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Death and Dying
IpseDixit
Treat me like a pirateAnd give me that bootyRegistered User regular
Treat me like a pirateAnd give me that bootyRegistered User regular
Last Tuesday night I went on a motorcycle ride with friends from a local motorcycle forum. A new rider joined us, JJ. I spoke with JJ briefly before the ride. He informed me that he had just bought his R6 6 weeks prior. He said he had ridden before, but did not give any other details. I later learned he had recently moved to the US from another country.
As the ride started JJ was following me up Highway 9. We then turned onto Skyline headed toward Alice's Restaurant. At this point I let JJ go past me as I was not familiar with Skyline. He stayed with me for a little while but soon he took off and left me behind.
Several minutes after I lost sight of him I came around a corner and saw a bike parked on the opposite side of the road and a bike laying on its side on the edge of the road. I pulled over and ran over to the site and found a rider off the side of the road. He was unresponsive and had troubled breathing.
Several other motorcycle riders who were not on the ride stopped, as did several motorists. No one had any cell phone service so one rider took off to go to the Cal Fire station to call in the incident.
We stayed with the rider not moving him until Cal Fire arrived. At this point they pulled him up onto the road and took off his helmet to begin CPR as they could only feel a faint pulse. When they took off his helmet I realized that it was JJ. I couldn't tell that it was him up until this point as his bike was mangled from the accident and he was laying face down in the brush.
Life flight was called and additional medics and firefighters arrived on scene.
As we were finishing up giving our information to the CHP, the officer received a call and let us know that JJ didn't make it.
I keep on having terrible thoughts that it was my fault. That if I hadn't let him pass me maybe he wouldn't have crashed. I know this isn't true, but I it doesn't stop the what if's from running through my head.
I just had to give my statement to the CHP about the incident so this has all of the terrible feelings from the accident flowing through my head. I keep on seeing the image of them take his helmet with blood flowing out of his mouth and nose, then the medics beginning CPR.
SE++ how do you deal with death?
As the ride started JJ was following me up Highway 9. We then turned onto Skyline headed toward Alice's Restaurant. At this point I let JJ go past me as I was not familiar with Skyline. He stayed with me for a little while but soon he took off and left me behind.
Several minutes after I lost sight of him I came around a corner and saw a bike parked on the opposite side of the road and a bike laying on its side on the edge of the road. I pulled over and ran over to the site and found a rider off the side of the road. He was unresponsive and had troubled breathing.
Several other motorcycle riders who were not on the ride stopped, as did several motorists. No one had any cell phone service so one rider took off to go to the Cal Fire station to call in the incident.
We stayed with the rider not moving him until Cal Fire arrived. At this point they pulled him up onto the road and took off his helmet to begin CPR as they could only feel a faint pulse. When they took off his helmet I realized that it was JJ. I couldn't tell that it was him up until this point as his bike was mangled from the accident and he was laying face down in the brush.
Life flight was called and additional medics and firefighters arrived on scene.
As we were finishing up giving our information to the CHP, the officer received a call and let us know that JJ didn't make it.
I keep on having terrible thoughts that it was my fault. That if I hadn't let him pass me maybe he wouldn't have crashed. I know this isn't true, but I it doesn't stop the what if's from running through my head.
I just had to give my statement to the CHP about the incident so this has all of the terrible feelings from the accident flowing through my head. I keep on seeing the image of them take his helmet with blood flowing out of his mouth and nose, then the medics beginning CPR.
SE++ how do you deal with death?
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I don't have anything constructive to contribute except my sympathy and hugs, but if you have access to a counselor this would probably be right up their alley
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You're getting a big hug the next time I see you.
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There's a reason Australia has long had restrictions on the bikes that new riders can legally ride.
An R6 is not a bike for a beginner.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I'm sorry for JJ and his family and friends.
It's really odd how the deaths of two people you were close to can have such a different effect.
I thought I was handling my grandmother's death rather well until one night about 3 weeks later. Trish was out of town and I drank half a case of beer and a bottle of white and a bottle of red wine, then I got online and started weeping to complete strangers.
When my dad died he was cremated though.
AFAIK he had experience riding where he had moved from (it has been determined he moved here from Russia). But what kind and how much experience is unknown.
I know it wasn't my fault. I really really know it. But it doesn't stop that thought from creeping up.
My motorcycle friends who have dealt with this say that it gets better with time. We went to the site and left a memorial last week. That helped immensely. But giving my statement to the CHP earlier has just... ugh
Take it easy, and try to keep your head out of the bad thoughts--hard as that can be, sometimes. Get a good night's sleep if you can manage, and do something simple and fun with someone you care about tomorrow.
