Agree that you look unhappy in the third picture. Also, in your "most secret thing," you've been too wordy. Cartoons are a guilty pleasure. Don't over-explain a guilty pleasure. Just say, "I like to watch cartoons on Netflix from time to time" or something.
The only other thing I would say is that I know far more from your profile about what you like to read and watch than what you like to do. The problem with this is I have no idea what kinds of things I might like to do with you. Do you like to cook? Do you have a dog you take to the park? Do you like to try new restaurants on a regular basis? Do you like to do cork and canvas nights to practice your drawing? Because currently your lists are about the same length as the paragraph parts of your profile, and that's not a terribly informative balance. For example, you say you would like to pursue employment that uses your degree--doing what? What is the goal job you'd like to find? You say that you're looking for someone to do things with out on the town--give some examples of things (also see the questions in the top of this paragraph). What you have is positive and reflects well on you, but it doesn't tell me enough about who you are to know if I'd like hanging out with you beyond watching movies. Does that make sense?
So the first date, last Saturday, was miniature golf, in the morning. We played a fun game of golf, I inadvertently discovered perhaps the only person on the earth worse at mini golf than myself, and when we sat down to tally the score, she asked if I wanted to go have lunch- which was not a part of the date plan. Awesome!
Now planning date number two, which is going to be an evening dinner + activity thing. Do you guys think it would be more appropriate to present the ring before dinner, or after dinner? Alternately I could put her on the spot in the restaurant since I just know she'll say yes.
So the first date, last Saturday, was miniature golf, in the morning. We played a fun game of golf, I inadvertently discovered perhaps the only person on the earth worse at mini golf than myself, and when we sat down to tally the score, she asked if I wanted to go have lunch- which was not a part of the date plan. Awesome!
Now planning date number two, which is going to be an evening dinner + activity thing. Do you guys think it would be more appropriate to present the ring before dinner, or after dinner? Alternately I could put her on the spot in the restaurant since I just know she'll say yes.
The appropriate way to present a ring at a restaurant is with Bruce Campbell dressed as a French waiter in the back.
Oh actual question though, because I have literally (literally) zero experience in this being a meaningful question. At what point is it customary to officially recognize exclusivity (obviously in a relationship where that is the status)?
This is mostly in relation to social networking status and such, but I guess the IRL version of this question is, at what point is is reasonable to use the phrase "girlfriend/boyfriend" with people you talk to?
In literally every single other relationship I've been in, it's been an instantaneous deal, like "we should go out," and the first date sealed it. So, as I said, I have no idea what the deal is here.
I linked my profile once before here a while ago; I've updated it a bit recently and sent out a few messages without a huge amount of success. Would anyone mind having another look?
Oh actual question though, because I have literally (literally) zero experience in this being a meaningful question. At what point is it customary to officially recognize exclusivity (obviously in a relationship where that is the status)?
This is mostly in relation to social networking status and such, but I guess the IRL version of this question is, at what point is is reasonable to use the phrase "girlfriend/boyfriend" with people you talk to?
In literally every single other relationship I've been in, it's been an instantaneous deal, like "we should go out," and the first date sealed it. So, as I said, I have no idea what the deal is here.
I don't really think there is any sort of hard and fast rule. Sort of when you are no longer asking her out and are just sort of planning what you are going to do next? if, like, that makes sense.
They moistly come out at night, moistly.
+3
Options
NocrenLt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered Userregular
Well, coffee went well. Trying to figure out our schedules to get together Friday before her meeting and before I go to work (her meeting is over at 9pm and my shift starts at midnight).
Oh actual question though, because I have literally (literally) zero experience in this being a meaningful question. At what point is it customary to officially recognize exclusivity (obviously in a relationship where that is the status)?
This is mostly in relation to social networking status and such, but I guess the IRL version of this question is, at what point is is reasonable to use the phrase "girlfriend/boyfriend" with people you talk to?
In literally every single other relationship I've been in, it's been an instantaneous deal, like "we should go out," and the first date sealed it. So, as I said, I have no idea what the deal is here.
