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Ladies (and everyone), would you consider this a date? And what would you want out of it?
john392
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Ok so I like this girl in one of my college classes. I started talking to her and asked her out. We had a really good time out at a cool restaurant and she even said she did. We went on september 25th. Well for various reasons, progress never really got made.
During the date I had asked her to come with me to a Capitals hockey game and she got really excited and wanted to (she likes hockey, never went to a game). Well since my tickets weren't for a while away, I asked her to the movies after our date. Well she couldn't a few times and I stopped asking, but then she turned around and asked me later, but that weekend a bunch of crap came up for both of us and we couldn't go. I was just starting to assume I was 'friend-zoned'
Don't get me wrong we still talk a lot in and after class. We enjoy talking to each other, she always comes right up to me after class and starts talking to me. I went to the hockey game (that I wanted her to go with me) to with my friend, and told her about it during one of our conversations and I could tell she was a little jealous. A few days I asked her to eat lunch with me this past Friday (like 2 days ago)
At the end of our lunch I told her I got more tickets and directly asked her to go with me, mentioning I wanted to take her last time, but she didn't commit/I wasn't sure if she really wanted to (she agreed that was her bad, she wanted to go). Well she said yes and the game is on Nov 5th.
So ladies (and everyone), does/will she consider this a date? I haven't 'made a move' on her, so I hope she doesn't think I'm taking her as a friend. What should I do in the week or so leading up to the game? What would be recommended for me to do at the game?
Your thoughts are always appreciated and thanked
During the date I had asked her to come with me to a Capitals hockey game and she got really excited and wanted to (she likes hockey, never went to a game). Well since my tickets weren't for a while away, I asked her to the movies after our date. Well she couldn't a few times and I stopped asking, but then she turned around and asked me later, but that weekend a bunch of crap came up for both of us and we couldn't go. I was just starting to assume I was 'friend-zoned'
Don't get me wrong we still talk a lot in and after class. We enjoy talking to each other, she always comes right up to me after class and starts talking to me. I went to the hockey game (that I wanted her to go with me) to with my friend, and told her about it during one of our conversations and I could tell she was a little jealous. A few days I asked her to eat lunch with me this past Friday (like 2 days ago)
At the end of our lunch I told her I got more tickets and directly asked her to go with me, mentioning I wanted to take her last time, but she didn't commit/I wasn't sure if she really wanted to (she agreed that was her bad, she wanted to go). Well she said yes and the game is on Nov 5th.
So ladies (and everyone), does/will she consider this a date? I haven't 'made a move' on her, so I hope she doesn't think I'm taking her as a friend. What should I do in the week or so leading up to the game? What would be recommended for me to do at the game?
Your thoughts are always appreciated and thanked
0
This discussion has been closed.
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Also, good luck! A hockey game should make for a rad date.
I subsequently brought her to a concert and at the end of the night she called me "creepy".
She is now my awesome girlfriend.
Chin up, stop worrying, have fun and it'll happen.
Or it might not, and that can suck but it's ok too.
[quote=Or it might not, and that can suck but it's ok too.[/quote]
That's what I'm afraid of, terrified actually, because I just have no idea. Like what was alluded to earlier make sure she knows its a date. But how??? I literally was super close to have given up on this girl like I said, but she kept talking to me after class, and our conversations were good.
I'm just really nervous about this now, a lot of friends (they are in college, maybe its mindset) say that I have pretty much set myself up for failure/humiliation since it has been so long since we "formally" went out last time, and she is just taking an opportunity to see a game she's never been to. Does this have any merit? Or am I in a good position for this to not happen?
Asking "can we make this a date?" is scary as fuck. It's scary because sometimes the answer is "no, you're a good friend but I don't feel any manner of romantic or crush feelings towards you."
So we don't want to ask, because we're terrified. But you know, asking or not doesn't change the answer. If it is yes and you don't ask, you risk losing it. If it's no and you don't ask, you spend forever hung up on someone who's never going to reciprocate, driving yourself mad as you are now. If it's yes and you do ask, congratulations you have a pretty awesome date with someone who likes you. If it's no and you do ask, you get a lot of temporary heartache, but you reduce the heartache in the long run and don't spend so long hung up on the person.