Riding bikes is crazy. You get into the community, you meet a bunch of people, you make friends with many of them, some of them die.
Nothing compares to riding, but very few things are as dangerous to do on a daily basis.
It's a sad, terrible fact of life on two wheels.
I'm really sorry you experienced this, man, and I'm doubly sorry for JJ and his family, but I hope it keeps you from making the same mistake. I remember reading that you laid your bike down not too long ago. Please do not become another Zonk
I've had a few friends and family members die over the years. I think I deal with it quite well. I grieve, but respectfully so and not for an overly long period. I have a tendency to move past being unhappy as soon as I can with life in general, so I think that helps.
Pet deaths, on the other hand, absolutely wreck me deeply for a lot longer than I wish they would.
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My grandfather died nearly ten years ago, and I still get those dreams.
I blamed myself a lot for his death, actually. I've been told that's a fairly common symptom of grief. It's been a long time since, almost ten years actually, but even then, it's coming up on the anniversary and sometimes the thought makes me stop dead in my tracks almost. It's different with family, of course, than with someone whom you don't know particularly well, but not any less sobering or sad.
spoilered for potentially saccharine night-time ramblings.
I'm not sure all the ways it affected me but I know I basically just gave up on living right then. To me it demonstrated that in the end no pain is bearable and in the end it's never worth it.
minin for diamonds, man. it's always worth the work.
Mine died the week before finals in high school. I probably wasn't going to graduate anyway but that sure didn't help any.
I can examine that thought intellectually but it's hard to believe it.
I've went most of my live believing that I am unlovable and worthless due to my treatment as a very young child by my biodad. When my step dad took his own life all it did was punctuate that. Its a real struggle to think of anything differently.
Sorry. Downer there. Ipse, it's in no way your fault. Thoughts go out to you.
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i've never even met a lot of the people here and every time i hear someone died it's like a hammer blow. i learned a lot from this forum and the people who post here.
I am going to re-visit the memorial tomorrow with some of the other riders who were on the ride that night. Looking at the photo doesn't bring me peace, but it does calm me. I know that I did everything I could, I just really wish things were different.
I hope I can sleep tonight.
This is me too.
E-hugs, Kate.
Last year, I read through the Dark Tower series. I remember finishing the fifth or sixth book, and continuing to read the acknowledgements and such in the back. On the last few pages, Stephen King had written about a dear friend of his who'd narrated the audio books for The Dark Tower, and who'd been in a bad motorcycle accident just before this book was published. A few paragraphs in, I realized that King was writing about Frank.
I asked my Dad about it. I saw some of that same old sadness in his face as he talked about Frank, told me about how they met and became friends, and recalled the events of his injury and death. My father had come to terms with it by then, though. If anything, it was healthy for him to be reminded of this person he once knew.
My mother's father recently died of a brain tumor. He suffered a very similar, slow death of the mind, and my grandmother worked harder than anybody should to help him go with as much dignity as he could. My mother was hit hardest, but we all knew him well. I was lucky enough to get to see him the summer before, when the tumor hadn't yet spread and he was mostly himself, but I didn't know what he was going through at the time, and I wonder if I should have asked him more about himself then.
He sold pottery to take care of himself and my grandmother after retirement. We have a bunch of pieces he made in our kitchen, bowls and dishes and such, and I remember him whenever I see those pieces. It might be a flittering little glimpse of a memory, or it might be a minute where I remember visiting my grandparents in my childhood.
Not being able to have one because the person is unconscious or awake but unresponsive is pretty shitty too. I'd visit my grandmother every other day and talk to her just like she was okay and stuff but it was an awful experience and I hope never to have to repeat it.
Spend time with him, best you can do if it turns out for the worst. I hated my dad's guts but still have this weird desire to have known him better.
This is something that's been in the back of my mind recently as well. My grandmother on my mothers side is my last surviving grandparent but it's not looking good. Her husband died last year and she really took it badly. She's got pretty bad dementia now so everyone has been flying back when possible to see her because she doesn't have long left. My mother was there weekend before last and she said that her mother thought I was there and was reliving a conversation she had with me when I was about 6 or 7 (I'm 25 now).
Apparently she said I was her little pigeon and I said no granny, I'm too big to be a pigeon, I'm an eagle! just broke down and it's getting to me just writing this.
Uh, I guess focus on the first advicey half of this post. I just felt like sharing.
I'm real sorry you had to go through that, Ipse.
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the worst funeral I've been to was for my best friend's dad
which tailed in after a classmate died earlier in the year
if my brother died I'm not sure how I'd feel, 'cause I've never developed a real bond with him
mom and dad (even with the latter's shortcomings) dying would throw me way off
gravity would feel reversed
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