It's back everyone!
Thursdays at 9:00 EST, it's Who Wants to Be a Superhero?, Sci-Fi's show that proves that overacting, obvliousness and Stan Lee's giant head can swirl together to form a jumbalaya of campy delight. Last year saw eager Feedback overcome towering heights, Vin Diesel's retarded doppleganger, and his borderline psychotic father fixation of Stan Lee to win his own comic book series (which I have never seen in any store, ever) and an upcomming Sci-Fi original movie. This year, the winner gets all of the above, and
his own action figure! Oh the joy!
This Season's Delusional Mental Patients:
(AKA Police Detective Jarret Crippen) Sort of like Batman, without the butler or Bat-theme, or the family fortune (but that's not left out!). Fights crime with non-lethal gadgets, and refuses to use firearms. He's shaping up to be Tyveculus 2.0. Maybe he'll last longer. He also has night vision!
Weaknesses: Bright light, not yelling at people
(AKA barista Trisha Paytas) Remember how Feedback apparently got his powers from playing video games? Miss Limelight does that with TV and movie stars. She can acquire the powers of any actor or actress she sees on TV, which means her range of usefulness goes from Jack Bauer to that guy in the Sour Skittles commercial who can produce sour milk.
Weaknesses: Her legs are very sensitive
(AKA circus performer John Stork) A martial artist who, apart from actually knowing martial arts and having the flexibility of, well, a circus performer, can turn his sweat into weapons, some how, and manipulate chi
. He reminds me of Monkey Girl.
Weaknesses: He's basically retarded
(AKA security guard Paula Thomas) As if looking like a transexual dominatrix wasn't enough, she has to pursue the illusion by using a whip. She derives her strength from the warmpth of the Earth.
Weaknesses: Cold Temperatures, being mistaken for Rupaul
(AKA cashier Phillip Allen) A time traveler sent from the future to prevent the evil Galactic Starlord Sigmus from destroying humanity! Really! He was voted on the show by the internet, because the internet loves putting akward fat people on national TV (see: TheFireman). His superpowers are telekinesis and being super-smart. I kind of like him.
Weaknesses: Our modern Earth diseases, being fat
(AKA artist Aja De Coudreaux) Her name means trash in spanish, so naturally, she controlls insects. She lives in a junk filled cave, and fights self-doubt. She's also has the the ability to psychically trace the history of objects she touches.
Weaknesses: If I read her profile right, she gets horny to the point of distraction. I hope I am.
(AKA millionaire Ivan Wilzig) Jewish Bruce Wayne, alright! His only gadget is a paddle with the Star of David on it which deflects attacks, first given to David by God after he slew Goliath. Sure to be a hit when the superheroes have to go and explain their powers to at a Hebrew School. He talks like every old Jewish person you've ever met.
Weaknesses: Pork chops, milk with meat, ect. Srsly.
(AKA ex-CIA agent Crystal Clark) A shapeshifter from another planet, or something, whose hair turns into tentacles. Her arch-nemesis is Toober Dac, an evil alien from the galaxy of Damn Nation. I guess being in the CIA wasn't exciting enough for her. Eliminated for being a self-centered bitch.
Weaknesses: Getting her hair cut, Stan Lee's glaring disdain
(AKA college administrator Dan Williams) You know, this guy's concept is actually pretty interesting. You should read it for yourself here
. His nemesis is named Victor Triumph. Also, he's gay. Parthenon, not his nemesis. No one with the name Victor Triumph could possibly be gay.
Weaknesses: Limitations built into his power sources
(AKA homemaker Melody Mooney) Well hello there Fat Momma! Wait, when did you get white and a new gimmick? She fights grime and crime, a fact she insists on repeating as much as possible. She uses cleaning implements for defeat evil. Given the fact that the commercials have shown her standing in front of her giant comic book cover mock-up, chances are good that she'll be in it for the long run.
Weaknesses: The Wall of Funk, whatever that means. She also appears to have OCD.
The first episode was a mere introduction to the trials that await. yet still gave copious opportunity for Mr. Mitzvah to be an asshole, and for the Defuser to yell at people. Next week? Deadly deadly bees!
He's gonna be a star!