Somebody light the @Drake signal so I can get a comprehensive sales pitch for why I should buy Din's Curse with the absolute last of my money set aside for this sale.
The reason you should play Din's Curse is because the dungeons fight back. In Din's Curse the town and dungeon is simulated. NPCs in town will have agendas, some are trouble makers who start fights or steal. In the dungeons different types of monsters have different relationships and allegiances. They form up their own gangs, will meet each other for negotiations, build machines of doom and woe, level up and get nastier over time. They are more than happy to invade the town, killing important NPCs (don't worry, that merchant that was slaughtered before you could rescue him will eventually be replaced). All of this stuff generates dynamic quests to complete. Like in the example of the slaughtered merchant, you'll potentially receive a quest to rescue another from the depths of the dungeon.
In one game I played a bunch of townspeople were demon worshipers, including high ranking town officials. I couldn't beat the dungeon until I'd basically run an inquisition in the town, exposing the heretics and then hunting them down in the dungeon and delivering Din's judgment on them. During the course of this, demon worshipers were murdering townsfolk and opening demon gates, poisoning each other and generally being a complete pit of evil that had to be purged from the top down. And you can be sure that the place was purified. Every one left lived in the light of Din.
That's why you should play Din's Curse.
Everyone should listen to Drake, here. You haven't lived until you've beaten a horde of monsters by whacking a weak support beam and running from the ensuing cave-in ala Indiana Jones, then dug your way back into the collapsed tunnel to loot the bodies.
Or watched enemies tear each other apart from infighting, allowing you to take the credit when the quest-related monster dies in the struggle.
Or had to decide between doing an emergency teleport back to town to fight off an invasion or keep going for that last quest item to cure the plague that's been wracking the town for weeks.
Or wound up with so much excess gear that you just start handing it to random townsfolk and they can handle themselves when monsters attack.
Or expelled a guy from the town for poisoning the well only for him to come after you in the dungeon for revenge.
Or watched enemies literally break down doors while trying to run from you because you're scything through their numbers.
There is no end to the pure, randomly generated chaos Din's Curse provides. It seems like just another dungeon crawler until you get your hands on it, and I can honestly say that I have never played anything quite like it.
So how's the Monaco community? Lots of people still playing? If I play mostly single player is it still a lot of fun, or co-op really where the action is at?
Co op is much better than SP. Even with randoms I found it to be enjoyable. I played the hell out of it on release though so I can't say how many are playing it now, I imagine since its been in the sale there'll be a decent sized player base.
Single player is still good though, you get 'awards' for completing the levels solo and multi separately so the completionist in you will want to do both. Multiplayer has a more frantic air about it which devolves into hilarity.
I do want to point out, while I haven't been around long, it seems that people are willing to play games in this group, so if you jump in chat It seems like you can find groups. Other longer people can correct me if I'm wrong.
Thinking about biting on Monaco--for some reason I hadn't given any fucks about it until that PA strip. "It's crime time, mothafuckas!" needs to be the official tagline for this game something fierce.
Was Din's Curse a flash earlier? Why did it get mentioned...now I wants it, but afraid I missed it even cheaper!
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Zen VulgarityWhat a lovely day for teaSecret British ThreadRegistered Userregular
I sold enough cards to buy my girlfriend Monaco, which was randomly gifted to me by @JoeUser
Which is not part of the contest. However, Joe consistently gives advice to people in the SE++ Jobs thread, helps them try to find jobs, and is generally an incredibly nice person. So bomb him with stuff.
Serial Gifter @Banzai5150 has sent me Secret of the Magic Crystals as well. For a moment, I felt the crushing weight of hetero-normative western gender stereotypes. Then I remembered that, like your second cousin Manya (Once removed on your mother's side), I too had a pony in the old country. And he was a BEAUTIFUL pony. And I LOVED him.
You smug-faced crowds with kindling eye
Who cheer when soldier lads march by
Sneak home and pray you'll never know
The hell where youth and laughter go
Kinda bummed I ended up buying Euro Truck 2. I just spend 20 minutes attempting to park for a delivery and not getting even remotely close, just doing donuts in the parking lot. It seems impossible to control.
keep in mind your controlling a trailer. not sure if youve ever pulled one before but in reverse it goes the opposite way u expect at first. thing about physically picking up the tounge like your a giant and pushing it. if you swing it left and push the back end goes right. can also think about pushing the trailer out of your mirrors. it taked practice.