You're better off asking either way. It's terrifying and nerve wracking, but not asking is actually worse in every way.
If you feel like it the next time it comes up in conversation just say something like 'ready for our hockey date?'. It doesn't have to be a big formal declaration, or an awkward outright question of 'is this a date?' Take it easy, slip it into the conversation naturally.
Don't invest so much in one evening, or be in such a rush to ascertain if shes interested in you, forget social notions like 'friend zones' or trying to figure out who is thinking what. Just take the person you like to the thing you like and enjoy. Stop thinking, stop worrying, stop pressuring. Just do what the whole point of the whole venture is in the first place; have fun.
During conversation you can say, "I'm so stoked for our date. Go [team of choice]!"
Or you can say "Hey I just wanted to be sure we're on the same page, you know my inviting you to that hockey game is a date, right?"
Or you can use some other method to directly state "this is a date we are going on." Maybe she's just as confused as you! If you want for both of you to not be confused, then say it's a date.
Women: sometimes really not sure what stuff means and afraid to ask (sometime, because they are worried of rejection and want something to be romantic).
In other words, Cambiata's totally right.
Basically, this situation is going to be exactly as weird as you make it. If you walk up to her all sweaty and shifty and breathing heavy and ask if its a date, then grimace and wallow in silence if she says no, then yeah, it's gonna be weird and you're gonna look weird/feel embarrassed. You pretty much have to force yourself to be real breezy about it, and if she says no, just smile and say "alright, cool" and keep acting like a pretty cool dude that isn't awful to be around.
Also, if she doesn't want to date you, would you still want to be friends with her? You should also keep that in mind for your maybe-date. To me, either way, you've already invited her to this thing, so for now it is pretty of irrelevant, unless you want to come off like kind of a rude guy. In my book, it would be more humiliating for you to be like, "hey, do you want to make out? because if not, I'm not gonna bother bringing you" than to casually ask, as you walk into the stadium, "so, is this a date...? I was kind of hoping so, but if not, that's cool too." in a casual way. Honestly, to me, that kind of communication makes me think taht the other person is an emotionally intelligent, mature dude who was capable of communicating with people effectively, which is the opposite of humiliating. Plus, it leaves you open to have a nice time with a person you enjoy talking to watching a game you both are interested in.
Then, you either have an established date and a green light for smooching, or a clear "no" and you know exactly where you stand/can decide based on how much you enjoyed yourself as her friend whether you wanted to keep hanging out, or keep it more strictly a chat-in-class relationship.
I would just stick to the facts: you're goin to the game with this girl, she might be into you, this is your chance to find out one way or the other, and the worst-case scenario is probably that in a year this will just be a failed date with some girl you had a class with.
Also, please stop asking us ladies what she is thinking or what is possible. We are not all part of a hive mind where we have this information. What she is thinking about this situation is going to be highly individual. Maybe she thinks it's a date, maybe she just wants to be friends but thinks you're cool, maybe she's just being polite, or maybe she plans to taser you for your tickets when you come to pick her up and then give them to her mom as a birthday present. I have no idea why I would have that information because I also have a vagina.
The only thing I have to add is that you'll be packed in next to each other for a few hours at the game. You may pick up some cues from her body language and how she sits relative to you. Does she touch your arm or lean in close when she talks to you? Is her body angled towards you or in more of a neutral position?
You'll still eventually have to do something to make your feelings clear, but it might help you get an idea of whether or not you should do so. I'd say it's too late to clarify this outing, but hopefully there's a next time!
Because hey, that's what adults do
He should have fun and enjoy the game, then worry about this. Not everything has to be absolutely clear at every single moment - that way lies anxiety and madness.
Island Name: Felinefine
What? Not to derail, but I'm extremely interested in hearing THAT progression.
If you don't mind getting into some detail, PM me. :P
As everyone else has said, you don't just accidentally end up in the "friend zone." I think most girls either go "yes, I would like to date you" or "no I wouldn't" and sometimes you can make your way from one to the other.