I don't really think there is any sort of hard and fast rule. Sort of when you are no longer asking her out and are just sort of planning what you are going to do next? if, like, that makes sense.
I was actually thinking something along the same lines. It seemed like a weird thing to be explicit about, to be honest. "So, are we, like, official now?"
0
Options
ShivahnUnaware of her barrel shifter privilegeWestern coastal temptressRegistered User, Moderatormod
Oh actual question though, because I have literally (literally) zero experience in this being a meaningful question. At what point is it customary to officially recognize exclusivity (obviously in a relationship where that is the status)?
This is mostly in relation to social networking status and such, but I guess the IRL version of this question is, at what point is is reasonable to use the phrase "girlfriend/boyfriend" with people you talk to?
In literally every single other relationship I've been in, it's been an instantaneous deal, like "we should go out," and the first date sealed it. So, as I said, I have no idea what the deal is here.
I don't really think there is any sort of hard and fast rule. Sort of when you are no longer asking her out and are just sort of planning what you are going to do next? if, like, that makes sense.
I was actually thinking something along the same lines. It seemed like a weird thing to be explicit about, to be honest. "So, are we, like, official now?"
In all of my relationships it's been explicit.
And the conversation that makes it explicit has been pretty rewarding.
So I tend to suggest that, beyond even the fact that I always recommend communication and explicit statements when it comes to dating question.
And the conversation that makes it explicit has been pretty rewarding.
So I tend to suggest that, beyond even the fact that I always recommend communication and explicit statements when it comes to dating question.
How do you organically bring that topic up?
Well ok, perhaps I should point out that mostly they have arisen out of friendships beforehand. But in general... it just sort of came up? Like, hey we've been acting like we're dating for a while, and obviously really like each other, wanna be my boyfriend/girlfriend?
Honestly usually for me it is that we're already acting like it and then a discussion about how we feel just happens to come up. After that it is pretty clear what we both want so one of us says that. It doesn't come from nothing, usually from a discussion that's already at least sort of intimate.
And the conversation that makes it explicit has been pretty rewarding.
So I tend to suggest that, beyond even the fact that I always recommend communication and explicit statements when it comes to dating question.
How do you organically bring that topic up?
Well ok, perhaps I should point out that mostly they have arisen out of friendships beforehand. But in general... it just sort of came up? Like, hey we've been acting like we're dating for a while, and obviously really like each other, wanna be my boyfriend/girlfriend?
Honestly usually for me it is that we're already acting like it and then a discussion about how we feel just happens to come up. After that it is pretty clear what we both want so one of us says that. It doesn't come from nothing, usually from a discussion that's already at least sort of intimate.
Oh actual question though, because I have literally (literally) zero experience in this being a meaningful question. At what point is it customary to officially recognize exclusivity (obviously in a relationship where that is the status)?
This is mostly in relation to social networking status and such, but I guess the IRL version of this question is, at what point is is reasonable to use the phrase "girlfriend/boyfriend" with people you talk to?
In literally every single other relationship I've been in, it's been an instantaneous deal, like "we should go out," and the first date sealed it. So, as I said, I have no idea what the deal is here.
I don't really think there is any sort of hard and fast rule. Sort of when you are no longer asking her out and are just sort of planning what you are going to do next? if, like, that makes sense.
I like this concept. Having never done the proper dating thing I know nothing of the sport, but this makes tons of sense to me.
"So where do you want to go out this Friday?"
"I dunno, I'm thinking Chinese.....GIRLFRIEND." (not to be said in sassy black female voice.)
Oh actual question though, because I have literally (literally) zero experience in this being a meaningful question. At what point is it customary to officially recognize exclusivity (obviously in a relationship where that is the status)?
This is mostly in relation to social networking status and such, but I guess the IRL version of this question is, at what point is is reasonable to use the phrase "girlfriend/boyfriend" with people you talk to?
In literally every single other relationship I've been in, it's been an instantaneous deal, like "we should go out," and the first date sealed it. So, as I said, I have no idea what the deal is here.