Somebody light the @Drake signal so I can get a comprehensive sales pitch for why I should buy Din's Curse with the absolute last of my money set aside for this sale.
The reason you should play Din's Curse is because the dungeons fight back. In Din's Curse the town and dungeon is simulated. NPCs in town will have agendas, some are trouble makers who start fights or steal. In the dungeons different types of monsters have different relationships and allegiances. They form up their own gangs, will meet each other for negotiations, build machines of doom and woe, level up and get nastier over time. They are more than happy to invade the town, killing important NPCs (don't worry, that merchant that was slaughtered before you could rescue him will eventually be replaced). All of this stuff generates dynamic quests to complete. Like in the example of the slaughtered merchant, you'll potentially receive a quest to rescue another from the depths of the dungeon.
In one game I played a bunch of townspeople were demon worshipers, including high ranking town officials. I couldn't beat the dungeon until I'd basically run an inquisition in the town, exposing the heretics and then hunting them down in the dungeon and delivering Din's judgment on them. During the course of this, demon worshipers were murdering townsfolk and opening demon gates, poisoning each other and generally being a complete pit of evil that had to be purged from the top down. And you can be sure that the place was purified. Every one left lived in the light of Din.
That's why you should play Din's Curse.
Everyone should listen to Drake, here. You haven't lived until you've beaten a horde of monsters by whacking a weak support beam and running from the ensuing cave-in ala Indiana Jones, then dug your way back into the collapsed tunnel to loot the bodies.
Or watched enemies tear each other apart from infighting, allowing you to take the credit when the quest-related monster dies in the struggle.
Or had to decide between doing an emergency teleport back to town to fight off an invasion or keep going for that last quest item to cure the plague that's been wracking the town for weeks.
Or wound up with so much excess gear that you just start handing it to random townsfolk and they can handle themselves when monsters attack.
Or expelled a guy from the town for poisoning the well only for him to come after you in the dungeon for revenge.
Or watched enemies literally break down doors while trying to run from you because you're scything through their numbers.
There is no end to the pure, randomly generated chaos Din's Curse provides. It seems like just another dungeon crawler until you get your hands on it, and I can honestly say that I have never played anything quite like it.
I wonder how many new wishlist additions these posts have created. I know it got added to mine. I'll most definitely buy it before the end of the sale, though I'm going to stick to the rules and be patient for a daily. Even if it is only $5 bucks.
Any place I can find Borderlands 2 DLC cheaper than 33% off? Probably not, right?
It's been 66% off a couple times this sale already. I'd expect it to be part of the best of day (if they do that) or possibly a flash sale again before things end.
I was lucky enough to win Half Life 2 on SteamGifts from one of the PA forumers here. However, it's been 7 days since the giveaway ended and I still haven't received the game. I pm'ed the person doing the giveaway on this forum twice already. Yet, I still haven't heard anything from them. Based on their forum profile, I can tell they're active since their last visit on this forum was 4 hours ago. So, they must have read my pms already.
So what should I do? Mark the gift as not received on SteamGifts? I don't want to be an ingrate, but it's been 7 days since I won the giveaway and I haven't heard anything from this person despite my multiple efforts to contact them. I hate to do this to a fellow classy gent. I wish they'd reply and just let me know what's going on.
Not really sure what I'd do, but the first thing I'd do was to check the last time they posted anything. I mean if they've been posting away and just ignoring you, then I'd probably try to contact them once or twice more and then mark it unreceived. If they haven't been posting at all, I'd definitely cut em some slack. In general PA people are good people, and I'd feel pretty bad getting all worked up when it turns out he/she got into a horrific car accident.
Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts. I'll give it a couple more days and try to contact the person again. Hope he/she gets back to me soon.
Just to close the loop on this. The person finally got back to me. All is well! Thanks again for everyone's advice!
In no particular order, I present to you your winners!
@jclast is the winner of Kings of Amalur, and presents a short play with a happy ending that in no way reflects my own surgery experiences:
De-giftipation, a one-act play
Dr. Possum: I'm sorry Mrs. Ryder. Your husband has an advanced case of Giftipation. You see, his head has turned into a gift. It's caused by an overabundance of class and by thinking about giving Steam games to people too much. Newell help us, I've never seen a case this bad.
* Mrs. Ryder sobs into her hanky *
Mrs. Ryder: Is there anything we can do? What if I think greedy thoughts at him? Would that help? I could be greedy!
