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[TRENCHES] Thursday, July 3, 2014 - Follow Your Boss

GethGeth LegionPerseus VeilRegistered User, Moderator, Penny Arcade Staff, Vanilla Staff vanilla
edited July 2014 in The Penny Arcade Hub
Follow Your Boss


Follow Your Boss
http://trenchescomic.com/comic/post/follow-your-boss

Plotting Along

Anonymous

Some friends of a friend were attempting to create an indie game. It was going to be a dating sim/shooter combo in which you attempt to woo an angel while demons try to kill you and her. But they needed someone to write the dialogue trees and script out the cut scenes. Since I was an aspiring writer, I was brought in on back-end pay, where any money I got was from royalties. I just wanted some experience so I went for it.

The plot was simple. You’re on a movie date, monster attacks, then some secret agents show up after you win to explain the what’s going on while acting all mysterious. After coming up with some ideas, I sent them the first draft, feeling confident in my work. And it turns out I was right - they loved the date and the cut scene. Only problem was, they now wanted to have the agents be the ones you fight.

Okay, simple enough. I rewrote the scene and sent it in. But now there was a problem. I had apparently made the agents ‘Too antagonistic.’ The whole point was the player was going to question whose side they were on and that they couldn’t be the ones who attacked the player or the angel. I asked them how to make the agents more ambiguous but they just said “Come up with something.” I gave some suggestions and they were all shot down because each one made the encounter the fault of either the player or the agents.

Eventually, I gave up and just resent them the first draft. They said it was perfect, they loved it and I never heard from them again.


Geth on
cB557

Posts

  • ManOfHonorManOfHonor Registered User regular
    Lovely Cora is back...

  • PolaritiePolaritie Sleepy Registered User regular
    So I know we aren't supposed to guess the game with the tales. Are we allowed to guess it never got released?

    Steam: Polaritie
    3DS: 0473-8507-2652
    Switch: SW-5185-4991-5118
    PSN: AbEntropy
  • cB557cB557 voOOP Registered User regular
    Side-plot resolution!

  • darkmayodarkmayo Registered User regular
    where is Rarely's neck?

    forty
  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    darkmayo wrote: »
    where is Rarely's neck?
    I was going to post that I didn't remember him being drawn with a floating head before. I should check a few archive comics and see if this is a first.

    The best card in Hearthstone is your credit card.
    The lie of the year.
  • marsiliesmarsilies Registered User regular
    Polaritie wrote: »
    So I know we aren't supposed to guess the game with the tales. Are we allowed to guess it never got released?
    Seriously, "a dating sim/shooter combo in which you attempt to woo an angel while demons try to kill you and her," seems like a pretty unique description that would be easy to identify, if it had ever been released. I'm guessing since the author never heard from the team again, they never developed the game past that first encounter.
    darkmayo wrote: »
    where is Rarely's neck?
    He's never really had a neck, but it checking back, his head started being completely disconnected from his body around the time of the "Snuffler & Jeff" extended side comics:
    http://trenchescomic.com/comic/post/im-dreaming-of-a

  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    marsilies wrote: »
    Polaritie wrote: »
    So I know we aren't supposed to guess the game with the tales. Are we allowed to guess it never got released?
    Seriously, "a dating sim/shooter combo in which you attempt to woo an angel while demons try to kill you and her," seems like a pretty unique description that would be easy to identify, if it had ever been released. I'm guessing since the author never heard from the team again, they never developed the game past that first encounter.
    darkmayo wrote: »
    where is Rarely's neck?
    He's never really had a neck, but it checking back, his head started being completely disconnected from his body around the time of the "Snuffler & Jeff" extended side comics:
    http://trenchescomic.com/comic/post/im-dreaming-of-a
    I wouldn't consider the Snuffler comics canon, but starting from there and moving forward, I can see that he hasn't been drawn with a neck, but every comic until today has had at least some part of his head or hair overlapping his torso to at least allow comic ambiguity about the attachment between the two. But check out the two most recent *arley sightings before today.

