have cancer!"
I apologize for coming off stupid. In actuality, I am above average intelligence like the majority of you folk. I often consider myself the first "superman", as Nietzsche would conceptualize my superconsciousness.
so i have had some minor pains and aches as of late, and recently coughed up some blood. so I went to the doctor and he told me I have Tom Jones disease. I asked him if it was a common thing, and he said
"It's not unusual..."
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Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
so i have had some minor pains and aches as of late, and recently coughed up some blood. so I went to the doctor and he told me I have Tom Jones disease. I asked him if it was a common thing, and he said
"It's not unusual..."
This had me laughing for so fucking long... man, my mom loves Tom Jones so much.
So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died."
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Tossrocktoo weird to livetoo rare to dieRegistered Userregular
edited August 2007
*Knock knock*
Who's there?
Ma'am, I'm Major Stevens. It is my unfortunate duty to tell you that there has been an accident. Dental records confirm that it was your husband. I'm sorry.
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Tossrocktoo weird to livetoo rare to dieRegistered Userregular
edited August 2007
A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
edited August 2007
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......... smack his butt again!"
I heard this in the pub earlier (its not even remotely funny if you don't know the story or have any sense of decency):
I've even spoilered the joke because i think it pushs the bounds of taste.
Posts
How many skunks does it take to raise a bit stink?
SALLY: Did he really marry her because her grandfather left her a fortune?
CALLY: He denies it. He says he'd have married her no matter who had left her a fortune.
What did the cannibal say when he saw his wife chopping up a snake and a little man?
What's a horse's favourite game?
Ahahahaha that is great
it's a children's joke thread in SE++
What could possibly happen?
- Dude, tell me one thing: is it possible to give an abortion to mare?
- Geez, you're really in big trouble...
Inside the bar. The man drinks his tenth or eleventh turn. Bartender, as previously, asks him curious:
- Man, what has happened?
- I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
- Oh, I'm so sorry. What did you do?
- I came close to bed, grabbed my wife's hair and told her to go to hell.
- And then?
- I came to my best friend, I looked deep into his eyes and said to him: bad, bad dog!
The farm worker asks his chief:
- Are we gonna tell that young trainee that she won't gain any milk this way?
- No it's not necessary. She will fill her work hours anyway and moreover, just look how satisfied our bull looks.
What's the difference between a car and a garbage bag full of dead babies?
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
Thanks, dad.
What did one cthulhu say to the other cthulhu?
what do you call a lazy bison?
what do you call a truck full of bison?
Two brothers wake up on Christmas morning and race to the tree to open presents. The older boy opens some socks, underwear, shirts and a couple of pairs of jeans. The younger boy opens up a shiny red remote control firetruck. The firetruck can be filled with water and the hoses work; there is a ladder, action figures, a little dalmation and the lights and siren work quite well. The little boy says to his older brother, "This is the best present ever and I'll never let you play with it." The older boy responds, "Oh yea, well at least I don't have cancer!"
Why did the blond stare into the fridge for hours?
the last one who had a dream got shot
"It's not unusual..."
This had me laughing for so fucking long... man, my mom loves Tom Jones so much.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died."
Who's there?
Ma'am, I'm Major Stevens. It is my unfortunate duty to tell you that there has been an accident. Dental records confirm that it was your husband. I'm sorry.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
who's there?
amish.
amish who?
that's funny, you don't look like a shoe.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......... smack his butt again!"
he catches his breath and orders a banana split
waitress asks "crushed nuts?"
"oh nothing that bad," he says, "just arthritis".
I've even spoilered the joke because i think it pushs the bounds of taste.
Whose there?
Not Madeline Mccann
Its for the best. Like not seeing swap.avi
I'm not offended or anything, it just lacks, you know, the humor.
boo fricking hoo
oh man
that is pretty fucking good
i cant believe that kind of shit is news
id rather hear about paris hilton
Still not funny, but at least now I know what it's about.
the parents should grow some balls and man up and then to see TFS
and this is a fun thread
my first and last woman joke
Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
http://gametrailers.com/player/23610.html
guy marries what looks like his mother, in EQ2