Dr. Possum: That would only exacerbate the problem. I'm afraid that your husband would only shower you in gifts to stem the tide of greed, and since the greed is artificial the gifts would have no effect. The giftipate (patent pending) would become swollen and bulbous. After that it would explode in a torrent of class the likes of which this hospital has never seen! Please, for the love of all that is holy, don't think greedy thoughts at him.
Mrs. Ryder: Very well. I have another idea.
* Mrs. Ryder pulls out her iPhone and pulls up the Steam app- it's the future, so the app has chat *
Mrs. Ryder: Yes, it's very serious. I need you to come to Holy Mother of Class right away. My husband needs help, and I think you're the only ones who can deliver in the required quantity.
--- 15 minutes pass ---
Mr. Classy: Am I too late? Work was a bear. Can I still help!? I hope there's still time.
Mr. X: I got here as soon as I could. What can I do to help?
Mr. Bit: I left all my engineering undone when I heard about this catastrophe - where is he?
Dr. Possum: What do you plan to do? I'm a legitimate doctor, and I'm at a loss. This doctor clipboard that doctors carry isn't helpful at all!
Mr. Classy: I will take his burden into myself. I'm more experienced, and I can better contain the overabundance of GabeNs in his system.
* Mr. Classy used gift-bomb on the PA Steam thread! *
* It's super-effective! *
--- Mr. Ryder's head begins to return to normal. ---
Dr. Possum: We need more! It wasn't enough!
* Mr. X used wet pants on Child's Play! *
* It's super-effective! *
Dr. Possum: Dear Newell, he's terrified! But it's working! Mr. Ryder's head is nearly normal again.
* Mr. Bit used Scribblenauts on everybody ever! *
* It's super-effective! *
Dr. Possum: It's beautiful. All the yellow backgrounds. I'm sorry - there's something in my eye. Excuse me.
--- Mr. Ryder wakes up, head back to normal ---
Mr. Ryder: What'd I miss? Who needs a gift?
FIN
@Florin was also looking for KoA, but sadly lost the coin toss that I ultimately relied upon to decide the winner there. Since that was the only situation where the entrant didn't get their top prize, I'll be sending along Morrowind and Hunted for the following Poem of The Untrained Doctor (again, owing to my own experiences):
The Skillful Doctor
With a gentle movement of your wrist
Try to remove that beautiful gift
But wait a second
The gift resists to the gentle movement of your wrist
We need a new strategy, to get rid of this generosity
Put your hand on the pen and write a short poem
Not on paper but right on the wrapper
Write a poem so offensive
That even the devil should find it repulsive
The poem would make the gift so ashamed
It would easily jump down from our patient's head
This strategy doesn't seem to work, wait a second, don't call me a dork
I'm sure I can find a better solution
I found it, I told you, here's my suggestion
Take the red screwdriver from the white table
Make the gift feel uncomfortable
Do wrong things, with the screwdriver
Things that are considered unacceptable
If my suggestion won't solve our problem
Maybe we'll solve it with the next item
Now we're going to use the machete
Turn the rude gift into colorful confetti
It's not very effective
The gift is unaffected
We have to give up or... maybe not
Somewhere on the floor
Lies a shiny metal bat
Take it and hit the gift
Like there's no tomorrow
For the poor fellow
Who was unlucky enough
To find himself on our surgery table
With an awful disease like that
The metal bat is infective too
Don't cry, here's what you have to do
You'll have to use your boneless hands
We have to save him, I'm sure you understand
I know, the hands are hard to control
Better drink up some alcohol
Now hurry up, put your hands on the gift
And start tickling it
The rude gift burst into laughter
And jumps down, soon after
Now sprinkle the patient with some cold water
The patient wakes up, you're a skillful doctor
@shdwcaster will be getting Rage after driving me into a dark depression with the following song, which all too accurately captures the addictive class of the Steam thread:
How to Steam A Life
Step one – you say, "Hey, there's a sale."
They blink, you say, "Relax, It's just a sale."
Chat listens politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
A browser opens on your right
Can your backlog grow while you sleep at night?
Between the lines of card and game
You wonder who will get the blame.