I don't really think there is any sort of hard and fast rule. Sort of when you are no longer asking her out and are just sort of planning what you are going to do next? if, like, that makes sense.
I like this concept. Having never done the proper dating thing I know nothing of the sport, but this makes tons of sense to me.
"So where do you want to go out this Friday?"
"I dunno, I'm thinking Chinese.....GIRLFRIEND." (not to be said in sassy black female voice.)
Basically. At some point you sort of drop the "Do you..." bit, somewhat, to various degrees. Like, it is sort of assumed that you are going to go on additional dates and it becomes more about schedules. That's kinda more or less the point where exclusivity and labels kinda should be discussed.
I mean, if you are making that sort of assumption, you are kinda making assumptions about being in a relationship, and it's a good idea for everyone to be on the same page at that point.
They moistly come out at night, moistly.
0
Options
Clown ShoesGive me hay or give me death.Registered Userregular
I linked my profile once before here a while ago; I've updated it a bit recently and sent out a few messages without a huge amount of success. Would anyone mind having another look?
The first few pictures look very similar, I'd say ditch #3. The ones below that don't really show you but they show some cool places so that's fine. #5 and #6 feature some awkward poses though (not to mention the shoe and color choices in #6, but I digress!) Maybe put the bottom 2 a bit higher and maybe consider ditching #6
Self-summary / What I'm doing it:
It reads very enthusiastic, that you want to learn and explore a lot (which is good!); but it doesn't really say much about what/who you are right now and why that might interest someone.
Perhaps consider replacing
I work as a structural engineer but I'm not sure it's what I want to be doing for the rest of my life and I try not to let my job define me. I guess like a lot of people I'm looking for something a bit more creative, and for now I like to indulge my artistic urges with a bit of photography. Meanwhile (...)
with something more confident. (I work as a structural engineer; love the blahblah analytical whatever parts - to satisfy my creative urges I like to dabble in photography (...). Why do you volunteer for the cinema venue; you have a good reason for it, right? Like movies in general, or specific kind? Something of a hobby? Maybe elaborate on that a bit.
I like how 'I spend a lot of time thinking about' starts of with something philosophical/deep and then jumps to something completely silly.
The age range is a little bit creepy. You're 30 and you're listing 22-32 .. I'd balance that one up a bit.
You could add some more things to 'You should message me if' (to also make your profile more approachable). Who/why should someone message you to get to know you? If you find the answer to that you can fill it in here / add to your self-summary sections
I wouldn't worry too much about the age thing, it is sort of normal to date folks younger, but... yeah, knock that up a notch. Like, realistically, dating folks 8 years younger than you is a little awkward.
Fuck, I have no energy to move my location over to PA from Cali. Like, I sort of need to rework the whole thing, have next to no hope of meeting interesting queer folks, and just... bahh... I don't know. I might just start from scratch with a new account eventually.
Of course, I'm not exactly a fan of the whole being alone thing.
I wouldn't worry too much about the age thing, it is sort of normal to date folks younger, but... yeah, knock that up a notch. Like, realistically, dating folks 8 years younger than you is a little awkward.
Fuck, I have no energy to move my location over to PA from Cali. Like, I sort of need to rework the whole thing, have next to no hope of meeting interesting queer folks, and just... bahh... I don't know. I might just start from scratch with a new account eventually.
Of course, I'm not exactly a fan of the whole being alone thing.
I learned that if you redo your questions, you get billions of hits. I intend to redo mine every few months.
I linked my profile once before here a while ago; I've updated it a bit recently and sent out a few messages without a huge amount of success. Would anyone mind having another look?
The first few pictures look very similar, I'd say ditch #3. The ones below that don't really show you but they show some cool places so that's fine. #5 and #6 feature some awkward poses though (not to mention the shoe and color choices in #6, but I digress!) Maybe put the bottom 2 a bit higher and maybe consider ditching #6
Self-summary / What I'm doing it:
It reads very enthusiastic, that you want to learn and explore a lot (which is good!); but it doesn't really say much about what/who you are right now and why that might interest someone.