In short, if you're in the "friend zone" now, you probably were going to be in it after a few dates anyway. Asking won't change that outcome, but at least you'll know one way or the other.
(but, from what you described, you're not in the "friend zone" yet)
(Also notice all the quotes around the term "friend zone")
If you say something to her on the drive, especially on the way there, you are putting her in an unfair, almost captive position.
My $0.02 on the whole clarifying thing is that you have waaaaaay too much emotional investment in whether or not she considers it a date. If she does, awesome. If not, well that's not as awesome, but it happens all the time. It is not humiliating in the least to express interest in someone and have them tell you it is not reciprocated. It is not an indictment on your character to think someone is fun and cool and possibly-dateable. There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about there, no matter how it turns out.
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Maybe I've just encountered cheap people forever - but usually if I'm invited to something it's pretty clear up front "hey I have these tickets the cost is x, you interested?" - and I would consider that hanging out.
If it was worded in such a way of "hey I got these tickets for us, you're still interested right" - I would assume its a date
Island Name: Felinefine
But all things considered and hearing various outlets of advice and thoughts I think I am going to cancel on her.
Not like meanly or anything, just say stuff happened and I can't go. I've been stressing too much and there is a whole lot of evidence that this isn't going to work out into seeing each other more than friends. I'd honestly just rather not get rejected, maybe that sounds bad but idk I just have a bad feeling if I that I'm going to be really disappointed if I take her as a date/romantic interest
NO. STOP THINKING. YOU'VE TIED YOURSELF IN KNOTS FOR NO REASON.
SEND GIRL MESSAGE NOW SAYING: "Still up for our hockey date?
NOW.
If I was there I would just physically grab your phone/computer and do it myself.
It is really not healthy to get so invested in every expression of interest in someone bearing fruit. I'd really give some honest thought into what would be so awful about her not being interested. I'm serious...what would be so terrible about her not reciprocating your romantic interest? It is not as bad as you think, and learning to accept romantic rejection is a totally necessary part of being an adult and having relationships.
Most people aren't interested in you. It's a fact that everyone has to accept. But that still leaves literally thousands (possibly MILLIONS) of people in the world that would feel super lucky to have you. There is no magic spell or closely guarded secret that makes people interested in you, or reveals those that are; you -- just like everyone else on the planet -- must learn to put yourself out there a little and be open to some level of rejection.
It's really not so bad. Honestly. Expressing healthy interest in someone and getting rejected is like jumping into cold water: you think it's going to be super terrible, but it really ends up being kind of a thrill, and you are proud of yourself afterward.
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If she cancels via text message, move on
That's literally the worst thing you can do. I know this from experience.
Island Name: Felinefine
And what you're saying is that you don't want her friendship, which is fine I guess, but short-sighted.
If it's what it sounds like, and you don't have any real evidence that she doesn't want a relationship or even to be friends, and you're just canceling because you're so freaked out she MIGHT not want a date that you can't even bring yourself to confirm it before doing so... then maybe you should rethink if dating is something you should be doing right now.
If you can't take her as a friend and you can't so much as talk to her about it, then you are probably right to cancel. I really hope you don't take that as anything other than "you have a serious problem for which I sincerely hope you seek help for your sake."
Once you get rejected a couple times, it is a little less paralyzing each time. You get to see first hand that not only does life go on, but the rejection is not some critique of who you are, how you look, or whatever else fear may have you imagining. Very often, perfectly excellent people just don't work romantically. It's not a pass/fail situation.
Even more importantly, you realize that next person you meet could be one bar, library, gaming table, waiting line, dinner, or email away and you would have never met them if the previous thing hadn't worked out. If you don't try though, you don't get anything.
This is an old post I realize, but I would just like this opportunity to point out one of the few things I learned about dating in college: never listen to other people's dating advice. Close personal friends, yes, listen to them, everyone else? I'm telling you dude, they don't know anything, but often love to pretend they do.
Cool attractive chicks often have... cool attractive friends! So even if she's not interested, having her as a friend widens your social circle in a way that very much improves your romantic prospects. Plus, apparently she's a cool chick. It's fun being friends with cool chicks.
--LeVar Burton