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
Let them know that you gift best
'Cause after all you do gift best
Try to slip past Isy's defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a wishlist a mile long
The games you've craved all along
Pray to Newell, he hears you
And thread prays to Newell, he hears you
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
Gifts have truly gone to your head
Give some more to clear your head
Gift until you lose the thread
Or break with the threads you've followed
You can do one of two things
Someone will gift everything
Or say that the sale's finally done
And you'll begin planning for Winter to come
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
How to Steam a life
How to Steam a life
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
How to Steam a life
How to Steam a life
@Idx86 followed that darkness up with a hopeful, heart warming message of secret military operations, dangerous giftitis, and mass murder, winning a copy of Gunpoint!:
DATELINE: 7:18 PM Central, July 18th, 2013
LOCATION: Undisclosed Military Base, USA
PATIENT NAME: <REDACTED>
SURGERY ABSTRACT:
Patient <REDACTED> was admitted to a local Des Moines hospital after complaining of severe headaches for the past 72 hours. It was reported by <REDACTED> that the patient had grown increasingly cranky at home and falling into a steady state of generosity. On Monday, July 8th, the first day <REDACTED> first experienced pain in his sinuses, the subject was observed at a local coffee shop purchasing random strangers their morning beverage. Onlookers described this event as, "A little unusual, but a proud display of everyday Iowan generosity towards fellow citizens." No further thought was given to the event.
As the day wore on, <REDACTED> was observed at a local bank in front of the ATM, handing out $20 bills to passerbys, while saying he was the ultimate classhole and he would end the day "in the positive gift zone." Police were notified, however as <REDACTED> was not doing anything illegal, he was not detained. Local officers did return the man to his place of residence at <REDACTED> as he described his physical state as being "little lightheaded" and reported throbbing in his temples. His wife gave him a light sedative and he slept peacefully that evening.
On Tuesday, July 9th, <REDACTED>'s wife arose to find her husband had rented a U-Haul and loaded all of his possessions into a van. Before she could stop him, <REDACTED> drove off and yelled out the window that he was donating all of his belongings to a local hospital. He also appeared to have a large bulge protruding from his forehead, which looked oddly like a Christmas present. Mrs. <REDACTED> could not understand why her husband had become increasingly generous. Upon examination of his pillow, bloodstains were present around where his left ear and nostril would have been laying. A full readout of the sample is still pending, however it is hypothesized that <REDACTED>'s condition caused the hemorrhaging.
On Wednesday, July 10th, <REDACTED> awoke to a splitting headache and what appeared to be a green package with red ribbon sticking out of his forehead. Smaller package like objects were forming in his nasal cavities and ear canals of an identical nature. He passed out, and was transported to St. Gabe of the North Methodist Hopsital. On call ER staff were confused and disoriented at the sight of the man, who kept trying to throw Amazon gift cards with undisclosed amounts at them in between profanity laced tirades about "Dale." The man was eventually sedated and transported to <REDACTED>, where military doctors awaited him.
Dr. <REDACTED>, Lead Neural Surgeon, examined the subject and determined that the man had been infected with "class singularity", which was physically transforming his mind and body into an outward gesture of selflessness. It was determined that in order to save the man's life, they would need to need to surgically remove the primary affected area. Unfortunately, upon remove the epidermal layer to begin the separation of the gift like growth from <REDACTED>'s skull, doctors discovered that this growth had fused to <REDACTED>'s skull. To remove the gift-like growth at this stage would surely kill him.
While doctors discussed their options, <REDACTED> miraculously awoke while on the surgical table, and despite heavy sedatives flowing to his veins, was awake and alert. His eyes gleamed and he showed no signs of pain, despite that his eyes had now bonded with the package. He was completely lucid and discussed for several minutes about, "being excellent to one another" and instructing shocked nurses and staff members to, "give from your heart every day."
He then instructed the shocked surigcal staff to open the package that had now engulfed his entire face. Opening the package would kill him, but it would be his final and ultimate gift to the world. <REDACTED>'s wife was admitted to the surgery room and said her goodbyes, the face of her husband now completely unrecognizable and consumed by this mysterious package. As doctors began to cut open his face to open the package, <REDACTED>'s convulsed on the table as his heart exploded and he died.
After Dr. <REDACTED> cut an approximately 7 incision on the subject's now engulfed face, he peeled back the tissue and peered inside. The inside was surprisingly clean with no sign of blood or tissue. What they found was a small scroll, carefully bound by a single thread of hair. DNA analysis of the hair are inconclusive at this point, but forensic computers have a 95% match with Seattle software engineer <REDACTED>. Upon unraveling the scroll, in finely written calligraphy, were the following words.
HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED.