Perhaps consider replacing
I work as a structural engineer but I'm not sure it's what I want to be doing for the rest of my life and I try not to let my job define me. I guess like a lot of people I'm looking for something a bit more creative, and for now I like to indulge my artistic urges with a bit of photography. Meanwhile (...)
with something more confident. (I work as a structural engineer; love the blahblah analytical whatever parts - to satisfy my creative urges I like to dabble in photography (...). Why do you volunteer for the cinema venue; you have a good reason for it, right? Like movies in general, or specific kind? Something of a hobby? Maybe elaborate on that a bit.
I like how 'I spend a lot of time thinking about' starts of with something philosophical/deep and then jumps to something completely silly.
The age range is a little bit creepy. You're 30 and you're listing 22-32 .. I'd balance that one up a bit.
You could add some more things to 'You should message me if' (to also make your profile more approachable). Who/why should someone message you to get to know you? If you find the answer to that you can fill it in here / add to your self-summary sections
Definitely some good feedback there, thanks. I see what you're saying about the pictures and I've shuffled them around a bit as you suggest. I hadn't really registered the awkward poses before but i guess I sometimes have a bit of Ricky Bobby syndrome going on. Also I'd like to point out in the wedding photo those shoes were for driving to the venue, not part of the outfit! Nevertheless, it has been ditched.
I'm not sure I agree with you about the creepiness of the age preference, after all 22 does fit the standard (Age/2)+7 rule. I've raised the top end by a little bit though.
Some good points on the text too, but I'll have to take a little more time to refine it properly. Thanks again!
I wouldn't worry too much about the age thing, it is sort of normal to date folks younger, but... yeah, knock that up a notch. Like, realistically, dating folks 8 years younger than you is a little awkward.
In his case? Maybe. In general? The older you get, the less a bigger age gap is a problem, I'd say.
Then again I might only be saying that because my date last saturday is 27 and I am 35 .
I wouldn't worry too much about the age thing, it is sort of normal to date folks younger, but... yeah, knock that up a notch. Like, realistically, dating folks 8 years younger than you is a little awkward.
In his case? Maybe. In general? The older you get, the less a bigger age gap is a problem, I'd say.
Then again I might only be saying that because my date last saturday is 27 and I am 35 .
I'm 25 and the last person I dated was about that old.
I dunno, in general I feel that, while it's very dependent upon the person, once you hit 25 years or so you're pretty much adult enough to choose who you wanna date. So date an eighty year old, whatever.
Going back a few years changes it a lot though. People continue developing mentally until about 25, so there's a significant difference between 23 and 27 that there really isn't between 27 and even, like, 37. There is a huge difference in life experiences, but less of a maturity gap.
To be concise, there's a reason auto insurance companies tend to have 25 as a breaking point between two groups.
I mean, to be clear, I have significant bias here, but in general once people are mature enough to handle themselves I think it's kinda strange to look at them weird based on how they do with interpersonal relationships. Barring huge power differentials, I don't think there's any reason to judge relationships between two developed adults.
I think the long and short of it is think of it in terms of "point in life," not age.
18 is a huge barrier, regardless of which side you're on. Ditto for 21 - if you're 23 or 24, you don't want to date someone younger than 21 if only because it puts a bit of limitations on what you're able to go out and do. Past 21 is where the gap starts opening up, and it becomes more about "has a steady job" or "lives with their parents" or things like that which is the determining factor moreso than age.
I've got a wedding to go to in October, I said I'd be taking a date. This was back in March I think. I still have no date. I'm now begging forumers to be my date.
0
Options
NocrenLt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered Userregular
I wouldn't worry too much about the age thing, it is sort of normal to date folks younger, but... yeah, knock that up a notch. Like, realistically, dating folks 8 years younger than you is a little awkward.
In his case? Maybe. In general? The older you get, the less a bigger age gap is a problem, I'd say.
Then again I might only be saying that because my date last saturday is 27 and I am 35 .
The boy I spent last week with was 24.
I'm not saying it isn't fun or anything. Just slightly awkward.
I've got a wedding to go to in October, I said I'd be taking a date. This was back in March I think. I still have no date. I'm now begging forumers to be my date.