    Here his head is planted pretty firmly on the torso.

    In the next comic, the head has moved slightly, but the neckline of the shirt is drawn down to expose the lack of a neck in the expected location, but still with a bit of overlap at either the hair or chin to imply the possibility of a neck underneath entering the shirt in some sort of unseen bonus hole.

    The best card in Hearthstone is your credit card.
    The lie of the year.
  • EseerEseer QA Tester UKRegistered User new member
    edited July 2014
    It really is a shame this comic went down hill. I'm sorry to say, but I dislike the new art and the story is going nowhere. I still read the tester stories, but I don't care for the comic any more. As a tester, I really enjoyed the visual puns in the earlier stuff, like the Rabbit testing.

    Also here's proof that that Marley should have a neck as Kurtz intended:
    - http://trenchescomic.com/comic/post/apocrypha
    - http://trenchescomic.com/comic/post/anguish

    (I just made an account now so I could comment.)

    Eseer on
    ManOfHonor
  • ManOfHonorManOfHonor Registered User regular
    Eseer wrote: »
    It really is a shame this comic went down hill.

    SIGH.

  • FannyInvaderFannyInvader Registered User new member
    edited July 2014
    ManOfHonor wrote: »
    Eseer wrote: »
    It really is a shame this comic went down hill.

    SIGH.

    It really has though. What the fuck is even going on here? Where is Riley's neck? Is that part of the new art style? If so, why do all the other characters have necks? Why does Cora have Raymond hands? Is it the art style? If so, why do all of the other characters have hands attached to their bodies? Everything about the design just comes off as inconsistent and ugly. I'd bet $20 that if you asked the artists about it they'd just scream something along the lines of "You just don't get it!". There's absolutely no way you can look at this comic and then one of the earlier ones in the series and say that it's better.

    edit: oh and hey, let's look at the shading, particularly in panel 2. One straight diagonal line down Cora separating light and dark. What the fuck guys, I know you can do much better than that.

    FannyInvader on
  • agoajagoaj Top Tier One FearRegistered User regular
    Hey, Rayman Disease is a serious issue

    qnu0EMk.png
  • GaslightGaslight Registered User regular
    agoaj wrote: »
    Hey, Rayman Disease is a serious issue

    My uncle died from Rayman Disease, you insensitive fucks.

    bowen wrote: »
    The bacteria in your poop exist everywhere.
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    I thought everybody loved Rayman

    Hobnail wrote: »
    This forum has taken everything from me
    This hurts but I deserve it

    fortyTychoCelchuuu
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Gaslight wrote: »
    agoaj wrote: »
    Hey, Rayman Disease is a serious issue

    My uncle died from Rayman Disease, you insensitive fucks.

    Started off as a case of raving rabbids, but then the infection spread up his chest before becoming full-on Rayman Disease.

    Jokerman wrote: »
    If sigs were still a thing this would be mine.
  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    Riley's

    Raymond
    Grandma, get off the internet!

    The best card in Hearthstone is your credit card.
    The lie of the year.
  • streeverstreever Registered User regular
    Eseer wrote: »
    It really is a shame this comic went down hill. I'm sorry to say, but I dislike the new art and the story is going nowhere. I still read the tester stories, but I don't care for the comic any more. As a tester, I really enjoyed the visual puns in the earlier stuff, like the Rabbit testing.

    Also here's proof that that Marley should have a neck as Kurtz intended:
    - http://trenchescomic.com/comic/post/apocrypha
    - http://trenchescomic.com/comic/post/anguish

    (I just made an account now so I could comment.)

    You're drunk, dad, go home!

    I think the comic is much better now. The drawing is sometimes inconsistent, but the pace and flow is more fun, more natural, and the characters have their own personalities and interests. When the comic started, Q was 'weird', the main guy was.... whatever, and everyone else was just "Hi! I work here!"

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