<REDACTED>'s body was incinerated, and all medical staff present for the surgery were executed. By Executive Order of the President, the scroll's contents are not ready to be shared with the public, and knowledge of its existence is to be suppressed until the public is deemed worthy of its contents, by ruling of the World Council.
END DOCUMENT
And finally, @Polaritie is getting Fortune Summors for just jumping to the end game of all this Steam giving where ultimately we begin to gift our fellow human beings to each other:
1) Open your pocket time portal to christmas, during the winter sale, somewhere with tons of kids.
2) Post patient picture on the steam thread
3) Watch as the kids open a never-ending supply of classy gifts (and feel all warm and fuzzy inside - not from the blood and wrapping paper flying everywhere in the frenzy of little ones, I assure you)
4) Arrange the reverse side of the wrapping paper and the drying blood to replicate the Steam logo on the floor
5) Use the power of the gift stream to summon the Newell
6) Serve the Newell by buying a new self-attaching head at a steep discount!
7) Attach the head to the patient, just in time
8) Watch as the patient comes around, witnesses the aftermath of incredible classiness, and kneels in awe before the Newell
9) Gift the patient to someone.
Congrats to everybody! Loved all of these, and the creativity of you folks is my favorite part of the sales. I'll go ahead and start sending things out to everybody right way.
Of course, my inventory will remain rather full at that point. This will need to be... corrected.
just started king's bounty armored princess with the expansion units/items/etc. really like it. I had played The Legend a little bit but it was a while ago, forgot how up my alley the series is.
I almost hope warriors of the north doesn't go on sale because I'll end up just jumping to it instead of playing through all this content.
Warriors of the North isn't as good as Crossworlds (Armored Princess + Stuff), stick with what you have for now.
Din's Curse is equally fun in groups and solo. We spent one New Year's Eve (my friends and I always "iron man" a Diablo-like game on New Year's) playing Din's Curse, and we had a blast. My only gripe about the game is graphics, specifically the particle effects (the arrows literally look like fireball blobs rather than an actual arrow, for example). But the game is action packed and has a lot of smart decisions. The skill trees, for example, can be cherry picked if you want to create a hybrid character. All of the classes have 3 skill trees, but you can pick any skill tree from any class and mix it with another one (at the cost of only having 2 skill trees). The traps in the dungeons are just simple circles on the ground (like a landmine... boo!), but they can have catastrophic effects (like teleporting you to deeper dungeon levels or collapsing tunnels... yay!). And because the game is completely dynamic, you really don't know what's going to happen next. Another +1 vote for Din's Curse here.
EDIT: Oh, another thing. I'm not sure about the Steam version of the game, but as far as I remember, Din's Curse did not have a set maximum of players for multiplayer. If you have a high enough bandwidth to host, you could potentially have dozens of people running around in the same game (although I can't imagine how well that would work in terms of game balance).
Posts
Everyone should listen to Drake, here. You haven't lived until you've beaten a horde of monsters by whacking a weak support beam and running from the ensuing cave-in ala Indiana Jones, then dug your way back into the collapsed tunnel to loot the bodies.
Or watched enemies tear each other apart from infighting, allowing you to take the credit when the quest-related monster dies in the struggle.
Or had to decide between doing an emergency teleport back to town to fight off an invasion or keep going for that last quest item to cure the plague that's been wracking the town for weeks.
Or wound up with so much excess gear that you just start handing it to random townsfolk and they can handle themselves when monsters attack.
Or expelled a guy from the town for poisoning the well only for him to come after you in the dungeon for revenge.
Or watched enemies literally break down doors while trying to run from you because you're scything through their numbers.
There is no end to the pure, randomly generated chaos Din's Curse provides. It seems like just another dungeon crawler until you get your hands on it, and I can honestly say that I have never played anything quite like it.
Now playing: Teardown and Baldur's Gate 3 (co-op)
Sunday Spotlight: Horror Tales: The Wine
Steam Profile: miserium
Diablo 3 profile: miserium
PA Rocksmith League
Single player is still good though, you get 'awards' for completing the levels solo and multi separately so the completionist in you will want to do both. Multiplayer has a more frantic air about it which devolves into hilarity.
Bioshock 2
Waking Mars
Swords & Soldiers
Stacking
Deponia
Painkiller: Black
Magicka
Gettysburg: Armored Warfare
Europa Universalis III
Victoria II
Defenders of Ardania
Also a potential Superbrothers: Swords and Sworcery (not sure if it has been used)
Which is not part of the contest. However, Joe consistently gives advice to people in the SE++ Jobs thread, helps them try to find jobs, and is generally an incredibly nice person. So bomb him with stuff.