I'm game. All you have to do is pay for the plane ticket.
i got a passport and everything.
redx on
They moistly come out at night, moistly.
0
Options
NocrenLt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered Userregular
See? Told you could do worse. And I'm sure Red will be a perfect...[Gentleman/Lady] as well.
I've got a wedding to go to in October, I said I'd be taking a date. This was back in March I think. I still have no date. I'm now begging forumers to be my date.
I'm game. All you have to do is pay for the plane ticket.
i got a passport and everything.
This is my only condition.
I will be anyone's fake date if I get a free trip to another country out of it.
Posts
Agree that you look unhappy in the third picture. Also, in your "most secret thing," you've been too wordy. Cartoons are a guilty pleasure. Don't over-explain a guilty pleasure. Just say, "I like to watch cartoons on Netflix from time to time" or something.
The only other thing I would say is that I know far more from your profile about what you like to read and watch than what you like to do. The problem with this is I have no idea what kinds of things I might like to do with you. Do you like to cook? Do you have a dog you take to the park? Do you like to try new restaurants on a regular basis? Do you like to do cork and canvas nights to practice your drawing? Because currently your lists are about the same length as the paragraph parts of your profile, and that's not a terribly informative balance. For example, you say you would like to pursue employment that uses your degree--doing what? What is the goal job you'd like to find? You say that you're looking for someone to do things with out on the town--give some examples of things (also see the questions in the top of this paragraph). What you have is positive and reflects well on you, but it doesn't tell me enough about who you are to know if I'd like hanging out with you beyond watching movies. Does that make sense?
wish list
Steam wishlist
Etsy wishlist
Now to find a couple of bells...
You'd get a lot of dates with obsessive-compulsive people, I'm betting :P
Make it a Kakuro and make the answer be one of the rows or columns.
Now planning date number two, which is going to be an evening dinner + activity thing. Do you guys think it would be more appropriate to present the ring before dinner, or after dinner? Alternately I could put her on the spot in the restaurant since I just know she'll say yes.
You make 5 2-digit answer questions, but you scramble them, and then you have a meta-puzzle in which the answers to the 5 sub-questions are the clues.
The appropriate way to present a ring at a restaurant is with Bruce Campbell dressed as a French waiter in the back.
This is mostly in relation to social networking status and such, but I guess the IRL version of this question is, at what point is is reasonable to use the phrase "girlfriend/boyfriend" with people you talk to?
In literally every single other relationship I've been in, it's been an instantaneous deal, like "we should go out," and the first date sealed it. So, as I said, I have no idea what the deal is here.
I don't really think there is any sort of hard and fast rule. Sort of when you are no longer asking her out and are just sort of planning what you are going to do next? if, like, that makes sense.
So we're going to meet again Friday afternoon.
I was actually thinking something along the same lines. It seemed like a weird thing to be explicit about, to be honest. "So, are we, like, official now?"
In all of my relationships it's been explicit.
And the conversation that makes it explicit has been pretty rewarding.
So I tend to suggest that, beyond even the fact that I always recommend communication and explicit statements when it comes to dating question.
How do you organically bring that topic up?
Well ok, perhaps I should point out that mostly they have arisen out of friendships beforehand. But in general... it just sort of came up? Like, hey we've been acting like we're dating for a while, and obviously really like each other, wanna be my boyfriend/girlfriend?
Honestly usually for me it is that we're already acting like it and then a discussion about how we feel just happens to come up. After that it is pretty clear what we both want so one of us says that. It doesn't come from nothing, usually from a discussion that's already at least sort of intimate.
Okay, that makes a lot of sense.
I like this concept. Having never done the proper dating thing I know nothing of the sport, but this makes tons of sense to me.
"So where do you want to go out this Friday?"
"I dunno, I'm thinking Chinese.....GIRLFRIEND." (not to be said in sassy black female voice.)
Basically. At some point you sort of drop the "Do you..." bit, somewhat, to various degrees. Like, it is sort of assumed that you are going to go on additional dates and it becomes more about schedules. That's kinda more or less the point where exclusivity and labels kinda should be discussed.