But I set enough folks on a feaver plagued exporation :P
The same thing I do every year!
Steam - Partizanka | Live - Partizanka
keep in mind your controlling a trailer. not sure if youve ever pulled one before but in reverse it goes the opposite way u expect at first. thing about physically picking up the tounge like your a giant and pushing it. if you swing it left and push the back end goes right. can also think about pushing the trailer out of your mirrors. it taked practice.
Heck, is there any point in crafting the summer cards either?
If you like badges, levels, emoticons or backgrounds then keep them and craft, if not then there's no point in keeping them, sell them all.
Steam Badger A greasemonkey script for better gifting and peering
I wonder how many new wishlist additions these posts have created. I know it got added to mine. I'll most definitely buy it before the end of the sale, though I'm going to stick to the rules and be patient for a daily. Even if it is only $5 bucks.
It'll probably come back on encore day if you missed the BL2 daily and flash sales.
It's been 66% off a couple times this sale already. I'd expect it to be part of the best of day (if they do that) or possibly a flash sale again before things end.
Steam ID: Good Life
I'd rather just wait for the final release and get the best possible experience first time round, instead of playing a buggy, unfinished game.
Got some keys I need to get rid of - PM me if you are interested in any of these:
(strikethroughs have been taken!)
Bioshock 2
Waking Mars
Swords & Soldiers
Stacking
Deponia
Painkiller: Black
Magicka
Gettysburg: Armored Warfare
Europa Universalis III
Victoria II
Defenders of Ardania
Also a potential Superbrothers: Swords and Sworcery (not sure if it has been used)
Also, what's your opinion on Towns?
Just to close the loop on this. The person finally got back to me. All is well! Thanks again for everyone's advice!
Tera: Cutie, Cutiepie on Tempest Reach
In no particular order, I present to you your winners!
@jclast is the winner of Kings of Amalur, and presents a short play with a happy ending that in no way reflects my own surgery experiences:
Dr. Possum: I'm sorry Mrs. Ryder. Your husband has an advanced case of Giftipation. You see, his head has turned into a gift. It's caused by an overabundance of class and by thinking about giving Steam games to people too much. Newell help us, I've never seen a case this bad.
* Mrs. Ryder sobs into her hanky *
Mrs. Ryder: Is there anything we can do? What if I think greedy thoughts at him? Would that help? I could be greedy!
Dr. Possum: That would only exacerbate the problem. I'm afraid that your husband would only shower you in gifts to stem the tide of greed, and since the greed is artificial the gifts would have no effect. The giftipate (patent pending) would become swollen and bulbous. After that it would explode in a torrent of class the likes of which this hospital has never seen! Please, for the love of all that is holy, don't think greedy thoughts at him.
Mrs. Ryder: Very well. I have another idea.
* Mrs. Ryder pulls out her iPhone and pulls up the Steam app- it's the future, so the app has chat *
Mrs. Ryder: Yes, it's very serious. I need you to come to Holy Mother of Class right away. My husband needs help, and I think you're the only ones who can deliver in the required quantity.
--- 15 minutes pass ---
Mr. Classy: Am I too late? Work was a bear. Can I still help!? I hope there's still time.
Mr. X: I got here as soon as I could. What can I do to help?
Mr. Bit: I left all my engineering undone when I heard about this catastrophe - where is he?
Dr. Possum: What do you plan to do? I'm a legitimate doctor, and I'm at a loss. This doctor clipboard that doctors carry isn't helpful at all!
Mr. Classy: I will take his burden into myself. I'm more experienced, and I can better contain the overabundance of GabeNs in his system.
* Mr. Classy used gift-bomb on the PA Steam thread! *
* It's super-effective! *
--- Mr. Ryder's head begins to return to normal. ---
Dr. Possum: We need more! It wasn't enough!
* Mr. X used wet pants on Child's Play! *
* It's super-effective! *
Dr. Possum: Dear Newell, he's terrified! But it's working! Mr. Ryder's head is nearly normal again.
* Mr. Bit used Scribblenauts on everybody ever! *
* It's super-effective! *
Dr. Possum: It's beautiful. All the yellow backgrounds. I'm sorry - there's something in my eye. Excuse me.
--- Mr. Ryder wakes up, head back to normal ---
Mr. Ryder: What'd I miss? Who needs a gift?
FIN
@Florin was also looking for KoA, but sadly lost the coin toss that I ultimately relied upon to decide the winner there. Since that was the only situation where the entrant didn't get their top prize, I'll be sending along Morrowind and Hunted for the following Poem of The Untrained Doctor (again, owing to my own experiences):
With a gentle movement of your wrist
Try to remove that beautiful gift
But wait a second
The gift resists to the gentle movement of your wrist
We need a new strategy, to get rid of this generosity
Put your hand on the pen and write a short poem
Not on paper but right on the wrapper
Write a poem so offensive
That even the devil should find it repulsive
The poem would make the gift so ashamed
It would easily jump down from our patient's head
This strategy doesn't seem to work, wait a second, don't call me a dork
I'm sure I can find a better solution
I found it, I told you, here's my suggestion
Take the red screwdriver from the white table
Make the gift feel uncomfortable
Do wrong things, with the screwdriver
Things that are considered unacceptable
If my suggestion won't solve our problem
Maybe we'll solve it with the next item
Now we're going to use the machete
Turn the rude gift into colorful confetti
It's not very effective
The gift is unaffected
We have to give up or... maybe not
Somewhere on the floor
Lies a shiny metal bat
Take it and hit the gift
Like there's no tomorrow
For the poor fellow
Who was unlucky enough
To find himself on our surgery table
With an awful disease like that
The metal bat is infective too
Don't cry, here's what you have to do
You'll have to use your boneless hands
We have to save him, I'm sure you understand
I know, the hands are hard to control
Better drink up some alcohol
Now hurry up, put your hands on the gift
And start tickling it
The rude gift burst into laughter
And jumps down, soon after
Now sprinkle the patient with some cold water
The patient wakes up, you're a skillful doctor
@shdwcaster will be getting Rage after driving me into a dark depression with the following song, which all too accurately captures the addictive class of the Steam thread:
Step one – you say, "Hey, there's a sale."
They blink, you say, "Relax, It's just a sale."
Chat listens politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
A browser opens on your right
Can your backlog grow while you sleep at night?
Between the lines of card and game
You wonder who will get the blame.
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
Let them know that you gift best
'Cause after all you do gift best
Try to slip past Isy's defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a wishlist a mile long
The games you've craved all along
Pray to Newell, he hears you
And thread prays to Newell, he hears you
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
Gifts have truly gone to your head
Give some more to clear your head
Gift until you lose the thread
Or break with the threads you've followed
You can do one of two things
Someone will gift everything
Or say that the sale's finally done
And you'll begin planning for Winter to come
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
How to Steam a life
How to Steam a life
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
Where did I go wrong? I gifted friends
Somewhere along in the Steam thread
And I would have stayed up gifting all night
Had I known how to Steam a life.
How to Steam a life
How to Steam a life
@Idx86 followed that darkness up with a hopeful, heart warming message of secret military operations, dangerous giftitis, and mass murder, winning a copy of Gunpoint!:
LOCATION: Undisclosed Military Base, USA
PATIENT NAME: <REDACTED>
SURGERY ABSTRACT:
Patient <REDACTED> was admitted to a local Des Moines hospital after complaining of severe headaches for the past 72 hours. It was reported by <REDACTED> that the patient had grown increasingly cranky at home and falling into a steady state of generosity. On Monday, July 8th, the first day <REDACTED> first experienced pain in his sinuses, the subject was observed at a local coffee shop purchasing random strangers their morning beverage. Onlookers described this event as, "A little unusual, but a proud display of everyday Iowan generosity towards fellow citizens." No further thought was given to the event.
As the day wore on, <REDACTED> was observed at a local bank in front of the ATM, handing out $20 bills to passerbys, while saying he was the ultimate classhole and he would end the day "in the positive gift zone." Police were notified, however as <REDACTED> was not doing anything illegal, he was not detained. Local officers did return the man to his place of residence at <REDACTED> as he described his physical state as being "little lightheaded" and reported throbbing in his temples. His wife gave him a light sedative and he slept peacefully that evening.
On Tuesday, July 9th, <REDACTED>'s wife arose to find her husband had rented a U-Haul and loaded all of his possessions into a van. Before she could stop him, <REDACTED> drove off and yelled out the window that he was donating all of his belongings to a local hospital. He also appeared to have a large bulge protruding from his forehead, which looked oddly like a Christmas present. Mrs. <REDACTED> could not understand why her husband had become increasingly generous. Upon examination of his pillow, bloodstains were present around where his left ear and nostril would have been laying. A full readout of the sample is still pending, however it is hypothesized that <REDACTED>'s condition caused the hemorrhaging.