I mean, if you are making that sort of assumption, you are kinda making assumptions about being in a relationship, and it's a good idea for everyone to be on the same page at that point.
Depends how expensive the restaurant is.
Me too! ^hi5
I haven't met anyone yet via this contraption.
still not discouraged, though
The first few pictures look very similar, I'd say ditch #3. The ones below that don't really show you but they show some cool places so that's fine. #5 and #6 feature some awkward poses though (not to mention the shoe and color choices in #6, but I digress!) Maybe put the bottom 2 a bit higher and maybe consider ditching #6
Self-summary / What I'm doing it:
It reads very enthusiastic, that you want to learn and explore a lot (which is good!); but it doesn't really say much about what/who you are right now and why that might interest someone.
Perhaps consider replacing with something more confident. (I work as a structural engineer; love the blahblah analytical whatever parts - to satisfy my creative urges I like to dabble in photography (...). Why do you volunteer for the cinema venue; you have a good reason for it, right? Like movies in general, or specific kind? Something of a hobby? Maybe elaborate on that a bit.
I like how 'I spend a lot of time thinking about' starts of with something philosophical/deep and then jumps to something completely silly.
The age range is a little bit creepy. You're 30 and you're listing 22-32 .. I'd balance that one up a bit.
You could add some more things to 'You should message me if' (to also make your profile more approachable). Who/why should someone message you to get to know you? If you find the answer to that you can fill it in here / add to your self-summary sections
Fuck, I have no energy to move my location over to PA from Cali. Like, I sort of need to rework the whole thing, have next to no hope of meeting interesting queer folks, and just... bahh... I don't know. I might just start from scratch with a new account eventually.
Of course, I'm not exactly a fan of the whole being alone thing.
I learned that if you redo your questions, you get billions of hits. I intend to redo mine every few months.
Definitely some good feedback there, thanks. I see what you're saying about the pictures and I've shuffled them around a bit as you suggest. I hadn't really registered the awkward poses before but i guess I sometimes have a bit of Ricky Bobby syndrome going on. Also I'd like to point out in the wedding photo those shoes were for driving to the venue, not part of the outfit! Nevertheless, it has been ditched.
I'm not sure I agree with you about the creepiness of the age preference, after all 22 does fit the standard (Age/2)+7 rule. I've raised the top end by a little bit though.
Some good points on the text too, but I'll have to take a little more time to refine it properly. Thanks again!
In his case? Maybe. In general? The older you get, the less a bigger age gap is a problem, I'd say.
Then again I might only be saying that because my date last saturday is 27 and I am 35
I'm 25 and the last person I dated was about that old.
I dunno, in general I feel that, while it's very dependent upon the person, once you hit 25 years or so you're pretty much adult enough to choose who you wanna date. So date an eighty year old, whatever.
Going back a few years changes it a lot though. People continue developing mentally until about 25, so there's a significant difference between 23 and 27 that there really isn't between 27 and even, like, 37. There is a huge difference in life experiences, but less of a maturity gap.
To be concise, there's a reason auto insurance companies tend to have 25 as a breaking point between two groups.
I mean, to be clear, I have significant bias here, but in general once people are mature enough to handle themselves I think it's kinda strange to look at them weird based on how they do with interpersonal relationships. Barring huge power differentials, I don't think there's any reason to judge relationships between two developed adults.
18 is a huge barrier, regardless of which side you're on. Ditto for 21 - if you're 23 or 24, you don't want to date someone younger than 21 if only because it puts a bit of limitations on what you're able to go out and do. Past 21 is where the gap starts opening up, and it becomes more about "has a steady job" or "lives with their parents" or things like that which is the determining factor moreso than age.
The boy I spent last week with was 24.
I'm not saying it isn't fun or anything. Just slightly awkward.
I'm game. All you have to do is pay for the plane ticket.
i got a passport and everything.
This is my only condition.
I will be anyone's fake date if I get a free trip to another country out of it.
As long as that country is not Russia.