On Wednesday, July 10th, <REDACTED> awoke to a splitting headache and what appeared to be a green package with red ribbon sticking out of his forehead. Smaller package like objects were forming in his nasal cavities and ear canals of an identical nature. He passed out, and was transported to St. Gabe of the North Methodist Hopsital. On call ER staff were confused and disoriented at the sight of the man, who kept trying to throw Amazon gift cards with undisclosed amounts at them in between profanity laced tirades about "Dale." The man was eventually sedated and transported to <REDACTED>, where military doctors awaited him.
Dr. <REDACTED>, Lead Neural Surgeon, examined the subject and determined that the man had been infected with "class singularity", which was physically transforming his mind and body into an outward gesture of selflessness. It was determined that in order to save the man's life, they would need to need to surgically remove the primary affected area. Unfortunately, upon remove the epidermal layer to begin the separation of the gift like growth from <REDACTED>'s skull, doctors discovered that this growth had fused to <REDACTED>'s skull. To remove the gift-like growth at this stage would surely kill him.
While doctors discussed their options, <REDACTED> miraculously awoke while on the surgical table, and despite heavy sedatives flowing to his veins, was awake and alert. His eyes gleamed and he showed no signs of pain, despite that his eyes had now bonded with the package. He was completely lucid and discussed for several minutes about, "being excellent to one another" and instructing shocked nurses and staff members to, "give from your heart every day."
He then instructed the shocked surigcal staff to open the package that had now engulfed his entire face. Opening the package would kill him, but it would be his final and ultimate gift to the world. <REDACTED>'s wife was admitted to the surgery room and said her goodbyes, the face of her husband now completely unrecognizable and consumed by this mysterious package. As doctors began to cut open his face to open the package, <REDACTED>'s convulsed on the table as his heart exploded and he died.
After Dr. <REDACTED> cut an approximately 7 incision on the subject's now engulfed face, he peeled back the tissue and peered inside. The inside was surprisingly clean with no sign of blood or tissue. What they found was a small scroll, carefully bound by a single thread of hair. DNA analysis of the hair are inconclusive at this point, but forensic computers have a 95% match with Seattle software engineer <REDACTED>. Upon unraveling the scroll, in finely written calligraphy, were the following words.
HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED.
<REDACTED>'s body was incinerated, and all medical staff present for the surgery were executed. By Executive Order of the President, the scroll's contents are not ready to be shared with the public, and knowledge of its existence is to be suppressed until the public is deemed worthy of its contents, by ruling of the World Council.
END DOCUMENT
And finally, @Polaritie is getting Fortune Summors for just jumping to the end game of all this Steam giving where ultimately we begin to gift our fellow human beings to each other:
2) Post patient picture on the steam thread
3) Watch as the kids open a never-ending supply of classy gifts (and feel all warm and fuzzy inside - not from the blood and wrapping paper flying everywhere in the frenzy of little ones, I assure you)
4) Arrange the reverse side of the wrapping paper and the drying blood to replicate the Steam logo on the floor
5) Use the power of the gift stream to summon the Newell
6) Serve the Newell by buying a new self-attaching head at a steep discount!
7) Attach the head to the patient, just in time
8) Watch as the patient comes around, witnesses the aftermath of incredible classiness, and kneels in awe before the Newell
9) Gift the patient to someone.
Congrats to everybody! Loved all of these, and the creativity of you folks is my favorite part of the sales. I'll go ahead and start sending things out to everybody right way.
Of course, my inventory will remain rather full at that point. This will need to be... corrected.
Time to practice up with the bonesaw.
I dunno. P4A?
3DS: 0473-8507-2652
Switch: SW-5185-4991-5118
PSN: AbEntropy
Warriors of the North isn't as good as Crossworlds (Armored Princess + Stuff), stick with what you have for now.
EDIT: Oh, another thing. I'm not sure about the Steam version of the game, but as far as I remember, Din's Curse did not have a set maximum of players for multiplayer. If you have a high enough bandwidth to host, you could potentially have dozens of people running around in the same game (although I can't imagine how well that would work in terms of game balance).
Done.
Oh my gosh! Thank you so much, what an awesome feeling! Demon's Souls was incredible, so I really can't wait to jump into this!
Woo hoo!!